New Beginnings (74 page)

Just the thought of Rennie turning to another man for the comfort he should have provided made Zach fist his hand on the tabletop. “But when Tyler was born, didn’t the dates—”

“He was born a few weeks premature. That’s what Rennie told us.” Marian shook her head. “I still can’t believe she went to so much trouble to cover up the fact that you were Tyler’s father.”

Hearing the story from Rennie’s mother hurt even more. Zach could only imagine what Rennie must have been going through. Alone in a strange city with a baby to care for and no one to call on for support… except Nathan, of course. It was no wonder she had fallen in love with him. He must have seemed like the only person she could count on.

“I began to question it as Tyler got older. I saw so much of you in him.”

“Yet you never confronted Rennie? Why?” If she had, maybe, just maybe, Zach wouldn’t have missed out on so many years with his son. He couldn’t dwell on that though. Those years were lost to him forever, and he had to focus on the years he had left.

“I wanted to, but I was afraid of alienating her. Chuck and I saw so little of her as it was—maybe once or twice a year. She’d built a life for herself with Nathan, and she seemed happy. I didn’t want to jeopardize that, so I kept my mouth shut and let my daughter live as she saw fit. I figured if she was living with that secret, it was already torturing her. You know Rennie. She’s as honest as the day is long.”

Even when they were teens, Rennie had felt guilty telling her parents a little white lie so they could spend more time together. His buddies questioned their girlfriends about where they’d been and who they’d been with, but he’d never thought to ask Rennie those questions. He trusted her. “I know. She loved Nathan?” He didn’t even know why he’d asked. He should just let it go. Rennie told him she had, but he knew Marian would be honest about her daughter’s marriage.

“There are all different kinds of love,” Marian said quietly, as she smoothed the handmade place mat beneath her cup.

“What does that mean?”

“There’s the love you feel for your soul mate and the love you feel for the person you feel rescued you from a life of misery.”

Zach’s heart pounded. “Go on.”

“Rennie was always a strong-willed girl. I’m sure she never would have thought she needed rescuing, but having a baby all alone in a strange city, so far away from home, proved to her that sometimes everyone needs a shoulder to lean on. Nathan was her shoulder to lean on.”

“When they first started dating…” Zach knew he was crazy for asking for details. He should wait until Rennie was ready to confide in him, but their relationship couldn’t move forward with Nathan still between them. “Was she happy?”

“They started out as friends.” Marian smiled. “I was glad she had someone like him next door. He was always there to help her with Tyler. I can’t say I was surprised when they started seeing each other. From the first time I met him, I saw how much he loved my daughter. I knew it was only a matter of time before she realized she could do a lot worse.”

Zach frowned. “You make it sound like she settled for him. Is that how it was?” He’d always wanted the best for Rennie. He hated to think she’d settled for less than she deserved.

“When you love someone the way she loved you, everyone else will seem like they’re lacking something.” She raised her head and pinned Zach with her blue gaze. “It’s an intangible quality. On paper, they seem like your perfect mate and you know you should love them, but you can’t quite let go of the past.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

“My mother.” Her eyes shimmered just a little. “She fell in love with a soldier. When he went off to war, she promised she would wait for him. He never came home. I don’t think she ever got over it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Zach said. He’d met Rennie’s grandmother a few times before she died, but Rennie’s maternal grandfather had passed years before he and Rennie met.

“You were Rennie’s soldier.”

“Excuse me?” Zach asked, frowning.

“My mother never stopped loving her solider. Even though she built a life with my father, she never forgot about that man. The one who took her heart to his grave with him.”

Zach sat motionless. He wanted to believe with everything he had that Rennie had been passing the years as he had—still loving
him
with her whole heart.

“I know what it’s like to watch someone trade the life they want for the life they feel they deserve. Rennie felt guilty for leaving without telling you the truth, and she was punishing herself by staying away. Don’t get me wrong, she loved Nathan as much as she could, but he wasn’t you. No man will ever take your place in Rennie’s heart.”

