Night Moves (The Night Songs Collection) (30 page)

W
e still hadn’t heard from Rachel, and I was starting to worry. I was always on edge lately. Ryder had told me to relax. Easier said than done. I accompanied him into the studio where he was working on mixing some tracks. Listening to him sing was the most soothing thing I could think of.

Ryder stopped suddenly and reached for his phone. He normally would have ignored it, but maybe he was as worried about Rachel as I was. He didn’t say much, but I saw his shoulders stiffen and his jaw drop.

Oh, shit.

“Fuck. Okay, man. Well, thanks for letting me know. Yeah, I will. Keep me posted.” He put the phone down on the table and looked at me without saying another word.

“What’s wrong? Is it Rachel? What happened?” I sat up straight, bracing myself for bad news.

Ryder chewed on his lip and shook his head. “No, not Rachel. Fuck.” He hesitated and looked around the room. “I don’t even know how to tell you this.”

“Just tell me!” He was trying to make me crazy.

He came over to the couch and put his arm around me. I looked at him suspiciously. “It’s Erin, babe. They found her this afternoon.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “She’s dead.”

“What?” I shrieked. “No! No. That can’t be. You misunderstood.” I dissolved into Ryder’s arms. “Someone is lying to you.”

“Babe, no. I didn’t misunderstand. She was found in the Alta Vista. I’m going to spare you the details, but she’s definitely dead.”

“Why? Why would someone do this?” I struggled between sobs. “Erin is such a beautiful person. She doesn’t deserve this. Can’t you fix it?” I beat against his chest.

“No, I can’t.” Ryder’s voice was soothing. “Not once it’s done. It could have been anyone. It could have been one of her clients, it could have been someone in another clan—”

“You said they wouldn’t bother us here!”

“I know. But I don’t want to rule out any possibilities. It could have been one of Polina’s people, or it could have been her dealer.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I stopped crying long enough to look up at him in rage.

“You were blind to it because you loved her so much, but Erin liked her pills. She used to ask the roadies to get them for her on the road. That’s not the type of thing you just stop doing. Especially after what happened to Drake.”

I remembered that first day we reunited, when Erin told me that Drake gave her things to stay awake. I didn’t think that much of it. I took Ritalin in college to get through exam week to help me focus, but that was it for me. I knew it wasn’t so easy for others to stop. And she did have mood swings, a red flag of someone who needed a fix and then got it. My heart sank. I didn’t want to think about this right now. It wasn’t important. What was important was figuring out why someone killed Erin.

I let grief and hysteria crash against me like angry ocean waves in a tropical storm. Finally, the gravity of what had happened, what I had caused, in the last few months hit me. It was real. Erin was gone, Jamie was gone, Drake Bonham was gone. It changed every facet of my life. Hell, it made it go away. I felt like someone had blotted out my entire life before this. I would do anything to hit rewind, to fix it. But I couldn’t, and it made me crazy.

I sat in Ryder’s lap and sobbed until every bit of emotion ran out of me, leaving me to dry heave and hyperventilate. My head pounded, I could hardly breathe. Ryder rubbed my back. Every muscle in my body screamed.

“I don’t know what to do.” My voice was raspy from crying. “I can’t remember my life without Erin. Except for when I was stupid and too busy for her, and that life wasn’t worth living.”

“I know, babe.” Ryder said softly. “That’s how I feel about Drake.”

I looked at him, wide eyed. Really looked at him, trying to process his grief. My elation with having Drake out of our lives had clouded how hard this was to Ryder for me. His eyes brimmed with sorrow. He was just as lost as I was.

“I’m so sorry.” I looked down, knotting my fingers together in my lap. I felt so inconsiderate and selfish. “I know you’re hurting. I just didn’t know how to deal with it. How to make it better for you, since we just saw Drake so differently. I hate to say I think of anyone’s death as a good thing, but I guess I just don’t understand how you felt about him. It doesn’t make what you feel any less important.”

