Next Door Daddy (18 page)

“So. Since me and my white legs were part of the inspiration to all of this, could you use some help?” He was pushing, and praying that she'd relax and get comfortable with him again.

“You mean you'd be willing to do a little suntanning in order to prevent major wipeouts on the road as you ride by?” she asked, her lips curving gently upward.

How was it that a simple smile could make his world tilt back into place?

“Cute,” he said, while he felt like yelling out a big thank-you to the good Lord. “I'd do that and more for you.”

A shadow dimmed her eyes and her lips flattened as they studied each other.
Way to go, Nate. You couldn't leave it be.
She looked fragile and brave all mixed in together. His heart longed for her happiness.

“You're going to be okay, Pollyanna McDonald.”

She blinked, her eyes suddenly bright with moisture and nodded. “Friends?”

He nodded. “Always.”

“Gotta go,” she said softly, backing up, looking winsome and sad at the same time.

Watching her walk down Main Street, Nate said another prayer that whatever the Lord's plan was for them, that He'd be sure to let him in on it soon.

I
t was late, eleven o'clock, and all the house was sleeping when Polly finished working in her office. “And that does it,” she said, pressing Send on the e-mail to confirm her last available opening for the weekend of the festival. The official opening of her bed-and-breakfast was nearly here.

It was a satisfying feeling to know that with God's help she'd accomplished what she'd set out to do when she'd moved to Mule Hollow.

Satisfying…gratifying…rewarding,
all were words she could use to describe the sense that opening the business gave her.

She ran her hand across the edge of her desk and glanced at the phone, then up to the photo of her, Gil and Marc. She blinked hard as her gaze fell once more to the phone.

Her fingers tapped restlessly.

Anxious and unsettled, she stood and moved to turn out the lights. Closing the door, she stood in her newly painted hallway. She'd wanted to call Nate and tell him she was booked. She wandered up the stairs, through the sleeping house.

She couldn't sleep. Hadn't in days.

Passing her bedroom door, she continued on to the third story, past the row of small bookcases and the cozy reading nook she'd created, and out onto the tiny balcony where she settled into the cushy bench seat. She'd found the bench in the attic. It was perfect for the space, allowing for one or two people to sit and watch the stars together. Tonight she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them tightly. Needing to hug something.

Since Marc's death, she'd missed the feel of his arms around her. She'd missed sharing her day. Her life.

Was this the way her life would play out from here on out? She'd spent many nights in their old home sitting on the deck looking up at the night sky. It was as if at least in the dark of the night, when the silence of the house was too much, she found solace beneath the stars.

She cast out her weary, heavy, laden heart, looking to feel connected. God was up there, looking down on her, and He cared.

Polly had finally gone to talk with Adela about the conflicted emotions warring inside of her. She'd helped some, told her she needed to move on, but not to rush it. That when the time was right for her to love again she would know it.

That she didn't need to be afraid of it.

Adela had known immediately that Polly was afraid.

Polly was afraid of Nate.

He was a wonderful man. He was great with her son, he was kind, thoughtful and warm…he was a man of honor. He loved the Lord, though he'd also suffered great loss. The list could go on and on. He was the kind of man that any woman couldn't help falling in love with….

She hadn't come to Mule Hollow looking for love.

But you've found it.

She buried her head in her hands and drew in a few slow breaths. Easy. Easy.

She'd been in love.

Lifting her head, a flash of light caught her eye and she realized it was headlights coming down Nate's drive. She was startled to see a vehicle at this late hour and watched as it followed his drive and turned out onto the road. In the moonlight she could clearly see that it was Nate's truck. Coming her direction. When he turned and started up her drive, she sprang to her feet.

Shocked and a little alarmed, she hurried inside the house and down the stairs. At the second floor she stubbed her toe and made enough noise to wake Gil. She paused, holding her toe and waited. When she didn't hear him stirring she continued down the stairs. Had something happened? Was there an emergency? It was so late, that surely he needed help of some sort. She was her mother's child and believed telephone calls or knocks on the front door after ten meant bad news. After twelve meant really bad news.

