Never Too Late : A Romantic Story (5 page)

"Don't worry," Deb said as she waved over a bartender. "They'll drop some chemicals on i
t
that smell like lime. The stuff will eat our brains, but at least it'll smell nice."

"Oh joy," Amy said as the bartender made his way over.

#

Amy didn't so much avoid Cale at the organization over the next few days, she just chos
e
tasks to do that she figured would take her out of his way. He was busy doing his things, an
d
she was busy doing hers. One day, about a week after Lizzie had puked, she saw the girl pic
k
Cale up in a nice looking car.

She couldn't believe it. Actually, she could, but she didn't want to. She had figured Cal
e
would've wised up, but apparently she hadn't.

So
those things were stewing around in her mind, as she moved a couple of boxes with canne
d
food into a storage area, when she bumped into Cale quite unexpectedly. "Oh, hey," he said.

"Hi," Amy said, going around him with her box.

"Are you okay?" Cale called after her. She heard him start to follow her. "You've been actin
g
weird the last few days."

"I haven't been acting weird," Amy said, shoving her box into place on an eye-level shelf.

"If anything, you've been acting weird." 

"How so?" Cale leaned against the shelf, crossed his arms and smiled at her. He always seemed
to be smiling, to her. Except when Tim died or Lizzie puked, of course. "I figured myself th
e
same as ever." 

"It's that girl," Amy said, turning to face him with
certainfinality. "Lizzie. She's a
n
idiot."

The smile faded, and Cale began to rub his temples with his fingers. "Look, don't start wit
h
this crap, okay? Joseph and Deb have already given me an earful, and I don't fear lik
e
hearing it."

"Fine," Amy said with a shrug. She brushed her way past him and headed down the hall.

"Do you think she's an idiot because of how she acted that one day, or because she's wit
h
me?" Cale followed her again. His tone had a real bite to it. For someone who didn't want t
o
hear it, he seemed intent on hearing it anyway.

This felt wrong. This cold, stinging anger. It froze her over. This was just like Brad. Bra
d
would turn things around. Twist words, twist perceptions, even twist lies until they were t
o
his own benefit. She knew this game. She didn't want to think Cale as capable of it, but sh
e
could hear it in the inflection in his voice. "Just drop it," she said, not wanting t
o
continue with it all.

"No, seriously." Cale was angry now. "What's the problem? Are you jealous or something?
I
liked you, you know. But you thought I was just some asshole."

"Whoa," Amy shouted, turning to face him. She knew better than to get riled up with th
e
accusation, but it had made her hot. She seethed at the man who had been her friend. "I aske
d
you back off. You even said you were out of line, don't try to turn this around on me.
I
haven't done anything to you, once. You're the genius who picked some drunken mess."

"No, I picked you-"

"And I told you no. So you should've backed off, but you shouldn't have jumped into the arm
s
of some slob."

"She's not a slob, she works-"

"I don't care where she works." She steamrolled over everything Cale tried to throw at her
.
She didn't care that he couldn't get a word in, because he didn't deserve to get a word in
.
She was pissed, and this felt good. "I don't give a shit about her."

"Well, that's fine." Cale stopped following her. "Because the truth is, Amy, that I don'
t
give a shit about you." He spun on his heels and marched away, leaving Amy in the hall.

"Fine," she shouted at his back, but the words felt hollow. Oh, they had the same push sh
e
had been using, but they felt flat to her ears. She wanted to tell him to come back, that sh
e
was sorry, but she wasn't. It wasn't fair to her to pretend that she was okay with what ha
d
just happened. "This is the way it is," she said to no one. She stood alone in the hall for
a
time, before she returned to the meeting room for her next task. 

#

Things were not going well for Amy. Or rather, they were, but she found she couldn’t enjo
y
them. She had gotten promoted to full-time at work, and made more money. Her friends fro
m
Carrie Cares invited her out pretty frequently, and she enjoyed her time with them. Sh
e
enjoyed her work at the organization, and at the coffee shop as well. Still, she felt guilty.

Not about Cale, which is what she expected the initial feelings of guilt were about. No, sh
e
had realized after some deep introspection, that she felt guilty about still being at Carri
e
Cares. She knew she helped people, but if she was being honest with herself, she thought sh
e
had gotten what she needed from the place. She had originally joined Carrie Cares to giv
e
herself a sense of worth. It had worked, to a degree. She was more confident in herself, ha
d
more truer friends, and a wealth of experiences.

Nevertheless, despite all the good she did, she felt she had hit a plateau. Another benefit o
r
canned food drive wouldn't help her improve herself. That's what she wanted, to improve.

That's what she had wanted all along.

She still attended the Carrie Cares meetings, and though she threw herself into it, she kne
w
in her heart she was elsewhere. She was gaining experience some place else, she was meetin
g
new people, seeing and doing new things. She wanted to go.

