Nightshade (34 page)

Darry stopped with a jerk. She stepped back in an awkward manner and grasped her head between her hands.
Hinsa, please…help me.

“I thought…” Darry spoke in a strangled voice, trying to catch her breath. “I thought I wasn’t enough.” Darry tightened her hands on her skull, trying to keep it from splitting. “I thought she didn’t love me anymore…she said…all those things she said, that I did something wrong.”

“No,” Cecelia said quickly. “No, my love, you did nothing wrong.”

Darry felt Hinsa’s presence in the maze and it invaded her very bones. Her flesh vibrated beneath the panther’s elemental authority and her savage blood began to recede.

She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath at the blessed sound. Hinsa’s divine purr of calm moved in her bones and she wiped at her mouth. “Yes, I did something wrong.”

“You did
nothing
wrong,” Cecelia repeated.

Darry took another long breath and everything flowed through her. She felt the wrenching need for blood lessen. “I believed.”

Cecelia took a tentative step. “What did you believe, Darry?”

Darry wiped her face and stepped back in response to the approach, keeping the distance between them. “That I could have the love of my family and still have a love of my own.”

“Darry, you can. I
swear
it is so,” Cecelia said. “You must trust me, please.”

“
Trust
you? You took the girl I loved and threatened her family with ruin should she see me again.” Darry backed farther away. “You paid them in gold the price you thought my heart was worth. You let me think it was
me
!
Me
! And all these years I wasn’t good enough. Not worthy of someone’s love or their desire. I wasn’t good enough.”

“Darrius, no!”

“Your tongue is filled with lies, Mother.”

“Yes,” Cecelia answered. “But not this.”

Darry’s smile was bitter. “This was my fault.”

“No, my love. No, Darry.”

“So let’s hear it, Mother. What’s your excuse?”

Cecelia’s heart tore open at the tears that rose in Darry’s eyes and then fell. “Will you listen?”

“I asked. I’m not so weak as to turn away now.”

The words were like bait before her, but Cecelia ignored them. “I did not know what Malcolm had done, or that your father sanctioned it. I didn’t know until you were gone and it was too late to change it.

“And Malcolm was wrong in what he did, as was Owen, and I let them know my feelings emphatically,” Cecelia continued. “But when you returned with the
Zephyr
the following year, you seemed happy, and I thought you’d made peace with Aidan’s rejection. And you were home, Darry, and you…” Cecelia reached out to her, unable to stand it any longer.

Darry remained silent and utterly still.

Cecelia lowered her hand. “I thought it served no purpose to tell you what had been done, for it was over and there was no going back. There was no fixing it no matter how badly I wanted to. That was my decision, Cat, that we would keep the truth from you. I didn’t want you broken from your father completely. He loves you dearly. Truly he does, Darry, truly he loves you. And I couldn’t take it if you went to war with Malcolm. I would see neither of my children destroyed.

“But I had no idea that you thought such harsh and hurtful things. Such terribly untrue things, Darrius. And If I had known, no matter the consequences or the price, you and I would’ve had this discussion a very long time ago.”

“She wanted to run,” Darry said quietly. “Aidan begged me, while I held her in my arms. She bade me to disown my family and run with her and we would find a place to be safe. She was afraid of my position. We made love in this very room…and I told her no. I promised her we had nothing to fear from the people who loved me.”

Cecelia closed her eyes. “No, Darry.”

“I’ll never make that mistake again, my Lady.”

“Darry
, please
.”

“I thought if I were strong and true and a good daughter that Malcolm could hate me all he wanted, but he would never be allowed to openly attack me. That even my father, in his confusion and uncertainty toward me, that even so he would never allow such a thing.”

“I will see to your brother, Darrius,” Cecelia said in a hard voice.
And Marteen Salish.
“And Melora will—”

“Don’t bother,” Darry growled. “Will you punish them for telling the truth?” Her smile was cold and her eyes were free of tears. “I should thank Melora, actually, though she would drop dead from the disappointment.”

