Never Surrender (18 page)

Taima swept it away with the pad of his thumb as his
fingers cupped her face. She leaned her cheek into his comforting hand and
closed her eyes, causing more tears to fall.

“What is it you weep for?”

She glanced back at him. “I’m not frightened of many
things, but being here and not knowing why or how scares me to death. And no
one has the answers. Will there come a time when I will just disappear and go
back to where I came?”

“I hope that never comes to pass. I want to know you,
and so does my son. You mean more to Kelee than you know.”

“And what of you, Taima. What do I mean to you?”

Taima held Kate’s gaze for so long she thought he’d
forgotten her question. With one hand still cupping her cheek, he moved his
fingers back into her hair and to her nape, pulling her close.

His mouth took hers with a passion she hadn’t thought
he possessed, stealing her breath away. Kate disregarded her unspoken questions
as her stomach fluttered like the delicate wings of a butterfly. She braced her
hand on the ground beside her, then threaded her fingers through Taima’s long
hair. The silky strands slipped over her fingers, tickling the back of her
hand.

Their tongues touched, his sweeping the sensitive skin
of her mouth. Then he withdrew, leaving her wanting more, needing more of his
gentle touch.

He slowly inhaled. “Kate, I cannot tell you what you
want to hear. I can only say that I find pleasure in being with you.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “Is that not a start?”

“It’s not what I think you search for.”

“I’ve given up looking for love, since those I love
seem to meet a tragic end. Remember what happened to you, all because I cared
even a little.” Despair filled her heart. Kate straightened her back, leaning
away from Taima and he dropped his arm from around her. “I, too, find pleasure
in your company, Taima, but we always seem to argue whenever we’re together.
I’m not asking for your love, I only ask that we take each day as it’s given,
neither of us asking for more than we receive.”

He nodded.

“I know you loved Witashnah very much.” Taima visibly flinched
at the mention of her name, as though Kate had struck him with her hand. He
looked toward the stream, avoiding eye contact.

She desperately wanted him to understand. “I don’t
expect to take her place in your heart, but I need to feel that I belong…and if
not here with you and Kelee, then where?”

His eyes slowly met hers. “You know you are welcome to
remain with us for as long as you think you’ll be here, which is still
something I don’t understand.”

“Nor do I,” she said, wishing she could make him understand.
“My visions come to me suddenly; I have no control over them, or what I might
see.”

“Perhaps we could return to the healing waters, if
you’re not afraid.”

Talking of the area where she’d been kidnapped brought
back cruel memories she’d rather forget. “What about the Blackfoot?”

“By now, he’s sure to have heard that you’ve escaped.
And he will never give up looking for you.”

The hairs on the back of her neck rose. Kate scanned
the woods across the stream as though she expected to see him waiting for her.
“I don’t want to bring danger to you or your people.”

Taima touched his side. “I’ve faced danger before. I’m
not afraid. Let’s forget about him.” He rose and extended a hand to her.

She accepted, at last hopeful they might become
friends. As they wandered along, a deer crept warily to the river’s edge
further downstream. “I love to watch the animals, to admire a herd of buffalo
or elk as they graze about a valley.”

Taima watched Kate’s eyes sparkle as she talked. The
smile that curved her lips delighted him. He stretched his muscles, achy from
lack of work. “There are many places I could show you, many things we could
do.”

“I’d like that. Tell me about these places.”

“There’s a valley nestled between mountains with a
lake set in the center. In the early morning, through a thick mist, one can see
elk and deer come to drink of the water. It’s also one of Kelee’s favorite
fishing spots.”

Perspiration covered Taima’s forehead, and he wiped it
away with the back of his hand.

“You’re getting too tired. We need to get you back and
settled for the night,” Kate stated.

He walked with her back to Ahanu, who lay stretched
out next to a small fire.

“I see you two didn’t get lost after all.” Chuckling,
Ahanu glanced at them both, then shook his head.

