New Beginnings (41 page)

“Ella?”

Walking over to the window, I stared out at Seattle. Everything looked bluish-grey as the sun set behind the thick, dark clouds. The sky, the buildings, the water of the Puget Sound-all was an ominous bluish-grey. Random white lights glowed from various windows in the surrounding buildings. The only splash of color was down on the shiny, wet streets as the lights from cars and surrounding businesses reflected off the wet ground.

I heard Xavier sigh and then stuff the letter back in the envelope. Within minutes, he was standing behind me. His warm, strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling my back into his front. Placing his chin on my shoulder and his cheek against mine, he whispered, “You okay?”

“Not really. I’m angry as hell as a matter of fact.”

He turned me slightly towards him so he could look me in the eyes. “That’s not quite the reaction I thought you were going to have toward his letter. Although, I have to be honest, his comment to take care of
our
girl makes me feel a little violent.”

I frowned as I turned back to the window. “Where does he get off blaming me for offing himself when he’s the one that cheated and lied all those years. Now he says it’s a pain he can’t live with anymore?” Hot, angry tears pricked my eyes.

“Sweetness, I don’t think he’s blaming you. He’s blaming himself. Your leaving him may have caused his pain, but ultimately it was the things that he did that caused you to leave. He realized that. I believe he also realized that you were lost to him forever, because I for one am never going to let you go.” To emphasize his point, he squeezed me harder to him.

I broke free of his hold so I could turn around and look him in the eyes. His dark hair with those shocking blue eyes never fails to affect me. For a moment, I almost forgot what I wanted to say. He raised his brows and looked at me expectantly.

“How can you say you’re never going to let me go? Just last night you asked if I wanted him back,” I said accusingly.

Without hesitation, he responded. “Just because I asked if you wanted him back, didn’t mean I was going to let you go. You’re sadly mistaken if you think I’m going to let you just walk out of my life without putting up one hell of a fight,” he said passionately.

I smiled widely at him, thinking there is no way I could possibly love this man any more than I already do.

“You’re looking rather smug with yourself, Mrs. Hart,” he said, smirking at me.

“No, not smug. Just happy.” I sighed. “What do you think he means about Carline? Do you think she’s behind those strange, blocked calls I was getting? The footprints around your mountain home that one weekend? And why does she have your detailed financial … oh my God. Is she behind the attempted kidnapping?”

“I don’t know, sweetness. I have Stewart on it. Until we can figure this out, I don’t want you going anywhere without Marissa. Do you understand me?”

I nodded. “Yes, of course.”

We stood and looked at each other. I took in his gorgeous features. His eyes swept over my face before lingering on my lips. I could sense the air around us change with a sexual energy that had me parting my lips so I could accommodate my increased breathing. Xavier’s eyes dilated. His face flushed. He was feeling it too.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my hands in his dark, silky hair as I pulled him down for a kiss. I pulled him with such force, his palm slammed against the window behind me. As soon as our lips melded together, I could feel my blood pumping hot and fast through my veins. It didn’t take long for the kiss to turn heated. Arms wrapped around each other tightly, lips parted, tongues tangled, breaths mingled. Before I could process how he moved me so quickly, I was suddenly turned around and being backed up into the living room.

Breaking away from me, he left me standing in the middle of the room. Hooded, hungry eyes stared into mine as he took his jacket and tie off. After tossing them on the couch, he reached over and grabbed the Sherpa blanket I was wrapped under earlier. The very same Sherpa blanket he laid me out on months ago.

Walking over to kill the few lights that were on, he stopped in front of the fireplace and lit it. I felt the heat of the flames immediately on my already feverish skin. I reached for the hem of my t-shirt and pulled it over my head.

Walking over to me, he stopped just a few feet from me. His eyes swept over my entire body, lingering on my heaving chest as he began to unbutton his shirt. Leaving it hanging open, he began to remove the X and O cuff links I gave him for Christmas. My hands flexed at my side, itching to run over the hard contours of his abs and chest.

Unable to control the urge, I walked over to him. Starting with his abs, I trailed my fingers over the hard ridges. He closed his eyes. His breaths were coming in quick pants as a shiver ran through him. Continuing up his chest, I stopped and pressed my palms firmly into the warm skin of his pectorals. The feel of his heart hammering right along with my own sent a thrill through me.

As soon as he reached up and removed his shirt, I ran my hands up to the curve of his shoulders to the back of his neck. I pressed myself into him just begging him to take me, but the babies chose this moment to make them heard or in this case felt. One of them let out a punch or a kick that was so strong, Xavier felt it while I was pressed up against him. His eyes widened at me.

“Was that what I think it was?” he whispered.

I nodded at him. “That’s the strongest one yet.” Releasing my hold from around his neck, I grabbed his hands and pressed them to my rounded belly. We stood frozen for several minutes waiting to feel more movement. When the kick came, Xavier looked up at me with awe and fascination on his beautiful face.

“Lie down,” he said, motioning to the blanket on the floor.

He stood and waited until I got comfortable then he stretched out next to me. Resting his head on my chest, he ran his hand over my belly, pausing in different spots waiting to feel another kick.

Knowing that the urge to devour each other was quickly slipping away, I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair.

“I guess we should get used to this, huh?” I said, chuckling.

