No Choice but Seduction (20 page)

Incredulous, he said, “You lost him?”

He was about to add his condolences when she said, “Never had one to lose. I’ve never been married.”

Two things happened to him at once. A sense of relief overwhelmed him. He could stop feeling guilty for desiring a married woman. She was available!

But then he thought of the hell he’d gone through on that voyage with her because he’d been forced to keep his distance, because he’d
thought
she was a happily married woman and the mother of two small children. And how different their encounter in Northampton might have been if her marriage hadn’t stood between them.

The possibilities stunned him. He might even have made love to her that day! And he wouldn’t have dragged her off to face the Malorys’ wrath, would he? With his mind unclouded by his desire for her he would have seen her for the sweet, delightful wench that she was. He would have had no trouble believing her then. But that hadn’t been possible because she had lied about being married. His mood darkened as he wondered if she’d told that lie to keep him away from her. His tone had a sharp edge of anger when he asked, “Then why were you using the name
Mrs
. Tyler?”

“For convenience. I used that guise as a cloak of protection, to keep unwanted attention at bay. It worked very well,” she added smugly, and peeked up at him to see his reaction.

Red-faced, Boyd said, “And your two children?”

She stopped pretending a fascination with her plate and lifted her head to stare at him directly. “They weren’t mine. You guessed correctly about that. They were my neighbor’s nieces. She needed someone to escort them to a relative in England. That was the impetus I needed to begin my world tour.”

The other people at the table had been following this conversation, glancing back and forth from Katey to Boyd. Jason reminded them that they weren’t alone in the room when he asked, “It sounds as if you two know each other from some prior meeting.”

Boyd tore his eyes off Katey long enough to glance at the eldest Malory. “She was a passenger on my ship during my last Atlantic crossing.”

Which made Roslynn gasp. “You knew her and still thought she was guilty?”

“I didn’t
know
her,” he said in exasperation. “We barely spoke on the voyage.”

“We spoke plenty,” Katey disagreed.

“Not about anything personal,” Boyd shot back, his eyes returning to her.

“We spoke enough for me to be glad I’d tacked a
Mrs
. onto my name.”

“Oh, my—,” Molly began, then made an effort to change the subject. “Perhaps we should adjourn to the parlor for dessert?”

With that suggestion the Malorys filed out of the room. But Boyd didn’t follow them. Katey didn’t move either. They were too busy glaring at each other to even notice they were alone now.

Chapter Twenty-One

W
AS
I
SO TRANSPARENT?”
Boyd asked.

It was as if two minutes of silence hadn’t slowly passed while they stared at each other across the table, oblivious of everything else in the room. Katey hadn’t expected him to show up at Haverston. When Judith and her mother had caught up to her coach and led the way to the ancestral estate, Roslynn had mentioned that Anthony might join them if he didn’t get delayed in Kent, where his brother Edward had sent him on business, but she hadn’t said anything about Boyd.

And then there he was, suddenly standing in the doorway, his hair wet, his dark brown eyes gazing intently at her, stealing her breath. She hadn’t expected to ever again feel that thrilling burst of excitement at the sight of him, but there it was, too, and she had to stomp on it immediately or she was going to be the one making a fool of herself.

The torrential rain had delayed her visit to the Millards. Instead she spent an enjoyable afternoon with the Malorys, who managed to relax her tense, nervous stomach with their amusing wit and easy banter. A fresh start in the morning would be better, and she hoped to sleep off the sense of dread that had revisited her. She was just so afraid that if the meeting with her mother’s family went badly, all her hopes would die right there, and she had such big hopes again that these people could fill in the gaping hole her mother’s death had left in her heart. If the meeting went well, on the other hand, she would be so pleased she might even delay her departure for France. But she had no idea how that meeting would go until it happened.

She certainly hadn’t planned on this private meeting with Boyd, not after she had more or less decided to let him wallow in the guilt of never getting to apologize to her. But there were two sides to that coin. Ignoring his apology would work just as well, she supposed. She wasn’t going to let the man off the hook. If he thought she would ever forgive him for what he’d done, he was wrong.

Now, in response to his question about whether he’d been transparent, she said, “Yes, you were—well, no actually. My maid brought to my attention that you were more interested in me than you should be. ‘Having carnal thoughts’ was how she put it. I might never have figured out for myself what all those intense looks were about, if—”

“You made your point.” His groan sounded nearly agonized.

The groan made Katey remember those days aboard his ship and how exciting it had been, knowing that he wanted her. He’d given her one of her fondest memories, her first experience of being desired by an exceptionally handsome man. And then he’d ruined it. He was now part of one of her worst memories instead. And that was worth crying over.

“Why don’t you just shoot me and get it over with?” he continued.

