Nil (15 page)

“Okay, one more thing.” Charley spoke slowly. “When groups go out, what stops someone else from taking a gate? From skipping in front of the person with Priority?”

“Nothing,” I said. Her eyes widened, then narrowed. “It happens,” I continued, “but it’s rare. Stealing someone’s gate is island manslaughter. You may not pull the trigger, but you’re damn close, because you’re stealing their best chance to leave—and to live. And if you make it off, you’ve got to live with knowing you might’ve just sentenced someone to death, especially if that person had Priority. Some people might be able to carry that weight around, but not most. Especially if you’ve stayed in the City. You get to know people. You want them to make it.”

Charley stared at her cup, running her thumbs over the rim. “I saw the look on Sabine’s face when the gate grabbed her. It was pure horror, and the last thing she would’ve heard was everyone yelling for Li. Poor Sabine. But there wasn’t anything she could do.” Her voice had dropped to an agonized whisper.

“No, there wasn’t. Because it wasn’t Li’s gate after all; it was Sabine’s. Nil made the choice.”

I couldn’t help thinking it was because of Ramia and that creepy bone cuff. Because Nil had left Ramia and her bracelet exactly how Nil wanted, exactly how Ramia predicted: bone on bone. Maybe Nil wanted us to wonder about Ramia’s fate; maybe we weren’t meant to know. We were Nil’s pawns, her playthings. This was her sandbox, and it didn’t matter if we didn’t want to play. Thinking of Charley, I felt a spike of fear.

She was looking away. I followed her eyes to where Heesham sat by himself, staring at the sea where he’d thrown the bracelet, a gift meant for the girl who taught him how to say
love
in French.

“Is Heesham okay?” Charley asked.

“He will be,” I said. “Tonight’s tough. He’d fallen pretty hard for Sabine.”

She nodded, like she understood.

Do you, Charley? Do you see how screwed up Nil really is?
But I pushed Nil’s cruelty from my head, because I didn’t want to think about it tonight. Just one night.

“There’s something I want you to see,” I said, standing.

“What is it?” She tilted her head to look at me.

“You’ll see.” Smiling, I held out my hand, hoping she’d take it.
Needing
her to take it.

She took it.

I grabbed a torch and led her down to a stretch of black rocks, the same black rocks Jason had been chunking into the sea the day I met Charley. Some were tiny, like black diamonds. Others were pebbles, like slick gravel, or chunks. But one was as big as a table and just as flat.

“Cool rocks,” she said. “Thanks for the beach tour. I give it five stars.”

I laughed. “Five? Man, I was hoping for ten. But I do like these rocks.”

“Uh-huh,” was all she said, in that same velvet voice.

Chuckling again, I said, “Have a seat.”

She let go as we sat, which pretty much sucked, although it did help to have both hands to wedge the torch into the sand. Then I sat beside her, so close our hips touched, which was a fresh rush all its own.

The sun was a brilliant orange ball. It hung over the water, centimeters from the horizon. The fading light licked the ocean’s surface like fire.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” I said, “but when the sun sets here, it sinks fast. After it touches the water, it disappears in seconds. And just before it drops out of sight, you’ll see a green flash. Watch.”

For a few minutes, we sat side by side. Not talking, just being.

Now
, Nil whispered.

The orange ball tapped the water, dropped, and dipped from sight. And there it was—the emerald flash. Then it was gone, like the sun.

“Wow,” Charley breathed. “That was cool.”

“Yeah. It’s like the sun’s last stand, like the day wanted to live a bit longer.”

I wanted to kick myself. I’d asked her not to talk about death, and here I was, doing it for her.

Charley faced the water, biting her lip, and I didn’t know her well enough to read her. But I knew I’d ruined the moment.

“Hey,” I said quietly, “you okay?”

She turned to me. Torchlight flickered in her eyes, like flames on the sun. “Yeah. I was thinking about the green flash and how gorgeous it was, like everything else on Nil. More surreal island beauty. And I was thinking that you’re a heck of an island guide. First the Crystal Cove, then the Flower Field, and now this. You do this often?”

“Never,” I said.

“So I’m just lucky?” she teased.

Not if you landed here
, I thought. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Then I had the weird thought that right now, I
felt
lucky, which wasn’t just weird, it was insane.

