Nightshade (50 page)

“Because I was a fool.”

“Yes. So was I.”

“No, Darry, never that.”

It really was for nothing, all of it.
The sudden clarity stunned Darry.
Wanting your love, wanting you to be proud of me. Always waiting for your slightest nod of approval or your touch on my shoulder as when you would praise Wyatt. For even just a smile to show that you understood me, if only a little. Always begging for the scraps of your love, my whole life, desperate for even a kind word and my pride undone when you never gave it. And where has it left me?

My name was once Durand, and I know the blood of Kings.

Darry threw the scabbard behind her and set the blade against her left hand, just beneath the guard. The deadly edge bit into her flesh in a smooth line as she pulled. Her blood slid down its polished steel. She threw the blade on the floor at her father’s feet.

She delved in her own pocket with her wounded hand, wrapped her fingers around the gold of her family medallion, and brought it forth. She studied it, the writing and her family’s crest stained with the blood it represented. It felt good, the wound, for she could hold it out for the world to see and no one could mistake that she had taken a blow.

Owen watched the blood slide through her fingers, all of his hope sinking in the reality of what was happening. He had expected her rage, but not this. Not the decision already made. He had never meant to corner her, but that was exactly what had happened, and even as before he could not undo it.
What a cock-up you are, old man.

Darry tossed the medallion.

The gold crest spun oddly with its heavy linked chain and hit the floor between his boots with a solid clank.

“I relinquish my title as a child of the Durand line,” Darry announced in a calm voice, squeezing her fingers tight as she held out her hand. The blood began to drip on the stones before her boots. “And I resign my commission in the service of my King, who is no longer my Lord. And if I could drain the blood that is yours from my veins and still walk away, I would do it, just to be free of you at last.”

“Darrius,
please
.” Cecelia’s voice broke as she stepped forward.

“I love you, Mother.” Darry’s words stopped her. “For whatever part you played, I forgive you. And I ask for your forgiveness in return. Please excuse me for my disrespectful words and my lack of kindness toward you. I was wrong to have blamed you. You did nothing except seek to protect me, even if you lied to me in the process.”
I can give you that at least, but no more.
Darry remembered Jessa’s words in Tristan’s Grove and how they had soothed her, how they had made the difference when she had not wanted to believe. “And I forgive you in Aidan’s stead as well. She forgives you.”

“
Darry
,” Cecelia pleaded.

“Thank you for loving me so,” Darry said, her voice thick with feeling. “Thank you, Mother, for giving me my sword.”

Cecelia’s tears slipped free. “You’re most welcome. Please don’t do this.”

“Your mistake is corrected at last, Owen Durand. And the child you once said you should not have had? You have no more.”

He seized her by the wrist before she could step away, his hand marked with her blood. His anger flared, seeing the truth of it and that Cecelia must have known. A profound panic stirred in his chest that Darry had heard his long-ago words. The words he bemoaned thinking, even more than he regretted what had come before. “
Forgive me, Darry. Forgive me.”

“Let go of me.”

He released her instantly.

“If you truly seek forgiveness, seek it from Aidan McKenna. That you would injure me so I should’ve expected. But what you did to her fills me with shame. Not because you’re my father, but because you were my King and I thought you to be a good one. A man that I was willing to give my life for, no matter the troubles between us. That you could abuse your power and position so easily and bring it to bear against a girl who had no defense against you? That was a truly dark thing.”

“I know it.”

They stood in silence. Owen knew that she would not change her mind. Darry turned and walked away, never looking back.

“Owen,” Cecelia said.

“I cannot
force
her. She was there. She heard what I said.”

“Yes.”

Emmalyn took a hard breath, Darry’s words singing within her head.
The child you said you should not have had.
She swallowed her emotions and shock, wanting to deny it. But their father’s words echoed close behind.
She was there. She heard what I said.

Emmalyn approached the sword and knelt down. She studied Darry’s medallion stained with royal blood, sealing the image hard within her memory where it burned clean and unforgiving.

“Emma, please.”

The child you said you should not have had. Oh, Darry, I’m so sorry.

Emmalyn picked up the necklace with a trembling hand. “Here, my Lord,” she said, and Owen held out his hand. She placed the bloodied crest in his palm and lowered the chain after, letting it swirl with a gentle clinking of the links.

Owen saw the shame in her eyes and the anger as well, twisted and confused among her pain. There were tears but they did not fall. “Emma.”

“You should put this next to Jacey’s,” Emmalyn said, her voice cold.

He closed his hand as Emmalyn walked away, following her sister.

“Darry
!” Jessa called, and everyone slowed at the sight of Darry walking beneath the timbers of the high terrace above.

Darry smiled at the sight of Jessa and the company of her friends and wanted to laugh despite the ruin her heart was in, despite that she had just forsaken her entire life.
For a better one
. With a quick, certain breath, she opened her arms as Jessa neared.
For you, Jess, and me as well.

Jessa let out a soft sound of joy as Darry put her arms around her waist and lifted her up. “I’m all right, love.”

Jessa touched Darry’s face, not understanding the roguish expression, though her heart skipped as always at the sight of Darry’s dimple. “What is it?”

“Perhaps I should introduce you.”

Jessa frowned and Darry turned her around. Jessa let out a deep breath and stepped back into Darry’s body at the sight of their audience. Darry’s Boys and Nina Lewellyn smiled at her. Several of the men looked down at the blush that crept up Jessa’s cheeks.

“Darry’s Boys? This is the Princess Jessa-Sirrah de Cassey LaMarc de Bharjah, and she is my love. Jessa? These are my Boys,” Darry said. They all bowed their heads to Jessa, smiling like playful youngsters and looking a bit too happy about things.