“I prefer hanging.”

She hadn’t meant to say that, it just slipped out. If she’d said it to Grace, she might have laughed, since it was now somewhat of a joke between them. But there was nothing amusing about it this time.

“Of course,” he agreed. “Not as messy. A woman would—”

“Do
not
make light of this!” She stood up as she said it, her expression as angry as she sounded. “I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. You behaved like a fool. I wasn’t articulate enough to sway you to reason. Nothing else needs to be said about it.”

“That doesn’t even scratch the surface!” he protested. “Please sit down.”

“I think not. If it hasn’t occurred to you yet, nothing you can say will make a difference. So why don’t you save us both this embarrassment?”

“The explanation I have isn’t appropriate for innocent ears.”

He tossed that out there like a broadside, and that’s how it was felt. He was going to talk about his desire again? Perhaps she ought to sit down after all. Her wobbly knees were insisting on it!

“I thought you would understand,” he went on. “But you’ve blown me out of the water with your confession that you aren’t married. Not that that doesn’t delight me more than you can imagine, but I was sure a married woman would understand what it’s like to want someone so much it clouds your mind and negates good judgment.”

“That’s your excuse, what you told me that day? That you couldn’t think straight with me near? ‘Within touching distance,’ wasn’t that how you put it? That you didn’t dare to take me at my word because of it? But wait, this gets better. Because
you
couldn’t control your carnal thoughts, it was preferable, in your mind, to drag me
all
the way to London and throw me to the wolves there, which is what you thought was going to happen. I lost my driver because of you. My maid is still upset. And to top it all—”

He cut in with a wince, “If it’s any consolation, as soon as I left you in that room, putting some distance between us that day, my gut instinct kicked in. I couldn’t believe that you would hurt a child.”

“Maybe because I wouldn’t! But, no, that doesn’t help one little bit, Boyd Anderson. What good are instincts if you ignore them?”

“Then you tell me, how could I trust my instincts at that point, when my very
first
instinct at finding you there,
and
thinking you were guilty, was to run off with you? I told you that. Did you think I was joking? My first thought was to save you from being arrested, to sneak you out of the country if need be.”

That might have been preferable, all things considered, but she didn’t say that aloud and asked instead, “Then why didn’t you?”

He ran a frustrated hand through his damp hair before he said, “Because I’m an honest man and the crime appalled me. I saw firsthand what Judith’s parents were going through, and you can’t put people through that kind of emotional hell and not pay an equal price for it. And I was afraid that whisking you away would solve nothing, that you’d just do the same thing again in some other country. But for it to have even occurred to me, to help you escape—I knew I wasn’t thinking rationally.”

She stiffened. “So we’ve come full circle to that? Your excuse that you can’t think clearly when you’re around me? You, sir, simply don’t think!”

“Damnit, Katey, you have no idea what it’s like to want someone as much as I want you!”

She drew in her breath sharply. “Nor do I want to know, thank you.”

She couldn’t believe she managed to say that, when it was taking every ounce of will she had to ignore what those words did to her. He still wanted her! Even her anger didn’t put him off.

“Well, you’re going to hear this,” he continued with a stubborn look. “You have been on my mind since the moment I met you. Even after our voyage together ended, I still couldn’t get you out of my thoughts. I should have, but I couldn’t. You were even in my dreams. I didn’t expect to ever see you again. And then there you were in the flesh, and all I could think about was kissing you, putting my hands on—”

“Stop it!” Her cheeks bloomed with color as a wave of heat rushed over her. But she was staring at his mouth. He’d said he’d wanted to kiss her. She couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away. What the devil was happening to her?

“I’m sorry,” he continued. “I was really hoping you might understand at least a little, but I realize you can’t, since you’ve never experienced anything even remotely similar, have you?”

“You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?” she replied indignantly.

He was beginning to look dejected. She looked away from him. She was appalled that inklings of remorse were sneaking up on her. Just because he looked miserable? He was
supposed
to look miserable!

“At the risk of making you blush again, I have to say one last—”

She jumped to her feet and quickly interrupted him, “If you mention wanting me again, I promise you, this conversation will end right now.”

He sighed. “I was merely going to say that because of my—well, what I was feeling, I was afraid I would have believed anything you said, true or false, because I
wanted
you to be innocent. And I was furious because I was sure you weren’t. So I knew damn well there was no way I could trust my own judgment. I had to let someone else sort it out.”

She recalled that he did suggest excuses she could use that day that would allow him to let her go, but they’d all been based on the premise that she was guilty and just provided some acceptable reason for her involvement in Judith’s abduction. That did support his assertion that he had really thought she was guilty while he was with her that day. Apparently, he didn’t start to have any doubts until he’d walked away from her.