Night Sky (18 page)

“Nice job, Jamesy!” she squeals. Grinning,
she half jogs back to where the girls’ team is waiting.

I scan the audience. Sky’s easy to find,
she’s been here since the beginning. We wave to each other. And
then I see Dad. He’s brought someone with him…a woman. I feel
sick.

My teammates, as well as
my coach, slap me on the back. But I’m numb. I throw on my long
shorts, a school t-shirt, and grab my bag.
Where’s Sky?
I try to ignore the
throbbing in my head, the anger rolling through me.
My flip-flops hit the side of the pool and I scan
for Sky’s face.

Her arms come around me from the side,
catching me off guard.

“Congrats, Jay. That was awesome!” She
plants a kiss on my cheek, tightening her arms around me.

“Thanks, but let’s get out of here, okay?” I
keep walking, moving toward my car. Maybe if we keep moving, they
won’t be able to catch up. Because how am I supposed to talk to him
with his new girlfriend standing there?

“What’s the matter?” she asks, taking my
hand. She has to run a few steps to keep up with me.

“My dad’s here.” I can’t unclench my jaw and
my voice sounds strained.

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Not when he brings his girlfriend, it
isn’t!” I don’t mean to yell, it just comes out.

Sky cringes.

Shit.
I stop and look at her.
I have to
find a way to calm down so we can talk.
My
hand runs over my head.
Like that’ll
somehow relax me.
“It surprised me, that’s
all. And I’m pissed because I’ve seen what this whole thing’s done
to my Mom.”

Her chin puckers her face into a frown. “I’m
so sorry.”

I take a real breath for
the first time since seeing Dad. I have no words so I wrap my arms
around her right there in the parking lot. I never want to let her
go.
Her arms pull against me hard, and she
buries her face in my chest. I can feel my frustration slowly
dissolving.

“Hey, Jameson!” Dad’s
voice sounds happy.
Like nothing’s wrong,
nothing’s changed.
It’s not what I need
from him right now. He should be groveling and pathetic.

I don’t look back at him. My hand slides
around Sky’s waist as I start walking toward my car.

“Jameson!” Dad calls out again, this time
louder.

“Don’t!” I spin around and
yell. I let go of Sky and drop my bag to the pavement. “Don’t
pretend like everything’s okay because it sure as hell is
not
okay!”

Dad raises his hands between us like a peace
offering. “Son, I don’t understand…”

His new girlfriend is standing a few paces
back, just staring.

“Why in the world did you
bring
her
here?
What part of you thought it would be okay?” My whole body is
tense—every muscle, every thought, every breath.

“I just…”

“I’m not in the mood for
any of your bullshit excuses! Mom’s working like eighty hours a
week trying to make ends meet! I’m trying to clean up the mess you
left behind. I don’t care what kind of ridiculous trade-off deal
you two made deciding who gets to come to which swim meet,
but
I don’t want you
here
!” I jerk my bag up off the ground and
head to my car.

Sky is already there, standing by the
passenger’s side door, staring at the pavement.

Great, now Dad’s screwed
up my relationship with Sky, too.
I fumble
with the key in the lock.
Why can’t my
damn car at least have automatic entry?

“Jameson.” Dad’s voice is quiet. He’s still
a car length away. “I’m sorry.”

I rest my hands on the top of my car and
lean my head between my arms. It hurts as I force air into my lungs
taking a deep breath. I raise my head to look at him. “I can’t deal
with you, Dad. Not right now.”

He nods a few times before turning and
walking away.

Shit, this sucks.
I look up and see Sky walking away, as
well.
What the hell? Does he have to ruin
everything in my life?

As I start toward Sky, I hear Eric yelling
from across the lot. “He was practically naked!” His angry voice
carries all the way to my car. Most people haven’t left the meet
yet. The parking lot is still empty.

“He’s been my best friend
forever, Eric! What do you want me to say?”
It’s Sarah. He’s yelling at Sarah.

Eric marches to his car
with Sarah running after him.
Great,
they’re fighting about me. Just perfect. I’m in a parking lot with
Sky walking away on one side, and Sarah arguing on the
other.

“You shouldn’t be that way with another
guy!” Eric’s voice is so harsh I spin around to watch.

“It’s not some other guy!
It’s
just
Jameson!” There’s a tinge of desperation to her
voice.

And it shouldn’t bother me that she said it
that way, but it does. We were best friends before all of this. I
shouldn’t be “just” anybody to her.

“I don’t give a shit!” he yells, turning to
face her.

I can’t listen to any more
of this.
I head in the other direction to
chase after Sky. Anyway, I don’t think Sarah and Eric would
appreciate me breaking up their argument. Seeing my Dad is a
reminder of how much I don’t want to be like him—dealing with two
women like that. I can’t let myself turn out like him.

“Sky!” I realize as I jog
in my flip-flops that I waited a bit too long to run after her.
“Wait!” And then a part of me wonders if Sarah’s back there,
watching me chase Sky.
Ugh, this is
ridiculous.
I catch up to Sky on the
sidewalk and reach out to touch her shoulder.

Her face is full of fear, sadness, and
pain.

“I’m so sorry.” I want to wash the depth of
emotion from her face, from her eyes. I want to see her smile. But
she remains silent. “Sky, tell me what to do…I don’t know what to
do.” I need something from her, anything. I don’t know what I did
wrong, and I definitely don’t know how to fix it.

“I’ve seen enough anger to last four
lifetimes,” she finally says, her voice smooth and calm. “I thought
I’d just walk home. We can meet up later on.”

“Please, Sky,
don’t…”
Are all girls this sensitive? I
wasn’t yelling at her.

We just stare at one another as cars pass us
on the roadway. I’m still breathing hard, and Sky’s face is still
contorted into an expression I hate seeing on her.

