Newborn Needs a Dad (10 page)

“Ben,” she shouted again, hoping to rouse him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she saw a situation where Ben woke up and with a little help from her was able to climb into the next seat over. Easy solution—she’d drive him to the hospital. But that wasn’t happening. And each and every time she felt for a pulse, what she felt was the heart rhythm of a man closer to death than he had been when she’d checked him the last time.

“The man said he’s coming,” Benjamin shouted.

“What man?”

“The one on the cell phone. He called back. Does that mean my grandpa is going to be OK? Is that man going to help fix him?”

“That man is a very good doctor, and he’ll do everything he can to help your grandpa.” She took another pulse. Unfortunately, Benjamin’s grandpa was failing fast. Too fast. By the time she saw headlights coming toward her, she couldn’t find a pulse at all. Couldn’t count a respiration.

“He’s coding,” she called, as Neil jumped out of the ambulance he was driving. “And I can’t get him out of the car seat.”

“Get what you need from the ambulance,” he said, running past her. “And, Gabby, it’s just the two of us. We couldn’t spare anybody else from up top. They’re finally getting the kids up and it’s taking every medic we have up there.”

In the ambulance, she found cardiac drugs and a portable defibrillator, which she handed to Benjamin to carry over to Neil. There was also a bag to force air into his lungs and an intubation tray if the field resuscitation went that far. By the time she got everything to the road, Neil had Grandpa Ben out of the driver’s seat, lying in the dirt, with the SUV headlights pointed directly on them. He was doing chest compressions, alternating them with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Gabby’s first task was to hook the leads from the defibrillator to Grandpa Ben’s chest, which she did, only to find him in ventricular fibrillation—a condition where the heart was more quivering than beating. Her second was to ready the cardiac drugs as Neil did the cardioversion—shocked the man’s heart.

“Damn,” he muttered, when it didn’t convert to a normal sinus rhythm. “Do you know if he’s had previous heart problems?”

“Don’t know. I looked in his pockets and in the glove box
in his car and didn’t find anything—no drugs. So I’m assuming not. And he’s physically active.”

“Of course he’s physically active. Do you know who this is?” Neil asked, as he prepared to give Grandpa Ben another shock.

“Someone I should know?”

“Ben Gault, one of the most noted photographers in the country.”

She’d seen his photos in an exhibit in Chicago last year. Impressive. In fact, she’d bought a couple of copies and hung them in her condo. Admittedly, Ben Gault’s subject matter was responsible for some of her discontent. All the hours she’d looked at the nature he’d captured through the lens had made her realize she wanted more than she’d had. It had been the start of something big in her life. Suddenly, it occurred to Gabby that she’d been looking at the Three Sisters from different angles all those months. No wonder she’d felt at home here so quickly. “
The
Ben Gault?”

“The one and only.”

After the drugs were pushed in, Gabby took the portable oxygen little Benjamin had dragged over, and attached it to the bag and mask to ventilate him. But the mask wouldn’t get a tight seal. Grandpa Ben’s face had huge contours that wouldn’t meld to the mask seal, so the only other option was to intubate. Which she couldn’t do, because Grandpa Ben was on the ground, and whoever did the intubation would have to get flat on their belly. Heaven knew, she couldn’t do that now. So she took over chest compressions as Neil placed the tube in their patient’s lungs.

“I’m concerned that he hasn’t shown any signs of rousing, even before he crashed,” she whispered to Neil, as he wiggled into a good position, then pulled up Grandpa Ben’s chin to start the procedure. “I have no idea how long he’s been this way, which also has me concerned.”

“But he didn’t crash until just before I got here, did he?”

“Your timing was perfect. And I was getting scared, because there wasn’t anything I could do.”

Neil didn’t respond as he slipped the straight-bladed laryngoscope into Grandpa Ben’s mouth and had a look at his vocal cords. Neither did she talk as she continued pumping on the man’s chest. Her back already ached, her arm muscles were cramping up, and even her shoulders were complaining.

“You OK?” Neil asked, once he slid the breathing tube into place.

“Are you?” she asked in return.

