Nilda (28 page)

Dear Paul,

How are you? I am fine. I hope you can come home for Christmas. Mama wants to have a party if you do. Maybe Victor can come too. So far we do not know for sure. Only what I wrote you last about him getting the medal and about him being wounded in
the shoulder. Anyway, his girl is coming to stay here Christmas. She lives in Connecticut. Mama is going to ask her if she knows whether Victor will be coming home or not. She sent us a picture of her in a graduation cap and gown. She is very pretty. Mama says that they are very friendly. Her name is Amy Shuster. We are not really sure if she is coming here but we think so. I don't know about Jimmy's parole, but Mama said he will not be coming home for Christmas, that is definite. She got a letter from them. He is all cure from the drugs, and Mama says he will have a job and go back to school. Maybe drafting, you know he is good in math.

I heard some bad news and I feel sorry for Petra. You know Indio? Well they say Petra is going to have a baby and that it is Indio who is the father. I knew he was her boyfriend for a long time, and many times she had asked me not to say nothing. I never did because I was not going to snitch on nobody, especially if it is not my business. I told Mama about it and she starts to holler at me. Saying I should not do nothing wrong, and I don't even have a boyfriend even. Anyway she is very nervous. I hope she calms down and stops picking on me.

Aunt Delia is fine and still reading the newspapers and warning everybody in the whole neighborhood about murderers and getting attacked. Frankie quit his job at Mr. Fox's and is now working for Western Union, but Mami don't like it because he has to go out of the neighborhood. He is always talking about joining the Air Force, you know he loves airplanes. I sure hope you can come home for Christmas we all miss you. Mama wants to invite Aunt Rosario and her family. I like her except sometimes she is too bossy. Claudia is nice. This summer when I stay with her, (remember I told you when Mama went to that place in Lexinton, Kentucky to see Jimmy) she shared her things with me. But that Roberto thinks he is hot stuff and I think he just stinks. He is a spoil brat and I will tell his mother so if he gets smart next time with me, I am not scared of him one bit.

You ask me about school, well all I can say is I am doing alright. My teacher this year is a little bit better than the one I had last term, except she hollers too much. And I still have that dopey Miss Reilly for Spanish. I'm gonna take French if I have her again next year, I swear to you. Dont worry Paul, I will not leave school, and I am working on a drawing for you. When I finish it I will mail it out to you if you still want it. Well, that is it, I guess. Tell me how you liked that place Tia juana in Mexico, if you did go there after all. Please take care of yourself. I miss you very much. If you can come home for Christmas, please write. I will invite my girlfriend Sylvia. I told you she's got a crush on Frankie still, but don't say nothing or she will never speak to me again. Send me more pictures of all the places you go to. I love to have them and show them off at school.

Well that is it. Love and kisses from me and Mama and Aunt Delia and love and hugs

Your loving sister,

Nilda xxxxxxx

P.S. Petra got kicked out of school, If you know where Indio is, since he is also in the Navy, maybe you can tell him.

Love N.

S
he sat quietly, watching the buildings, shops and crowded streets slip by as the bus moved steadily along. It was late in the afternoon and Nilda felt a warm breeze and bright sunlight coming in through the open window above her seat. She held on to a package in her lap; it was filled with a box of tissues, toilet water and a jar of hard candy. These were the things she always brought to her mother. Nilda glanced at Aunt Rosario, who sat silently beside her. She was younger than her mother, a little bit taller, but she had the same coloring and a similar way of expressing herself. She's so bossy, Nilda said to herself. Always telling me what to do. I wish she would go back to the Bronx and leave me alone. Always acting like I'm a baby.

Her mother had been in and out of the hospital twice before in the past four months since Christmas. This time her mother had been in for almost three weeks. During that time Aunt Rosario had spent weekends at the apartment with Nilda, and many evenings as well. Now, Aunt Rosario had been with Nilda for the past three days.

