Night Whispers: ShadowLands, Book 1 (18 page)

The best choice for whom? “What’s in Canada?”

“Nothing.”

“Yes. You’re right. Nothing but animals and Bigfoot and maybe some survivalists who made bomb shelters out of recycled soda cans and ice. What the fuck, Erik.”

“Nothing,” he repeated, and shot her a cool glance. “Which is excellent for disappearing from the very angry group of people who could be searching for us. Nothing is exactly what I require.”

“What about what I require? What about what Carrie requires?”

“What is it you require?”

“Um, I would say not being dragged into a no-man’s land would be a good start.”

“Certainly. I would be happy to let you out wherever you’d like. I would have no problem with that.” His voice wrapped around her, a silken threat.

Yeah, right. They were pretty close to Canada, which meant they’d passed through a couple of no-man’s-land states from where they’d started out. The way she was feeling, there was no way she’d be able to find her way back through them. Not by herself, and definitely not with the kid. “Asswipe. This is
my
ride. You can’t just take it.”

“No? You don’t look like you’re in any shape to drive us.”

“If I was up to strength, I would kick your ass.”

“Come now. We’re old friends. No need to be uncivil.”

“Friends don’t screw each other over, Erik.”

In the dim light from the dashboard, she saw his jaw clench, hard. “In my experience, that’s exactly what friends do.”

“I told you, I searched for you.” Frustrated and angry, she leaned back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest. “You can believe it or not, but quit being such a bastard about no one coming for you. No one knew where you were.”

“Liar. Tim knew.” He slammed his fist down on the wheel, startling her. “He knew. He knew I was going to Cheyenne for help.”

She eyed him, gauging his level of anger. It didn’t appear to be directed at her, in particular, so she took a chance. “Tim’s dead.”

“What?”

“I didn’t want to upset you before. He died a couple months ago. Flu.”

Erik laughed, but the sound was without amusement. “Flu. How anticlimactic.”

“He might have known,” she admitted quietly. No might about it, going by what Tim had mumbled on his deathbed, but there was no point in exacerbating Erik’s anger right now. “And if so, I’m not sure why he didn’t tell anyone. But he may have had a good reason. You don’t know what it’s like now that Raven joined up with us, Erik, but we’re so much more organized. We were too haphazard and untrained back then. Maybe he thought you were dead and didn’t want to send someone else in on a suicide mission.”

“Or maybe my disappearance was precisely what he planned.”

“Conspiracy theories are tempting,” she said dryly. “But why would that be plausible?”

“The man was jealous of me. Perhaps he wished to get rid of me. Perhaps I was simply expendable. Perhaps he was secretly a racist asshole who hated that I was born in a country which had once been an enemy of his. Who knows?”

“Exactly. You don’t know.”

“I know that there is no point in trusting any government to help me. I refuse to put myself in anyone’s power again. Me or Carrie. I made a promise that I would see her to safety, and I will.” His eyes were fixed somewhere far down the road as he continued to mutter. “Lock me up, will they? Needles, always one needle or another. Keeping me hungry…”

Jules winced. “We’re not like that.”

“We?”

“Compound. They’re your people too.”

“No one is my people. And I know you don’t wish to face it, but they are not your people any longer,” he bit off, and nodded at her arm. “Like it or not, you are no longer what you were. The only reason they will welcome you is to put you in a cage and run tests on you.”

She swallowed. He was right, she didn’t want to face it. But she had no choice now. “Do you know what’s wrong with me, then?”

“They injected me with many formulas before I turned into what I am now. After the last one, I sprouted a rash around the injection site, as you have, and immediately fell ill.” He glanced in the rearview mirror. “My reaction fell somewhere between yours and Carrie’s. Fever, weakness, vomiting, fainting and finally a coma. I woke up in a few days as I am now.”

“Sort of like an accelerated version of the actual Illness.”

“Yes. With no prior incubation period.”

“Are we going to turn into you, then?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what the doctors gave either of you. And the bite that Carrie sustained is also a wild card.”

“Son of a bitch.” She wished she was back in that lab. Had she known what the consequences were, she might have tortured the truth out of that doctor before killing her. It would have gone against the nature of the new and reformed Jules, but with survival on the line, she would have done it.

There had been vials upon vials of liquids in that lab. Even if she could go back there, she would never be able to figure out, on her own, what she’d been given. And since Erik had
eaten
the other doctor…

“Fuckity fuck.”

“If you’re lucky, you will not change.”

“And I’ll die? You’re a comforting machine, Erik.”

“I meant, perhaps you will recover from this with no side effects.” He shrugged. “Though you might prefer death. I’ll be running for the rest of my life.”

She thought of that woman whose cage she’d briefly occupied. “Could I— Could I turn into a Shadow?”

“Some of their experiments did. But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll kill you if you do.”

Oddly enough…that kind of did make her feel better. She had skills. Her blood ran cold to think of how those skills would be utilized by her turned self.

She could hurt people.

“You see now, don’t you? That you can’t go back?”

She saw that she couldn’t go back right now. Not until she figured out what her fate would be, and not until she was strong enough to go back. If she did turn hybrid, she didn’t think that Compound would, as he claimed, lock her up. But caution told her it might be best to wait and see what happened to her first.

Still, she wouldn’t be telling Erik that James was tracking their movements. The guy would instantly ditch the van. Maybe even her. And as much as she hated to admit it, she needed Erik right now, if only to get them farther away from Colorado and the mystery group there.

Even if she wanted to wail and scream, she didn’t much have the energy for it. She cradled her hand over her right ear, where her earpiece was lodged, almost invisible, and leaned her hot forehead against the blessedly cool window. The last thing she would do was tell Erik about James. He was hers.