He glanced up briefly. “I don’t want to talk about it, Gabrielle.”

“I think we should. I want to tell you about Gavin.”

“
You
want to tell me about my brother?” He snorted. “Well, guess what? What you know about him is nothing I want to hear.” On purpose, Neil turned away from Gabby as he taped the tube into place, then he took over the chest compressions and gave Gabby the task of ventilation. No more words spoken between them.

Gabby knew better than to pursue it. This wasn’t the time. Neil wasn’t ready. Maybe he never would be.

An hour later, Ben Gault was alive and doing better, tucked into one of the hospital’s few intensive care beds, and except for a few words concerning their patient, she and Neil had said nothing to each other. In fact, the air between them was downright cold. She’d expected that, but she’d hoped she was wrong, that Neil wouldn’t have reacted the way he had. “It is what it is,” she whispered to Bryce, as she went to check on little Benjamin.

“Can I see my grandpa?” he asked.

Gabby sat down on the waiting-room sofa next to him, and put her feet up. “He’s sleeping right now, but maybe in a few
minutes we can sneak in there together and have a look, if you promise not to wake him up.”

“Is he going to be better when he wakes up?”

“We hope so, Benjamin. We’re doing everything we can to help him.”

“He promised to take me to Hawaii with him this summer.”

“You travel a lot with your grandpa, don’t you?”

“When my mom and dad let me go. Sometimes they don’t, but mostly they do.”

“And I’ll bet you love it.” She was thinking about Bryce and how he would miss out on having a grandfather like Ben Gault. Her dad would have been great, like Benjamin’s grandpa was. Bryce wouldn’t have a father either. No men in her son’s life, which was something she couldn’t help. But Bryce would miss out on so much. For a while, she’d hoped Neil might be that man in her son’s life, but the likelihood of that happening was so slim she wouldn’t allow herself to hold out any hope.

“It’s fun. I like it when we go hiking together, and he lets me carry his camera. I have my own camera, too. Grandpa Ben bought it for me last Christmas.”

“I’ll bet you take good pictures, don’t you?”

Benjamin nodded.

“What things do you like to take pictures of?”

“Animals. I like horses. And goats.”

“You like goats?” Gabby laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever really seen a goat in person.”

“You’ve got to watch them,” Benjamin warned seriously. “They can be sneaky.”

Like life, she thought as she settled in to wait with Benjamin. His parents were on their way to White Elk and she’d promised them she’d take care of him until then. Already she was loving it, and thinking about life with her own son.
Thank
you, Gavin
, she said to herself, as she slumped down and made herself comfortable.

She was a natural with the boy. They’d been chatting for an hour and she had such a way with little Benjamin that he couldn’t help but watch. She would be a good mother to his nephew. He had no worry about that.

No worry…he actually had a right to worry. Before, he’d been concerned as a friend, as someone who had been growing more than fond of Gabrielle. But now it was different. He was connected to her baby in a way he couldn’t have expected. Sure, he’d had moments when he’d thought about being her baby’s father, thought about being part of her little family. It had been a nice thought then. Now it was totally senseless. To be honest, he didn’t know how to deal with it, even if he wanted to. He had growing feelings for a woman who was carrying his brother’s baby, and there truly was no solution for that.

But she would be a good mother. “I think you two can go in to see Grandpa Ben,” Neil said, finally stepping into the waiting room.

Gabby looked up at him, and nodded. But she didn’t smile. Didn’t speak. And as she took Benjamin’s hand and walked right by him, his heart lurched.

What the hell was he going to do?

Five days into his recovery, Grandpa Ben, as Gabby was used to calling him now, transferred to a hospital in Denver for open-heart surgery. He was stable, doing quite nicely, and it was time to unclog his two blocked arteries. All the accident victims from that night were coming along at various rates of recovery, some in White Elk, some having been transferred to other facilities. No one had died, a few had required surgery,
there were broken bones galore, a few internal injuries, contusions, cuts and scrapes, but what could have been a disaster had turned into a near-miracle on the mountain.

