New Celebrations: The Adventures of Anthony Villiers (8 page)
Read New Celebrations: The Adventures of Anthony Villiers Online
Authors: Alexei Panshin
“That’s too bad,” Villiers said. “I know your school. It’s pretty strict.”
“And four
years
,” she said. She laid a hand on his sleeve. “Please, Tony, won’t you help me? I don’t want to go. I can already see what it’s like. It’s all rules. I don’t want to live life by rules and schedules. I want to make it up as I go along the way you do, and Daddy, and everybody else.”
“Maybe you ought to find out what living life by rules and schedules is like. Most people prefer it.”
“I know I won’t like it, Tony. And you never lived that way.”
Villiers moved his chair back and relaxed. “You’re wrong, Louisa. It’s only in the last several years that I’ve made my life up as I went along. Since just before I met your father. Oh, I did break the rules, which you won’t be able to do, but I lived under them.”
Louisa said, “Why could you break the rules?”
“Well, because my background could stand investigation. If they threw me out of one place—which they did—there was always another. You’re going to have to be more careful. But there are things they can teach you.”
“I’m always careful. Sometimes I get sick of being careful. You’re not going to help me, are you? You’re just like Daddy.” A sudden thought struck her. “Did Daddy hire you?”
“What?”
“Did Daddy hire you to see that I don’t skip out here?”
Villiers laughed. “No, your father didn’t hire me.”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it past him to have me watched.”
“As a matter of fact,” Villiers said, “I would appreciate your telling me where to contact your father. I have a job for Jack the Hand.”
“You aren’t going to help me, though.”
“I need help rather worse than you do right now,” Villiers said. “I’m not in a position to help anyone. I have no money at all. I have debts here that I can’t pay. What I have to do now is discover some way to settle my bills and get passage to Yuten.”
She brightened visibly. “Oh,
well
.”
Villiers said, “No, my own way. I’m not on the con.”
“I know,” she said. “But I could teach you. We could be partners. I know everything Daddy knows.”
“Everything?”
“Well, everything basic. You make most of it up to fit the circumstances.”
“You’d better finish your dessert.”
“Oh, please.”
“I’m thinking about it. I am thinking about it.”
Villiers stared off into the distance, and Louisa, cheered by this evidence of the consideration he was giving her proposition, pitched into her dessert. The idea of aiding Villiers in swindling their way from planet to planet tickled her fancy; it was a far more appealing picture than any that Alice Tutuila had ever painted in romantic transport, and it had the advantage of down-to-earth reality without being drab, dismal, and dull. In short, it was as close to being the life she wished for as anybody could have designed, and not only was it possible, Villiers was actually
considering
it. The joys of fifteen-year-old girls in alt are notorious, and Louisa Parini was no ordinary fifteen-year-old girl. But she concealed her emotion behind her custard.
Villiers sat up abruptly. Louisa’s eyes swiveled to him immediately, though she continued to eat.
“All right,” he said.
“All right?” Her voice rose.
“No, all right, look at the far side of the room. Do you see the large young fellow in the brown coat? Sitting with him is an attractive girl in green with a black coronet braid.”
“I do see them,” Louisa said.
“If I’m not mistaken, within the next few minutes a man will come to their table and drag the girl away. Eat slowly and watch.”
Louisa nodded and returned to her food, but kept an eye on the table. While they waited, Villiers told of his encounter with Maybelle Lafferty and Henry Maurice.
“And you got the note, but you didn’t go?”
“No. Oh, here’s Henry now. Watch.”
They watched, and as they watched there was a reprise of the previous night’s good work. Henry was rude. Maybelle fought tears. Adams (it was Adams, of course) rose and spoke. Henry seized Maybelle by the wrist and led her from the room to a privy conversation, she shooting a last glance of entreaty to Adams. Adams, after a long moment of contemplation, reseated himself. He, however, unlike Villiers, had sufficient sensibility not to return immediately to the conclusion of his meal, but sat silently in company with his thoughts.
