New Spark (Dark Magic Enforcer Book 3) (9 page)

"I go all the time. It's not my fault if you don't visit."

"You go without telling? Spark, that's mean."

"How am I supposed to tell you? It's not like I can pick up the phone and call impland, or wherever it is you live."

"I've told you, I can't give you the name of our world. No human can hear that name and survive. Looking out for you, buddy."

"Gee, thanks. Anyway, shouldn't you be getting home?"

"Um, no, too busy, gotta help you."

"Fine. Kids winding you up, are they? Illus giving your ear a workout?"

"He's just annoyed about what you and your friends did. And besides, you need my help."

"Do I?" I couldn't see why.

"Yeah, two enforcers are better than one. Right, Mage Rikka?" Intus turned to Rikka hopefully, waggling the place where her eyebrows should be. Imps are as smooth as a body can be, probably something to do with living in whatever kind of hot and burning netherworld lesser demons live in.

"Intus may have a point, Spark. Take our friend here along. Two enforcers may be just the ticket."

With a sigh, I turned back to Intus. "Fine, but just Grandma's, then you have to go. You know I work best alone."

"Hey, me too."

Intus disappeared then reappeared on my shoulder, smiling and scratching her nose as I nodded at Rikka and headed back to his car.

"Spark?"

I turned, hand going up automatically as the ball of magic rock hurtled toward me. "You might be needing this, just to help them remember what they've done. Don't let them pull one over on you, you know what they are like."

I knew, all right. My Grandma is a witch, the best. The sweetest old lady you could ever hope to meet and I love her more than life itself. Which is why I felt sick thinking about asking her anything about witches misbehaving. They all take it so personally.

Intus whistled and rubbed her hands together as I headed to the car.

We waved at Dancer as he appeared on the front steps. He looked ill. He must have found the bodies inside.

Friends

I always forget, but Intus is an enforcer too. An imp enforcer. They have one for every ten imps, mainly because their very nature is to cause trouble and they seem to be missing that little thing inside of you that tells you when it's time to stop and enough is enough.

From what Intus has told me over the many years we have known each other—although I seem to be seeing her a lot more recently than I ever have—she is fairly moderate in terms of behavior compared to her kind. Which is probably why she spends more time than most in our world. What their world and life is like I have no idea. I've never been. Can't go, don't want to go, and if what she says is true, even knowing what the place is called, let alone visiting, is enough to make you drop down dead, or lose your sanity at the very least.

Anyway, that's the imps for you. Basically, trouble. Intus, like ten percent of them, is tasked with getting back a semblance of control when others overstep the line, which clearly happens often. She works in a similar way to me, taking away some of their inherent magic, making them have no choice but to ease back on the sock hiding and the rearranging of things in and out of cupboards, so when you go back and check where you looked in the first place, when you are at your wit's end, the thing you couldn't find is right there, staring at you accusingly.

Who knows what they get up to in their own world, as they do most of their mischief in ours. That's the way they are—immortal and here to cause us trouble. I can't imagine what life must have been like before humans existed, but Intus is always cagey about that.

I get the feeling they just popped into existence when humanity became sentient. Part of the package, so to speak. A tiny red thorn in our side to keep us on our toes and not get too complacent or smug about being able to figure out how to bundle our socks or have little trays for keys.

Which reminds me. If you ever lose your keys off that little tray, or that hook you know for sure you hung them on, but they aren't there now, save yourself a lot of trouble and frustration and just go watch TV for ten minutes. Don't go hunting for them, just chill, then go back to the place you were sure you put them and ta-da, what do you know, there they are. That's our secret though. Insider stuff, for your eyes only.

"Spark?" said Intus, clawed feet gripping the dashboard, forked tail bent down low to act like a third leg.

"Yes? You're not going to ask me to stop at a hairdressers again are you? You remember what happened last time." Trust me, you do not want to know.

"No, of course not! Haha, you have to admit it was funny, though."

"Not for the girl with the bald spot it wasn't."

