New Beginnings (New Beginnings Series) (33 page)

“What unasked questions?” he asked, kidding her. “Are you practicing to be a doctor of mental illness?”

“Sam, everyone wonders about times gone by, even if they really don’t ask the questions out loud they are still there.”

“So tell me, my dear beautiful doctor, what questions am I asking so silently in my mind?”

“Maybe you are wondering who your mother was and why she left you alone.”

Sam stopped dead in his tracks and stared at his wife, his mouth dropped open for a moment. “How in the world can you know such things? I haven’t had a hint of a thought about my mother for many years, but lately it has entered my mind several times.”

Sara’s sky-blue eyes looked deep into his. “It seems only natural you would wonder. For one thing we are back east, maybe not in the city of your childhood, but nearby nonetheless. More than that, you are thinking about becoming a parent, which generally makes a person think of one’s own. So you see there is little mystery to my intuition.”

“You never cease to amaze me,” Sam responded, pulling her close as they continued to stroll along the street. The large snowflakes continued to slowly float down like thoughts from heaven.

Chapter Twenty-four

Sara woke in the night to find her husband’s side of the bed empty. Since they were wed, never once did she wake up alone. Immediately she got up and put on her robe, as a sense of urgency left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She was relieved to find him sitting in an easy chair, which he pulled close to the fireplace. He turned his head slightly as he heard her move from the bed. She walked up behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders and running them down over his chest as she placed her cheek against his.

“What is troubling you, love?” she whispered.

He leaned his head closer to hers. Quietly he answered, “I think I have been remembering some things … about her,” he hesitated a moment.

Sara stayed quiet, waiting for him to take the time to continue, still holding him firmly.

“I think I remember a woman with dark hair. We were in a church … it must be a church, there seemed to be row upon row of benches in front of us.” Sam’s eyes were closed and the creases on his forehead showed how hard he was trying to concentrate.

Sara pulled back from him as he stopped speaking for a moment. Her hands came up to his shoulders and gently pulled the collar of the robe away to expose the bare skin. She started to gently rub his shoulders. “Close your eyes again and relax. Don’t try so hard to remember. Let it come back to you on its own.”

“This is silly,” Sam started to say, taking hold of her hands.

Again she leaned forward to him, “No it’s not. If it is keeping you from sleeping, it is something you must find the answers for.”

As he did so often, he gave in to her and let himself try to relax as her hands went back to gently massaging his shoulders. As he closed his eyes again he added, “You may put me to sleep if you keep doing that.”

“Well, then one of the battles will be won.”

They were silent for a moment when he started speaking, drowsily. “I must have been standing beside her on the bench, because I felt so small, but I was looking down at her. A man in robes sat down in the seat ahead of us. The woman said, “You must take him. I cannot care for him anymore.” Sam’s eyes opened, “Just like I have always thought. She didn’t want me any longer. She must have left me at the church. This is useless,” but he remained in the chair, Sara’s hands holding him firmly.

“Relax, Sam. If that is all you can remember, let me help you go back to sleep.” Her hands carefully followed up the length of his neck, her thumbs on each side of his spine. Slowly they went back down along his shoulders, repeating the motion. Occasionally she said quietly, “Let yourself relax.”

By the clock on the fireplace mantle only about ten minutes passed when she felt him completely let go. She cleared her throat a little and found he did not stir. She walked back toward the bed, stopped, thinking for a moment. Covering her mouth with her hand she tried to summon a cough somewhat like what they heard the other day in the cathedral.

Sam stirred in the chair, his eyes still closed until he sat upright, gasping loudly. He looked at Sara, “Was that you?”

“Who did you see?” She went back to his side again, placing her hands back on his shoulders. This time he reached up and held hers.

“I was standing beside her on the bench. She started to cough, covering her mouth with her hand and when she pulled it away there was blood in it. Quickly she pushed me toward the man, stood up and walked away. I think I was crying, but the man held me tightly and she never looked back at me.” Sam’s hand went to his own mouth as his eyes searched Sara’s.

She knelt on the floor before him as he continued. “I saw a woman coming into the room dressed in heavy robes, her head protected with a shawl or something. She was saying ‘Straighten up boy, your mother is gone now.”

Sara climbed up to sit on his lap, being careful to avoid his injury. She held him tightly, pulling his head to her chest.

“How can understanding this help me? I don’t know what church it was in Toronto.”

“Your mother loved you very much, Sam.”

“How can you believe such a thing? She left me in the hands of strangers.”

“Your mother was dying … the cough … the blood … I am quite certain she was ill with tuberculosis … consumption. I don’t doubt by what you have told me, she had no other choice and thought it was really the right thing to do at the time. There is probably no easy way to find out for sure. Maybe if we go to Toronto we could find the church and they may have a record.”

“No, Sara. This trip was not planned for me to find out my past. Besides, I really don’t see how discovering anymore will make any change in my life. If you are right and she is dead now, there will be nothing to find.”

“Has this done anything for you, Sam?”

“I always felt a hate for her … for leaving me alone in the world. Believing she didn’t have a choice, I can at least, leave it behind me.”

They stayed the way they were, sitting in the large comfortable chair, watching the flames in the fireplace as they slowly burned down to glowing embers. Eventually they both drifted off to sleep and remained holding onto each other. Finally the morning light started coming in through the sheer curtains on the windows.

Once again they were late rising to the day and dressed for their outing before going down to one of the hotel’s six restaurants for the noon meal. Sara was quieter than usual but Sam knew it was not the happenings of the night before, but what the day was putting in order for them. She was always eager to help others when the matter of their health was involved, but Sam soon learned she was not quick to seek help for herself. He also knew it was not the answer to her problem that frightened her but the great possibility they would be told it could not be solved.

