No Boundaries (19 page)

When they arrived at the topic of Kevin James, Andi stiffened.

Gwen stroked her hand down Andi’s arm and brushed her fingers through her hair to reassure her. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Take your time.”

“When this whole mess started, I lost everything all over again. I thought I had found a place to belong through my work. I was dating a local police officer in the town where I worked. She wasn’t out and was very clear about not wanting anyone to know about us. I convinced myself I could settle for my relationship with J.C. because I knew where she stood, and I had accepted that she would leave me eventually. I had learned to believe that was how my life worked.”

Gwen grew still. This was the first time Andi had talked about anyone she had dated, and Gwen knew this was an important part of Andi’s story. “So you were seeing her when the thing with Kevin James happened?”

Andi nodded. “She left me. Boyd was already on the run, and I was scared to death.”

Gwen tensed. “But she didn’t just leave. She left you alone when you needed her. She abandoned you.” Gwen knew this had to be true. It explained Andi’s reluctance to trust Gwen’s feelings for her or her own value in her relationships with those around her.

Andi nodded. “I thought I was ready for it, but I felt betrayed, rejected, shunned. Her leaving said that my life didn’t matter. When you came into my life, I never thought you could love me. I was too damaged. My life is too broken, too dangerous, too uncertain for anyone to love me.”

Gwen wept, and her tears landed on Andi’s hand. “I can see how you might have believed that then, but not anymore. You’ll never be alone like that again. You may not believe this, Andi, but I love you and you are everything to me.” Gwen knew it wouldn’t be her words that would convince Andi of her love, but her actions. It would take time, but she would show Andi she could trust her love.

Gwen pulled Andi closer against her. “Thank you for telling me.” She knew it had been hard for Andi to talk about her past and to reveal her insecurities. And despite the pain she felt for everything Andi had been through, a part of her glowed with the understanding of what it meant for Andi to let her in.

*

Andi was restless. Gwen lay beside her, sleeping. She looked so serene, so peaceful that Andi found herself mesmerized by how beautiful she was. She wished she could join Gwen in her dreamworld where no harm could come to them. Since her reunion with Melissa and Jimmy, the past was no longer locked away in the cell Andi had created in her mind. The memories of that terrible night with Kevin James and Curtis Boyd flashed behind her eyelids as vivid as if she were watching the events play out before her very eyes. She could feel Boyd’s hot breath on her neck and smell the stench of sweat from his body as if she were still beneath him. Her hands clenched involuntarily, and she thought she could feel her fingers close around the cold, rough stone.

Lying on her back with an arm cast over her eyes, Andi tried to force the memories from her mind and tried to make sense of her life. Although the memories were painful, she felt a sense of power over them now. She had taken the first step toward healing. She couldn’t take back the mistakes she had made. Looking back, she remembered her fear and loneliness, and how she had desperately thought she was doing the right thing by leaving.

Andi sighed. She had been selfish. But the truth was, if she had never let Melissa close to her, Melissa would have been safe. Everything seemed so clear now. She couldn’t take back the mistakes that had hurt Melissa so much, but she could make sure she didn’t make the same mistakes again.

Gwen shifted in her sleep, and Andi felt her tender fingers brush across her stomach as Gwen’s arm came around her. Gwen nuzzled close to her, the heat of her body warming Andi in her deepest recesses.

The thought of losing Gwen was like having her skin peeled away, leaving her exposed and raw.

Andi thought of how wonderful her days had been since Gwen had come into her life. She pictured Gwen in her mind, seeing the graceful movements of her body, her hands, her mouth. She thought of how she’d avoided Gwen after learning of the parole hearing, how Gwen had come to her and held her in her arms, allowing her to rest. Gwen had shown her so much tenderness. She had put up with Andi’s distance and silence and still hadn’t given up.

Despite her best efforts, Andi had fallen in love with Gwen. She had to stop running. She had told Gwen everything, and Gwen still stayed.

Andi rolled over and brushed her lips against Gwen’s forehead, her cheek, her nose. She trailed her fingers lightly along her side until she felt Gwen tremble against her.

Gwen slowly opened her eyes as her lips curved into a smile. “Mmm. Am I dreaming?”