Bentley’s voice sounded, close along the balustrade.

“Tell your son that if he approaches Marin Corvinus in any way he shall find my dagger in the ground at his feet,” Darry said.

Cecelia’s eyes darkened in question.

“He’ll know. Make very sure you tell him that.”

Marin Corvinus
. Cecelia locked the name away.
A lover? Do you have a lover, my daughter? She is safe, I swear my oath upon it.
“Darry, you—”

“If he hurts anyone that I care for,” she interrupted, “I swear by all that’s holy, I shall meet him in the yards and gut him like a fucking Solstice pig. And then your poor King Owen Durand will have to decide, at last, what to do with his backwards
mistake
of a child.”

Cecelia grabbed Darry’s jacket, yanking her close as Darry stood unflinching.

“Not to worry, Mum,” Darry whispered. “I’ll be gone after the tournament.”

“No.”

“I would leave even now, but you see? I have a sudden desire to win the Laurel of Victory first. I will crown my father the truest heart, then forget that I ever knew him. No doubt it will be a huge relief to many, myself included.”

Cecelia grabbed Darry’s shoulders and pulled her firmly into her arms. “Don’t do this!” she pleaded. “For the love of Gamar, Darry, don’t do it.”

Darry did not return the embrace. “I’m very angry, Mother.”

“I know you are, baby. I know it.”

“So just let me go.”

“I cannot do that.”

Darry pulled roughly at her mother’s arms and wrenched free. She moved to the balustrade door without even a last look, then jerked the bolt and threw the door open.

Bentley pushed from the railing. He had never seen such an expression on Darry’s face before. He waited as she walked to him. “What has happened?”

“It was not Aidan’s choice to leave me.”

Bentley looked up, watching Cecelia as she stood in the doorway. “Whose was it then?”

“My father’s. And Malcolm’s, of course. They threatened to destroy her family. They paid them gold when she spurned me as ordered. Blood money, for Aidan’s love and mine.”

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“No, Bentley.”

“Darrius.”

“I’ll find you, my friend. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“See to my mother, please,” she whispered. “Make sure that she gets to her rooms.”

Bentley placed her hand against his chest, his fingers warm and gentle on her skin. “Don’t leave me behind again…promise you won’t do that.”

“I won’t.”

She slid her hand free and walked away. Bentley saw within her movements every dangerous thing her strength had ever hinted at and the lethal grace of the mountain cat she was named for and whose blood ran within her veins. She disappeared beyond the curve of the stairs as she descended.

“What have you done?” he said as he spun about.

“Do not judge me, Bentley,” Cecelia answered in a rough voice. “You don’t know all that happened.”

“What more must I know, Mum?” he said, refusing to back down. “She’s been haunted by Aidan for years and punishing herself for something she refuses to share. I’ve always thought that Aidan wanted to run and Darry wouldn’t. I know that Aidan was afraid of Malcolm.”

Cecelia blinked at his words and closed the distance between them. “How do you know this? What did he want?”

“Aidan came to me. She was afraid of what Darry might do if she knew that Malcolm had approached her. She wouldn’t say what happened or what he said, but for a long time she was very frightened and would avoid him. She wanted me to swear an oath to help keep it from Darry, but I wouldn’t do it. She struck me, and we had a terrible fight. I agreed at the last for I saw there was no other way.”

Cecelia could see his pain at the memory and she was astonished that Aidan would ever strike anyone. “It would appear, Bentley, that you’re closer to my daughter than I have ever been. Though I thought differently but an hour ago.”

Bentley could see the exhaustion and the blatant sorrow on her face.

“She has sworn to leave after the tournament,” Cecelia said.

“Then we shall leave.”

“We?”

“Darry’s Boys,” he answered plainly. “Where she goes we follow.”

“But you have commissions, you all have rank. Some have families, yes?”

