‘
I see!
’
Briony felt stunned as the full realisation of his plans swept over her.
‘
In other words, you were going to break it gently to me that we were not to get married
until you
’
d established yourself. Well, at any rate, this explains your lack of interest in the wedding plans!
’
she concluded tonelessly.
Her bitterness silenced Jeremy, then he said awkwardly,
‘
I might have to travel quite a lot and there would be plenty of extra paper-work, so my evenings would be full. Besides, a man like me, if he wanted to get on, would have to be available. I mean,
’
he added with an attempt at a laugh,
‘
I could hardly say, I
’
m sorry, sir, I can
’
t fly off to Saudi Arabia. My wife
’
s holding a tea-party tomorrow.
’
‘
No, I suppose not,
’
Briony agreed flatly.
‘
There, you see!
’
he remarked, as though he had solved their problems in the best possible manner.
‘
By far the wisest thing would be for me to go ahead and prepare a home for you.
’
‘
But how am I going to live without you?
’
Briony wailed.
‘
We
’
ll just have to make do with letters and phone calls—for a while at least,
’
he said.
‘
Do buck up, Briony. It won
’
t be as bad as you think. And maybe occasionally I could snatch a visit down South.
’
There was a sickening finality about his words that made her realise the hopelessness of any further argument, and without replying she turned away, desolate at heart, and ran swiftly down the steps.
Jeremy hesitated for a moment and then followed her.
‘
Why must you take everything so seriously?
’
he demanded as he caught up with her.
‘
Remember, time will pass very quickly, and, as I said, if I get the chance, I
’
ll pop down often to see you.
’
She didn
’
t answer.
But before she got into the carriage he caught her by the shoulders and kissed her warmly, and she felt all the irresistible charm of his personality sweep over her. If only by some stroke of magic he would change his mind, become satisfied with his position in the office and be
content to look forward later to a modest promotion!
She found a seat by the window and watched his receding figure through a blur of tears, hoping against hope that he would give a reassuring wave of the hand and that smile of his! But already, with swift impatient strides, he was being lost in the eddying crowd.
Afterwards, she was never to forget the misery of the short train journey to the small semi-detached house which she shared with her widowed mother. She found herself feverishly turning and twisting the ring on her third finger. Did it really mean anything now? she wondered. And yet how happy she had been the day they had bought it together!
‘
It
’
s really not very much, darling,
’
he had whispered when the shop assistant had placed it in its velvet case.
‘
But later on, wait and see, I
’
ll cover you with diamonds and pearls.
’
She had laughed delightedly.
‘
No, that
’
s not for me! I
’
m simply not the type. I
’
m small and a bit on the skinny side. This suits me perfectly and I
’
ll never want anything else in its place.
’
‘
That
’
s what you say now,
’
he told her.
‘
But what woman wouldn
’
t be delighted to have that knuckleduster over there?
’
He had pointed to an enormous solitaire diamond laid on its velvet bed under a thick glass case.
‘
Don
’
t tell me you wouldn
’
t get a kick out of showing your girl friends something like that?
’
‘
Really, Jeremy,
’
she had laughed,
‘
hasn
’
t it dawned on you that I
’
m not at all the regal type? No, these little sapphires are just perfect, and the girls will be green with envy when I show the ring to them.
’
It had been his turn to laugh then and he had sounded a little self-satisfied as he said deprecatingly,
‘
Well, I hope I haven
’
t broken too many hearts by choosing you!
’
‘
You know perfectly well you have,
’
she had told him severely.
‘
And by the way, you
’
ll have to give up playing the field when we
’
re married. I know it
’
s only fun to
you, and you don
’
t mean any of them to take you seriously, but I
’
ll be madly jealous and probably create the most awful scenes.
’
He had given her shoulders a little squeeze.
‘
You
’
re not the scene-making type. That
’
s what I like about you! Anyway, once we
’
re married you can chuck up your job.
’
‘
I think I
’
d like that,
’
she had replied with a happy little sigh.
‘
It
’
s definitely not my idea of heaven anyway.
’
‘
Then that
’
s settled! And now what about celebrating?
’
In spite of her protests he had tucked her arm under his
a
nd had marched her to the best restaurant in the town.
‘
You may as well get used to this kind of living,
’
he had told her,
‘
because one of these days this is the only sort of place you and I are going to be seen at.
’
She had really taken him seriously. To her it had been an unusual and exciting adventure, in keeping with the feeling of a new beginning and the comforting feeling of that gold band and the cluster of tiny sapphires on the third finger of her left hand.
It was after Jeremy
’
s departure that the feeling of his ring on her finger gave her less and less comfort. To begin with, his letters were few and far between and when she did devour them eagerly she was always left with a sense of let-down, for they gave an impression of frantic activity. Even the endearments were written in a hasty scrawl, as though inserted at the last moment to humour her. His letters, she soon found, were full of the stories of his triumphs and the complimentary remarks he had overheard or had been conveyed to him by other members of the staff.
