Nightlight (12 page)

Vicky held up the camera. I looked from vampire to vampire. I gulped, swallowing a bug. It felt like my knees were missing.

“Memories are so important, don’t you think?” Vicky said.

I said my line quickly to cover up my mispronunciation of the difficult foreign word “to.” I know it’s either pronounced like “two” or “too” but I always forget which one.

“Now kiss!” Vicky whispered. The camera was still rolling.

Josh closed his eyes and puckered his lips. He leaned forwards. Only a few minutes ago, he wanted to kill me, which I guess was fair, because I wanted to gouge him in the armpit. Still, some of his sharp teeth were popping out of his puckered lips, and I was wary. What if my acting was bad?

Then I remembered that I am a great actress. I closed my eyes and leaned in. We kissed. I didn’t feel anything, though, because it was all part of a day’s work by that point. It occurred to me that kissing was the least productive part of human courtship and not very sanitary, either. That’s how desensitized acting had made me.

“Okay, great!” Vicky said, shutting off the camera. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning for “The Next Day in the Life of Josh and Vicky!’” she shouted, disappearing into a nearby grave.

Yes
, I decided.
She’s evil
.

My lips were bleeding a little, so I hastily wiped them off. What would I tell my dad? I decided I would tell him I picked at them to make them red, just like I used to before I was old enough to wear lipstick. Josh was looking at me with hungry eyes.

“Man, it rains a lot here!” I said to fill the silence. “Like
so much
. So … ah … should we keep fighting or what?”

Josh lunged forwards and pressed his lips to mine again. I resisted a little bit at first, to make it seem like I was that kind of girl—the kind of girl who doesn’t like vampires—but then he “French-kissed” me.
So weird!
I had heard about this before, but nothing could have prepared me for such a strange feeling. Even after he removed his nose from my armpit, I still felt a slight tingling sensation.

“So is it awkward if I ask what our status is?” I asked quickly. Not that I cared either way. I just wanted to
know
, you know?

“Not at all. We’re a couple now.”

Hmm
. I wondered how I’d express that on Facebook. I’d have to change it from what it was before: “It’s complicated with a vampire.” But then I realized that worked pretty well with the new scenario.

“Want to come to the vampire prom with me tonight?” Josh asked.

I remembered my last prom: the stupid pre-prom photos, the ugly pink dresses, the tacky disco ball, the gunshots,
the 911 calls, the national media coverage, and the lame cover band.

“Of course!” I said.

“Great, because I already got you a ticket.”

“Oh wait,” I said, suddenly remembering the boy who had flailed away just minutes ago. “I think I might already be going with someone …”

“Another vampire?”

“No. I thought so, but no.”

Remembering Edwart I felt angry, and a little silly. I should have known he wasn’t a vampire. He failed to meet the three telltale criteria for vampirism: speaking in an old-timey way, being pompous, and having sparkly skin.

“Well, it doesn’t really matter,” Josh said. “We vampires have a separate school prom in winter instead of spring. Coincidentally at a time most inconvenient for outdoor photos.” He sneered. “Separate but equal my ass.”

I shook my head in sympathy. I had never realized that being a vampire made you different, but not in a nice Dr. Seuss kind of way in which you have a star on your belly.

We sat down to snuggle in front of a tomb.

“Josh,” I asked. “How did you become a vampire?”

“I fought Dracula. I nearly killed him, too, only I felt bad when he told me that I was his only friend, and that was the reason he’d kept me in his dungeon for five years. He bit me right when I turned to go back to my dungeon. What a trickster! Very loyal once you’ve known him for a few centuries, though.”

“You know Dracula?!” I yelled. “That’s so cool!”

I imagined what I’d do if I ever met Dracula. I’d probably say, “I’m Belle Goose, girl of the vampires,” and he would bow down and nip my feet.

“Well, Belle,” Josh said. “I’m a pretty cool guy.”

“What was Dracula like?”

“Fang-ed. Bat-like.”

Wow
. Dating Josh would lead me to all sorts of opportunities. Maybe he knew the Swamp Thing too.

“I’ll take you to your house before we go to the prom,” Josh said, standing up and brushing off his cape. “You’ll probably want to put some makeup on or something. Wash your face a few times.”