Nilda thought about her mother and became frightened as she remembered what Aunt Rosario had told her when she returned from school this afternoon. Her manner toward Nilda had been soft-spoken and considerate. “Nilda, honey. We got a call this morning from the hospital, about your mamá. She is very sick again. In fact, we had to send out telegrams to Paul and Victor; she might get worse.” Aunt Rosario had put her arms around Nilda. Confused and upset, Nilda had not been able to respond. “Let us pray and hope that she pulls through. If she doesn't, then we must have a talk. Yes? You and me.” Nilda had
nodded, unable to answer her. “Get ready now; we have to go to the hospital right away. I've been waiting for you. I'll take Frankie tonight to see your mamá. It's not visiting hours now, but Lydia is on the critical list; we got special permission to go anytime.”

Aunt Rosario reached over and lightly tapped her arm. “We get off here, Nilda.”

She was quite familiar with the hospital by now. The first time she had come to visit her mother, the nurse at the desk had asked her age. Aunt Rosario had answered loudly and sharply, saying Nilda was sixteen. “You have to come in to see your mother, Nilda,” Aunt Rosario had said, determined. “You must attend to her needs. You are her only daughter; she has no one else. We cannot count on Delia.”

They took the elevator up to the fourth floor and went down a long, narrow, windowless corridor, arriving at the very end at a set of double doors leading to a small ward. No one was about, and they walked swiftly inside. Her mother's bed was in the middle of the ward; Nilda saw heavy green cloth partitions near the sides of the bed.

Her mother lay back. Her long black hair had come loose and fallen down over her shoulders, covering her breasts, barely touching her folded hands, which rested on her stomach. Her eyes were shut. Leaning over, Nilda gently kissed her mother on the forehead and, standing back, waited.

Her mother slowly opened her eyes and looked at her. Recognizing her and Aunt Rosario, she said, “Nilda? What are you doing here? Is it visiting time?”

“Lydia, how are you, eh?” Aunt Rosario said, and kissed her. “Nilda, give your mother the package.” Nilda handed her mother the brown paper bag she had been carrying.

“Put it there on the table, nena,” her mother said.

“I got them candies you like, Mamá. Hard candy, you know, the round ones, different colors and flavors.”

“Open it, honey … take some … go on.” Nilda took out the jar of hard candy, opened it and offered some to Aunt Rosario.

“No, thank you,” she said.

“Mamá?” Nilda asked, handing her the candy.

“No, honey … you take … go on.” Nilda looked at the jar and took out one red and one yellow candy, popping them both into her mouth. She sucked the hard candy, and the sweetness melted in her mouth, down into her throat, helping to take away the dryness she felt.

“Do you want me to comb your hair, Lydia?” Aunt Rosario asked.

“Yes … Rosario, maybe you better. I feel like such a mess. The nurses have been busy and I hate to bother them to comb my hair. I feel too dizzy to do it myself. Braid it for me, will you? Just make two long braids, nice and tight, so that it will stay neat for a while.” Aunt Rosario rearranged the pillows, and then began to comb her mother's hair. “How's Delia?”

“Ave María, Lydia,” said Aunt Rosario. “She's wackier than ever. Now she's got it into her head that she don't trust the numbers man, and wants a receipt. She insists that he used to give you one! She's going to drive him crazy. The other day she followed him down the street, calling after him for a receipt.”

Her mother smiled, shook her head and said, “Jacinto has still not recovered from last summer.” Both women laughed. “And my Frankie … is he going to school, or giving you a hard time?”

“No, he's a good boy, but all the time he talks about the Air Force and the airplanes. He gets together with my Roberto and they both start the business about joining the Air Force.”

“Rosario, I hope this terrible war ends soon. Anyway, from what they say on the radio, we are winning, and maybe we will have peace soon.”

Nilda heard the other patients coughing and clearing their throats. It was quiet at this time; visiting hours today were not until evening.