"It'll grow back. You humans always seem to grow too much of it anyway. No, what I want to say is, thanks." Intus shifted, looking a little awkward, which is usually a sign she's stolen a sock again. I checked my feet through my dirty winklepickers—socks were still all present and correct.

"Thanks for what?"

"You know, for being my friend. I don't have many actual human friends, most of your kind get so angry all the time. You're different."

"Intus," I said in all seriousness, "you don't need to thank me. You have done more in the way of friendship for me than I ever have for you. You are the one that always comes at the right time and looks after me. Or cheers me up, at least, and reminds me what it is to be alive."

"Oh! Wow, thanks, Spark. Gosh, don't know what to say to that." She smiled that impossibly wide grin all imps have, more teeth than you could possibly count, still somehow endearing when it comes from a true friend.

"Yeah, well, um, I mean it. Haha, we're like a couple of young kids feeling all awkward and talking about our feelings. Look at us, an immortal demon and a man older than any normal human being on the planet, and we get tongue-tied."

"Maybe, but I mean it. I know we have a laugh and all, mess about, but having friends is important, even if they are too tall. Can't you do something about that?"

"Like what? I'm the size I am. That's like me asking you to get bigger and be my size. Shit, you can't, can you?" I had a nightmare vision of a human sized imp rampaging about in people's houses, arms full of socks, shifting walls or scaring the hell out of kids. I pictured a small child coming across a huge imp with all those teeth, the weird round head with the pointed chin, the sharp ears, demonic claws and forked tail. A few inches was more than enough.

"Well, now that you mention it." Intus puffed out her chest, put her arms out to the sides, and went, "Whoosh."

A car beeped at me and I realized I had veered into oncoming traffic. I got back into my lane and glanced quickly at Intus in a total stress-fueled panic.

Intus winked. "Just messing with you, friend. Let's go see Grandma."

We did exactly that.

Awkward Questions

Grandma is my world. Her, and Kate. These two women are the loves of my life in very different ways. Kate has been in my life for a few years, Grandma has been a big part of it forever.

She stopped me losing myself to the wild side after my parents were killed, and Kate, well, she brought out things in me I thought had vanished long ago. Like closeness, the ability to share intimate moments with another human being and accept that it is deserved.

Thankfully, they get on well, as if they have always known each other, and I can never thank Grandma enough for that. She has, let's say, a dislike for vampires. Understandable, given they are responsible for killing both her husband and my parents, but she has never so much as even hinted at Kate's connection to them in a derogatory way, and has welcomed Kate to the family with open, loving arms.

Grandma is a witch, an ancient one. She is thousands of years old and knows her art inside out, back to front, upside down and sideways.

And I was nervous as hell as I walked up the garden path to the front door. She lives in the same house she has lived in since I was a kid, and the neighborhood has gone through a lot of changes. Like, we didn't have cars before, or streetlights, electricity, phone lines, all that stuff we take for granted now. Don't even get me started on indoor plumbing and not having to get dressed in the middle of the night and use the "outhouse" rather than an indoor bathroom.

I was stressed because it was obvious that the reason the trolls were so smart all of a sudden was because the witches had given them something to make them that way. And Grandma is, when you get right down to it, the witch in charge.

She isn't the Head, that is Kaisa Hayashi's position, but everyone knows Grandma. She's been around for as long as anyone can remember, and they go to her in times of trouble or need, and they help her when she needs them too.

Unlike Rikka, she doesn't crave position, glory, or money, has no interest in the political side of our world, and happily leaves representing the witches to the Head when there are Hidden Council meetings. There are no witches on the Dark Council, the human only Council for magic. It's still very much an old boy's club in that regard, made up predominantly of wizards. As she puts it, she hasn't got time to play at being a politician, she's got real work to do.

People trust her, people are scared of her, and people like her. And if the witches were up to something then she would know damn well that this was the case. It had been two weeks since I had seen her, although usually I visit at least once a week, if not more. Not only is she family, she's a friend, although a friend that bosses me about and tells me off like I'm still a moody teenager and not a grown man with opinions of his own.