Zach closed his eyes as relief swamped him. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

“Now it’s up to you to make Rennie believe she can trust you with her heart.” She looked at him sternly, pointing her finger. “I’m warning you, if you break it again, you’ll answer to me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned and leaned across the table to kiss her cheek.

***

Three. That’s how many days of misery Rennie had endured since Tyler left their home. Tyler had come down with the stomach flu, and he’d been sick in bed ever since yesterday. It was the first time Rennie hadn’t been with him during an illness, and it was adding to her torment. According to her parents, he wasn’t ready to come home or even talk to her. Every time the phone rang, she prayed it was him. Disappointment settled like a rock in her stomach when she realized it wasn’t.

“Are you listening to me?” Terri asked.

Rennie looked up, embarrassed at being caught up in her own thoughts at work. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Terri sighed and turned her swivel chair to face Rennie. “I know you’re going through hell, but he’s gonna come home, hon.”

Rennie had confided in her friend first thing Monday morning. She couldn’t hold back the tears that fell when she saw Tyler’s smiling face staring back at her from her desk. “I know.” She didn’t know for sure that Tyler would come home, but she had to hold on to the hope that he could forgive her. He had to know how much she loved him, how much she had sacrificed to spare him the pain of growing up with a father who didn’t want him.

Zach.
How could she have known he would do a one-eighty? When he told his brother he may not be ready to start a family until his professional baseball career ended, she’d taken him at his word. Was it her fault he’d changed his mind and that Tyler had been robbed of precious years with a dad who did, in fact, want a relationship with him?

“Have you spoken to Zach?” Terri asked, looking as though she was afraid to ask. Her normally calm and collected boss was on the emotional edge, and she clearly didn’t want to set her off.

“He’s called a few times.” Rennie sighed. It wasn’t fair to shut him out, but she couldn’t think about the future until she got her son back.

“Have you talked to him?”

“No.” She wanted to give some reasonable excuse, but she couldn’t. “Honestly, I don’t know what to say to him. I think I know what he wants, but—”

“But you’re not sure of what you want?” Terri asked. “Does that mean you’re not sure if you still have feelings for him?”

She couldn’t deny her feelings for Zach, but that didn’t mean he was
good
for her. He was still the man who’d broken her heart, and he had a lot to prove about his commitment to their son. Talk was cheap. She wanted to see evidence before she allowed herself to go down that road again. “I have feelings for him.” Rennie sighed when her computer went into sleep mode. She wished she could pull the covers over her head and wake up when the whole nightmare was over. “But that doesn’t mean it’s in Tyler’s best interest for me to pursue those feelings. He needs stability, and let’s face it, Zach’s life is anything but stable. He could get traded tomorrow for all we know.”

“And either one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow,” Terri said. “Does that mean we stop living because we’re afraid of what may or may not happen?”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Rennie didn’t consider herself a fearful person. She routinely stepped out of her comfort zone to try new things, but they were talking about giving her heart to the one man who’d already proven he wasn’t worthy. Could she really take that kind of risk?

“Isn’t it?” Terri asked, reaching for her latte. “It’s easy to go through the motions, Ren, to live life on the safe side so you never get hurt, but is that really what you want?”

“What if things don’t work out between me and Zach? What would that do to Tyler?”

“He’s a resilient kid,” Terri said softly. “He’d be okay. But what about you? If you never took a chance on Zach, can you honestly tell me you’d be okay with that?”

Could she?
The cell phone on her desk rang, and Zach’s name flashed across the screen. She wanted to hit ignore, but she was tired of being a coward. “Hey, Zach.”

“Hey, yourself. Is Tyler feeling any better?”

“I talked to Mama this morning. She said his fever is down, but he’s still weak and tired.”

“How’s his appetite?”

The wall Rennie had built around herself crumbled a little more. He sounded like a concerned father. “He’s not eating much, but I asked my parents to make sure he eats something small every few hours and drinks water. If his blood sugar gets too low, that could be dangerous.”

“Have they taken him to the doctor?” Zach asked. “I tried to call their house yesterday, but there was no answer.”