“You are my love,” Darry whispered beside Jessa’s ear.

“What does this mean, Darry?” Arkady asked.

Darry took a deep breath and straightened. She met Arkady’s eyes and then looked to each of her friends in turn, landing upon Bentley at the last. No one was smiling anymore. “I have just relinquished my title and given up my rank,” she said. Jessa turned into Darry’s side and stood closer, sliding her arms about Darry’s waist. “I’ve had words with the King, for he returned early from the Green Hills—” Darry looked down as Jessa grabbed her collar, her eyes filled with concern. “All is well.”

She returned her attention to her friends. “There are many reasons for what I’ve done, but you should know that I’m not to be allowed a love of my own. For political reasons and perhaps hatred as well. I am backwards and will not deny it, and maybe this doesn’t sit well with some. Their reasons are their own and I cannot change them.”

It was not exactly the way of things as they stood, but the words were true enough and Darry felt comfortable with them. “And I’m very tired of trying. I’m tired of it. That my love is not good enough for them? I find this unacceptable, and so I’ve broken with my blood and my King.”

Bentley saw how Darry held her hand back and saw the blood on her sleeve and staining the leg of her trousers. He was not the only one. He narrowed his eyes as he searched past her, seeing Emmalyn standing beneath the entrance that led to the foyer and the staircase beyond.

“I won’t ask you to give up what you’ve earned, for I am so very proud of you. I can’t tell you how proud.” Darry’s voice became rough as she stared at the floor, unable to face them now that she was finally saying the words. She shook her head and a long minute of silence stretched out. “I love you,” she whispered, though they all could hear her. “I love you all so very much. I am humbled when I look at you, for the happiness of such a gift, your friendship.” Jessa’s arms tightened around her and gave her strength. “I was born a Durand without any say and so made royal blood by the will of Gamar, but it was
you
that taught me what that could mean. And taught me the honor of such a thing. And I shall miss you all, more than you’ll ever know.”

Arkady spoke gently into the silence that followed her words. “Why will you miss us?”

Darry swallowed over the fist within her throat, still refusing to face them.

“We would go with you, Captain,” Theroux spoke up.

“Aye,” Jemin said. “I’ve had enough of this bloody uniform anyway. It has never fit me right. It’ll be good to move free once more.”

“There are horses to be caught upon the plains,” Matthias said. “And gold to be made when we catch them.”

“And pubs I’ve yet to see,” Lucas added, smiling. “And women that have yet to mock me.”

“I shall hit you in the head, Darry,” Tobe Giovanni said, “if you leave me at the will of bloody Longshanks.”

“Who will fight me in the Dance?” Etienne asked. “Not these clods.”

“Who’ll braid my
hair
?” Orlando sounded genuinely disturbed. “Bentley?”

“Gamar save us all,” Lucien muttered, and there was quiet laughter as Bentley actually blushed at the comment.

“You would abandon me as well?” Sybok stepped forward, his voice thick with disbelief. “You would leave me, Darry?”

Darry closed her eyes and Jessa touched her cheek. “
Akasha
.”

“We’re not Darry’s Boys,” Lucien said plainly, “without you, Darry.”

“Perhaps you’re thinking that because you’re no longer a princess or a captain, that we cannot follow you?” Arkady asked.

“Bloody hell,” Darry said beneath her breath.

“But
you
are a princess, Lady Jessa-Sirrah,” Arkday said, and Jessa looked at him in surprise. “Are you still of Lyoness?”

“Darrius is my country,” Jessa said. “I am LaMarc, no longer de Bharjah.”

“Then we could swear our oath to
you
, Princess,” Arkady proclaimed.

Jessa could not have been more shocked had he struck her.

“No doubt your consort could find a use for us, my Lady.”

Darry’s eyes filled with tears though they never fell.

Jessa’s heart ached at the struggle of it, at seeing her so helpless and vulnerable.
You shall not give up everything for me, Akasha, not this as well. I’ll not allow it.
“On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“That you never,
ever
dance the Mohn-Drom with my beloved again.”

Darry gave a breathless laugh, pulling Jessa into her arms and burying her face in dark curls and the scent of jasmine.

Every one of the men stepped forward and bent to a knee. Darry stepped back and left Jessa to stand before them. Jessa appeared decidedly uncertain and out of her depth.

“You must accept their oath.” Darry smiled from behind her, her right hand at the small of Jessa’s back to keep her from stepping away.

“And then what?”

“We pack our things, my love.”

“Do you accept us into your service, Princess?” Bentley said with a bold grin. “We are a drunken lot and our manners are poor, but we’re loyal unto the grave and would serve you until you’d have us no more.”

“Or we die clogging a gutter somewhere,” Tobe mumbled happily, and there was laughter, including Darry’s.

“Take us, Lady Jessa.” Arkady smiled up at her. “And I promise never to dance the Mohn-Drom with your beloved again. Though I would ask for another dance now and then, for she’s cracking good.”

“Not even that.”

Arkady frowned. “You’re too harsh, my Lady.”

Jessa gave in. “Perhaps just one.”

“Say you accept us,” Bentley said kindly. “My knee is beginning to hurt.”

“I accept you.” Jessa stepped back as they surged to their feet at her words. Darry’s right arm slipped about her and held her safe as they all stood close.

Names were given then, one at a time as they approached. Jessa smiled and accepted their hands in introduction. They bowed their heads to her, and when she told them in an irritated voice to stop, there was happy laughter.

“Go and see to things then,” Darry said when they stood waiting for their orders. “We’ll leave the day after tomorrow. I would see us gone before the others return from the Green Hills. If you’d like to bring anyone with you, it would appear that one or two more will make no difference.”