Nine Ten Begin Again: A Grasshopper Lawns affair (10 page)

They crossed the road and headed to Edge’s apartment, letting themselves in out of the icy wind with relief.

‘Talk about cold, my ears actually hurt.’ Vivian took off her parka and rubbed them vigorously. ‘But I know what you mean. You’ve always had your feet firmly on the ground, no matter how much in love you were. Now you’re bobbing like a balloon. So what happens next? You can’t move in together, the Trust doesn’t allow that. You won’t leave, will you?’

Vivian switched on the kettle as Edge lit the fire and struggled with the unfamiliar clips of Odette’s coat.

She looked up to shake her head. ‘Heavens no, no plans of that sort. We’ve exchanged keys, but that’s all. I’m half afraid of his getting back, to be honest. I simply can’t imagine a relationship based on passion. Sex was always something that, well, made the men I loved happy. Nothing more. This was the very last thing I ever expected to happen to me.’

She stared into space, a crease between her brows, then lifted the coat off the dog and straightened up.

‘I have to keep reminding myself we are genuinely good friends, and we both want to work this out. You and William have a good set-up, I suppose we’ll drift into something like that?’

‘William and I don’t crackle when we look at each other.’ Vivian made coffee for them both and handed hers over. ‘He writes for a strict minimum of three hours a day, up to six when a book’s going well, and won’t tolerate anyone around when he’s writing. I’ve no desire to move into the bungalow with him anyway, because he snores like—well, it’s hard to imagine anything that snores like William. It takes me three nights to catch up on my sleep after a weekend away. So I potter on with my life and he potters on with his and we are both very pleased indeed to have each other’s company when we do meet up. We’re like an old married couple in a particularly enormous house. Don’t
fret
about it: things have a way of working out. You’re going down to Devon soon, so that’ll give you another break from each other. What do
you
want, long term?’

‘I have no idea! Probably the same as we were, once we get over the first novelty, and every now and then get together and send up a few rockets.’ Edge shrugged. ‘Maybe, in time, when he’s had time to get used to the idea—and when I have, for that matter—we’ll try a weekend away, or even a short holiday. But you’re right about the crackling. We do have to get that out of our systems fairly soon because it’s exhausting. Very exciting, shaking like a pylon in a high wind every time I think about him, but not at all peaceful!’

Chapter 5 – overnight Friday November 15th

Donald’s return

The cat made a surprised sound deep in his throat and stood up, front paws on Edge’s hip and his head cocked. She half woke, and had a brief moment of alarm when she heard movement in the main room, then remembered Odette was sleeping there. She was snuggling back down when she heard a key in the door and her eyebrows went up. She didn’t switch on a light but lay in the dark listening as Donald murmured to his delighted dog. Was he just collecting the animal? Her senses were already thrumming with anticipation, but she also knew indignation and a kind of dismay that she had put herself in the situation where this man, who had used women all his adult life, could feel he was entitled to walk in whenever he wanted. She stiffened and kept her back turned defensively, wishing she was wearing more than a gossamer-thin nightgown, as he came into her sleeping alcove. She heard the rustle of clothes, then he lifted the duvet and slipped quietly into her bed.

‘Are you awake?’ His voice was barely a murmur.

‘Mmm-hmm.’

He laughed softly. ‘Sorry I woke you. I thought I’d just creep in. Don’t wake up too much.’ He folded his length, egg and spoon, against hers, and sighed with pleasure. ‘But good. If you hadn’t woken up, I couldn’t have closed in. This is what I call an efficient heating system. Top to toe hot water bottle. God, it’s cold out there.’

‘Mmm.’

He rested his left hand almost impersonally on her hip and she covered it with her own and tried to match his unexpected prosaicness, keeping her voice steady with an effort.

‘Your hand’s freezing. What time is it?’

‘I think it’s about four. I’m shattered. Two minutes borrowing some of your lovely warmth and then I’ll be out like a light. You smell heavenly, like freshly-made toast. Sorry I woke you,’ he repeated and she smiled a little shakily into her pillow.