“She has him,” Louisa said. “But she’s not very good. Even I could do better than that and I’m only fifteen. He must be very stupid.”
“He is less than the brightest young man I ever met. Tell me, if you wanted to do some surreptitious looking around, would you wear tight black sweat clothes and tiptoe?”
Louisa giggled. “No. Did he?”
“Yes. What would you wear?”
“Ordinary clothes. And I’d be lost.”
Villiers laughed. “That is better, I think. That’s what I was, but I think it’s also what earned the inspection of my baggage and the company of our friend in gray.”
“He looks bored,” Louisa said
“I imagine he is bored. I tell you, let’s invite him to share our company.”
On the instant, Villiers rose and eased out into the aisle. He walked to the table of the man in gray and made his presentations.
“Sir,” he said in his usual sober manner. “I could not help noting that you dine alone. My lady and I are strangers here ourselves and know how unlively it is to be without company in the midst of a substantial journey. I trust I’m not presuming overly. My name is Villiers. We wondered if you would care to honor us by joining us for the evening.”
To this well-turned invitation the man made no reply in kind. In fact, at Villiers’ approach he had been obviously disconcerted. When Villiers spoke, the man blanched. When Villiers finished, the man rose and broke, unable to cope with the situation. It is a pity that the game of hare and hounds should suffer from savage rabbits and hen-hearted hounds, but if the world was as it ought to be we would all be playing wooden whistles and eating bananas in Eden, as my mother used to say.
When Villiers turned it was to see Louisa having the utmost difficulty in controlling herself, thereby betraying her lack of schooling in genteel conduct. If she had been at Miss McBurney’s for even so long as a fortnight, most assuredly she would not have so much as quivered. He returned to the table and raised a mild eyebrow.
“What did you
say
to him?” Louisa demanded.
“I told you. I asked him to join us.”
“Oh, Tony. You’re funny.”
Villiers offered his arm and Louisa rose to take it. “Would you prefer the casino or the theater?”
“The theater,” she said, but not in tones that convinced him of her sincerity.
“There’s no need to disney me. Do you really prefer the theater?”
“Oh, no! But you said that you haven’t any money.”
“I haven’t. It’s little matter, though. My bills are substantial enough to warrant my being extended credit and we won’t abuse it. We’ll lose just enough that we can count ourselves entertained.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful. I’ve never been in a casino.”
“In that case, we can count it part of your professional education. They cheat here.”
Louisa laughed and stopped minding her careful steps.
As a girl unused to being escorted by gentlemen, she had been concentrating on holding tight to Villiers’ arm and matching his pace. She looked up from their feet to Villiers’ face.
“Did you see them do it?” she asked.
“Yes. I’ll point out what to look for. I know gaming somewhat better than confidence swindles. Oh, by the way, I was about to ask you what game Henry and Maybelle are playing.”
“You mean you didn’t know? I thought you didn’t go because you knew.”
Villiers shook his head. “It’s deficient of me, I admit, but I simply knew that they weren’t genuine.”
“Well, it’s one of the very crude ones. I mean, Mommy and Daddy would never do it. Henry would have burst into the room and found you and Maybelle in bed. It would have turned out that she was fibbing and that she and Henry were married. Henry would have been very very mad, and you would have wound up paying them money. I mean, if you had any, that is.”
“Would I, now?” Villiers smiled. “I’m almost sorry I didn’t go, after all. It might have been very amusing.”
7
M
OST CUSTOMS ARE FOOLISH IN THEMSELVES,
and equally so in the purposes to which they are applied.
Could anything be more arbitrary than the proper cut and hang of a drapeau? Present styles in drapeaus are shortly passé, and what once appeared nothing short of bizarre becomes commonplace. The article of clothing is as close to being totally without utility as any ever devised. And yet anyone who is anyone will wear a drapeau, comment at length on color, pattern, and dash, and righteously reject the man who lacks one from all polite company.