Of course, thank goodness, it wasn't always the case, but tell that to her pounding heart and sick stomach.

By the time she got the door opened and stepped out onto the porch, Nate was storming up the path.

Her heart lurched into her throat. “Nate, what's the matter?” she asked, hurrying toward him. The look in his eyes stopped her in her tracks on the edge of the porch.

“Pollyanna, we need to talk,” he snarled, looking like he could take on an army in hand-to-hand combat if needed.

She wasn't going to argue with that. “Okay,” she said. She'd never seen him this way. There was fire in his eyes as he studied her. And he was a mess, she realized. His hat was missing, his dark hair was tousled as if he'd raked his hands through it repeatedly, or scrubbed it one good time like a washboard, leaving the waves as wild as the look in his eyes. As distraught as the look in his eyes.

Instantly her need to comfort him sprang forward and she wanted to smooth away the furrows between his eyes. To offer words of comfort, to hold him close as she longed to be held by him…she longed for him. None of these thoughts surprised her. It was part of why she'd been unable to sleep. One of the reasons she'd gone to talk to Adela.

Nate Talbert made her think about being a woman again.

He made her pulse skip and her heart race.

He made her feel alive again.

No man other than Marc had ever made her long to be held. Long to be kissed…She'd struggled with the feelings he'd awakened in her when he'd held her and when he'd kissed her. It had been brief, yet it made her long for more. It had scared her so.

“What's wrong?” she asked. “Has something happened?”

He raked his hands through his hair…then in the same movement let his hands fall to his sides, balled into fists.

“I value you,” he said.

Not exactly what she'd expected. “I value you, too,” she said, realizing in her heart it wasn't exactly what she'd been hoping he'd say. The realization hit her hard. All the feelings she had for him, the feelings that were causing her such turmoil fought for acknowledgment.

“What I mean is, in the short while since you moved here, I've been able to talk to you like I haven't talked to anyone since Kayla.”

So that was it. “I feel the same way,” she said, trying to ignore the disappointment surging through her even as she spoke the truth. “We have a bond because of Kayla and Marc. I understand.” And she did, she didn't want more than that. No, that wasn't it, either. Looking at him, she knew it was that she didn't want to
want
more than that.

“No.” His tone startled her. “I'm not certain you do. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen, but it has. I know that you hate it. You said so yourself, but I've fought it and it's no use.”

Polly's temple started throbbing. “What's happened?”

He let his gaze drop to the newly budded tulips before locking with hers again. “I'm tired of sitting over there at my house all alone, Pollyanna. I'm tired of swinging in my swing thinking about all the things I wanted with Kayla and knowing I'm never going to have any of it. I'm tired of looking at my life like it's a long black road that goes nowhere. And that's exactly how I've felt since Kayla breathed her last breath in my arms. I'm tired of my arms being empty.”

Polly took a step back, purely out of reflex as his words, similar to her own, sank into her heart.

He took a deep breath. “I'm sorry, Pollyanna. I know it's crazy for me to be on your doorstep in the dead of night, but I've been thinking about this for days and it's got to be said. I love you, Pollyanna.”

She stiffened and looked at the ground.

“Believe me, I wasn't expecting this. But it's happened and I know you aren't looking for anything more than what you had with Marc. And I know you hate cowboys flirting with you. And believe me, I'm telling you this so that you'll…Honestly I haven't a clue why I'm telling you this.” The look he gave her was helpless.

That made her laugh. It surprised her, it came so quickly. Like a punch line from a joke that hadn't seemed funny at first, and then snuck up on you and made you laugh.

But he looked so apologetic and confused, and honestly she knew exactly where he was coming from. She was living in her own state of confusion. Battling emotions she didn't know what to do with.

“That wasn't entirely true,” he said. Stepping up onto the step below her, he reached across the distance she'd put between them, cupped her elbow and tugged her close so they were eye to eye.