“We sat near the stream and talked,” Taima stated.

Ahanu held up his hand, stopping Taima from
continuing. “I don’t want to hear any more,” he laughed.

“I want to move on tomorrow. We’ve been delayed here
long enough,” Taima said. Kate lightly touched his arm. Even her slight touch
sent desire coursing through him.

“Do you think you’re strong enough to attempt that?”
she asked.

“We will be moving out in the morning,” Taima stated,
firmly daring anyone to argue. Dizziness and chills seemed to wrack his body
and he hoped by tomorrow they’d be gone. “I think a good night’s rest is all I
need.”

He picked up Ahanu’s shirt and pulled it over his head
without too much pain in his side. Exhausted, Taima lay down and rested his
head on the sod pillow. Kate picked up a few things scattered about the area
while Ahanu checked on the horses, then returned to sit by the fire with her.

Taima paid little attention to their conversation, for
Kate’s green eyes and arched brows accenting her high cheekbones became a
distraction. Her soft laugh sounded like music to his ears; female
companionship had been sorely missing from his life for too long.

Time spent with Kate seemed to pass quickly, too
quickly. He hadn’t thought about enjoying a woman’s company in years; it
confused him that he would feel this way with Kate, a white woman who never
ceased challenging him.

As the sun sank beyond the horizon, Taima thought
about Witashnah. They’d been so much in love that everyday his heart still
ached for her touch. He dreamed of her often, of talking and laughing with her.
It was as though she were still with him.

Betrayal flashed before him whenever he considered
loving another woman the way he’d loved Witashnah. As long as he didn’t allow
himself to care too deeply for Kate, he thought they could find happiness.
Kelee seemed to love her; the boy talked of no one else. Kate might not be with
them forever, but Taima didn’t even want to hint at that possibility to his
son.

Her long, dark hair fell forward when she leaned to
search for a stick to poke the fire, stirring the orange embers into the
darkening night. Watching her movements affected his own burning embers,
sending his thoughts to memories of their earlier shared kiss, of the delicate
pulse beneath his lips at the hollow of her throat. Holding her slender body
within his embrace reminded him how long it’s been since he’d lain with a
woman.

Not since Witashnah.

Kate had slept in his lean-to since her arrival.
According to the custom of his people, her presence there automatically made
them husband and wife, but Taima knew she wasn’t aware of this. Although he
strongly desired her, he couldn’t bring himself to make love to her. She had no
idea he held the right to have her at his choosing. He could well imagine her
reaction when she finally realized this. But could he ever make love to Kate
without invoking Witashnah’s image?

Kate lifted her gaze and the flames reflected in her
green eyes. Eyes like a cornered mountain cat in the dark, leery of everything
around her. If his people could see her this instant, with the flames in her
gaze, they would surely assume she had powers equal to the Great Spirits.

Taima held her gaze for long moments, wondering if
their thoughts were the same, if her wishes also warred against her past.

Finally, looking sad, she lowered her lashes, causing
him to feel guilty. In their conversation earlier, he made it clear he couldn’t
love her, and she’d seemed to accept his word.

Kate stood and walked toward him with another poultice
Ahanu had made, the fire lending her face a golden glow. She knelt beside him.

A red bead on her dress near her knee drew Taima’s
attention and he traced around it with his finger.

“We need to place a new dressing on your wound,” she
said, and reached to untie the binding. He rolled onto his side, against Kate’s
knees, to allow her better access to his wound.

“Your hands are warm...and your touch soothing.” Taima
waited for her comment, but none followed. “You’re quiet tonight. What bothers
you?”

“I’m fine, just a little preoccupied I guess.” She removed
the old dressing and placed the new one over his wound. “Do you miss Kelee very
much?”

The silken touch of her fingers skimmed over his ribs,
causing him to inhale sharply. He needed to curb his mounting desire lest he
find her beneath him in one swift move. “I do miss my son. It’ll be nice to get
back so I can take him hunting again.”

