Night and Day (31 page)

“I was right, Eve, Cara has to learn that she can't control the way I—”

“Be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about. You're acting as if Cara is a grown woman. She's only twelve years old and trying her best to see her way through a hell of a lot more than any kid should have to stand.”

“I know that.”

“Then act as if you do. Give her a break. I think she's wanted to come to you, but she won't do it unless she thinks you need her. That's what Cara's all about. Or have you forgotten?”

“I haven't forgotten.” He gave her a ghost of a smile. “Tough medicine, Eve.”

“Then take it and make it right with her. I don't give a damn about what you think is right or wrong for her. Settle that later. Right now, I want peace and serenity and safety for everyone I care about. You see to it, Jock.” She turned on her heel and strode back toward her tent.

What do you think, Michael? Did we make a point? I feel pretty good about it.

Warmth. Humor. Love.

And maybe a little concern?

Okay, I got a little excited. But in the long run, I think that's not so bad. Maybe you need a little rush of adrenaline now and then.

Definitely humor this time.

Joe looked up as she walked in the entrance. “You're looking … victorious. Problem solved?”

“No, but it's temporarily out of my hands, and I'm hoping it will head that way.” She pulled him to his feet and went into his arms. She laid her head on his chest as she held him close. The strength, the beat of his heart, the love that never faltered. “But Michael thinks I got a little excited. It might be good if I took a nap. Want to join me?”

“It has to be a nap?”

“Eventually.” She pulled him down to the bedroll. “But I have been preaching the values of adrenaline to your son. A demonstration might be in order…”

*   *   *

“Get out here.” The next word crackled. “Now!”

Jock, Cara realized in panic. She jumped to her feet and ran out of her tent. “Are you hurt? What's wrong? How can I help—”

“I'm not hurt.” He grabbed her wrist and dragged her down toward the lake. “Nothing's wrong with me except the fact that Eve tore a strip off me fifteen minutes ago. It seems you're behaving stupidly, and it's all my fault.”

“I wasn't stupid. And nothing is your fault.” She tugged at her wrist. “How could it be? I haven't even talked to you in days.”

“That appears to be the crux of the matter.” He turned to face her. “I didn't know what you were doing, and you decided that you needed to leave camp.” His lips tightened, his silver-gray eyes glittering. “That's not going to happen, Cara.”

“That's up to Eve. I hope she lets me go. I have to take care of her.”

“You think Quinn won't do it? He was a SEAL, for God's sake.”

“I thought about that, but there has to be some reason why I have to be with her. I should go wherever she goes.”

“Wrong. You're not responsible for me, you're not responsible for Eve. You're only responsible for keeping yourself alive and well. End of story.”

She shook her head.

He took her shoulders in his two hands and stared down at her. “Don't do that. You have to listen to me.”

“Why? You're not making sense.” His eyes were blazing down at her, and she couldn't stand that he was so upset with her. “Do as I say, not as I do? When we were on that plateau, you weren't thinking only about yourself. You were ready to send me and everyone else off in that helicopter to get us out of your way. It was wrong.
You
were wrong.”

“I wasn't wrong. I swore to you that you'd always be safe, that you'd never have to look over your shoulder again. And I got you back from Natalie. But it didn't end there, and I had to go a step further.” His hands tightened on her shoulders. “And you wouldn't
let
me. You
fought
me, and I could see you dying up there.”

“I had to do it.”

“The hell you did. I told you, I'm trained to handle situations like that. You should have let me do what I do.”

“And I'm not trained, and I'm not smart about things like that, but maybe I could have done something. I had the right to help you, Jock.” She swallowed and blinked back the tears. “Because I can't let you do those things alone and have you take all the blame and pain yourself. I won't do that anymore. I have to help. Because I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you, and I didn't.”

“For God's sake, don't you dare cry,” he said hoarsely. His hands were kneading her shoulders. “I'm confused enough as it is.”

“I won't cry.”

