Next To You (26 page)

Bernadine cleared her throat, politely. ‘Excuse me, Mr. Collins, Mr. Murphy.’

Will looked up at his secretary. She was giving him the motherly stink-eye that said he should’ve been at home in bed, allowing his circadian rhythm to readjust, particularly after two changes of international time zones in a single week. ‘What is it Bea?’

Bernadine huffed with maternal distain. ‘Mr. Murphy, your friend Caroline Jones called from downstairs. She doesn’t have an appointment. Shall I have her come up or tell her you’ve already gone home
to bed
?’

Quincy waggled his eyebrows, cocked his head to one side, and made a giddy-up sound.

Yawning, Will kicked him under the table. ‘Pardon me. Tell her I’ll come down and meet her. Thank you, Bea.’

‘You’re welcome, Mr. Murphy. Now, you get home soon and have a good rest. I’ve cleared your schedule for tomorrow.’ Bernadine closed the door, but Will had caught the maternal squint that said the circles under his eyes stood out like bruises in his even whiter than usual face, and that he needed to get his ass home and in bed or wind up with a strep infection like he had last time.

Quincy said, ‘Tuesday’s a go for nine-thirty. Now we’re absolutely sure that’s the last Mumbai tender Perry made?’

‘That’s it.’ Will stacked up a pile of folders. ‘Are you sure you want to take over the project personally?’

‘Oh, yeah.’ Quincy sighed and gathered up the folders. ‘Thanks for coming in straight from the flight. Go home and get some rest. I know how tired you are. Your eyes have that speed wobble. Thanks again for going. I know you hate it there.’

‘I don’t hate it.’

‘You can’t lie for shit, Murph.’ Quincy rose, folders in hand. ‘Well, I’d love to say hello again to your pretty little married church mouse, but I’m off to meet Jans and his wife’s cleavage. Anita is made of cleavage, you know.’

Will chuckled. ‘I have to admit your sister-in-law reminds me of Fredo’s wife in
The Godfather II
. I’ll ride down with you. We can meet Caroline.’ Will yawned again and rubbed his tired eyes, fingers poked beneath his tinted glasses. He followed Quincy out to the elevator.

As they waited, they took turns spitting out random lines from
The Godfather
, Quincy mumbling in a crappy Sicilian accent about leaving a gun behind and taking cannoli.

Will responded with, ‘Luca Brasi sleeps with the fairies.’

‘Fishes.’

Will frowned. ‘I said fishes, didn’t I?’

‘No. You said
fairies
. You said
Luca Brasi sleeps with the fairies
. Shit, you’re dog-tired, you’re absolutely drained.’

Will started laughing and then couldn’t stop.

‘Yeah, you’re off with the pixies already.’ Quincy snorted as they stepped into the elevator car. ‘You’re gonna fall right on top of Care-o-line.’ Then all of a sudden he went serious, lips pressed together.

Will quit laughing and rubbed his eyes again. Quincy got solemn sometimes, more so since his son died. He’d become a thoughtful, philosophical man who was not averse to expressing his affection. Will didn’t mind too much. He just hoped he could pay attention and didn’t get slaphappy during all the serious.

Quincy said, ‘What I said before. You’re like a brother to me, Will. You know that. I love you, so whatever makes you happy, that’s all that matters. You decide who you want, not anyone else, regardless of the … obstruction. So screw the rest of us, okay? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you like this with any woman. In fact I’d say I’ve never seen you … glow in quite this way before, not even with Yvonne. Except for today. Today you look like a zombie.’

‘I feel like a zombie—a well-dressed zombie.’

Quincy cackled. ‘Have you worked out what you’re going to do? You always do what’s most morally upstanding. What do you think the prudent route is this time, my great white friend?’

‘You’re asking me if I’m able to think logically when I’m so smitten I’m completely off balance.’ Will shook his head. ‘Before I left for India my intention was pretty clear, but it seems the husband may have inserted himself back into the picture while I was gone, and I know it’s pretty stupid, but I honestly have no idea. I’m exhausted. I have no intelligent, ethical clue what to do about her.’

The elevator door opened with a chime, and Caroline was there, waiting beside the bank of elevators, a brown leather compendium under an arm. Exhausted or not, husband or not, Will knew exactly what he wanted to do
to
her.

Quincy knew, too. ‘Your current lack of equilibrium is written all over your face, Murph.’