Hold it no compliment to Villiers to say that he dressed well. He did, but I should hope that you have better sense than to admire him for it. If you insist on admiration, at least let it be for his superb sense for the moderate and not for his conformation to the accepted.
Proper forks, orders of precedence, ceremonies of confirmation, all pageantry, any of the formal games we play are by any objective standard ludicrous. And since their normal application is to separate those who know and those who are from those who don’t know and those who could never be, they are all the more foolish.
And yet there is a point to custom, even given that any set of customs is as foolish as any other set. Custom frees us from having to turn every minuscule act into a matter for decision.
Villiers’ mind was fixed on the problem of a successful rendezvous with his money. If all the routines of food, lodging, clothing, and relations with others were not routines but required consideration, decision, and action, then Villiers would have been in the unhappy position of our pre-societal ancestors who spent twenty hours in a day curled in a foetal position under a tumble of rocks, paralyzed by fear, exhausted, aching in every bone, trying to summon enough nerve to venture forth into an altogether too real world. Custom freed him. It restricted the number of things that could possibly happen to him to a few that he was automatically able to deal with, and thereby allowed his mind to wander away on a pecuniary pilgrimage.
The point is this: shortly there will be a duel. Duels are silly, though, of course, no more silly than anything else. Simply remember that dueling is one of that peculiar set of customs to which Villiers subscribed, and with which he was prepared to deal. If you find it bothersome to see Villiers occupied so uselessly, bear in mind that throughout he was thinking of more important things.
* * *
The casino was a Mass for the faceless. There is an air to the gambling of most people that lends any casino a brightness, a brittle edge, a tension missing elsewhere. The noise cuts, but these are the bloodless. The clink and rattle play counterpoint to a rising and falling hum of voices. Palms moisten. The controls shut down on certain motor nerves and jaws hang. Noise, money, and emotion become a pinwheel and minds slip into self-hypnosis. If you are not a devotee of this sort of pleasure, there are only two ways to enter the casino, with innocence or as a wolf among sheep. Villiers entered the casino with his own particular innocent arrogance. Louisa entered as a wolf among sheep.
She looked over the room and then
sotto voce
said, “I see how they cheat people like these. It must be a dull way to earn money.”
“It is a bit insensitive, isn’t it?”
“We should be on our way in no time. Oh, that guidebook was wrong. It said that Star Well was a bore if you don’t gamble. I think this is going to be fun.”
“You read a guidebook entry on Star Well?”
“Yes, in the
Orion
.”
Villiers nodded. “You said that your memory was good. What did the entry say? Not the commentary—the description of facilities.”
“Oh, let me see,” Louisa said, drawing in her breath and stopping to think. “Rooms were from nine thalers up to one royal, and there were over three hundred. Alice suggested that I hide in the closet of the royal-a-day room until the ship leaves, and then spring out and fell the gentleman with my beauty.”
“I don’t think you need to do that.”
“She was very pleased to learn that you were living in the Palatine Suite.”
“You may tell her that since I’m already thoroughly smitten, it won’t be necessary for you to hide in my closet.”
“That was the word she used!” Louisa said in delight.
“Closet? If I’m not mistaken it’s the normal word for the facility.”
“No. ‘Smitten.’ She said the gentleman would be smitten with my obvious charms.”
“Well, I should hope so. Or should I? Listen—this Alice—do you tell her everything?”
“
Tony!
I don’t tell her anything. Not anything real.”
They had stopped by a dice table. They were not at the rail themselves, but stood behind the immediate players observing the course of the action.
Villiers said, “What else did the guidebook say? More specifically, how many landing ports is Star Well supposed to have?”
“Two. I do remember that.”
“Hmm. That’s what I thought I remembered. But I don’t know how old the book is. Look, I want you to do something. I don’t want to ask the question myself. Approach one of the employees and ask him how many landing ports there are. Innocently, casually.”