“Being interrupted by babies?” He paused a moment to kiss my belly. “Yeah, but don’t you worry, sweetness. No matter how many times we get interrupted, I will always find the time to take care of you.”

I waited several minutes. “How about now?” I asked.

His hand stilled on my belly. He lifted his head to look at me. I was surprised to see fear and uncertainty clouding his eyes.

“What is it?” I frowned at him.

“I don’t know. It seems different now that I felt them. Before it was just your swollen belly, but being able to feel them move inside you … it makes it so real.”

Shit. I knew where he was going with this. I cupped his face. “Hey, you aren’t going to hurt them or me. Pregnant couples have sex right up until their babies are born,” I said, trying to sound reassuring.

“But it’s different for you,” he insisted.

“Different how?” I asked, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.

“You’ve had a miscarriage, Ella. You were bleeding with this pregnancy.”

I appreciated his concern, but I was damned if I was going to have to go the next few months being sexually frustrated when our doctor had already told him there was nothing to be concerned about.

I wiggled out from under him. He frowned as he watched me get up. Standing before him, I stripped out of my pants, bra, and panties until I was naked before him. He watched me the entire time with hungry eyes. I felt nothing but satisfaction coupled with lust course through me when I took in the sight of his arousal straining against his zipper.

I put my hands on my hips. “You and I both know that we can’t make it a few days without having each other. There’s no way we’ll make it months. Now this is going to happen one of two ways.” Raising his brows at me, he put his hands behind his head causing his biceps to bulge in such a delicious way I swear my mouth watered. A playful, little smirk was on his face. “You can have me here, you can have me in the bedroom, you can have me in any damn room of this place that you please, but either way you are going to have me.”

Licking his lips, he pulled his arms from behind his head. Waving his arms down his body and then holding them out, he looked up at me and said, “I’m at your mercy, baby.”

That was all I needed to hear. Straddling his thighs, I quickly undid his belt, popped the button, and unzipped his trousers. Standing up, I made my way to the bottom of his pant legs. He lifted his bottom so I could easily pull his trousers off. When he pulled his boxer briefs down, springing his erection free, I wanted to run and jump on him I was so fired up.

As I approached him, he quickly sat up. Grabbing me by the hips, he held me firmly in place. Heat flooded my core as I fought the urge to fight against his hold.

“Easy, sweetness.” His voice sounded strained with a combination of lust and fear. But I didn’t fight him, and I didn’t argue with him. Allowing him to take control by guiding me down onto him and controlling our rhythm as we moved together was exactly what he needed to put his fears to rest. Within no time we were both covered in sweat, clutching each other’s slick, trembling bodies, and calling out each other’s names.

The next day, Xavier insisted on staying home and working out of the house. I did nothing but field calls from friends in New Jersey as the news of Stephen’s death reached them. My parents were the most surprised. Like my father said, Stephen was a proud and arrogant man. He didn’t seem like the type of person that would give up in such a cowardice way. I agreed with my dad, and then read him the letter Xavier had received.

“That damn bastard. Even on his way out he has to try and make you feel like shit,” my father growled. It took fifteen minutes before my mother and I had him calmed down.

Xavier got news that afternoon concerning Stephen’s funeral. The service was going to be held Friday, the day after tomorrow, at Mount Pleasant Cemetery at 10:00 a.m. He made arrangements with both Stewart and Marissa to accompany us, and I was positive they would both be armed.

Thursday morning, Xavier headed out to work. I was restless after he left, eager to get out of the condo. Thoughts of having to go to the funeral tomorrow had me tied up in knots.

I spotted my camera bag sitting on the floor of the bedroom when I got an idea. After getting in touch with Marissa, I hurried around the bedroom to get ready. I met her down by the SUV in less than thirty minutes.

I originally told her I wanted to visit my parents place out on Bainbridge Island. I frequently went out there to check up on it just to make sure everything was okay. But the minute we got the car, I told her I had a change in plans.

Marissa didn’t question me when I gave her the address of where I wanted to go, but I saw the confusion on her face when she looked over at me.

Twenty minutes later, we were pulling into Myrtle Edwards Park. It was an overcast day. The breeze coming off the water was downright chilly today. Because of that, the park wasn’t as busy today as it had been when I was here just three days ago with Stephen.

Marissa seemed to understand why I had the need to come here. She held back several steps behind me to give me privacy.

When I came upon the bench that I had shared with Stephen, I paused for a moment before I sat down. I glanced out at the choppy water, finding the little white caps to be mesmerizing. I took in a deep breath of the briny smell traveling with the breeze off the water.

Glancing off to the right, I admired the gorgeous sight of the Olympic Mountains. In the distance there was also a pier with what looked like hundreds of sailboats docked. I took my camera out and snapped several shots.

It was hard to believe that just three days ago I sat here with Stephen while he apologized for everything he had done. As the shock over the news of his death faded, anger quickly took its place.

I was angry when I thought about all the years that I wasted with him. Why had I stayed so long? Putting up with his verbal abuse like I did for all those years. Then there was his lying about our reason for not being able to have children, and his affair that everybody knew about but me. The things he’s done to Xavier and me. My miscarriage. Here that son of a bitch claims he can’t live with the pain of what he did, but I lived it. I still am.