Seeing Caroline waiting for him made Will conscious of several things. He stood between the elevator doors thinking over the situation, just as he had after Alex had hung up on him in Mumbai. That night, Will sat slightly dazed, his legs over the side of the king-sized bed, the sheet across his lap, as sense of disbelief and dread etched into his mind. He’d called back fifteen minutes later and she answered the phone with a stuffed-up nose. And he knew she’d been crying, despite her saying otherwise. He tried his hand at reasoning with her, but she’d assured him things were fine, she’d even laughed when she told him Batman had bitten her husband.

It was common for abused women to believe they got what they deserved and concoct stories to cover their abuse. Yet the truth was he wanted her. He wanted her, but he understood how impossible it was going to be to circumvent Alex—especially when she wouldn’t let him go.

Will was torn. He had come to value the simple companionable friendship they shared. Now he wanted more, except the decision to move to more-than-friends had to be
hers
, regardless if what he felt for her had developed beyond plain-faced desire. Until she was ready, until Alex was gone, he had to maintain the boundary of friendship; he had to be sensible because being older meant the sensible thing fell to him, didn’t it?

This was so damned complicated, and he was unaccustomed to complications. He’d been living a life of indolent comfort, but he’d overlooked that he’d slipped into a meaningless, rather luxurious rut. As he watched her turn around, saw the smile bloom on her face, Will stepped out of that rut, thinking about what he wanted with Caroline, and what was possible.

Only Quincy stepped forward to meet her first, giving her a gentle peck on the cheek, and any passing fantasy Will had had of her rushing forward to throw her arms around his neck was lost.

‘
Mrs. Jones
,’ Quincy said. ‘I see you’re keeping steady on your land legs.’

Caroline made a face, nose wrinkling. ‘You’re going to tease me every time you see me, aren’t you?’ She glanced over Quincy’s shoulder.

Patient as always, William stood half inside the elevator, his hands behind his back. He smiled, and gave a little nod.

‘Yep,’ Quincy said. ‘Until the very day I get you to come sailing again, but I guess we’ll have to wait for spring now to do that.’

Caroline listened to Quincy as he talked about sailing, but she kept looking past him to William, and thinking about Barbara Stanwyck.

In
Ball Of Fire
, Miss. Stanwyck stood on a stack of old books to kiss the very tall Gary Cooper. Caroline wanted to stand on her compendium to kiss the very tall William Murphy. She still wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him, but Quincy droned on, and she kept nodding politely, stealing glances at William, and my how much he yawned. He looked tired—so tired she began to think that coming here to see him had been a mistake.

Quincy touched her shoulder, he leaned in to kiss her cheek again, and she said the first thing that came to mind, which—thank God—was, ‘Say hello to Erika for me.’

‘Of course I will.’ Quincy said. ‘Murph, I’ll see you Sunday. Oh, one more thing. About what we discussed—keep me posted so I don’t make an ass of myself.’

‘Now that might be kind of fun to see. See you Sunday.’ Will waved, stifling a yawn before turning his attention to Caroline. ‘Hiya, Squirt.’

‘Howdy, Frosty. Boy, did I miss you,’ she said—a little breathlessly she thought.

‘Did you?’ he said.

Caroline rubbed the back of her neck and looked down at her feet. This
was
a mistake. He was weary and she was overenthusiastic. ‘Yeah. You should go home. Right now.’

‘I should, but let’s go up to my office. I have to get my coat and something else.’ He snapped his fingers, trying to think of the something else.

‘Your wallet, your hat, your briefcase?’

‘Yes, and my sunglasses.’

‘Those are sticking out of your breast pocket.’

He felt his chest. His sunglasses where she said they were. ‘Oh, look at me. Bea was right. We’ve got to go home and go to bed. I mean
I’ve
got to go to bed.’

She laughed again. ‘Why don’t I go up and get your things and you go on outside and hop in a cab. I’ll bring your stuff home for you.’

‘No, no, you come on up.’

She pumped a fist in the air. ‘Woo-hoo! I
finally
get to see where you do all your important lunch planning.’

‘Few are as privileged,’ he said as they stepped into the elevator together. The doors began to close and he nudged her. ‘I missed you too.’

She smiled up at him and looped her arm through his. ‘I’m glad you’re back.’

‘So am I.’