“Too late.” He drew her close, and his hand cradled her head against his chest. “And you're lying. Now stop it.”

“Okay.” She stayed very still against him, afraid that he'd move away from her. “I wasn't—Well, maybe I was, but it was only because I couldn't make you understand. And I
hate
it when you're angry with me.”

“I notice it didn't stop you from doing what you want to do.”

“I couldn't let it matter. You said I had a soul, and it's true. I have to be what I am, not what someone else wants me to be.” Her arms went around him. “Not Natalie…” She whispered, “And not you, Jock. Even if it hurts me.”

He was silent. “Did I hurt you, Cara?”

“Yes.”

He didn't speak for another moment. “You hurt me, too. Because you wouldn't let me take care of you. You hurt me and you scared me and I could see you doing it again and again and again.” He pushed her back and looked down at her. “Eve said that I was stupid because I was treating you like a grown woman instead of a kid. But that's just part of the confusion. It's your fault. You keep shifting back and forth, and when I think I know who you are, you change again.” He met her gaze. “So we've got a lot of adjustments to make if we want to find a way to stay together. And one of those adjustments is going to have to be that you stay safe and don't drive me crazy.”

She shook her head. “But you weren't going to stay safe on that plateau. That's not fair.”

He sighed. “We're obviously going to have to go into this in some depth. But I have to come out with at least a semivictory on this, Cara. I believe the only solution is to remove you from anywhere that you're exposed to threats.” His lips curved in a wry grin. “Maybe I can convince Eve to send you to one of those high-security schools for CEOs' and diplomats' kids.”

“I couldn't do that.” But she was smiling with relief as she looked up into his face. It was going to be all right. He wasn't angry any longer. “I have to be with Eve. It's important.”

“Back to square one.” He was no longer smiling. “Eve isn't going to want you trailing behind her when it could be a danger to you. I certainly don't. How can I convince you that it's totally unnecessary? Do you want me to go with her?”

She hesitated. “I told her I might ask you to do that,” she said. “I told her that you knew how to … protect people. But then you still were angry with me, and I didn't know if—I thought maybe I should go myself.”

“No, you shouldn't,” he said flatly. “Quinn and I can handle a few errands in Glasgow, thank you. No big deal.”

She shook her head. “Very big deal. That's why I have to be sure that everything goes well for Eve. I know that she gets annoyed with me for hovering over her, but there has to be a reason, and it has to have something to do with me.”

“What reason?”

“I told you that I'd had dreams about my sister, Jenny, and that she told me that I had to go to Eve and take care of her.” She moistened her lips. “I never really understood. I'm only a kid. I wasn't sure what I could do to take care of someone as smart as Eve.” She smiled eagerly. “But now I understand. It's Michael. I have to help take care of Michael.”

“Michael?” Jock repeated blankly.

“Eve's Michael,” Cara said. “She's going to have a baby, Jock. Isn't that wonderful?”

“Oh, shit.” He took a step back. “Glasgow?”

“She has to get more pills and have a checkup. She was almost out of vitamins on the trip from Russia, and I—”

“Hold it.” He held up his hand. “And that's why you were so insistent about going with her?”

“It has to be about Michael. I'm supposed to take care of him and Eve.”

“But you were going to let me help before you decided I couldn't be trusted with—”

“I trust you. I told Eve that you … knew things.”

“Oh, yes, I do. Which is why I was trying to persuade you to let me practice what I know.” He added, “And why you're going to stay here with Caleb, Jane, and MacDuff and let Quinn and me keep Eve safe.” He smiled teasingly. “I promise we'll scout Glasgow as if we're expecting a commando raid.”

That beautiful, radiant smile that she had missed so desperately during these days without it.

“Will you trust me?” he asked gently.

She nodded. “I always trust you, Jock. But I'm just learning to trust myself. It's kind of confusing.”

“And that's the twelve-year-old talking. Heaven knows what we'll be facing tonight or tomorrow.”