Why was it we couldn’t say what we really needed to say until life had us down on our knees, begging for mercy?

“I know. That’s why I haven’t said much.” Ryder’s eyes reddened with his own unshed tears. I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break into smaller pieces that day. “But it’s hard. Every day I want to talk to him, ask him what he thinks, do something that he would have done without batting an eyelash. And all of that is gone. I can’t get that back. A piece of me went with him.”

I took a deep breath, relishing the pain as it filled my lungs. “He confided in you, worked with you, and trusted you because you were strong. You were a worthy partner. You made him better. He needed you as much as you needed him.”

Ryder nodded. He lowered his eyes and wouldn’t meet mine. “I just never thought I’d have to give up everything because I wanted to play guitar. It made me hate him too, Melanie. We glorify everything after someone’s gone. But I hated the decisions he made for all of us. I hated what they cost me. But I followed him, because I knew I needed him. He made me better. He made me strive for more, just to prove I could do it. I needed that. I needed to have my ass kicked and Drake did that.”

“Baby, you deserve every bit of happiness and success that you bring yourself. No one needs to steal your glory. It’s yours for the taking. I hate that he made you feel that way. Like you weren’t worthy of everything you accomplished.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any better about him being gone.” Ryder tipped his head back, wiping his cheeks. “I lost my family for this. Now it’s all gone. The whole reason I gave everything up is gone and I can’t get any of it back.”

I put my head on his shoulder and ran my fingers along his collarbone. I wanted so desperately to fix everything for him. I wanted him to be able to see his daughters. I knew there had to be a way for it to happen. But they were so young, would they understand what Daddy was? But would they learn to hate him as they got older? It was such a no win situation. I just thought if there was a way Ryder could have a place in those girls’ lives, it would make so many things better for him. It wasn’t the band he pined for, or his career. It was Isabella and Olivia.

Maybe I was the lucky one. I’d messed my own life up beyond recognition, but I did it myself. I didn’t have anyone to blame. Things were taken from me, but they were gone for good. Not living a parallel life, taunting me. I didn’t have to look at them through a window, wishing I could still have a place in their lives. But it’s not like those girls got a happily ever after, either. They had to grow up without their father, and I knew how hard that was.

“You always tell me something, and you need to believe it.” I said to him. He looked at me with swollen eyes. “We can’t change what we’ve done, we can only change the future. We still have the future. Let’s not throw it away.”

“W
e should go see Talis.” Ryder suggested as we lay in bed, not quite ready to officially start the day. We’d made it past the zombie mode of grief and had started to pick up the pieces to see where they fell now. Rachel was safe, happy and accounted for, playing house with Josiah.

I nodded. This was one of those times I needed Erin. I had so many questions that only she could answer about this meeting. I didn’t know of anyone else who could help me from the human girlfriend meeting the vampire’s creator perspective. This was going home to meet the family times infinity. Erin had faced it alone, and I would too.

“What’s going to happen?” I asked as we both sat up, stretching relaxation away. Ryder had turned on the shower, but he’d come back out into the bedroom. I got up to follow him.

“I don’t know.” Sure, he was honest, but I think I would have preferred the lie in this situation. “I’m not sure how she really feels about what happened to Drake. I don’t know how she thinks you play into things. But I want her on your side, babe. And we can’t make that happen if we avoid her.”

“What if it backfires? Neither of us can lose another thing.” I said, sadly. Ryder just sighed, opening the door to the shower for me to go in before him. Nothing was sexy about us going in together, we just needed to be there for one another.

I hadn’t packed any outfits appropriate for a business meeting with a vampire when I fled from my apartment. Nor had I had chance to do any shopping since I’d left. Material things had become so insignificant to me over the last few months. I didn’t regret that. Material wants had never done me very well.

My clothes were baggy and worn. I didn’t want to feel shabby so on a whim, I checked in Rachel’s old room to see if she’d left anything behind when she moved in with Josiah. Hopefully she hadn’t already had a meeting with Talis. I wanted to see her again.