I blushed. I hadn’t realized my tempting blood smell was coming from my nose pores.

We held hands as we walked towards the exit. Josh’s hand was cold, but not in the clammy sweaty way I was used to.
Edwart
, I thought with a sigh.
Edwart, Edwart
. Where did I know that name from?

“Wait here, beautiful,” Josh said once we exited the cemetery gate. “I’m going to bring the car around.”

A few minutes later he came to a rolling stop by the curb. “Get in,” he said ferociously.

Okay
. I thought.
That was a little rude
. But I didn’t say anything, not then, and not even when he hopped out, blindfolded me and tied my arms together.

“It’s for your own good, clumsy,”

It was hard for me to argue with that, especially as I was falling into the car.

He buckled my seatbelt. A few minutes later, I was surprised to feel the car move so slowly and responsibly under Josh’s control. But, then again, he had been driving since the invention of cars.

We stopped. “Here’s the plan: you’re going to go upstairs and clean yourself up and get rid of that human smell,” Josh said. I was still blindfolded, but I assumed we were at my house, or some other place that had an upstairs. “I am going to smooth-talk your Dad.”

He took off my blindfold. I stumbled towards my door, but he stopped me mid-step and put down his cape for me to walk on so my shoes wouldn’t get dirty from the pavement. I thanked him, gingerly stepping on the red satin lining. He quickly lifted up the corners, bagging me, and carried me to the door.

“What would you do without me, Belle?” he asked, inserting a tracking device in my ear.

His behavior was unusual, but I had never dated a vampire before. Besides, who could blame Josh for being possessive? I was special—a girl who would one day be on a talk show saying: “Yes, Diane, my childhood
was
difficult.”

Shrugging, I reached in my purse for my key, which turned out to not be necessary. Josh melted a hole in the door and tossed me through it.

“Move, move, move!” he yelled. “We’ve got a vampire prom to get to!”

I RAN UPSTAIRS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, THEN TORE
off my shirt and threw it on the floor.

“Might I suggest you wear something simple?” a voice directed without any hint of suggestion.

I turned to the window and gasped.
Josh!
Quickly, I covered up my bra-patterned undershirt. It was too late, though; Josh had seen them.
So now he knew I was aware of lady garments
.

“I don’t mean to control every facet of your life,” he continued, taking my hand and closing the window with it, “but I believe it would be unwise for you to wear something eye-grabbing to the prom. The theme is Fancy Venetian Masquerade, and you’re going to be in a room full of vampires. Any fabric you own that camouflages with walls or dance floors might be best.”

“How did you get in here?”

“Through the window
—duh
I’m a vampire!”

“Still, my window is barely two feet tall.”

“Duh
, I did the vampire trick where you shrink yourself down with a vampire ray and then vampire-pump yourself back to a normal size.”

I started to ask more questions, but we were interrupted by a violent banging on the door.

“Where is he?” called Jim. “Is that vampire in there?”

Josh lunged towards me and put his hand over my mouth.
“Noooo,”
he said in a low, masculine voice.
“Just your female, human daughter
…
all alone.”

I pushed his hand away. “No, Dad,” I said. “I don’t see a vampire in here. We’ll keep looking though! I mean,
I’ll
keep looking though!”

After a long pause, we heard him stomp back down the stairs.

I turned to Josh. “I can’t believe you told him you were a vampire! Jim
hates
vampires.”

“Are you embarrassed by me?” he asked teasingly. He grabbed my waist and pulled me close. “What about now?” he said, doing a humiliating penguin dance.

“No—I’m not embarrassed by you. We just have to keep your vampirism a secret from my friends and family forever and ever, okay?”

He stopped dancing. “Whoa there. Forever and ever?”

I sighed exasperatedly. Edwart might have been clueless
but he didn’t ask
half
as many questions. “
Yes
, forever and ever. Once you’ve bitten me and made me your vampire mate.”

He slowly backed away. “Wait right here, Belle,” he said, opening the window behind his back. “There’s something I got to do … at this other place.”