“But you'll still like me?”

“I guess you could say that. Want to go for a walk by the lake? I have about thirty minutes before I have to get back to MacDuff and help him go through his paperwork. Lord, he hates to do that. And since he lost MacTavish, it's an added burden.” He took her hand. “But he can just put up with it and keep an eye on you since I'll be in Glasgow tomorrow.”

His hand felt hard and warm and full of affection. They had taken walks like this many times both here and at the castle. Dear heaven, she had missed those walks. She had missed everything about him. Her grip tightened instinctively around his.

He glanced down at her as he felt the pressure. “Aye,” he said gently. “Me, too.” He smiled. “But I was in the right, Cara. I guess I'll just have to convince you…”

She giggled. “Not bloody likely,” she said, deliberately mocking his Scottish accent. “Do you want me to come and help you and MacDuff? I'm good with a computer and I—” She broke off. “Never mind. I should stay close to Eve in case she needs me.”

“Somehow, I don't believe that Eve's in dire need of your services while she has Quinn on hand.”

She giggled again. “Sex stuff? But you know, I don't think it's like it was with Natalie and Ivan. I don't know much about it, but I think it has to be different with different people, and Eve and Joe probably have the kind that's sort of … beautiful.”

“That wouldn't surprise me. But I really don't want to discuss this with you, Cara.”

“Why not? You must have done it lots and lots of times. Look at you. Anyone would want to see you without your clothes on.”

He was trying to keep from laughing. “It's nice to be appreciated, but Eve would definitely consider the subject inappropriate.”

“But you could probably tell me more than most people. You answer everything else I ask you.”

“Trust me. Eve would definitely want you to go to her with those particular questions.”

“But Joe and Eve are very private, and I don't think they'd want to share.”

“Cara…” He gazed at her with narrowed eyes. “I believe you're teasing me a wee bit. Suppose we go and discuss it with Eve and Quinn right now?”

Cara threw back her head and laughed. “Just a wee bit. It's good to laugh with you. Everything has been so … grim. You've been so grim. You were never meant to be that way, Jock. Isn't it funny how talking about sex makes people—”

“—Back away so that Eve will not accuse me of taking over her duties,” he finished. “But, aye, it's good to see you smile. So good that I think that I'll linger a little longer and talk and see it come again.” He sat down on the bank and pulled her down beside him. “And maybe give Eve and Quinn just a bit more time without you ‘hovering.'”

GLASGOW

“You're doing very well, Ms. Duncan. Everything is checking out A-OK.” Dr. Rampfel smiled at her as he adjusted his glasses over his beak of a nose. “Now if you'll roll over, I'll give you your Vitamin B-12 shot, and we'll get you out of here.”

“I was afraid of that.” She made a face. “There's something undignified about getting a shot in the butt.”

“I'll take your dignity in full consideration, but it's the best place to get to the muscle tissue.” He chuckled. “Okay, I guess the muscles in the hip will do as well if I do a little adjusting.” She felt him pinching the flesh of her hip, then the expected prick. Then he drew the sheet back over her. “Indignity over. You can get dressed now.”

She rolled back over and sat up. “You made it almost painless to both my body
and
my dignity. I'm done?”

“You're done.” He smiled at her as he nodded for his nurse standing at the door to help her. “Unless you're interested in the sex of the child? We could run a check, but there's a doubt that we could determine it.”

“Oh, I'm interested.” She jumped off the table and moved behind the curtain at the end of the room. “But I don't believe that's necessary right now,” she said as she quickly dressed. “I believe that boys run in Joe's family.” She left the enclosure and went to the mirror over the cabinet and tidied her hair. “We'll go with that.”

“Not exactly scientific.”

“Good enough.” She turned and shook the doctor's hand. “If we're wrong, we'll have a surprise. Thank you for everything. I'll make an appointment with the receptionist for my next visit, but I may have to cancel. We could return to Atlanta if things work out.”