She secured the binding and pulled down his leather
shirt. Picking up the old dressing, she strode over and threw it into the fire,
then returned to sit beside him. She tipped her head down, staring at her hands
in her lap, her hair falling forward to conceal her face.

Taima lifted her chin with the pad of his thumb, then
tucked the silky strands of hair behind her ear. “What is it?”

“Do you need me to keep you warm, or should I sleep
elsewhere tonight?”

“What do you want?”

“I’d hate to be responsible for you having a relapse.”
Her soft voice caressed his ear.

“That could happen if I get chilled.” Though the
shadows of night concealed many things, her smile still shone bright in her
face, and he returned the gesture, saying, “I thought you might want to sleep
by yourself, but I know how cold the night is going to be. We could keep each
other warm.”

“What about Ahanu? You’ve left him without a shirt?”

“I’m sure if he wanted it back, he’d say so. He’ll be
fine.”

She moved closer, stretching the length of her body
next to him so that her back lay against his chest. As he draped his arm over
her waist, Ahanu began softly playing his wooden flute, the melancholy music
floating through the air.

The warmth of Kate’s back penetrated Taima’s leather
clothing as he pulled her closer. Her hips fit into the curve of his as his
knees rested behind hers. Taima hadn’t realized how thin she had become until
he moved his hand upward over her ribs.

He glanced in Ahanu’s direction. Thankfully he played
the instrument with his eyes closed, paying no attention to them. Embarrassing
Kate was the last thing he wanted to do.

When Taima held the weight of a full, soft breast in
his palm, he realized he shouldn’t have taken such liberties in plain sight of
Ahanu. His groin tightened as she arched her back, whispering his name.

He wanted her.

Needed her.

Hearing his name whispered huskily from her lips made
him want to take her right here, yet he refrained because of Ahanu’s presence.
Taima remembered their time in the water, the feel of her full breasts against
his bare chest and the tightness it had caused within his own body.

Kate’s fingers fisted in his hand. He stopped the
caress, but didn’t remove his hand from her breast. The rapid beat of her heart
fluttered beneath his wrist, and he smiled to himself. She was affected by his
nearness the same as he was by hers. Perhaps when they returned to his lean-to,
he could consider making her his wife in all respects.

Taima closed his eyes and rested his chin atop Kate’s
hair. He breathed in the scent of sagebrush, listening to the sad tune that
would surely lull them both to sleep.

Witashnah’s image formed in his mind, her sad eyes
stared at him from a distance. Taima clenched his jaw as he quickly opened his
eyes to watch the fire consume the vision. How long would he have to wait
before he could find it in his heart to release Witashnah?

* * * * *

The next morning, Kate stirred beside Taima, waking
him. He covered his eyes against the bright sunlight from the eastern horizon.
Kate still slept, though not peacefully. He touched her cool forearm, then
slowly rubbed it to warm her skin. Once they arrived back at camp, they could
stay warm beneath the buffalo hides he wished for now.

He glanced over to see if Ahanu yet shivered from the
cold of the night. Instead of finding his friend fast asleep, Ahanu sat in the
sun with his back against a tree, eating some of the cooked beaver they’d had
the night before. Ahanu nodded at him in acknowledgment.

Taima rose without waking Kate and went to sit with
Ahanu, accepting a small piece of meat.

“You look better today. How do you feel?”

“Stronger, at least. I’m anxious to travel. I’ve
delayed our journey for too long now. Aiyana will have my hide when we return.”

“She will know we have run into problems. Sakima is
with her, and she has the children to occupy her time.”

“As soon as Kate is up, I want to leave. We’ve a long
way to travel.”

“The two of you seem to have settled some of your
differences.”

Taima shook his head at the smirk on his friend’s
face. “You prefer that we get along, don’t you?”

“Life is easier for those of us around you when you’re
happy.”

Taima raised a brow. “Who says I’m happy?”