‘Well, ice-cold men creep in here all the time, although I usually sleep through.’

‘I’m not surprised. You’re nice to creep in with. If this winter gets any colder I’ll be doing it all the time.’

‘Does that also fit under the heading of friends with benefits?’

‘If you can tell me a bigger benefit than this, I’d be interested to hear about it. Okay, apart from the obvious.’

His cold nose brushed the nape of her neck as he nuzzled at her, and then he was still, breathing quietly.

She lay as still, even the thrumming slowing, her thoughts chaotic. That was it? She had braced to resist a seduction, even argue, but that he would slip into her bed as though by right, as though they had been bed-mates for years, just to
sleep
, threw her completely.

There was no way she could fall asleep herself, not with him so close. She felt charged with electricity, every sense snapped to high alert, intensely aware of his presence. It was, of course, a relief that he didn’t expect her to fall into his arms, but now she could acknowledge how much she wanted to. That was unexpected and needed to be thought through. She should shift away, put some distance between them so that she
could
think . . .

She had assumed he had already dropped off when he murmured, ‘Are you still awake?’

‘Mmm.’

‘I missed you. I mean,
really
missed you. Breakfast was the worst. Who misses having breakfast with someone? I did a six-hour drive through the night so I wouldn’t have to have another breakfast on my own. I’m not looking forward to you going down to Devon.’

She felt abruptly deflated. Her previous lover had said something similar about her trip to Florida, had gone on and on about it, then had stubbornly followed her. Whatever she had expected from Donald, it wasn’t possessiveness.

‘I don’t have to go, but I want to. This will be a whole new experience for me.’

‘An important one, you’re going to love it. But I’ll miss you like hell. Wasn’t going to lose a single breakfast in the meantime.’

His hand slipped from her hip around her waist to draw her closer and he sighed sleepily. She realized that he really wasn’t going to nag. Relief washed through her, and she suddenly knew with certainty that she would miss him too.

‘It isn’t that far.’ She was hesitant, almost shy. ‘Nothing to stop you coming down.’

Another, longer, pause before he said doubtfully, ‘You and me alone, for two weeks?’

She shook with sudden laughter. ‘Hardly alone, I’ll be working most of every day, and there are quite a few social plans being mooted. And I didn’t mean the whole two weeks. But you know if this, us, works out, we’ll probably end up going on holidays together, so this could be a kind of trial run. See if we can bear each other’s company for longer spells. It was just an idea.’

‘I like it. But no more laughing, or we’ll never get to sleep. Hot water bottles are not supposed to shake in disturbing ways.’

‘My hot water bottle is covered in fur, and squashy. I’m not sure I’m flattered by the simile.’

She could hear the answering smile in his voice as he ran his hand gently up her stomach.

‘Not squashy. Not covered in fur. I think you’re right, you’re not a hot water bottle at all. Oh, hang on, found a squashy bit.’

She sucked in air, Mortimer walked across them and jumped heavily to the floor in a marked manner, and Donald gave a tiny huff of laughter and moved his hand back to her hip.

‘He could have stayed. I shouldn’t have done that, I know you’re already twitchy. We need to get this sleeping together thing sorted out, see how that works. Especially if I’m coming down to Devon. Do you snore?’

‘I don’t think so. Do you?’

‘Absolutely not. Ask Odette. Where do I put my right arm? It’s in the way.’

She laughed shakily. ‘Under the pillow, if you like, then I’m not resting my head directly on it. Or roll away. That’s the easiest. Anyone would think you’d never spent the night with someone before.’

He fitted his arm under the pillow as she lifted her head. ‘Okay, that’s better. The advantage of a woman who has slept a lot with men is that she knows the ropes.’

‘
Ouch
, Donald. That was uncalled for. If anyone’s slept around it’s you.’