Amy confessed her feelings to Deb and Joseph, and both of them had encouraged her. She fel
t
lucky to have these two as good friends, and felt bad about leaving them and not spending a
s
much time as she should've with them. "This place does good work," Joseph said. "But it'
s
really just a stepping stone towards self-betterment."

"Yeah," Deb said. "What he said."

So she steeled herself to leave, but found she couldn't. And this, she knew and attribute
d
to, Cale. Their argument had jostled something in her. She couldn't bring herself to be angr
y
with him anymore, but she couldn't bring herself to initiate a conversation that might repai
r
the damage.

Her assignments retained her vigor, but she knew she wanted to be gone. She just needed
a
catalyst to do so. She tried a bunch of mental techniques she found on the Internet. Positiv
e
self-talk, mental framing, simple pep-talks.

She was in the midst of one of the latter, as she left Carrie Cares one night, when she hear
d
what sounded like shouting. Amy followed the noise out to the courtyard, where she foun
d
Cale, sitting in the same spot he had been when his friend had died. "I'm not going to chang
e
my mind," he said into the phone. "That's it. We're done." He went silent for a little while
,
before shaking his head and shouting, "Goodbye Lizzie," with a sense of finality and hangin
g
up. He put his phone back in his pocket, let out a groan, and dropped his head into hi
s
hands. "Thank God," he mumbled to himself.

"Cale?" Amy asked.

He looked up at her, like a deer in headlights. "Uh, hi."

"Hi." Amy, without thinking much about it, walked to one of the chairs that still lay aroun
d
the place, and sat down. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged and grinned. "Just, breaking up with Lizzie."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. But thanks."

They sat for a while, the sun setting over the rooftops. "Listen," Amy started.

"I wasn't brave enough to break up with her to her face," Cale suddenly said, his face red
.
"I couldn't. I knew I'd cave. This was the best way I could do it. I guess I could've done it over text message or something, but I'm not a bastard."

"No," Amy said. "You're not." Then, with a clarity she hadn't felt in a while, said, "I'
m
leaving Carrie Cares."

"What?"

She stood up and dusted her legs off, even though there was nothing on them. "I've done all
I
can here," she said. "I want to move on. I want to do more, see more, be more. I appreciat
e
this place, and maybe I'll come back to help out some time, but for right now, I'm leaving."

Cale stood up. "Does this have anything to do with us?"

"I thought it did," Amy admitted. "But no, this is about me."

"I know I've been stupid, Amy. I'm sorry for all that crap I said to you the other day. Yo
u
were right about Lizzie. You were right about me too. I want us to be friends, and to han
g
out like we did before all this went down."

"I'd like that too," Amy said, and she started to walk away. "But I don't think I can righ
t
now."

This was the push she had needed. Not some pretty talk online. A closure, a resolution,
a
something. This was physical. She could feel this. She would go on to better things, alway
s
carrying with her the things she had learned from Carries Cares, Cale, and the others. I
t
would be good. Not perfect, but better than what she had been only a short time ago. Sh
e
believed in herself now, and she would continue to do so. 

"I want you to stay," Cale said. He didn't sound desperate, but she
heard it in the space
s
between his words, and the silence before and after. It was strange, she thought, how muc
h
they had relied on each other without realizing it. Perhaps Cale had needed her more than sh
e
had ever needed him. If that were true, and again she knew this with an unbelievable clarity
,
then he needed this more than she did too. Cale's journey may still involve Carrie Cares, bu
t
it didn't involve Amy anymore.

"Thank you," Amy said. "But I can't."

Then she was gone, and Cale was alone. 

#

Four Months Later

Amy lifted the box with the new K-Cups and moved them into place on the display. "Nice," he
r
manager said. "Very nice. Think they'll sell?"

"They better," Amy said with a smile.

"I'm very pleased with your recent work," her manager said, almost as an aside. "You've bee
n
doing well around her."

"Thanks." She smiled up at him. "Not to counter what you just said, but mind if I take off
a
few minutes early? My running group is meeting a bit further away from our usual spot."

"Sure, sure," her manager waved her away like it was no big deal. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks. See you later." Amy waved at him and jogged out of the store.

She had joined the running group a month after she'd left Carrie Cares. She had started to g
o
jogging, and had felt so good while doing it, she had looked for others to go running with.

Overall, she was vastly improving her health, and her new gusto for work had earned her
a
recent raise. From time to time, she hung out with Jacob and Deb from Carrie Cares, and the
y
would talk about all the old times.

They never went out with Cale, though. "He was a little weird when you left," Deb admitted
,
"but he got over it. He's fine now, but I don't think he's ready to see you."

"I can understand that," Amy had said. She could, too. She wasn't sure she was ready to se
e
Cale either. It had been four months since she'd left, and she still believed the separatio
n
had helped spur her on. She also still believed it would be good for Cale in the long run
,
but sometimes she thought about calling him. Sometimes she dreamed about him, but only rarel
y
and never in an overly sexual or romantic way. She did miss him though. When they had bee
n
friends, every day had brimmed with possibility and purpose. She still had those, but havin
g
Cale around had also felt good.