And Gabby was feeling better, too. She was rested, no aching muscles. Going along quite nicely for a woman in her advanced condition. Avoiding Neil as much as she could. Which was easy, because he was avoiding her, too.

“So, are you looking for anything in particular?” Janice Laughlin asked.

Handmade for Baby had become one of Gabby’s favorite places in town, not just because of the wonderful baby items but because of Janice. They’d become friends. Had hot chocolate together every day. “What I haven’t really bought so much are toys, and I was thinking a nice rattle or two.”

“I have something you might like in my back room. Plus, hot chocolate.”

Hot chocolate. Words meant to lure Gabby through the curtains to the back room. Following Janice, she’d no more than stepped through the teddy-bear-print curtains when several women started applauding.

“What?” Gabby gasped.

“You didn’t think we’d let you have your baby without us giving you a baby shower, did you?” Laura asked. “I know you’ve been doing your best to buy everything in Janice’s store, but we all love to do baby shopping, too.” She pointed to a table filled with pastel-colored packages, most of them wrapped in white and various shades of blue.

“Plus, we have an ulterior motive,” Ellen Patrick said. She was one of Gabby’s patients, three months along, third child. “We want to persuade you to stay, and we know Neil and Eric asked. It’s nice having you here, Gabby. After Walt Graham’s grumpy ways…well, if we have to bribe you, that’s exactly what we’ll do.”

The ladies all laughed, and agreed.

“I never expected this,” Gabby said. Still standing in the entryway, she was too stunned to move. “I mean, I’ve never…” Had friends. Not in the real sense. And these women felt like real friends to her. Fallon O’Gara, Rose Kelly, Jane McGinnis, Jackie Pennington from the hospital. Laura from the lodge. Janice and Debbi from the store. Angela. Helen, the waitress, and Catie from Catie’s Overlook. Even Amarelle from the confectionary shop. And these were only a handful of the women gathered there. For her. They were there for her.

Tears welled in Gabby’s eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”

“That you’ll stay?” Angela said.

She wanted to. More than anything, she did want to stay. But how could she? “So, where’s the hot chocolate?” she sniffled.

“You OK?” Laura whispered, a little while later, as everyone was busy helping themselves to cake.

“I didn’t expect this. And I’m a little awkward. That’s all it is.”

“I think it’s more than that. The cake is chocolate. Double chocolate, actually, with chocolate cream between the layers, and you haven’t touched it.”

She wanted to tell Laura what was happening in her life now, because maybe Laura would have some wisdom. Maybe she’d say something that would make perfect sense, make things all better. But it was Neil she really needed to talk to. It was Neil’s words she wanted to make perfect sense, make things all better. But now his words were only medical. A patient consult, a recommendation, a question. Which made Gabby feel so empty, so alone. She’d never expected to miss him the way she did, but she did. In passing, in a hall, when he’d acknowledge her with the same polite nod he did everybody else, that’s when she missed him the most.

“Probably just some apprehensions over being a mother. I
mean, it’s getting close. The most experience I’ve had with babies is delivering them. Once I hand them over to their mothers, that’s as far as I go. I’m on to the next baby. But I think I’m getting a little scared at the prospect of keeping this one. You know, wondering if I’m going to be a good mother, wondering if I’m suited to motherhood.”

“You’re suited, Gabby. Being scared is natural, having all the worries you’re having happens to every expectant mother. But you’re going to be great, and if we can convince you that White Elk is really where you need to be, you’re going to have a fantastic network of support. Just look at all these ladies…they love you. They want to be there for you.”

“You’re going to make me cry again,” Gabby said, welling right up.

“Want to know the cure for that?” Laura asked.

“What?”

“Chocolate cake. A great big piece.”

Chocolate cake. If only life were that simple. But for a momentary fix it was perfect. And maybe that’s what she needed for a while…momentary fixes, one after another. It was certainly better than trying to find a fix for the big picture.

“D
O WE
need to cut your patient load?”

Gabby bristled at Neil’s words. “My patient load is fine,” she snapped. “I’m managing.”