She hadn’t, but Erin did. A really cute drop waist black dress with pink flowers. It still smelled like her perfume. I almost didn’t dare to even try to pull it over my head, but it slid right down my body. Man, I’d lost weight since I’d been here. I gave myself a turn in the full length mirror and was satisfied with how it fit.

Maybe Erin was coming with me after all.

A pair of high heels completed the outfit. Ryder whistled when I joined him in the living room. “Maybe we can go another time.” He kissed me on the cheek and twirled me around. “I can think of better things to do.”

“Later. Let’s get this over with so we have something to celebrate.” I laced my fingers around his neck, pulling him in for a proper kiss. “Anyway, I want to make you think about whatever it is you want to do until we get home.”

“Trust me, I won’t be able to think about anything else.” His hands slid up my thighs under my skirt and winked at me. “I’m going to make you keep the shoes on.”

I wrapped one of my legs up around Ryder’s hips, making him gasp. “Deal. Now let’s do this thing.”

We drove to the Alta Vista, to my surprise. I thought we were going to some secret vampire club. It all felt like creepy déjà vu as we went up the same elevator we used when we had to take care of Drake and Rachel. I didn’t want the evening to end the same way. I squeezed Ryder’s hand as we rose higher and higher into the interworkings of the resort.

We entered directly into a formal office with heavy old fashioned furniture. I sat stiffly beside Ryder in a gold velvet Victorian love seat against the wall. Nothing besides the furniture gave me any clues about the woman we were about to meet with. It didn’t make me feel comfortable. I’d always wondered about people who chose furniture like this for their homes. It wasn’t relaxing or inviting. However, I didn’t think that was the message Talis de Rancourt was looking to send.

An impressively carved cherry door opened on the far end of the room, and a tiny blonde woman in an impeccably tailored suit made her way over to us. Her face was elegant and serious, just like the room we were in.

We rose to greet her. I felt a little bit like we were in a funeral parlor meeting with a distant relative. My legs wobbled on my high stilettos, I held on to Ryder with my left hand in an effort to avoid breaking my ankle, and offered my right to The Mistress. She took my hand in both of her cold tiny ones, the firmest handshake I’d ever felt. There was something about it that was warm and comforting. Nobody would ever mistake whose show this was.

“Talis de Rancourt, Melanie Vaughn.” Ryder made formal introductions after he and Talis exchanged kisses on both cheeks.

“Miss Vaughn. I’ve heard so much about you.” Talis nodded to me. “Please sit.”

We both did, now it felt like a funeral service in a catholic church. Nothing in this room was alive, except for me.

“Good things, I hope.” I swallowed hard, not sure where to look.

“I’ve heard that your boyfriend was found murdered in your bed, and your car was discovered in Pennsylvania. I’ve heard that you and Drake didn’t see eye to eye. And that you were very close with Erin Monticelli. I don’t deal in good and bad, Miss Vaughn. Just the truth.”

Holy crap. “I understand.”

“Ryder tells me that he would like to have you under my protection.” She continued. “I’m only considering this because Ryder Maddox is a very important part of my organization. More so now in Drake Bonham’s absence. It is not my concern whether or not you did what you have been accused of. My only concern will be your loyalty to me. “

“Okay.” I was willing to say anything to make this end. No one in Soul Divider was human anymore, but this woman was a beautifully packaged, refined monster. I had no doubt she’d rip me apart for the slightest mistake. I was almost afraid to breathe, but more afraid of passing out.

“I haven’t had much luck with humans, and I’ve been alive a very long time. Technology and intelligence may advance, but human nature does not. All of you share certain traits. You all think you’re the smartest person in the universe. And you all think you’re indestructible.” She walked slowly around the room, paying more attention to the furniture than me, something which I felt she considered me at equal footing with. “I have news for you, Miss Vaughn. I’ve proved many of your kind wrong time and time again. It tires me, the stupidity. So, if you’re serious about accepting my protection and all that it means, I want you to see what happens when a human tries to outsmart me.”