Nightmares from Within (20 page)

Daniel ran a hand through his jet black hair before finally making eye contact. “Taylor, don’t you understand? If you didn’t have the kind of information you do, there’s no way anyone would have taken you seriously.”

“But Jordan didn’t take me seriously,” I interrupted. “At best, he thinks I’m a nut job, at worst, a murderer.”

He reached over and took my hands in his. “It was the only way, sweetheart. You have to know these things in order to stop this guy. If not, he’s going to keep killing. You’re the only person that has the capability of stopping him.”

“No pressure there!” I scoffed.

When Daniel didn’t have a comeback to my smartass remark I continued. “I’m scared,” I finally whispered. “What if I can’t stop him? What happens if I fail and Cassie dies because your higher power gave this gift to the wrong person?”

“I have faith in you. I know you can do this, Taylor. You just need to have faith in yourself.”

With how my life had been, my faith in anything had been shaken at a very young age. I had no other choice but to pray Daniel was right. I’d already lost so much because of this so-called gift, Jordan included. I couldn’t lose Cassie too.

I worked the rest of my shift speaking to as few people as possible. Each time I looked out the window and saw Jordan’s car I felt an irrational sense of anger. Anger at him for being another person in my life who let me down, but mostly anger at myself for missing him as much as I did. The vicious cycle continued when I’d glance over and see his car gone. The anger would disappear and be replaced with sorrow at the loss. I couldn’t understand why I still cared about him as much as I did after how heartbroken I’d been at his reaction when I confided in him.

“Evening, Gary,” I said as I walked past his desk and to the elevator banks.

“Evening, sweetie. You look upset, everything okay?”

I gave him a sad smile and kept walking as I called over my shoulder, “I’m just tired. It was a long shift.”

I saw the concern on his face but I was too exhausted, physically and emotionally, to try and pacify Gary.

As I unlocked the door of my apartment, my cell phone started going off in my purse. I looked at the display and a sense of dread crept down my spine.

“Cassie? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, worry wart,” she replied with a laugh. “I was just wondering if you had any clue why I’ve been followed around by cops for days.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. They’ve been on my ass like white on rice. If it’s not a patrol officer, it’s your ex-boyfriend Douchey McAssface.”

“I…I haven’t got a clue.”

Was it possible that Jordan had taken me seriously? I didn’t think that was possible but I couldn’t come up with any other explanation.

“Well, I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing, but that asshole is lucky I haven’t walked up and kicked his balls up into his stomach for how he treated you.”

After several days of watching me mope around, Cassie finally cornered me and made me tell her what was going on. I didn’t go into detail about the vision I had of her but I did admit to her what Jordan had said when I reached out for his help. Needless to say, he was her least favorite person. And I loved her even more for her solidarity.

“Honestly, Cass…I don’t have a clue why cops are tailing you. Did you hold up a liquor store or something?”

“Hmm,” she mumbled through the phone. “Maybe they’re on to that balloon of cocaine I have shoved up my—”

“Goodnight, Cass! I’ll talk to you in the morning.” I shouted before she could finish her statement. That was a mental image I did not need.

“Night, doll. I’ll be waiting for my butt crack of dawn wake up call.”

We hung up and I dragged my tired body to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

As I stood under the water letting it wash away all the grit and grime from hours at the diner, I also felt like I was washing away some of the tension I’d been carrying around. I felt a sense of relief knowing that there was someone watching over Cassie when I couldn’t be there to do it. I didn’t know if it was Jordan who’d been the one to set it up but I was grateful to whoever did it and for whatever the reason behind it was.

I don’t know how long I stood under the steady stream of water, letting it beat down on my knotted muscles in my shoulders, taking the tension away with it as it ran over my body and down the drain but by the time I was finished I was more relaxed than I’d been in days.

Standing in front of my mirror, I did something I don’t think I’d ever done before. I studied the image in front of me, truly getting a sense for the woman I wanted to be, the woman I was struggling to become.

Staring back at me wasn’t a scared girl who spent every second hiding from life; it was a new woman, a stronger, more resilient woman. The shadows hiding behind my eyes were slowly starting to creep away and they shined more than ever before. I liked the Taylor I was becoming more than I’d ever liked the Lydia I used to be.

I was smiling at my reflection while I pulled a brush through my long, damp tendrils when someone started knocking on my front door. I pulled my robe from the hook on the bathroom door and slid my arms into it, then cinched it tightly as I headed toward the door.

Looking through the peephole and seeing Jordan standing on the other side caused millions of butterflies to start rioting in my belly. It wasn’t fair that he still looked so gorgeous. No matter how hard I wished the feelings away, he still affected me like no one else.

I thunked my forehead against the door and breathed deeply. I didn’t even have time to sort out my inner turmoil because he knocked again, but this time he also called out, “Come on Taylor, open the door. I know you’re in there. I just heard you.”

“Damn it.”

“Heard that too.”

I yanked the door open and crossed my arms over my chest trying to appear annoyed when all I really wanted to do was launch myself in his arms and kiss the breath right out of him.

His blond hair was a little more disheveled than usual and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in at least two days. The light stubble covering his cheeks and chin only made him look that much better. It wasn’t fair.