“And that’s why you’re holding your back, leaning to the side? Because you consider the back spasm you’re having right now as managing?” He reached out to steady her as she leaned against the corridor wall, but she jerked away from him. “Gabrielle, I think you need to sit down.” He was concerned. Couldn’t help himself.

“I know what I need, Neil,” she snapped, trying to rub the muscle plaguing her.

“Does this happen often?” His first inclination was to pick her up in his arms and carry her to a chair. But he knew exactly how she’d respond, and he wasn’t in the mood to wrestle a pregnant lady into a chair, even if she needed to be there. “Can I do something for you?” A massage was probably out of the question, even though she looked like she needed one.

“You can let me leave. I’m through for the evening, and I’d like you to step aside so I can go back to my cabin.”

“You’re not walking, are you?” Because she wouldn’t make it. In fact, right now, he wasn’t sure she’d make it to the hospital’s front door.

“Is that a professional question or a personal one? You’re entitled to a professional answer, but not a personal one.”

He bent in close to her, until his face was mere inches away from hers. “What I’m entitled to, Gabrielle, are the feelings I’m feeling. I haven’t worked them out yet. And you’ll have to admit this isn’t a normal situation. But I am concerned about you, and about the baby. I was before I knew you were carrying Gavin’s child, and that hasn’t changed.” He straightened up. “So I’m going to drive you home.”

She looked up at him for a moment, and the fight in her eyes was so visible it was almost palpable. But suddenly she backed off. “I’ve missed you,” she admitted.

“And I’ve missed you, too. I’ve really wished…”

“Wished what, Neil?”

“Wished things were different between us.”

“Even if they were, that wouldn’t necessarily make things right, would it?” Another muscle spasm hit and she gasped. “Look, Neil, I’m fine. I can call a cab.”

“Or you can quit being so damned stubborn, and let me help you. I’m offering to drive you a few blocks, Gabrielle. That’s all it is. A ride.”

“But we’ll fight,” she said, the defiance draining from her eyes. “And I don’t want to do that, Neil.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then we’ll just ride in total silence, and I don’t want to do that either. So it’ll be best if I take a cab. But I appreciate the offer.”

She started to move away from the wall, but another back
spasm caught her. Only this time she didn’t fall back to the wall for support. Neil grabbed her into his arms, then whispered, “You’re coming with me.”

Surprisingly, she agreed. Although he wasn’t going to let himself read anything into it. She needed help, and he was the one most convenient. That’s all it was, all he’d allow himself to think of it. Doing a good deed. “It’s not letting up?” he asked, as they made their way slowly to the front door. Every step of the way she leaned into him more and more.

Gabby shook her head. “It happens. Nothing to worry about, and I’ll be fine in a few minutes.” She slowed her pace as another spasm hit.

“Like hell you will,” Neil said, whisking her off the floor and straight into his arms even though every fiber, strand and ounce of common sense in him was screaming
Put her down and get out of there
. But with a pregnant woman nestled in his arms who was at least as shocked as he was, it seemed he was committed to this.

“I appreciate a good chivalrous act every now and then, the way most women do,” she said as she straightened herself in the passenger seat of his SUV a few minutes later. “But don’t ever touch me again, Neil. Because I might have to hurt you if you do.”

“With what?” He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him and stayed with him all the way round to the driver’s seat. Couldn’t help that it didn’t quit when he climbed inside and started the engine.

“What’s so funny?” she snapped, trying to find a comfortable position.

“The look on your face. I think you did want to hurt me, didn’t you?”

“Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t need, or even want, your help, since I didn’t ask for it?”

“OK, so you didn’t ask, but could you walk?” he asked. “Right then, could you have taken a step without someone helping you?”

“Maybe not, but that’s not the point.”

“Point is, you and baby Bryce—
my nephew
—need to be off your feet while your muscles are working themselves out, and leaning against the hospital wall wasn’t going to do it for you.”

“And if you hadn’t come in, I’d have been fine in a few minutes.”