As I heard his car roar to life and then screech away, I turned my attention to my closet.
What could I possibly wear to a masquerade?
I threw everything I owned onto my bed. Leg cast, left leg cast, neck cast, various finger casts. In the end, I decided to go with my full-body cast.

A car screeched to a halt outside our house. I heard voices floating up from the living room. Josh had returned! I crept to the doorway, listening for the sounds of Jim breaking his rifle out of its mounted glass case. He must have convinced Jim that he wasn’t a vampire, though, because all I heard was the low hum of their conversation.

“I assure you I’m a very old-fashioned guy, Mr. Goose. I promise to do everything by the book,” Josh was saying. “Here is the agreement that the learned man in the next town over drew up for me. It says that in exchange for one date with your daughter, I will provide you with four laying geese, a bundle of barrel staves, and the use of my largest scythe in three weeks’ time.”

“This pleases me,” said Jim. “I am an extremely permissive father who would never dream of requesting such an arrangement, but I am professedly a sucker for barrel staves. Share a celebratory pint with me?”

I heard the
glug-glug
sound of gin being poured into pint glasses.

“Only two for me, Mr. Goose,” said Josh. “I’m driving.”

“What was it you said you were again, Josh my boy?”

I inhaled sharply and shut my eyes tight.
Don’t say vampire
.

“A graffiti artist, sir. A window graffiti artist.”

“I see.”

Suddenly, the sound of glass shattering rang throughout the house. Josh sprang up the stairs into my room, slamming the door shut behind him. Jim barreled up the stairs after him, getting more and more aggravated the more he shot his rifle, sinking the priceless, antique bullets into our seventeenth-century Frisian wainscoting.

“What did I say?” Josh gasped, moving my dresser in front of the door.

“Jim’s a window-wiper, Josh. And according to a T-shirt he has, he is also a Female Body Inspector. I think that’s some type of gynecologist, but I’ve always been too grossed out to ask. In any case,” I explained, “he
hates
window graffiti artists. Really, the only people he doesn’t hate are descendents of werewolves. Try that next time.”

“What are you
wearing?”
asked Josh, admiring my costume.

“You like it? It’s a full-body cast.”

“What are you supposed to be? Some kind of creepy mummy?”

“Yes,” I said uncomfortably. I was a little hurt that he
couldn’t tell I was a beautiful cocoon. Maybe we weren’t meant to raise three Dachshunds together, after all. “What are
you
supposed to be?” I asked.

Josh was wearing a formal black tuxedo with a smoky, grey vest. “I’m a Human Guy,” he said with a grin, flashing his false human teeth.

I shuddered.
Why do boys insist on wearing the most unattractive outfits they can find to costume parties?
I wondered just as Jim shot down the door.

“You!” he said, pointing his rifle at Josh. He fired.

BANG!

Josh zoomed left, supernaturally avoiding the bullet.

BANG!

Josh leaped right, humanly avoiding the bullet.

My dad reloaded. First, he poured in the gunpowder. Then, he pushed it down with a long brush-like thing and added the musket ball. Right then, I bet Jim really regretted buying that Revolutionary War rifle, even though he got it for an incredible price. It took about ninety seconds to re-load. It doesn’t sound like that long, but try waiting in silence for even five seconds. It feels very long.

One…

Two…

Three …

Four…

Five …

See what I’m talking about?

“Relax, Dad,” I said, before this ridiculous waste of paper could go any further. “He’s a werewolf.”

Jim lowered his rifle. “Oh. Sorry about that,” he mumbled. He looked over at my costume. “Wow, Belle. You look like a real mature lady!”

I had to admit, I
did
look stunning for a caterpillar’s pupal casing. Lucy and Laura would say I looked more “hAwWt and jUiCaYyY;)” but I think that “stunning” was a much better word. I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!

After we had picked the bullets out of the wall, we went downstairs to perform the traditional father-meets-date ritual.

“So … Josh. How’s school?” inquired Jim.

“Good.”

“Hmmm. Uh are you into sports at all?”

“No. Do you mind if I take my false teeth out? It’s hard to speak with them in.” He popped them out and bared his sharp, pointy fangs. I could see Jim’s blood rushing in terror to Jim’s right leg—the farthest place from Josh’s teeth it could go.