Andi brushed her fingertip across Gwen’s breast and smiled when Gwen’s eyes darkened with desire and her nipple pebbled against her touch.

“If this is a dream I hope I never wake up,” Andi answered.

Gwen’s arm tighted around Andi as she pulled her close and kissed her.

Andi was soaring. She wanted Gwen. She needed her. And she wouldn’t waste another moment of loving her.

*

A faint knock at her door drew Andi out of her thoughts. It was their final day with Melissa and Jimmy, and they were supposed to be leaving for brunch soon. Slowly she got up from her bed and went to the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me. Can I come in?” Melissa’s soft voice was faint through the door.

Andi drew in a deep breath and opened the door. Melissa stood there sheepishly, looking very much like a little girl.

“Of course you can come in.” Andi stepped aside, holding the door as Melissa stepped into the room. “What is it?” she asked, seeing the anxiety written across Melissa’s face.

“Where’s Gwen?”

“She just got back from a run.” Andi glanced at her watch. “She’s in the shower. Is there a problem?”

Melissa shook her head. “I need to know you’re okay, Andi. I need to know you aren’t going to shut me out again.”

Andi breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just sorry it took me so long to let you in. I’m still not totally sure I can face the parole hearing, but I promise to keep in touch—and you promised to visit.”

Melissa sat down next to Andi on the bed, her eyes looked tired. “Jimmy and I are happy together. I just hope you’ll allow yourself a little happiness too.”

Andi glanced at Melissa, “What do you mean?”

“I mean Gwen, of course.”

A faint smile edged the corners of Andi’s mouth at the mention of Gwen’s name.

“Did you tell her?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

Andi sighed contentedly. “She was wonderful.
Of course.
”

Melissa smiled. “Well, from everything you’ve told me about her and seeing you two together, I think she’s the real deal. Let her make up her own mind about the rest.”

“Part of me knows if I just walk away, she’ll be safe. I can’t help but think that’s the right thing to do. But no part of me wants that. I can’t let her go.”

Melissa shook her head. “You feel that because you can’t see an alternative ending to this story. I get it that you want to protect Gwen. But you’ll be hurting her if you leave. Keep talking to her, Andi.”

Andi sighed. “Part of me knows you’re right, the other part of me says run.”

“Look, Jimmy and I are planning to visit you in two weeks. We thought that would give you time to get things worked out, and we could discuss what we need to do next about the parole hearing. You don’t have to have any answers before then. In the meantime, trust her. Trust yourself. I know this is going to work out.”

Andi was shocked silent.

Melissa smiled at the look on Andi’s face. “No more hiding in that quiet little town of yours. We’re coming. From what I’ve seen and read about the place, you’ve been holding out on us. It’s time you shared all that serenity.”

Andi nodded. Smiling, she took Melissa’s hand, grateful for her friendship. “Okay.”

“Okay? Are you serious?” Melissa said, sounding surprised. “No stonewalling? No excuses? You aren’t even going to argue?”

Andi laughed. “Doesn’t sound like I have much choice in the matter.”

Melissa threw her arms around Andi and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Andi.”

Andi hugged her back. “Come on, let’s get Gwen and go find that gorgeous girl of yours. You know she’s starving by now.”

They both laughed, and Andi’s heart softened a little. It was nice to have friends.

Andi was glad to be home, and even happier to be sitting in her kitchen, drinking tea with Gwen. So much had changed for her over the brief weekend. She had learned so much about herself and her friends and she felt a new sense of belonging that she hadn’t experienced before.

She could never undo the mistakes she had made with Melissa, but she was determined not to make the same mistakes with Gwen. She reached across and laid her hand on Gwen’s thigh. It didn’t matter how close Gwen was, she could never be close enough. Andi needed to touch her. Gwen put her hand over Andi’s and laced their fingers together. Andi’s heart skipped.

“You okay?” Gwen asked.

Andi nodded. “I’m thinking about the hearing. Things are going to get crazy.”

“Maybe,” Gwen agreed. “But it’s all going to work out. We’ll just take things as they come.”

Andi studied Gwen’s face, trying to memorize every curve, every line. She knew Gwen wasn’t going to like what she was going to say. “I don’t want you to go to the hearing.”