“They were probably at the doctor then. That’s the only time they’ve left the house, to my knowledge.” Covering her eyes, she said, “I hate to burden them with this. I should be with him. Not my parents.”

“
We
should be with him,” Zach corrected. Rennie didn’t respond. “Look, we need to talk. Can I come over tonight? I’ll even bring dinner.”

She hadn’t had much of an appetite since Tyler left, but she appreciated Zach’s thoughtfulness. “You don’t have to bring dinner. I—”

“You haven’t been eating, have you?” When silence followed his question, he swore softly. “Damn it, Ren, you need to take care of yourself. Tyler needs you.
I
need you.”

She didn’t know that Tyler would agree, but it was nice to know someone needed her. The question remained could she allow herself to need Zach? “Fine, you can come over. I should be home by six.”

“That works for me.” Before he hung up, he said, “I can’t wait to see you.”

In spite of the fact her life was in turmoil, she couldn’t wait to see him either.

Zach was at Rennie’s door at half past six with a bag of Chinese food and a deep-seated fear that she would tell him he had no place in her life. He knew she wouldn’t try to shut him out of Tyler’s life, but that didn’t mean she had to welcome him back in to hers. Unless he could convince her loving him was like betting on a sure thing.

Rennie opened the door with a forced smile and stepped back to let him enter. She’d obviously changed clothes after work. She was wearing black yoga pants and a turquoise tank top. Her hair was in a ponytail, and her face was free of makeup. Had it not been, he may not have noticed the faint dark smudges under her eyes.

“I don’t have to ask if you’ve been sleeping.” He kissed her cheek. “Obviously you haven’t.”

“My ten-year-old son has run away from home. How do you expect me to sleep or eat or pretend that everything is normal?” She was fighting back tears.

He put the food down on a small oak table that stored her mail and keys and pulled her close. His sore shoulder meant he couldn’t hold her the way he wanted to, but he sensed she just needed someone to put their arms around her and tell her everything would work out. “That kid loves you, Ren. Anyone can see that. Sure, he’s mad at both of us, and he has every right to be. But that doesn’t mean he won’t feel differently in a day or week. The more time that passes, the more he’s going to miss you.” He smiled. “Trust me, I’ve been there. I know.”

Rennie smiled as though she appreciated his effort to add levity to the situation. “I have to admit, that does smell good.” She eyed the bag.

“You want to eat outside? It’s a beautiful night.”

She lifted a shoulder. “Sure, why not?”

She obviously wasn’t enthused about eating or spending the night in his company, but at least she’d agreed to talk. In his mind, that was a step in the right direction. “Why don’t you grab the plates, and I’ll take this outside?”

“Should I open a bottle of wine?” she asked.

He hadn’t taken his pain medication tonight since he’d suspected she may need a drink or two. Rennie wasn’t the type to drink alone. “Sounds good.”

Once outside, he took a moment to admire her backyard. It wasn’t large, but it was lovingly tended with carefully trimmed shrubs and brightly colored blooms in each of the flowerbeds. There was a large area for tossing the baseball or throwing a stick to a puppy, and it was fully fenced. Even if he couldn’t convince Rennie and their son to come live with him, he could happily spend time there with them until they were ready.

Rennie stepped outside and closed the patio door. “Here are the plates and utensils. I just have to go back in for the wine.”

Zach made a face. “You know I don’t use a fork to eat Chinese food.”

She laughed. “And you know if I have to use chopsticks, I’ll starve to death.”

It was so nice to hear her laugh again. “You still haven’t mastered them, huh?”

“I don’t think I ever will.”

“If you ask nicely, I might give you another lesson.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, her lips twitching with amusement.

He reached for her hand when she turned to step inside. “Ren, it’s good to see you smile again.” As soon as he said it, her smile slipped, making him wish he’d kept his big mouth shut.

“I haven’t had much reason to smile lately.”

He tried not to take offense. They were back in each other’s lives after a decade apart. Wasn’t that reason enough to be happy? “That’ll change, sweetheart. You can’t lose faith.”