"Spark, do you think this is a good idea?" asked Intus from my shoulder.

"What, visiting Grandma?"

"Erm, no. Asking her about the trolls? Accusing her?"

"Intus, let me ask you a question." I stopped outside the front door before I opened it. "You know what goes on in our world, don't you?" We've had countless variations of this conversation, but I had to get things clear in my mind.

"I do."

"You watch from your own world, see what happens. So you know?"

"Spark, you know I can only do so much. I'm an imp, I can't interfere."

"Yes, yes, I understand that. I know your nature prevents you from just telling me things that would help, or doing things that would make my life easier and—"

"If I could, I would. But you know it doesn't work like that. I'm an imp, my nature is to have fun, what you humans call mischief, and just because I know things doesn't mean I can interfere or tell."

"Right. So, let me ask you one simple question, and I promise it won't compromise your imp integrity."

Intus looked worried. If they go against their own nature the consequences can be devastating, maybe even be banished from our world, and I know how much Intus enjoys it here. She nodded. "It better not put me in an awkward situation, Spark. I've got a family. I don't want any trouble."

"It won't. My question is this. Should I go inside and ask Grandma about this, or should we just go in and have a cup of tea and not mention it?"

Intus' ears flattened against her red head. "You should ask," she said with a sigh, then put her hands over her face and peered between her fingers, clearly expecting retribution for her comment.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Hmm, guess not. But that's as much as I can say, and anyway, I'm not even sure what's happening. I've been here and I was busy at home with the kids and Illus."

"Come on, let's go say hi to Grandma."

I opened the door—she'd left it unlocked again—and we stepped into a house that instantly felt like home, because it was, and hopefully always will be.

"Where's Kate?" said Grandma popping her head around the kitchen door, the potent smell of her permanent potion making wafting toward us in a cloud of steam and mind and body altering vapor.

"We've got a problem with a chicken, so she's sorting it out. Maybe," I said, rather put out she hadn't come running to hug me.

"Oh, fair enough," said Grandma cheerily, moving into the hall and spreading her arms wide, permanent pinafore and pink house slippers on as usual.

Grandma is the epitome of an old lady. She's got it down to an art form, but she has looked this way, exactly the same, since I was a little boy. Just part of the ways of witches. They all seem to either be wide-eyed young girls that are training, or old ladies with gray hair and looking about as dangerous as a marshmallow—they are sneaky that way. Not Grandma, of course.

"Come give your Grandma a hug, Faz." Only her, Kate, and a few others ever get to call me Faz. "Hello, Intus, how are the children, and Illus?"

"Oh, very well, thank you Mrs. Grandma. Keeping me on my claws as always."

"I'll bet."

With Intus on my shoulder I went in for a hug, picking her up off her feet and squeezing her slightly plump body tight. There is nothing like a hug to make everything feel better in the world, especially after you'd spent the morning fighting trolls, capturing zombies, a bit of demon summoning, you know, the usual stuff.

"Aah, that's nice," said Intus, putting a hand carefully to mine and Grandma's faces.

"Let me down you daft lump, you'll squash me."

"Sorry, Grandma." I released her and smiled at the innocent, pure, wonderful woman that is my Grandma. Yes, she had caused me quite a lot of trouble the previous year, but it was all for a reason, and I could no longer hold a grudge than I could expect to keep my socks if I invited Intus into my bedroom.

Grandma scrunched up her nose as she sniffed. "You smell of troll, and zombie. And is that gnome? It is, you've been playing with gnomes again, haven't you?"

"Grandma, I haven't been 'playing,' I've been working." I sounded like a whiny child, I knew.

"Look at your shoes! You're a mess. Come on, get cleaned up. Take them off, and your trousers. Where's your jacket? You look like a beatnik." She didn't mean that in a nice, ooh, you look cool and modern, kind of way.