Gwen glanced at Andi and the muscle at her jaw jumped. “What are you talking about? Of course I’ll be there.”

Andi pulled Gwen’s hand into her lap. “It isn’t that I don’t want you there. I’ve been thinking about Kevin James. I don’t want him to know about you. I don’t want to give him any more ammunition. If he doesn’t know about you, he won’t hurt you.”

“Andi, no one’s going to hurt me. I don’t want to hide from anyone. I want to be there with you.”

“I know you do. And I love that you do. But you don’t know him. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you because of me.”

Gwen was silent for a long time. Andi didn’t want to argue with Gwen, and she was afraid of hurting her.

Gwen sighed. “I get what you’re saying. I don’t agree, but it’s something I’m willing to consider. Let’s wait and see if you even have to go to the hearing before we make this decision. Okay?”

Andi nodded. “Sure.” She rested her head against Gwen’s shoulder. She tried to calm the worry and fear churning within her. She knew Gwen believed wholeheartedly that things would be okay, and her fierce determination made Andi want to believe it too.

As if sensing Andi’s unease, Gwen brushed a kiss against Andi’s head. “Don’t worry. If it will make you feel better, I won’t go to the hearing. I’ll trust you to tell me what you need. And I hope you’ll trust that I won’t ever do anything to hurt you.”

Andi wrapped her arms around Gwen and raised her head to place a quick kiss on her lips. “Deal.” She knew Gwen needed to know that she wasn’t going to shut her out. Now that she understood more about Gwen’s past, she was more aware of how her decisions could affect Gwen. Keeping Gwen safe wasn’t just about keeping her away from Kevin James—it was about protecting her heart.

She had no idea how it was going to be possible to do both.

*

Andi glanced at the clock as she finished straightening the shelves after putting up the last of the new stock. Goodness, could it really be three in the morning? The floors were already cleaned and everything was ready for opening in the morning, and she was tired. She had gotten into the habit of coming in late at night to do important things in the store when Gwen was out of town with work. She left most of the daily operations to Morgan. Andi kept up with the deliveries and baked the treats, but other than that, she was out of the store as much as possible, letting herself heal.

It had been a long week, and she missed Gwen more than she wanted to admit. When Gwen was away it was like a part of her was missing, and she felt unsettled and off balance. Gwen kept her grounded and gave her a sense of purpose like no one ever had.

She stretched her aching back and let out a tired sigh. It was time to go home. She turned out the lights and locked the door on her way out. Just as she was about to turn down the sidewalk, she heard movement in the shadows. Startled, she peered into the darkness, her heart pounding in her chest as adrenaline flooded her system.

“You’re working late,” a familiar smooth voice said from the shadows. “Don’t you ever sleep?” Gwen stepped out of the darkness, her face illuminated by the silvery light of the moon.

Andi’s heart clamored with the excitement of seeing Gwen, then calmed as her world righted itself. The sight of her lover was like having a long cool drink of water after days in the desert. She had the impulse to run to her, wanted to throw her arms around her. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t supposed to be back in town for another day,” she said instead.

Gwen shrugged. “I wrapped up early. I would have called, but I thought you’d be sleeping. I was going to surprise you with breakfast in the morning. I decided to take a walk and saw the light on.” Gwen motioned a hand toward the store. “Did you have another skunk emergency?”

Andi laughed at the memory of poor Zeek and their night of trying to get the acrid smell of skunk out of her thick fur. “No, just the usual. How is Zeek? I bet she’s glad to be home.”

Gwen shrugged noncommittally. “Good, still on squirrel patrol.” Gwen paused a moment before adding, “She misses you and wants to know when she can have a sleepover.”

Andi smiled. Gwen had only been gone for a few days, but when she traveled for work, Andi didn’t sleep. The bed was too empty without Gwen nestled beside her.

“Well, she’s pretty special, but I kind of had hopes for some personal time with her mom.” Andi stepped closer to Gwen and raked her fingers down Gwen’s arm. She felt Gwen shiver beneath her touch. “Hmm, it seems I’m not the only one needing a little personal time.”