“Nilda,” she heard Aunt Rosario say, “do me a favor, honey. Please take this pitcher of water outside to the nurse and ask for some fresh. Tell her it is full but not cold. It is warm, okay?”

Reluctantly, Nilda took the metal pitcher of water, annoyed that Aunt Rosario was again telling her what to do. She walked out into the hallway and went toward a desk that was placed outside a small examining room. The chair at the desk was empty and there was no one in the corridor. She looked inside the examining room. A man dressed in white sat by a table, looking at a folder. Nilda cleared her throat. “Excuse me,” she whispered, and waited. “Pardon?” she said a little louder.

“Yes?” the man said. “What do you want?”

“Some water, fresh water. My mother is in ward 4E, and my aunt sent me to see if I can get some more water. This water is too warm.”

“Isn't there a nurse outside?” he asked.

“No.”

“I don't know. You might try the water fountain down by the elevator.”

“All right,” Nilda said. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” the man said.

She walked out and headed down the corridor toward the elevator, looking for the water fountain.

“Hey! Psst, psst,” someone called in a loud whisper. “Where are you going?” Nilda saw a nurse waving to her. “What are you doing here?” she asked irritably.

“I'm visiting my mother and I was going to get fresh water.”

The nurse grabbed the pitcher out of Nilda's hands. She looked inside the pitcher and shook it. “What's the matter with this? It's full of water.”

“It's too warm. My aunt said to get some that is cold.”

“What are you doing here now anyway? It's not visiting hours till this evening.”

“We got special permission to come,” Nilda answered.

“What's your mother's name, and in what room is she?”

“Her name is Lydia Ramírez, and she is in ward 4E.”

“Is she on the critical list?”

“Yes.”

“All right, give me the pitcher; I'll take care of it for you. But in the future, you cannot walk around in the halls like this. You should call somebody. Your mother has a button on the wall over her bed; all she has to do is push it.” She looked at Nilda and waited for an answer.

“Yes,” Nilda said.

“All right then, go back to your mother and I'll take care of this.”

Nilda returned to the ward. She saw that Aunt Rosario had been crying; she held a tissue up to her face, blowing her nose and wiping her eyes. Her mother's eyes were open wide, much wider than usual. Nilda wanted to tell her mother about the nasty nurse, but felt foolish for even thinking of complaining about anything. “The nurse took the pitcher and she said she's gonna bring it back with fresh water,” she said.

“Good girl,” her mother said, smiling. Her mother's hair was neatly parted in the middle and combed into two tight braids framing her face. With her hair fixed that way, Nilda noticed, for the first time, how much weight her mother had lost; her body seemed to disappear under the white hospital gown.

“Well, Lydia, I have to see the doctor now for a little while,” Aunt Rosario said, quite composed. “Nilda, honey, you stay with your mamá. I'll be back in a little while.” She put her arm around Nilda and gave her a soft hug. “Lydia, now is the time to tell me
about what you want. I can speak to the doctor personally. Besides more of the pills, anything else, Lydia? Eh?”

“Just to increase the pills, especially at night for the pain. Or maybe, Rosario, a sleeping tablet that is stronger, that's all.”

“Okay,” Aunt Rosario said, “right away,” and she left, walking out of the ward. Nilda took an empty chair and placed it next to her mother. She sat down, taking her mother's hand.

“Nilda,” her mother said, “I have to talk to you, honey. Listen, I have to tell you something and you have to hear every word I say, okay?” Nilda looked at her mother, trying not to act too frightened, and nodded her head. “I may not get better … you have to think about that.”

“No, Mamá!” Nilda protested.

“Shh, you have to listen,” her mother said seriously. “Now, just in case … I have already talked to Rosario. She knows just what to do; you must listen to her.” Nilda felt her face getting flushed, and she began to cry and shake her head. “Shhh … shh … Nilda, stop it! Now just cut that out. How am I gonna talk to you if you carry on like a baby? A big señorita like you should not act like this.”