“Hey, other than your family,” I said, “is there anyone special you’re missing back home?”’
Cause if there is, I bet he misses you more
.

“Are you asking me if I have a boyfriend?” Her smile was mischievous.

“Subtle, eh?” I laughed. Usually I wouldn’t come right out and ask, but here, I had nothing to lose but ignorance. “Well?”

“No.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

She shrugged. Her dark hair blew off her shoulders, making my breath catch.

“What about you?” she asked. “Any girl back home you’re missing?”

“No.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Her light tone matched mine.

“It’s true. There’s no one for me back home.”

Watching Charley smile, I was dying to kiss her. Hell, I was eighty-six days away from dying anyway, but something held me back. Something in her eyes.

Then she shivered.

“You’re cold.” I fought the urge to wrap my arms around this girl I’d just met less than forty-eight hours ago. “Told you that you were underdressed.” I grinned.

“I didn’t see any jackets in the Shack,” she said. “And the Gap was already closed.”

As she rubbed her arms, I made myself ask, “Do you want to head back to the fire?”

Say no. Say you’ll stay with me. Or better yet, kiss me, and you’ll forget all about being cold.

CHAPTER

20

CHARLEY

DAY 13, NIGHT

Thad was so close I could make out the individual lashes framing his eyes. A small scar perched over his left eye. Shaped like a tiny mountain, it dipped into his eyebrow, and my fingers itched to touch it. Watching his lips curve into a lazy grin, I wanted to kiss him—more than I’d ever wanted to kiss any boy, ever.

But he’d just asked me if I wanted to go back, which meant he probably did. And I was not about to make a fool of myself by throwing myself at a boy looking for an escape.

“Okay,” I said, but I didn’t move. I was too overwhelmed by the moment and, frankly, by Thad. There were no boys like Thad back in Roswell, and I was definitely not in Roswell anymore. I was on Nil, where you watched the days, counted them down, and lived like you were dying.

Which we were.

Maybe I should kiss him after all
.

“Ready? Or did you change your mind?” His voice was teasing.

The burning torch cast shadows on his face, highlighting his lips and jaw, and I nearly kissed him right then.

But I didn’t. Because he was the one who’d asked to go back.

“Sorry.” I smiled, swinging my legs over the rock’s edge. “Just letting everything sink in, I guess.”

He nodded. “Yeah. It’s like it’s too screwed up to be real. But it is.” Looking away, he got to his feet.

Night air flooded the space he’d left, leaving me colder than before. As I climbed down, he offered his hand, but let go the instant my feet touched sand. Feeling foolish, I crossed my arms to give my hands somewhere to go. Thad strolled beside me. Each step brought us closer to the crowd, and I found myself wishing I’d said no.
No, I don’t want to go back. No, I don’t want our moment alone to end. No, I don’t want to share you with anyone.

And, as it turned out, I had to share Thad with everyone.

For the rest of the night, we were never alone. People came up constantly, sometimes to meet me, more often than not to talk to Thad. About nets, about gliders. About Search team choices and Search strategies. About prawns and crabs, about deadleaf and something called taro root. He had answers for everyone, which I noticed because I rarely left his side, or maybe he rarely left mine. And when he did, every so often he’d look over at me and smile, even as someone else stepped up to fill the space.

Like now.

I’d just refilled my drink when a boy with stringy hair approached. I remembered his face, but not his name.

“Charley, I’m Bart.”

As he thrust out his hand, I automatically stepped back. Bart was one close talker. “So twelve days by yourself. I made it a week before I ran into Julio, but I was holding my own…”

Sandwiched between Bart and the fire, I felt trapped.

“… landed by the volcano…”

Tuning Bart out, I overheard a girl thanking Li for her flower necklace. Thad’s words drifted through my head.
She’s crazy good with floral stuff
. Li bowed to the girl, then as if she sensed I was watching, she turned toward me. Our eyes met, she gave me an almost imperceptible nod, and in that moment, I knew she’d made my lei. The girl with less than two weeks to live had taken some of her precious time to weave a necklace of flowers for me.

Sometimes it’s like it’s too screwed up to be real. But it is
. Thad was so right.