“But can’t you understand
why I’m so angry?”
It seems so obvious to
me, so logical.

“There’s always something we can be angry
about, but it’s how we react that counts,” she says, shaking her
head.

“But…” I don’t know how not to be angry when
it comes to my Dad.

“I just want to be alone for a while.”

“I…” The last thing I want
right now—is to be left alone.
She walked
away from me. It sucks.
I stare at the
ground and let the weight settle into my chest.

“You have more of a temper than I would have
guessed.” A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

Relief flows through me. “Kind of a shitty
way to meet my dad, huh?” I’m starting to relax, slowly. But only
because I feel the need to right now, so I don’t freak out
again.

“But I don’t think we
actually met.” She’s
almost
smiling.

We’re both trying too hard. I don’t like
it.

“Will you come with me?” I reach my hand out
and Sky slowly takes it. “I’m sorry. Seeing him with his
girlfriend, it just surprised me, that’s all.”

“Have you and your dad talked much since he
left?”

She’s not going to like my
answer.
“I guess…I’ve yelled at him
twice.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.” I stare at the pavement around
our feet.

“I’m sorry.” She wraps her two hands around
my arm and we start back toward the car. This is not how I thought
I’d celebrate my record-breaking win.

“I do know I have some ground to make up
with you.” I glance her direction. It’s both a question and a
statement. Even though I don’t completely understand her reaction
to my frustration, I do know that I scared her.

Her eyes are focused
straight ahead,
and not on me.
“Losing my cool like that, sort of took away from
what should have been a fun day for us.”

Finally, she gives me a small smile.

We’re okay.
“Why don’t we get something to eat and you can
tell me more about where you grew up. I promise to do my best to
keep my hands off of you.” I watch her face for some kind of
reaction.

“And why would you promise something like
that?” She smirks and lets her eyes float my way. “When it’s so
obviously out of your control?”

“Right at this moment?” I brush the back of
my hand against her bare shoulder. “When I can see so much brown
skin?” I slide my arm around her waist. “I have absolutely no
idea.”

***

Sky’s reaction to the way
I yelled at Dad, made me realize that he and I can’t be in the
position where all I do is yell every time I see him.
Without talking to Mom or Sky or anyone, I jump
on a bus. I ride it up and down the streets behind the strip. The
hotel workers who don’t make much money get off and on in their
hotel polo shirts and housekeeping uniforms. I let Pearl Jam blast
in my ears to the jerky rhythms of the bus as it makes it way up
the street.

But I know my visit can’t be put off
forever. I climb off when the bus stops and start the walk to the
Paris Hotel. I wonder how they get along when Mom’s working the
same time he is. I wonder if they even see one another. And who’s
this girl Dad thinks he’s in love with? Does she work there, too? I
can’t think of where else he’d meet her. A sick feeling settles in
my stomach as I think about seeing my dad with another woman. I
have to stop, or this train of thought is going to ruin my plan of
talking to him without yelling.

I get to the hotel sooner than I wanted to.
I know I could walk past it, and continue down the strip. But it
seems stupid, now that I’m here. Dad’s working in the front part of
the casino today, and he catches my eye right away. He’s in a suit,
like always. Dealers wear uniforms—the boss wears a suit. I
remember when Dad traded in his dealer uniform for a suit. It was a
big deal. I was ten. We were still a family.

I stand off to the side, knowing he can’t
leave until his replacement gets there. They need eyes on the floor
at all times. I glance at a leg of the Eiffel Tower coming through
the roof of the hotel into an area they’d like you to believe looks
like a courtyard. I stare at the two-story ceiling painted like the
sky. But it’s all just smoke and mirrors, like everything else
here.

The sight of Dad walking toward me, jerks me
back to reality.

“Wanna come join me for lunch?” I ask.

“Sure.”

We walk together in
silence to one of the small cafés along the indoor cobblestone
sidewalk. Dad orders himself a sandwich. But I’m not hungry. Being
around him shouldn’t feel this weird.
He’s
my Dad.
We sit across from one another in
silence and I realize that it’s going to be up to me to start the
conversation.

“We shouldn’t be yelling at each other.” I
stuff my hands deeper in my pockets. “I know I shouldn’t be yelling
at you. It doesn’t really change anything, right?”

Dad lets out a sigh. He’s
at least as clueless as I am, maybe even more
.
“I don’t know how you’re taking
all of this, but…”

“How the hell am I supposed to take it,
Dad?” I keep my voice smooth and even. “You walked out. You might
have left Mom, but you also left me.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Then you shouldn’t have,” I say, shaking my
head.

“Your Mom didn’t want me there.”

“Because you were…”
But I really don’t need to finish.

“I would have slept in the guest room
or…”

“Or what? You can’t be
seeing two women at the same time! Mom deserves better than that.
How could you even think that would be okay?” I stare at him
hard.
Will anything get through?
And why do I feel like I’m taking care of Dad
now, too?

Dad nods. “I love your mother.”

“Have you told her
that?”
Am I seriously going to be the one
to give my parents the honesty lecture?

“I guess not. I mean, not in a while, and
it’s not like it would change anything.” He picks up a few chips
from his plate, and slides them into his mouth.

“Whatever, Dad. Just because you don’t live
at home any more doesn’t mean you can’t answer your phone.” I stand
up. “I gotta go.” If I stick around, I’m bound to lose my cool
again. Right now, I can go back to Sky and tell her that I talked
to my Dad without yelling at him. That’ll be good.

“Feel free to drop in…anytime,” Dad says,
picking up his sandwich.

I wish I could just disappear into the
crowd. He’s eating, like all of this is normal. Does that mean
something or am I reading way too much into everything? Am I going
to go crazy with all these questions floating around in my head?
Possibly.

NINETEEN