Never (The Ever Series Book 2) (28 page)

I
t’s been more than a week since I watched the enemy I thought I knew step into oblivion to save me. It’s been more than a week since the unexplainable has been washed clean. Now that I’m back in Portland, my week in Southern California, which feels like it lasted an entire lifetime, has been swept away. And my efforts to erase my life here have been obliterated. My frantic journey around the globe now seems like nothing more than a diversion, but whether the diversion was for me, the enemy, or both, I still don’t know. I may never know.

In quiet moments alone in my room, I’ve been piecing things together. Earthquakes are no longer just earthquakes; they are an announcement that something
else
has entered this world. And moments I thought were dreams have turned out to be reality. People I thought I knew as friends or enemies have turned out to be ever changing. And now I know that the only way to save me from a lifetime of solitude was for Ever or Alex to step into the blackness and take the enemy with.

Alex brought me back to where I almost died to give me my life back.

***

“This is so unnecessary. Really.”

I’ve been saying this for days, but no one has listened. The problem is that Ever’s idea to throw a party to make up for the dance—the one I missed at Springview—means not only dancing but also seeing Audra, who I’ve managed to avoid since she decided it was better to kill me and be done with it.

“Wren Sullivan, go upstairs and get ready right now!” my mom orders. “I want to see you in your dress. I still cannot believe your father booked you a flight for spring break the day of your first dance. I swear! That man!”

“Mom! Take it easy. I forgot to tell him about the dance.”

Everyone—my mom, my dad, my friends—believes some variation of a lie about why I was gone through the first half of the week following spring break, and why I had to miss the dance. The story involves a last-minute trip to Mexico with my dad—not a whirlwind trip around the world trying to outrun or outsmart Alex’s former cohorts. My brief time at Dana Point High School has been washed clean, too. But I doubt anyone there would have missed me, anyway.

“Okay, okay,” she says. “But Ever is going to be here soon to pick you up, and look at you.”

She laughs, and I glance down at my workout clothes.

“What?” I smile innocently.

“You are impossible!”

As I trudge up the creaking stairs, I know that all of my transgressions, all of my mistakes—they have been washed away too easily. But
I
remember every mistake I’ve made, and every single one of them will haunt me. When I get into my room, my phone buzzes. I pick it up and see a text from my dad with a picture from our “trip.” The photo is, of course, altered—a conglomeration of pictures expertly cobbled together by an immortal hand. Considering Ever’s reluctance to wipe out my memory, he didn’t seem to have any problem making sure that everyone else’s recollection of my absence fell into one of two categories: fuzzy or completely false.

But things have been better with my dad. I’ve talked to him a couple of times, and I’ve already agreed to spend part of the upcoming summer in Southern California, despite knowing that Jessica will drive me absolutely crazy. It’s easier now to accept that my dad has a new life, because I do, too. And I feel less abandoned than I did. Having made my own choices, right or wrong, I’m no longer a little kid at the mercy of adult decisions. Plus, I’m now able to appreciate the fact that I have a little brother who I want to see grow up.

Going over to my bed, I lift the corner of the mattress and reach all the way back, pulling out the letter to my mom. Then I take the matches and metal candle holder from my desk. Lighting fire to the piece of paper, I watch it begin to burn and then place it on the metal as the edge begins to curl. As the paper blackens, I bring the holder to the bathroom where I wash the ashes of my note down the sink.

A few minutes later, as I step under the hot water of the shower, I let the confusion that I’ve kept bottled up wash over me. For once in several days, I let myself feel everything I’ve buried deep down, away from myself, away from Ever. I
want
to hate Alex. For manipulating me. For making me betray Ever. For making me betray myself. For sacrificing himself. And for leaving me with unanswerable questions about what would have happened if he had stayed.

When I stepped through the mirror, it was because I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else paying for my choices. And I have to wonder—had that been Alex’s reason, too? Did he finally find the redemption he was looking for? But he’s gone, and I’ll never know. I should be happy that all of my problems have been neatly swept away, sucked into another dimension. I try to ignore how eerie it feels to be getting ready for another dance as I turn off the water. I tell myself that I didn’t know who Alex was at the time, and that it doesn’t matter now anyway.

The problem is that these are both lies, and I know it.

Wrapping a towel around myself, I comb out my hair and find the makeup kit that I brought back to Portland with the rest of my stuff. I dry my hair with the blow dryer, burning my scalp and hating every second of it. When I’m done, I apply my makeup like I just did—during another lifetime for another dance, another date.

Hurrying into my room, I pull on my dress, careful to avoid getting makeup on it. In the middle of struggling with the zipper, I hear the doorbell, and my pulse races. Not because I don’t know who it is. I know exactly who it is. My heart is racing because I keep expecting blame and condemnation that hasn’t come. I take the charm bracelet from my dad off the desk, but a knock at my door sends it flying.

“Honey?” my mom calls.

“Yeah! Come in.”

“What are you doing?” she laughs when I look up at her from under my desk.

“I dropped the bracelet Dad got me.”

I stand up and turn awkwardly to face her.

“What do you think?” I ask self-consciously.

“Oh, baby,” she smiles tearfully. “I think Ever is going to just about die when he sees you.”

I smile wryly and turn so she can help me zip up the dress. Then I hold out my arm for her to help me with the bracelet. She holds both my hands and looks me up and down, smiling.

“Do you want me to put your hair up?”

I smile again and nod my head. I’ve never been good at doing anything with my hair. She grabs my brush off the desk and starts humming. I watch in the mirror as she winds my hair into a chignon. When she’s finished, I reach out and hug her for several seconds.