“But I’m only fifteen,” Louisa said. “If I’m alone, they’ll put me out.”
Villiers raised his eyebrows. “It’s a shame to speak in terms of tests, but I do believe that you suggested a partnership. How good are you?”
Louisa was not the type to point out the implicit unfairness in the challenge. Villiers too easily assumed all rights including washroom privileges for himself, and applicant status for Louisa, while, in fact, it would be Louisa who would be leading Villiers into new byways, and Villiers the neophyte. But she didn’t object. She didn’t even actually feel grounds for objection.
“All right,” she said. She turned away and fumbled in her privy kit. She made some adjustments to herself and then turned back again. The change was startling. This girl who hadn’t been able to wear Alice’s “stylish” clothes because they were too old for her now appeared slightly out of key in her own dress. She was trying too hard to hold on to a freshness of youth that was no longer hers.
“Better?”
“I’m extremely impressed.”
Villiers wandered while Louisa went in search of a Star Well uniform. In a few minutes she was standing beside him again.
“Two,” she said quietly.
“Well, that’s it, then. They must be smuggling. And it’s reasonable here. There are at least three ports in Star Well. I’ve seen a third.”
Villiers sketched the previous morning’s escapade in an undertone. “It seems that there must be an opportunity there for . . .” He paused.
“For us?”
“For something. I thought that Adams might be an investigator, but I’m not so sure now.”
“Because he isn’t bright?’
“At least because he isn’t competent and experienced enough to handle a job like this by himself. If he’s an investigator, then he must be assisting someone else. But I haven’t seen anyone here I thought he could be working for. I’ll have to think where the advantage lies, too.”
Louisa asked, “Isn’t this the same man you pointed out with Maybelle and Henry?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’ve seen him with somebody who could be his boss. Just before you came over and spoke this afternoon, he was talking to the Mithraist priest who was on our ship.”
“Was he?” Villiers’ eyes lit.
“Yes, and I never believed he was really a priest anyway. I thought he was just pretending to be one to get a reduction in fare.”
“You’re sure he isn’t a priest?”
“No, but I don’t
think
he is.”
“I respect your judgment. I barely remember seeing the man, but I know who he’s with tonight. I’ll see what can be found out.”
“I know who he’s with, too,” Louisa said positively.
“You do?”
“He just walked in with the alien he was always talking with on the
Orion
.”
Villiers turned to see Torve the Trog in company with a short, fat priest in crimson. They were obviously wending their way between the tables toward Villiers and Louisa. A favorable line of occurrence, indeed, but that was Torve for you: a nexus.
“I believe they intend to join us,” Villiers said quietly.
Torve stopped in front of them. “Is Villiers,” he said.
Villiers gestured. “Your servant, sir. Anthony Villiers. This is Miss Louisa Parini. Louisa, my friend Torve.” He looked inquiringly at Srb, who introduced himself.
“We traveled in the same ship,” Louisa said as she allowed her hand to be taken.
“You did seem familiar,” Srb said. “One of the young ladies on their way to school, I collect. You seem somewhat older tonight, however.”
“It may be the hour,” Villiers said. “Or the harshness of the light.”
“Most probably. I saw so little of my fellow passengers, however, that I would be ill put to describe any of them. The passenger cabin was surprisingly empty. I was puzzled enough to ask the captain if there were sickness aboard, but he said the passengers simply seemed reclusive.”
Torve had been growing increasingly restive through the polite round, in contrast to his patience in the waiting room.
“I think I go to read now,” he said flatly. “Most interesting book you have, Tony,
Seven Sentient Races Biology
. I think I will read that.”
Villiers said, “Have you finished Rainbird?”
“Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Most interesting, too, but unconvincing.” He turned abruptly and walked away.
Srb cleared his throat. “I’ve enjoyed talking with him, and I think I like him, but I must say that I do not understand him. Does he often act in this manner?”
“Oh, yes,” said Villiers. “In truth, he is very punctilious, sir, but he is ruled by other conventions than ours and I don’t understand them myself.”