“No, Mum. We are the bastards or forgotten sons of those who don’t want us. Those who may share our blood do so merely as a formality. We are the reminders of their mistakes or their desperation, or their drunkenness. Or we remind them of the woman they loved most but could not have. We are their anger and their disappointment.”

His words hit Cecelia hard. “So what is my daughter?”

“She is the heart of us. She’s given us a true family, and for some the only family they’ve ever known. She’s given us love that we never thought to have and the respect of a world that would otherwise have shown us its back. And she’s taught us that even though the daughter of a king may be tossed aside, there is still life for the taking if we would just be bold.”

“She’s not been tossed aside!” Cecelia exclaimed.

“You dare say that in light of the truth?” he said, ignoring her anger. “Aidan was her love.” His voice rose as he took a step back. “Their love hurt nothing and no one. But they were deemed unworthy of the things that your other children partake of so freely and with royal fanfare. Aidan…To make her spurn the one she—”

“I know what was done,” Cecelia said, stepping back from him. She began to walk away, reaching toward the wall in order to steady herself, but it was several feet away. Bentley watched as her steps faltered and he reacted without thought.

Bentley caught her, lifting her in his arms before she could fall. “My Lady?” he asked in fear. Her eyes were closed and she was beyond pale. When she did not answer he moved in a rush.

Jessa stood before him on the balustrade and he let out a grunt of surprise. He slid to a halt and took an awkward step to the side.

Jessa followed him and laid a gentle touch on Cecelia’s brow. “What’s happened here?”

“I think she’s passed out, but I don’t know.”

Jessa took in Cecelia’s pale face and stepped close as she pressed her hand more firmly on Cecelia’s brow. She took a slow, full breath and let it out, then did so again, turning her mind toward the heat against her palm. She let her thoughts be drawn downward, let herself be pulled in, her eyelids fluttering as the air around them became thick with the scent of jasmine.

The spell was a difficult one but Jessa wove it quickly and with skill, falling within her own body as her mind followed the runes. She pushed them gently into a rope of connection that would bind them together. Her heartbeat slowed with a stutter and she took another breath, a shaft of pain lancing through her chest. She let the breath out slowly and another pulse vibrated into her palm, like the ripples from a stone dropped into a still pool of water. The pulse was Cecelia’s, and after several seconds another throbbed along Jessa’s veins, more focused this time and thrumming low within her chest. Her own heart absorbed the impact and began to pound in unison with Cecelia’s.

Cecelia’s heart beat hard and strong, though beneath it Jessa felt the presence of something black and cold that she recognized as fear. Her lungs tightened in want of more air so she took a breath and opened her mind further in search of the darkness.

Jessa took another cleansing breath through her nose, her head tipping back and her shoulders lifting as her lungs filled. Cecelia stirred in Bentley’s arms.

Jessa could almost see the face, a flash of honey blond hair and a dress made of lace and silk the color of the bluest sky. She took another breath, as did Cecelia. Jessa thought she heard laughter and she smiled at the far-away sound, for it was a lovely echo in the back of her mind. She took another breath and opened her eyes slowly, her gaze steady as she watched Cecelia do likewise. The color returned slightly to her face.

“Princess?” Bentley asked in a whisper.

Jessa turned her hand over and slid it in a tender manner along Cecelia’s cheek, allowing their connection to melt away. The runes dissolved within her thoughts as Cecelia took a clean, strong breath on her own. “She needs to rest, and consult a healer. A sleeping draught,” Jessa said quietly. “She is filled with fear, and sorrow, I think. It presses against her and she’s not breathing properly. Something is too heavy for her. She needs to sleep, this will help.”

Bentley stared at Jessa, remembering her care of Darry as she had lain abed with fever, and the way Jessa had looked at Darry and smoothed the hair back from Darry’s face when she thought no one was looking. And she had told no one, keeping them all safe when she had no reason to do so. “Is Darry your friend?”