‘Don’t be so touchy, Miss Prim. I’ll reword it. You have spent a lot of time sleeping with a few very lucky men. Better? You’re right. I’ve never spent the whole night with anyone before. I couldn’t wait to get dressed and leave.’

She half-turned in the curve of his body, surprised.

‘Never? It’s not very comfortable, to stay curled up all night. Back to back is nice, keeps the warmth and the contact, frees your arms. And you won’t get my hair in your face.’

‘What do you like? What did you do with Brian? And your husbands? I’m not jealous. Really. I would like to know. Sometime.’

She was silent, slightly shocked, but despite his casual tone she didn’t think he’d found it easy to ask. They’d promised each other total honesty and he’d already delivered. She just hadn’t expected this.

‘Well—James and I had separate beds, because he was a restless sleeper and got up very early. And Brian, to be honest, I completely understand what you mean when you say you wanted to get up and go home. After a couple of broken nights that’s what I did, too. I’m used to sleeping alone.’ She went quiet and he said nothing, waiting. ‘Donald, I don’t talk about Alistair. Not to anyone, certainly not to another man.’

‘You told me once that he completed you, and that after he died you thought you would never feel whole again.’

‘Did I?’ She was genuinely taken aback.

‘We were outside Kirsty’s house. You were having a general weep and meltdown and still half drugged. I’m not surprised you don’t remember.’

‘I don’t remember telling you, but I do remember my meltdown. You were patiently dabbing at my face with that horrible chamois leather. My rescuing hero. How did I not know then?’

She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. ‘Alistair and I did like to be touching. Not necessarily cuddling—silly things, like tangling our feet. It was a comfort thing.’

She hesitated before continuing. ‘Comfort is the last thing that I feel with you. Since I heard your key in the door, I’ve been shaking. You ask what I like? I have no idea. You say I know the ropes, but I don’t know these ropes. I’m clueless. I was waiting for you to fall asleep so I could move away, because lying against you like this, I’m humming like a tuning fork. There’s no way I could sleep.’

He sighed against her hair, ruffling it. ‘Then we’ll make our own ropes. But fair warning. I’m not leaving tonight.’

‘I know. Too cold.’

‘Too cold,’ he agreed and she could hear the smile in his voice. ‘Back to back sounds good. When this gets uncomfortable.’

‘Mmm.’ She turned back onto her side and rubbed her cheek on the pillow over his arm. ‘It will, pretty soon. I can’t believe you’ve never spent the night with anyone. I won’t be surprised to wake up and find you gone—although if you stick around, there’s a way of waking up that you might enjoy.’

He laughed in his throat. ‘I believe I would. I enjoy you very much. Now I’m worried, though. Who
are
you, and where’s Edge, who won’t even talk before her morning coffee?’

‘Oh, there’s no
talking
.’ She smiled into her pillow as the thrumming gentled, became a warm anticipation. ‘Are you sure you’re not just humouring me?’

‘No, you really are my first overnighter. A morning fuck sounds a great idea.’

She frowned into the darkness. ‘Donald, no. Why did you have to say that?’

‘Oh, come on, don’t get missish with me. Your own characters don’t ‘
make love’
. They call a spade a spade.’ There was the slightest jeering note in his voice and she moved restlessly, shifting slightly away from him.

‘It’s a word that can be used, can be said, in a lot of different ways. When you told me about the women in your past, you said it with contempt. I don’t want that contempt applied to me, ever.’

‘It wouldn’t be.’ He was impatient. ‘With you it’s different, it’s breathless and laughing, and exciting as hell. But more to the point, I drove through the night to be with you, not because I only want to shag you. That was your idea.’ He pushed up onto his elbow and leaned over her, his free hand brushing away her tumbled hair and the trace of annoyance in his voice was gone when he went on, ‘I don’t know what we are, but there’s no contempt in it. You tell me. You’re the one for relationships. What are we?’

She thought about it. ‘Best friends. Lovers. Lucky.’