“Pardon me,” said Srb, “but you did say that your name was Villiers, did you not? The name is familiar to me.”
Villiers smiled. “It’s a familiar name. We are a widespread family.”
“No, sir, I have the acquaintance of Mr. Walter Villiers on Controlled Berkshire.”
“In that case, I’m delighted to know you, Seigneur Srb. A great pleasure. I can own Mr. Walter Villiers no more than the most distant of cousins, but by reputation he is an undeserved credit to the rest of us. Will you do Miss Parini and me the signal honor of granting us your company for the evening?”
Louisa was following the conversation with great interest, at the same time remaining an inconspicuous presence. Until Alice had raised the point, she had not been aware of the contrast between Villiers in private and Villiers in public, and since she was rather more familiar with the private Villiers, she was finding his public person fascinating. She was interested, too, in Srb, who, as she observed him more closely, seemed less and less the priest he was supposed to be and more and more the gross master of a corps of secret investigators. Her imagination invested him with greater intelligence, cunning, energy, and malevolence than strict evidence allowed, but then her natural sympathies were not inclined toward investigators, even Inspector Generals.
Srb made a courtly salaam and said, “My dear young sir, the pleasure is mine.”
Villiers said, “We were engaged in looking over the various games. Miss Parini is a stranger to the casino and I had it in mind to explain some of the principles before she ventured to wager.”
“Most delightful,” said Srb. “I’m unfamiliar with gaming myself. Shall we say, then, that you have two students?”
“I would have thought you a gaming man.”
Srb coughed. “An occasional game of raffles with my housekeeper. Five minims a game, a minim for odd points. It can run into several thalers in an evening.”
“You’re not unblooded then,” Villiers said and ushered them forward.
Srb said, “A most interesting creature, Torve. On the journey from Morian we discussed theology at some length.”
Villiers blinked. “Theology? I’m sure Torve knows nothing about theology.”
“But they did,” Louisa said. “I heard them.”
“He explained to me several times a traditional myth of recreation. Bizarre, but most interesting.”
“This is most interesting. Ah, could you summarize this myth?”
“Well, let me see.” Srb did his best to reconstruct Torve’s explanation of wholeness and nothingness and their interrelation. After a moment, Villiers stopped him.
“Excuse me, sir, but that’s not theology.”
“I beg your pardon.”
“Do you recollect the book that I asked him if he had finished? That was a popular presentation of the cosmological theories of V. H. Rainbird—
The Seventeenth Universe
. What you have just described is Rainbird’s account of the movement through the universal amnion of the metagalaxy.”
“Good heavens. Are you serious?”
Villiers nodded.
“You mean to say that while I was talking theology, he was talking physics?”
“Yes. Apparently so.”
“Hmmm. It seemed to make sense at the time. You’ve given me considerable food for thought, I’m afraid.”
Louisa said, “Oh, these are pretty machines. What do they do?”
There were several high tables containing banks of the machines. A one, two, or five thaler token activated the machine, which then smiled invitingly. There were twenty-five keys and twenty-five lights, and random connections between them. For your token, you were allowed to depress five keys. The machine paid off in varying amounts for color and pattern combinations. No intelligence was required to play; only the ability to put a coin in a slot and drop a hand blindly onto a keyboard.
Villiers said, “In theory, these are gambling games. In practice, they’re money-eating machines. Would you care to try one?”
“All right,” said Louisa.
Villiers handed her a two thaler token and waved to a machine. She stepped forward and was about to insert the coin in the two thaler slot when a kindly-looking old lady elbowed her aside.
“My machine, if you please.” She automatically inserted a coin, slammed the keyboard, and without waiting for the results moved back to the machine at her right. Three green lights showed, and two coins dropped into the cup. By that time, however, she was two machines away. When she worked her way back again, she mechanically scooped the coins from the cup without looking to see the number and dropped one back into the slot.