It was shortly after noon when they arrived back at McGill University. The sun was once again shining brightly and the chill in the air had lessened. They took the opportunity this time to walk the distance of the half-mile to the place of learning. This seemed to be as much for a chance to stretch their legs as to give Sara extra time to try to take the pressure off the reason for their visit.

The university looked to be enormous and when they arrived the crowds of people were proceeding every which way, but everyone appeared to know exactly where they were going, except the two visitors. Sam stopped and asked one older gentleman with an extremely bushy white beard where the Medical Department might be.

“I am going in that direction as soon as I pick up some papers in this office, if you would like me to take you there.”

They both agreed and took a seat outside the office while the gentleman went inside. Sara was unusually quiet and sat holding her gloves, which were being twisted into an unrecognizable bundle.

“Don’t worry so much,” Sam leaned to her and whispered.

Sara tried hard to smile back at him and even though the corners of her mouth turned up he could see there was no sparkle in her eyes.

“He must be a professor,” Sam said, trying to lighten Sara’s fears. They could see the man through the door as he talked with the woman standing behind the desk.

“He doesn’t really look like a professor to me.” The man with shoulder-length white hair was somewhat overweight. His clothing was not formal like what one would expect of a teacher as he wore a bright-red knit sweater. From inside the office they heard everyone erupt into laughter and the man’s hand went to his belly as a deep joyous sound came from him. After giving it some thought Sara added, “He looks more like Santa Claus.”

“Then we should be in good hands at least as far as finding the Medical Department.”

The man came out of the office, holding in his arm a large stack of papers. His whole face seemed to smile. He extended his free hand forward giving a slight bow, directing them to join him. They both stood, Sam took Sara’s hand and placed it in the crook of his arm, his own hand still remaining on hers, gently squeezing it.

Before going far they went through a door to a stairwell and proceeded to go down one flight of stairs. They turned to enter a long hallway, where many people were walking in each direction and most they met greeted the older man.

The three walked along at a surprisingly fast pace, after all Sara was certain this gentleman must be at least in his late sixties, if not older. They made a turn to follow another hallway, this one containing fewer students and the sound of conversation and people hurrying suddenly lessened.

The man slowed a little and looked at the couple. “That is better, the hubbub around here before afternoon classes start is almost frightening.” He looked at his watch. “Another five minutes and you may see hardly a soul in these hallways.” He extended his hand to Sam and added, “Clarence Brown.”

“Sam Fielding and my wife …”

“Sara,” the man finished for him much to their surprise. He reached for her hand and held it in both of his. “Charles has written to me about you several times. I received a Christmas letter from him only yesterday and he mentioned you were planning on stopping by. I never thought it would be so soon, as he couldn’t give a date.”

“You know Doc … Doctor Brown,” Sara asked, still finding it so unbelievable the first person they met at the university was the man they were looking for.

“All of his life. He is my younger brother. How is Charles?” They continued to walk down the hallway but at a much slower pace. After hearing his brother was well he continued to talk about him. “It’s too bad really he didn’t finish his schooling here. It wasn’t his fault if the truth be told, but he couldn’t forgive himself.” Knowing by the expression on their faces they didn’t understand what he was talking about, he continued. “It was unfortunate really … what happened. As soon-to-be graduates often do, the class was out on a tear one night. The boys, still feeling a little light-headed from the night before, went down to the Bonsecours Market and caused a bit of commotion. It wasn’t discovered what truly happened but a horse was spooked and in the process a wagon was overturned on top of a young girl, the men being charged with unruliness in the process. Several of the child’s bones were broken including her pelvis and it was inevitable she would be crippled for the rest of her life if she did survive the accident. Feeling quite responsible, Charles felt he was capable of performing surgery and repairing the bones. The surgical procedure seemed to be a grand success and it looked like everything would be righted again. Unfortunately four days later she started to develop a fever. An infection set in and sadly after seven days she passed. Of course her parents were devastated, but it also destroyed Charles and his will to be a doctor and he disappeared after that. I received a letter several years later from a town near Toronto with no return address. I couldn’t tell him no charges were ever laid against him. I tried looking for him but it was useless. A few years ago he wrote again. It was mostly about your problem, Sara, but he told me about moving to Grand Valley. He reported to me about how he moved west and lived among people with no medical advice of any kind. Slowly he was pulled back into it and continued to move to areas with no other help. It seemed these small communities would grow around him and get too crowded for his comfort and he would move on.”

By this time they walked into the man’s office, a sign on the door announcing “Clarence Brown, Doctor of Physiological Anatomy.” A woman behind a desk said, “You are already fifteen minutes late for class.”

“Send Fredrick in this afternoon, would you please?”

“I already have.”

He grinned back at the woman. “Thank you, Eleanor, you know me better than I do myself. These fine people are the Fieldings.”

The woman stood and smiled, shaking hands as it was obvious she knew who they were and why they were there. She shuffled through a few files on the desk, found the appropriate one and handed it to the doctor.

The couple followed the gentleman through another door into an office that looked nothing like what one would expect belonged to a physician. Although there were many books on the shelves Sara noticed below the two rows of medical texts were books of many interests including horticulture and art appreciation. Several paintings and photographs adorned the walls and her vision stopped on one in particular of two men. They were dressed in their heavy fur coats, heads covered with matching hats and they appeared to be standing in the foreground of a blizzard. Immediately she saw the family resemblance between the two and was quick to recognize the eyes of the younger man looked familiar to her.