“But you’re off your feet now, aren’t you? So, are you feeling better?” She wouldn’t admit that she was. He knew that, knew she was too stubborn to give in. He’d bet his life on it. But he liked the argument and, admittedly, had missed them since she hadn’t been talking to him. Even though things weren’t worked out between them, it was nice to have a little interaction with her again.

“What I’m feeling is… You know what? I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel. I’m happy, Neil. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life about having this baby. And I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. But there’s nothing I can do about any of it. So that’s why I don’t know what to do, or how to feel.”

For sure, Gabrielle was one big entanglement he shouldn’t be having, but common sense seemed to go into hibernation every time she came near him. Because he was tangled up, probably in more ways than he knew.

“For what it’s worth, I’m not angry with you.”

“It’s worth a lot,” she said, practically in a whisper.

“Then I hope you can understand why I’m not…” He swallowed hard. “Not getting more involved. I can’t do it, Gabrielle. I just can’t do it.” He wanted to, though. Problem was, he didn’t know how. Didn’t know if he would ever know how. And it was tearing him up.

“Neil, you’re going the wrong way.” This very short ride seemed interminably long. Of course she understood Neil’s feelings. Understood why he couldn’t get involved. It hurt, because she wanted him there with her, but she knew why that wasn’t meant to be. But could they work out another relationship? One where she could stay in White Elk? One where he could be an uncle to her son?

She hoped so, but she wasn’t optimistic. Although she wasn’t going to give up on it yet.

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why is the street to the lodge where I’m staying two blocks back?”

“Because I’m taking you to my house. I have something that just might help you in your present state.”

“My present pregnant state, or my present aching-back state?”

“A little bit of both. Something my mother bought for me months ago, and I haven’t had time to use.”

“Which would be…”

“One of those new state-of-the-art massaging chairs. It massages back, shoulders, arms, legs, neck. Gives off a nice warm heat at the same time.”

A massaging chair? Oh, my, did that sound heavenly. Her back was already much better, but the idea of spending time being massaged in Neil’s chair was almost too tempting. Back in Chicago, going to a day spa for a massage had been her one indulgence. Even before she’d fallen pregnant. She would have a nice, relaxing soak in a hot tub, then have Inga and her magic hands do the massage. Of course, the hot tub was out at this late stage in her pregnancy, and Inga was still back in Chicago. But if Neil’s chair worked…

Still, as tempting as it sounded, it was Neil’s chair, in Neil’s house, which made it off limits to her. She wouldn’t let herself indulge no matter how much she wanted to. That’s all there
was to it. “I don’t need a massage. In fact, all I need is for you to turn around and take me back to my cabin. I didn’t protest when you picked me up and carried me out of the hospital, didn’t protest when you put me in your car. But I’m not going home with you, Neil, and I mean it.”

“Too late,” he said, stopping on an uphill incline in front of what was probably the largest house in White Elk. She’d seen it from a distance on her way to the hospital, and had even wondered who lived in the house on the hill. But she’d never suspected Neil.

The house looked like a Swiss chalet towering over its neighbors below and, honestly, the more she studied it, the more she wondered about it. Neil wasn’t the least bit pretentious, and she hadn’t expected this of him. In fact, if she’d been asked to guess, she’d have put him in a one-room studio apartment. He was a no-fuss, no-muss kind of a man. And this house…this mansion of his was all about fuss and muss. So, what was this about? “This is yours?” she asked, just to make sure.

He chuckled. “You expected what? A cave?” After opening the car door on her side, Neil allowed her to exit on her own. No scooping her up into his arms, no other grand gestures. He simply extended his hand to her to help her out.

“Maybe not a cave.” Although she could much better picture him in a cave than this. “But I expected…modest.”

“Modest. An expectation of someone who never met my ex-wife. She couldn’t have modest. For Karen it was all or…” he gestured to the house “…even more than all. Then, after the divorce, I got stuck with it. And I’m still stuck with it because no one in White Elk wants to buy it. So I make the best of it, since I’m not here most of the time anyway.”