“Mom, I can’t even tell you how relieved I am to have you here helping me with this stuff.”

“That’s what moms are for!” she laughs.

“Yeah, well I got lucky in the mom department.”

She picks up a small box wrapped in pale green wrapping paper, and my stomach flips. It’s the one she left for me before I ran away. Part of me keeps expecting her to remember all the terrible things I said to her, but even if she never does, I will be cursed to remember them for the rest of my life.

“Here, sweetie. I didn’t have a chance to give it to you before you left. Kind of an early birthday present.”

“Way early.”

I smile weakly as she holds out the box. Taking it, I carefully slide my finger under the tape.

“It’s not going to bite,” my mom laughs.

I grin at her and tear the paper. It’s a jewelry box. I flip open the lid and look down at the black diamond studs set in white gold. They were a gift from my dad. I’ve always thought they were beautiful, but I can sort of see why she wouldn’t want to keep them. To her, they must represent the past.

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Absolutely.”

I take them out one at a time and put them in. She smiles again.

“There. They look much better on you, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Mom. You’re the best. I mean it.”

I hate myself for doubting her for one second, no matter how realistic Alex’s conjured memory was. Even if it wasn’t real, I will never forget the feeling of her saying she never wanted me here. I don’t blame him, though, because I realize why he did it. Because if I hadn’t been so hurt, I would have caved and come back to Portland immediately.

“I’m just glad you’re back. I don’t know how I’m going to survive with you gone for two whole weeks during the summer.” Her blue eyes widen. “
Oh
! Poor Ever. I left him downstairs by himself.”

I laugh.

“Mom, I think he’ll be all right.”

“Hurry up!” she says as she leaves.

Walking over to the bed, I pick up the shoebox. I’m still haunted by the memories of my brief stay in Southern California as I sit down and slip on the heels. Standing up, I find I’m steadier than I was a little more than a week ago, probably because I’ve had some practice. I walk to the door and take several deep breaths before opening it. When I reach the landing, I look down and see Ever waiting for me.

I stop breathing. How is it even possible, I wonder, to have this reaction every time I see him? But dressed in a suit, he’s even more stunning than usual. And for a second I almost abandon my doubts about this party-dance thing. It’s worth it just to see him like this. Waiting for me.

“Are you coming down?” my mom laughs.

I glare.

“Just trying to make sure I don’t kill myself on the stairs.”

Before I can move, Ever joins me and offers his arm. Suddenly I feel like royalty. By the time we get to the bottom step my mom is in tears again.

“Oh, sweetie.”

Squeezing Ever’s hand, I go hug my mom again.

“Caroline, I’ll have Wren home by midnight, if that’s all right with you.”

She waves us out the door, and I smile at her one more time. Ever holds my hand as we walk down the steps. When we reach the curb, he stops me.

“You truly have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

He takes something out of his pocket and motions for me to turn around. A moment later I reach up and touch the infinity pendant.

“You’re going to have to stop taking that off,” he says dryly.

My smile comes out crooked.

“I know. Every time I do, things go to hell.”

He opens the car door and holds my hand as I step in. I look down at my dress. I felt like a princess a few seconds ago, but the feeling has faded. There are so many unknowns, so many holes in what I thought I knew. Part of me wants to be angry with Ever for not telling me about the plan he made with Alex, and I’ve been plagued by insecurity and doubt—and not just about the things that are beyond my control. Since watching Alex disappear into nothingness, I’ve had doubts about everything.

Even my own soul.

As we drive toward his house in the hills, I look over at Ever, and he smiles. I can see a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes as well, and I know why. After watching Alex step into the darkness, I felt something in me crack. Since that moment, I’ve been able to summon my internal wall and shield my thoughts from Ever almost effortlessly.

I’ve been telling myself that this is normal. Who else has a boyfriend reading her thoughts at random? But I still feel guilty for every thought I’ve had to hide from him. I look out the window, taking comfort in the cool, green beauty outside. As we take the turn toward Ever’s house, I smile. One thing that does feel completely
right
is being back in Portland, like I was always supposed to be here, and it just took sixteen-plus years to correct the mistake. When his house comes into view, my stomach lurches at the sight of all the cars parked out front.

“We’re late.”

“You can’t be late to your own party,” he says, pulling up next to a blue Civic I don’t recognize.

When he opens my door and helps me out, I hear music and smile broadly at Ever.

“I only used music from your computer,” he smiles back.

Instead of walking into the house, we follow the sound of the music to a grassy field bordered by enormous evergreens. A few dozen people are already on the dance floor, most of them familiar faces from my classes. I look and see a table set up with an unbelievable assortment of food and drinks, and the surrounding bushes are strung with twinkling white lights.

“You’ve been getting a lot of practice being human. Super human, actually.”

He shakes his head.

“
This
was mostly Audra.”

“Oh.”

My voice has no volume. The last time I saw her, she had been plotting my death. I guess at the time she saw me as the reason behind Ever’s imprisonment by the enemy. I’m trying my hardest not to blame her, since—like me—she didn’t know what Alex and Ever were planning until after it all happened. She did wish me dead, though. And who knows? Maybe she would have killed me if Alex hadn’t taken me at that moment. I shudder at how well he played his role, and how easily I believed that he was about to turn me over for infinite possession, despite everything that had happened between us.

A chorus of high-pitched screams from the dance floor causes my muscles to stiffen. Then I see Lindsay, Ashley, and Taylor rushing toward us. Ever smiles and leaves as soon as they reach us.