“Excuse me”—I interrupted Bart, smiling to counter my rudeness—“there’s someone I need to talk to.”

As I walked away, he said, “Charley.” His voice was sharp; the cordial Bart was gone. I turned, wondering what brought on the abrupt change.

He closed the distance between us—
too close!
my mind cried; I couldn’t help leaning away—and his eyes were shrewd. “About Thad. He’s not all that you think he is. He loves to give newcomers the intro, especially girls. Ask Talla if you don’t believe me.”

Talla
. Her name brought a flurry of images. Big boobs, flat abs, lethal spear. Check.

“Just a little friendly advice.” Bart grinned.

But we’re not friends
, I thought.

I stared at Bart, wondering what motivated his “friendly” advice. Something felt … off.

“Everything okay?” Thad’s voice broke in. The animosity between the two was palpable.

“Fine,” I said quickly, glad I’d already excused myself once. “I was just going to talk to Li.”

I left the boys, avoiding their eyes and, hopefully, their drama. By the fire, Li sat alone. She was tiny, with the most beautiful eyes that I’d ever seen. As dark as night, they were rich with emotion.

“Li,” I started, then I faltered, feeling the weight of my flower lei.
I’m sorry you didn’t catch today’s gate. I’m sorry you watched Sabine leave instead. I’m sorry you only have eleven days left. I’m sorry for what you must be going through.

I’m sorry.

But I didn’t say it. Because I really didn’t know what she was going through. Not yet, and maybe not ever. And I didn’t say it because I didn’t know
her
, and I’d never have the chance.

I was sorry for that too.

She was watching me expectantly, no doubt wondering why I was smiling like a greeter at Walmart but saying nothing.

“Thank you,” I said. “For this.” I touched my flower necklace. “It’s beautiful.”

“For tonight,” she said. “Enjoy.” Li smiled, but I sensed she was thinking,
Enjoy it now, sister, because it’s temporary
. Like how I’d felt at the Flower Field. Enjoy the beauty because it’s fleeting; it can vanish in an instant, and it will definitely disappear in 352 days, whether I want it to or not.

I nodded.

She bowed her head slightly, then her dark eyes returned to me.

I didn’t bow back, unsure what etiquette called for. Afraid of insulting her, I simply nodded again.

The move made me dizzy. The heat from the fire felt like a pulsing wall—like a freaky nighttime shimmer—only instead of sucking me in, it pushed me away. From the heat, from Li, from Bart. From the whole Nil Night, which had been festive and exhausting. Days on Nil seemed longer than days back home. I knew they weren’t, but they sure felt like it.

I looked around. Natalie was nowhere in sight. Thad was deep in conversation with Samuel and Rives. The night air vibrated with energy, shared by everyone but me. Me, the newcomer. Me, the latecomer.

Suddenly I felt more tired than a flag on July fifth.

I’d made it two steps down the path when Thad’s voice boomed behind me. “You ditching me already? I know, I suck as an island guide. Sorry, Charley.”

“I thought we agreed. No more
sorry, Charley
s.” I stopped, letting Thad catch up. “Listen, it’s okay. You’ve got a full plate, and to be honest, I’m a little worn out.” I hated admitting it, but it was true. I was so tired my legs trembled. I began walking again before I fell down. No more fainting for me.

“So did y’all get the Search plans all worked out?” I asked.

“What?” Thad frowned.

“You and Samuel. And Rives. Y’all have been talking for forever, about tracks and hot spots and who knows what else.”

“And here I didn’t think you noticed,” he said, smiling.

Was he kidding
? I’d spent the whole night knowing exactly where he was. I couldn’t tell if he was teasing or not, but I was too tired to figure it out.

We reached my hut or, rather, Natalie’s.

“Thanks for the company. And for this.” I touched the delicate lei. “It’s beautiful.”

“Not to sound totally lame, but it doesn’t compare with the girl who’s wearing it.” Then he kind of groaned and laughed, both at once. “Man, that did sound lame, but it’s true.”

“Very lame,” I agreed. “And I hate to break it to you, but I think your vision’s going.”

“My vision is just fine.” His voice was husky. “Like I said, it’s perfect.” He reached over and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

“Sleep well, Charley with an
e-y
. I don’t want you to pass out on me again tomorrow.”