Gwen placed her hand on Andi’s hip. “You mean because every time I see you I want to put my hands on your body, because I want to taste you on my lips.” Gwen stepped closer. “Is it because I want to hold you in my arms and keep you safe?”

Heat surged through Andi’s body and her knees felt weak. “That’s definitely on the list.”

“Hmm. What else?”

“I think I’d rather show you than tell you. Maybe after that surprise breakfast tomorrow.” Andi turned and began walking away.

Gwen chuckled. She caught up to Andi in a few quick strides. Their arms brushed as Gwen matched Andi’s pace.

Andi stopped and faced Gwen. “What are you doing?”

Gwen shrugged. “Since I’m already here and I don’t want to wait until tomorrow to see you, I thought now might be a good time for that show-and-tell you mentioned.”

Andi laughed. “What if I don’t want to play tonight?”

Gwen grasped Andi’s hand, pulling them to a stop. “Yes, you do.” Gwen cupped Andi’s cheek in her palm and brushed her thumb across Andi’s lips. “I know that look in your eyes. I know that rasp in your voice. You want me just as much as I want you.”

Desire spread through every inch of Andi’s body. She liked the playfulness and the teasing, but if she didn’t get her hands on Gwen soon, she would explode.

Gwen smiled. “But if you really want to wait, I only ask for one thing.”

“What?” Andi whispered. God, was Gwen really going to make her wait?

“Kiss me.”

Andi chuckled. “Just a kiss, huh? That’s all you want?”

Gwen shrugged. “If you can convince me in one kiss that you don’t want me, I’ll go home.”

Andi knew there was no way she would be able to stop if Gwen kissed her. “You can’t be serious. You’re out of your—”

Andi’s words were cut off as Gwen’s mouth closed over hers. She felt herself harden as Gwen’s hands gripped tightly around her, pulling their bodies together. The sudden heat of Gwen’s tongue pressing into her mouth, scouring her tongue, the pressure bruising her lips, made her head spin. Andi molded herself against Gwen. Her hands snaked around Gwen’s back and up into her hair, pulling Gwen deeper into her. She couldn’t think of anything but how right Gwen felt in her arms.

Gwen insinuated her thigh between Andi’s legs and Andi whimpered.

Andi drew away from the kiss with a gasp of pleasure. Her body was screaming out for Gwen to touch her. Tears pricked at her eyes and she crumpled against Gwen’s chest.

Gwen stilled and Andi felt strong arms surrounding her, and all the fear and fatigue she had been carrying overwhelmed her. All playfulness had vanished and she was ready to beg Gwen to come home with her. She needed to feel Gwen’s hands on her and feel the safety of her arms around her. She needed to reclaim her lover after the days of absence.

Gwen stroked her hair. She kissed her temple, her cheek, and her eyelids. She ran a trembling hand through Andi’s hair and stroked her face with tentative fingers. “It’s okay, Andi,” Gwen whispered. “I’ve got you. Hold on to me, baby. I’ve got you.”

Andi pulled away from the warm, tender embrace and looked up into Gwen’s angelic face. She searched her eyes in the dim light wanting to see the crystal blue warmth, but her eyes were shadowed by the dark obscuring the thoughts and emotions she sought.

She placed a trembling hand lightly against Gwen’s chest. “I missed you.”

Gwen’s arms tightened around her and she felt soft lips kiss her hair. It felt so good to be in Gwen’s arms. She wanted to lose herself in Gwen’s touch. She shivered with want.

“Are you cold?” Gwen asked rubbing her hands along Andi’s back.

“Not cold, just…it scares me sometimes how much I need you.”

“I love that you need me.” Gwen pressed their clasped hands against her chest. “Don’t think right now, just feel. Feel my heart beating with yours. This is what feels right.”

Andi slid her fingers into Gwen’s palm. Reassured by Gwen’s touch, she wanted to feel more of her. “Let’s go home.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

This time, Andi didn’t protest. She didn’t move away as Gwen slid her arm protectively around her waist, Gwen’s fingers gripping the waistband of Andi’s jeans along her hip. Andi craved the warmth of Gwen’s body and the tenderness in her touch. But mostly she needed Gwen’s love. Andi snaked her arm around Gwen and leaned her head against her shoulder. At that moment, she didn’t care where they were going. She was already home.