It was strange to be suddenly out of breath when her heart was machine-gunning in her chest. Caroline wondered how she could she kiss him without making it seem like she was a girl rushing the stage at a William Murphy concert because she was his biggest fan. She was coiled, ready to spring, about to rip off his clothes and take any pieces of him she could, but something tempered the overeager teenage sensation, something that was irritating and sweet at the same time. ‘Tell me something, William.’

Will looked down at her. Her tone had turned grim, and she’d pulled her arm from the crook of his. Well, crap, that was not a good sign. Will’s throat began to hurt—also not a good sign—and he’d neglected to press a numbered floor button. The elevator remained stationary. ‘What is it, Caroline?’

‘Did you …’ she bit her top lip for a moment, ‘… did you, um … threaten Alex?’

He answered frankly. ‘Yes.’ He watched her cover her face and huff. It made him wish he wasn’t so damn honest.

She heaved a half-laugh-half-sigh before she dropped her hands. Had she smiled?

‘I see,’ she said. ‘Were you going to tell me about it?’

Will shook his head. He poked a finger into the button for his floor. The elevator gave a small joggle, and began to travel upwards. He took off his tinted glasses and rubbed his eyes.

She said, ‘How come?’

‘I thought it was something I could take of quietly.’ He put his glasses back on.

‘You like to take care of things, don’t you?’

‘I’m usually pretty good at it. I mean, outside of deciding where to have lunch, taking care of bits and pieces for someone else is what I do for a living.’

‘But you know this isn’t something you can take care of. It’s not like lending me your tools or fixing the leaky sink.’

‘I realize that now. I’m sorry.’

‘I have to take care of this myself.’

‘I know.’

She touched his sleeve. ‘Don’t get me wrong, William, I think it’s very considerate of you to want to help, but I need to do this myself. I need to face Alex head on and get it over with by myself, but thank you for caring enough to sort of piss me off.’ Caroline looked up at him, into his eyes, and smiled very softly.

Okay. She’d smiled. Will thought that a good sign. The problem was he was a good listener and what stood out in that last sentence was
piss me off.
It was far better to nip this in the bud, before this strange ballet they were doing went any further. He had to be the adult and his decision had to be final.

Yes, it was back to the languid, comfortable life he had, which was really pretty good, except maybe hassle-free comfort wasn’t really he what wanted anymore.

Was it?

He looked at his
neighbor
, and tried to do the right thing by them both. ‘Caroline, about the day before I left for India … my behavior that evening was less than exemplary. I had too much to drink, but that’s no excuse and I must apologize. I was out of line with that.’

‘You don’t have to apologize.’

‘Of course I do. I should keep my hands to myself because we’re neighbors, but more importantly because we’re friends. Why should we confuse the issue? I like you too much to wreck our friendship. I think that’s how we should leave things.’

She nodded. ‘I’m so glad you understand.’

He took her to lunch, but there was a dissatisfying awkwardness during their meal. Will wasn’t pleased with the bud-nipping choice he’d made. It lay in his stomach undigested and sour the way Chinese spring rolls did.

Caroline sat across from him with a huge grilled Mediterranean vegetable sandwich she’d only eaten an eighth of, asking questions about his trip to Mumbai. Covering his mouth as he yawned, Will leaned an elbow on the table, his left cheek in his palm. He looked at her sideways and nibbled the Parmesan breadstick that accompanied his roasted tomato and red pepper soup.

‘Have you ever traveled further into India?’ she said.

‘Once or twice, but not this time.’

‘You’ve been to Tokyo, haven’t you?’

‘A few times.’

‘I thought you probably had,’ she said. ‘You’ve been all over the world.’

‘A few times.’ He yawned again, politely holding a hand over his open mouth.

‘Aside from all the
Godzilla
carnage, how does Tokyo compare to Singapore?’

‘It’s cleaner.’

‘Is Toky—are you all right, William?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Am I boring you?’

‘Why would you think that?’

‘You’re nearly monosyllabic, and you’re not really looking at me. I mean your gaze moves from me to my sandwich. Do you want my sandwich?’

What Will wanted was to slide into the booth beside her, pull her into his arms, and go to sleep like the time they had on his couch. ‘The jet lag’s hit me hard and I forgot to take my melatonin before I went to bed on the plane so my sleep cycle would reset.’
I’m worn out by two things
:
the jet lag and knowing you’ve been back with Alex
. ‘It’s jet lag and nystagmus,’ he said. ‘That’s why it seems I’m not looking at you directly and I’m yawning so much. I’m very interested, Caroline, but I’m exhausted, and I just can’t … focus.’