Maybe if she remained very, very quiet, James would speak to her again. Now that her whole world had changed, she’d like to hold on to at least that.

It appeared just when James was certain he would never have to see a Shadow.

It was loping along the side of the road, shuffling in that uneven, frightful way they had. His headlights picked up its naked, white body, the red striations of the veins traversing an ugly map over its skin, and James gave a highly unmanly yelp.

Unable to help his rubbernecking fascination, he slowed down the car to gawk. The thing turned its head to look at him, first flinching back and throwing up its arm at the bright glare of the headlights. Then, realizing it was not sunlight, it lowered the arm.

Silver eyes seemed to meet his beneath stringy, ragged white hair.

Step. Drag. Step.

Its body turned, as if it was getting ready to chase him down.

With a shudder, James increased his speed, thanking God again that he was safe in his car. “Christ, sweetheart, that’s a scary thing. I don’t know how you managed to get close enough to actually kill these Shadows.”

Jules frowned. Why on earth would James be talking about that?

“It’s hard enough to be separated from them by my car. But I can kind of pretend I’m still in my bunker. I can’t even imagine what it must be like when they’re really in your face. And you’ve had to face that so many times.”

By his car.

Her heart stopped. No. He couldn’t be in his car because he was coming after her, could he?

“I think I might wet myself if they were actually near me.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Some rescuer you have, huh?”

Oh God. He was coming after her.

Fear, dismay and delight warred within her. On the one hand, the last thing she wanted was for James and Erik to come face-to-face, mainly because Erik would destroy him the way a tortured animal would kick any new potential owner. She had no idea what James’s fighting capabilities were, but the other man’s hybrid physiology and horrible distrust of organized government would not bode well for James in a fight.

Plus, if she did turn hybrid like Erik, or turned Shadow, the last thing she wanted was for James to be around to witness it. She didn’t know if she could bear it if he turned away from her in disgust.

But…what if you don’t turn or become a hybrid? What if you’re perfectly normal, or you die?
Then in that, the best- and worst-case scenarios, she could admit what she wanted more than anything else was James at her side.

If she was going to die, she had to see James, if only to absolve him of any guilt he might feel. And if she knew him at all, she had no doubt that he was feeling guilt-ridden right now.

If she survived, then goddamn it, she wanted to kiss the man in person. At least once. She didn’t think they could have a happy ever after, not once he really got to know her. But a kiss couldn’t hurt anyone, right?

In the end, it was concern over James that kept her mum. Erik had been brilliant two years ago, and he was no dummy now. If he wanted to get rid of James, he would.

Also, there was the chilling possibility that James might not catch up to them at all. The man hid it, but he was as quietly stubborn as she was. He’d wander forever, trying to find her. He would die before giving up.

Determination grew in her stomach. No. She’d make finding them as easy as possible. For his own good.

And not at all for your selfish ends, so you won’t be alone.

Once James caught up with them, she would protect him from Erik. Even if it was the last thing she did.
Gotta look out for my boy.

Chapter Eleven

“I wish I could assure you that you had someone awesome and amazing coming after you, but I fear you’re stuck with me,” James said. The silence had become oppressive in the car. He could turn on the music, but it would drown out the slight hum of the open air of his radio. He didn’t want to do that.

So he’d talk. It would be nice if Jules could respond. “You’d tell me that I was awesome. It makes me feel ten feet tall when you call me smart or something,” he admitted. “But the truth is, you’re a hundred times the person I could ever be.”

He shifted in his seat. “I’m a fraud.” It felt good to say that, so he said it again. “I’m a fraud. I’ve been lying to you. Mostly by omission.” James winced, guilt hammering at his soul. “But once, it was a straight-out lie. A stupid one, because you’ll figure it out the minute you see me.”

Practice saying it. You’ll have to apologize when you finally catch up to her anyway.

“During the time we were together in the VR world? That image you were interacting with. I wasn’t honest; that’s not me. That’s what I look like, for the most part, but I have…” He grimaced. “I have scars. From the explosion. They’re on my arms and my chest and even on my neck and face.”

He glanced down at his right arm and hand. He wore a long-sleeved shirt, as usual. His hand and face and neck tended to bother people enough, so he tried to spare them the worst of the burns on his arms and chest. “It was stupid. Pure vanity. It was…no. No, I won’t try to come up with excuses for it. I know you aren’t shallow. But I didn’t want you to see—” He paused. “I don’t know. When I got them, I didn’t care how they made me look. But each one reminded me of how I failed to save my family. Not only my mom, but all those other people. Like…they’re a manifestation of my own personal failure.”

He took a deep breath, trying not to let the memory of the scent of fire and burning flesh overwhelm him. It had been a couple of years since the incident, and still occasionally he recalled that scent so vividly he could almost feel it in his nostrils. “I didn’t want you to see my failures,” he murmured. “I didn’t want you to see me. Not like that. Not the bad part of me.”

He’d never felt like much of a talker before Jules. A thinker, sure. He mulled everything over. The words were coming easier now, even knowing she wasn’t sitting there listening to him.

When he caught up to her, he would repeat every word, so she would be absolutely clear on who he was. “I don’t like to leave Raven. I was always someone who preferred to sit on the sidelines. That’s what made me such a good analyst. I would go to work, go home. Never socialized very much.

“But after that explosion, I didn’t want to leave. It made no sense, since the explosion happened in the mountain. I don’t think it was a phobia, exactly. I wasn’t paralyzed when I got in this car. I just find it highly…uncomfortable.” Uncomfortable wasn’t quite the word that described it, but James didn’t know if there was any term that could capture that feeling of exposure and expectant fear.