I tried my best to not let my desire for him show but it was so difficult, especially when the longing in his hazel eyes shined through so clearly.

“Hey, Crimson.”

My knees went weak at the endearment that I’d missed so much but luckily, I was propped against the door frame so he wasn’t able to tell.

I kept my expression as blank as possible when I asked, “What do you want, Jordan? You here to arrest me? Or maybe you just want to hurl more accusations my way.”

He reached up to touch my face but pulled his hand back when I flinched. “Please don’t be like that,” he said softy.

“Be like what?” I asked sarcastically. “I’m sorry, am I acting crazy again? Maybe I should have the doctor up my meds…”

Before I could finish my sentence he slammed his mouth down on mine. It wasn’t a slow, sensual kiss. This kiss was full of yearning and before I could register what was happening I found myself melting into him. It took Jordan wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me flush to his chest to snap me out of my lust filled haze.

I put my palms to his chest and pushed him as hard as I could. He only stepped back a few inches but it was enough for me to get out of his grip and suck some much needed air into my lungs. He’d managed to fry all my circuits with that one kiss.

“Don’t,” I said, holding up both hands as he came toward me again. He stopped hesitantly and I didn’t miss the look of pain that shifted across his face at my rebuff.

“Taylor, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for how I treated you.” He took a step toward me, which brought him into my apartment. For every step forward he took, I took two steps back. “I’d give anything to go back and do that all over again,” he continued.

“But you can’t,” I interrupted. “You can’t go back and fix it. I’ve had enough people in my life who have treated me like a freak to know that a person’s initial reaction is normally the most honest one. You proved exactly what you thought of me when you shoved that pill bottle in my face.”

Jordan dropped his head and ran both hands through his hair roughly making it look even more chaotic. “I’m sorry,” he said as he shook his head back and forth. “I’m so damn sorry, Taylor. You have no clue. I’ve been trying to sort out everything you told me from the moment you walked out that door. But you have to believe me…I never thought you were involved. I never should have said those things and I’ll regret them for the rest of my life.”

I didn’t respond but I also didn’t move when he came forward again. As much as I wanted to push him away and hate him for hurting me, I just couldn’t. The pain etched into every line of his beautiful face ripped at my heart. He ran a hand over my cheek and gently brushed a strand of hair behind my ear before tangling his fingers near the nape of my neck. “I just didn’t know what to think, baby. You freaked out, locked yourself in the bathroom and wouldn’t let me in. I was losing my mind worrying about you. When you finally came out you starting saying things I’d never heard before and I just…I saw the pills and I reacted badly. I’m so sorry, Crimson.”

I leaned my head into his palm as if it were second nature. His touch had a soothing quality that I needed so badly.

“As soon as you walked out on me I knew I’d just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me. That’s why I’ve been outside the diner every damn day. Not being able to touch you gutted me. There was no way I could get through a day without seeing your beautiful face.”

Tears stung the backs of my eyes and I couldn’t speak past the lump in my throat. I never expected to feel so strongly about a man in my life, especially a man that I’d known for such a short time.

“When Daniel came to talk to me and explained everything you’d been trying to tell me, I felt…well, I guess it made sense. And when I called your mother…”

“Wait…” My head snapped up, breaking the connection we’d just had. His words were like a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head. I pulled away like he’d burned me. “You called my mom?” His hand came back up but I slapped it away. “You had no right to do that!” I shouted. “How the hell did you even find them?” Then the realization hit me like a Mac truck. “You investigated me?”

There were things from my past that I’d never wanted him to see. Even though certain records were confidential since I’d been a minor, I never wanted him to know I’d seen a therapist at seven years old for psychotic behavior and delusions. All of that was a part of my past I’d been trying so desperately to escape.

“Please don’t do that, baby,” he pleaded. “Don’t pull away from me. It kills me not to touch you.”

I stalked over to the front door and yanked it open. “Well you better find a way to get used to it because you’re never going to touch me again.” He tried to grab my arms frantically but I fought against his hold. “Get out.”

“Taylor…”

“Just get out!”

Tears started streaming down my face and I kept my eyes trained on the floor. I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I’d cave. I couldn’t cave. He had just ripped my heart out. I wouldn’t allow myself to cave.

I felt him move to stand in front of me but I fought the instinct to lift my head. “I love you, Taylor,” he whispered in agony before he turned and headed out the door.

He’d made it to the elevators when something dawned on me.

“Jordan,” I called out.

When he turned back he looked almost hopeful.

“Did you put police on Cassie?”

The hope disappeared from his face when he realized I wasn’t going to ask him to come back. He didn’t speak, just gave a slight nod as an answer.

I reached up and brushed the tears from my eyes and attempted to give him a small, appreciative smile. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

With that, I stepped back into my apartment and shut the door, collapsing against it as sobs wracked my body. Because the truth was, even though he’d hurt me worse than anyone ever had, I loved him too.

Jordan

Seeing the hurt in Taylor’s eyes was like having my heart ripped out of my chest. I hated seeing that look on her face, but what’s more, I hated that I was the one that put it there. I was never going to forgive myself for breaking her heart, and in the process, my own as well. There was just something about her that had gotten inside me and burrowed down deep. I’d never be able to get that woman out of my system even if I wanted to…which I didn’t.