It was her mother who seemed to take pleasure in these passages when she passed them across the breakfast table.
‘
Jeremy seems to be doing very well,
’
she would say with satisfaction.
‘
I always knew that young
man was going
places. You
’
re a lucky girl, Briony. He
’
ll make you a fine husband.
’
But as Briony took his letters back, she felt only desolation. She felt that he was growing further and further away from her, his interests widening, and that soon she would be nothing more to him than the memory of a pretty girl whom he had known for a while. To her mother, of course, it seemed that Jeremy was busily preparing a nest for her only child, but it was clear to Briony herself that as far as Jeremy was concerned it was a case of out of sight, out of mind.
She found too that when the girls in the office questioned her she had to try to sound airy and confident. She even found herself indulging in gentle fantasies. Oh yes, she would tell them, Jeremy was coming back the following weekend and they were going on a short walking tour. She even began to devise more romantic outings—a cruise around the Hebrides, perhaps, as soon as he had time. But gradually she became more and more frantic. The months were passing and still he had made no reference to marriage, or discussed their plans in any way. What did he really feel about her? Had he met someone else, perhaps? She simply had to know.
At work she was preoccupied and absentminded, and the girls joked about her being lovesick. But Briony knew that if she didn
’
t pull herself together and find out exactly where she stood with Jeremy she would indeed find herself out of work. She would go to Aberdeen, meet him and find out how he felt about her. This would force him to take some definite stand—especially if she were to tell him she had thrown up her job to be with him. It would be a desperate gamble, but anything would be better than her present dreadful uncertainty.
When at last she told her mother of her plan
Mrs.
Walton was anything but enthusiastic.
‘
It seems to me you
’
re not really giving Jeremy much time to establish himself, are you? You know, you may regret acting so
hastily, Briony. Men hate being run after, and Jeremy is no exception.
’
‘
But I
’
m not running after him! Don
’
t you see that?
’
Briony put in quickly.
‘
I can easily get a job in the North. Jeremy told me it
’
s full of opportunities.
’
‘
Yes, but your real reason is to find out where you stand with him, isn
’
t it? What you want to do is keep an eye on him, as it were. You can
’
t deny that.
’
To a certain extent this was true, Briony knew, yet, knowing Jeremy as she did, she felt justified in trying to find out where she stood with him. All the same, her mother
’
s words had struck close to the truth, and when she told them at the office about her plans she was disconcerted to find how very well informed they were about her private affairs.
‘
Are you not being a very foolish young lady to act so precipitously?
’
the elderly man behind the big desk asked her.
‘
The office grapevine tells me you
’
re leaving us to go to Aberdeen.
’
But Briony was adamant. By this time she was truly desperate. And she had a steely determination to use the fact that she had thrown up her job as a weapon in eliciting from Jeremy his real intentions.
To her relief her mother, though still disap
p
roving, had begun to accept the situation with resignation. All that remained now was to pack her bags, phone Jeremy and let him know when she would be arriving. She booked a place in a second-class sleeping compartment and before the train left she put in a phone call to Jeremy.
But the call was not at all reassuring.
‘
What are you thinking of?
’
he asked sharply, when she told him of her plan.
‘
Simply that your letters recently haven
’
t been very satisfactory, and I think we should meet and thrash things out.
’
‘
What on earth has come over you, Briony? What is there to thrash out?
’
‘
What I mean is that I
’
m taking the night train,
’
she told
him desperately, trying to keep her voice firm and even.
‘
If you care for me at all you
’
ll try to meet it.
’
‘
Don
’
t do it, Briony!
’
His voice was sharp.
‘
Wait for my letter—I
’
ll explain everything.
’
‘
If I don
’
t rush I
’
ll miss my train,
’
she replied, before slamming down the phone.
Later on, as the train sped through the night and she dozed and awoke, she felt a sense of adventure alternating with hope and despair. What would have been in his letter? she wondered. Would it have confirmed her fondest hopes, or would the message have been that everything was over between them?
The scenery changed from the warmth of the South to the desolate mountains of the North, made more frightening by the moonlight, and she knew she was moving into a strange and unknown world. The thought was both attractive and terrifying. Perhaps Jeremy had already made good and they would be able to get married right away. Even if this were not possible, perhaps she could stay in Aberdeen, be near him, see him every day. Jeremy with his talent for getting along with all sorts of people was bound to have plenty of contacts. He would be able to find her a suitable job so that they need never be parted again.
Long before the train reached Aberdeen she was awake and dressed. She took particular care with her make-up and felt confident that her new tweed suit was eminently suitable for a Highland holiday.