He walked alongside her, ready to help if he needed to, but she was steady on her feet now, no more back spasms. Which meant she really didn’t need to be here. She was curious,
though, and she wanted a peek inside now that she’d seen the outside. So she’d have her look around, then she’d ask him to take her home. Or call a cab. Good plan, she decided. Safe. “Well, I can certainly say it’s impressive,” she said as Neil punched the front-door code into the keypad.

“It’s meant to be impressive. That’s why my wife bought it.”

“And you didn’t stop her?”

“Sometimes when you’re in love you overlook things. In our marriage, this house is one of the things I overlooked.”

She wanted to ask what the other things were, like had he suspected his wife was having an affair with his brother? But she didn’t. Right now, the mood between them was better, and she wanted to keep it that way. If they could stay cordial, the way they were now, that might work, might allow her to remain in White Elk. So, she put Neil’s wife out of her head to the extent that she could as she entered Neil’s wife’s house.

Inside the foyer Gabby’s first reaction was a gasp. Neil’s chalet was palatial, decorated so elaborately and beautifully she simply stood there a while, turning in circles, taking it all in. Rococo mirrors, crystal chandeliers, Victorian furniture… So well appointed. A place to hold a magnificent Viennese ball if anyone in White Elk ever took the notion to hold one. Definitely not Neil in any way, shape or form, but impressive all the same. “Well, my compliments to your ex-wife. She did an amazing job, and I’m surprised she’d let you keep this house in the divorce settlement, since it was, essentially, her house.”

“Her house, my money. And it wasn’t a matter of keeping it. We tried getting rid of it, and no one wanted it. The divorce agreement stipulated that if, or when, it sells she’ll get half the money, but because of the circumstances she’s never pressed me on it. Don’t think she will either.”

Gabby blinked. Neil couldn’t get away from it. What Gavin and Karen had done to him…it was everywhere. So much so,
it was finally hitting her. Made her feel sad. Uncomfortable. Especially as Neil had it within him to sound so matter-of-fact about it. “But you still live here?”

“Not too often. I have an apartment near the hospital—three rooms, enough room to turn around if you hold your breath. Which is all I really need. And this place…it’s only a building. No real memories because Karen and I never moved in. In fact, most of the upstairs isn’t even complete.”

Gabby’s knees went weak, thinking about what all that meant. Karen had gone with Gavin before she and Neil had even moved into their new home. Then, by some cruel twist of fate, he lived in a flat with barely enough breathing room while this behemoth of a house stood on the tallest hill in town, mocking him.

“Back spasm again?” Neil said, as he rushed to her side and helped her down into an upholstered chair.

“Something like that,” she mumbled. “Can I just go home?”

“I think you should give the chair a try first.”

“It’s been a long day, and I’m really tired.” True, but she also wanted time to think. Alone.

“Five minutes. It if doesn’t make you feel better in five minutes, I’ll take you home.”

This was the old Neil, the one she liked, the one she counted on. The one she wanted in ways she wasn’t willing to admit to herself. It scared her being with him, and she should have insisted on leaving, but so much of her did want five minutes more because who knew when she’d ever get another five minutes with him? “Five minutes then I’m gone.”

“Gabrielle, you look exhausted, and I’m worried about you. Right now, I’m the doctor. OK? And this doctor is prescribing some rest and relaxation before you do anything.
Anything
. So for once just cooperate.”

She wanted to, but she and Neil both knew that would be a mistake. “There’s nothing to worry about, Neil. I’m fine.”

“You sure couldn’t say that twenty minutes ago, could you?”

“Spasms are…spasms. In most cases they’re nothing.”

“Except an indication you’re pushing yourself too much.”

“So what are you going to do, fire me?”

“I probably should, but I still do believe that you’re the best judge of whether or not you’re able to work, and I’m not going to back away from that. At least, for now.”

“Just show me the chair, OK? That’s why you brought me here, so let’s get it over with. It’s supposed to rain tonight and I want to get back to my cabin before it starts.”

“Well, now that you’re being so cooperative…” he said facetiously.

He showed her to the den where his mother’s miracle chair was sitting, showed her the controls and left her alone. The room was nearly dark, and that was just fine with her. With the mood she was in, she really didn’t want any light shining on it.