Polly's blood was a turbulent river in her ears, the power making her dizzy. Part of her wanted to run while part of her wanted to stay.

“I value you,” he repeated softly. “I value our ability to talk, I value the friendship.” He smiled and touched her cheek, running his thumb slowly along her jawline. “I'm not expecting you to feel anything for me. The last thing I want is to pressure you. But I think you do feel more for me. And I think I scared you off the other night when I kissed you.”

His tenderness drew her and Polly lifted her hands, giving into the need to touch him. Her fingers trembled as she placed her palms on the sides of his face and simply held them there as emotions collided within her.

Nate stood still as if he thought if he moved she'd pull away. But his emotions were open and clear in his eyes as he drank her in with them. Marc had looked at her like that, and thinking of him brought tears to her own eyes.

The moment Nate saw the tears brimming, his hands came up to cup her face. “Pollyanna, please don't cry. I know you love Marc. I know you're not looking to fall in love again. And if God would grant me one wish I would give Marc back to you just to see you happy.”

Wrapping her in his embrace, he stepped up onto the porch beside her. Her hands slid to his chest as he pulled her close and held her. And in the still of the night, for a brief moment, with her hands and her cheek resting on Nate's broad chest, his heartbeat melding with her own, she felt the tide recede. The turmoil eased and she was able to rest in a place as smooth as the flawless sand left in the ocean's wake. For a moment she was able to forget everything and see the promise of a new beginning…if she wanted it. If she could just trust.

She pulled away, uncertain. “I didn't come here for this.”

“I know,” he said, holding her at arm's length when she would have pulled away. “But you were the answer to my prayers. You and Gil. I started waking up looking forward to my day almost immediately after meeting you.” He gave a lopsided grin that made her heart smile. “You were so cute all dripping wet and so upset with yourself for not being able to handle the leak by yourself. Miss Independent.”

Polly backed out of Nate's arms. “I wanted so much to make it on my own. To make Marc proud.”

“I'm sure he is. You're doing great, Pollyanna. But you have to start living life for yourself. You can't keep doing everything to make Marc happy. You have to make yourself happy. And Gil.”

Nate walked to the porch railing. Placing his hands on it, he leaned into them, staring up at the sky. “I know it makes you feel guilty. Thinking like that makes me feel guilty, too. But that's the way it is.”

His words stung. But she knew they were right. But knowing it didn't make it any better.

“Gil is a great kid, Marc would be proud of him. I feel like I'm stealing his blessings when I'm with Gil…when I'm with you. But, Pollyanna, Marc isn't here and I want to be there for Gil. And for you.”

Polly couldn't speak. Didn't know what to say. But she wanted him there, too.

“No strings attached, if that's the way you want it.”

Is that what she wanted? “Nate, that wouldn't work.”

Her heart was thundering, as Nate sat on the edge of the railing and pulled her to stand in front of him. Lifting her chin with his finger, he searched her eyes with his. “Kayla is as much a part of me as Marc is of you. But I want you and Gil in my life. It's as simple as that. And I'm willing to give us both the time that we need to adjust to the idea. I tried to say that at the church that night. Then I rushed you. But I'm here to stay, Pollyanna, and unless you tell me there's not a chance that you could ever love me then I'm not going away.”

Pulling her close, he wrapped his arms around her. Polly stiffened, trying to make sense of her feelings. What did she want? His words were noble and flattering, even. This wonderful man was telling her that he wanted her in his life…that he was tired of being alone. That he'd fallen for her and that he was willing to wait for as long as it took for her to get comfortable with the idea. She could see his chest lifting as if his heart was pounding as maliciously as hers.

“Nate,” she whispered. “Kiss me again.”

He went still. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I need you to kiss me.”

His gaze darkened in the moonlight. And then he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers.

It was the merest of touches and yet it flowed through her. A hailstorm of emotions hit her all at once. Until Nate first kissed her, Marc's kisses had been the only ones she'd known from the first moment she'd lain eyes on him. She'd never thought she'd ever want or need anyone else.