Authors: Linda O. Johnston
Never Say Sty (6 page)
In a moment, a lovely young lady, clad in a snazzy cocktail dress, strolled to his side. I couldn’t suppress the huge grin that slid across my face. “And I’m Rachel Preesinger,” she said, smiling for the camera. “Welcome to
Animal Auditions
.” I couldn’t be prouder that my pet-sitting assistant and daughter of my main house’s tenant was to co-anchor this show.
Animal Auditions
.” I couldn’t be prouder that my pet-sitting assistant and daughter of my main house’s tenant was to co-anchor this show.
The two of them introduced the production’s judges: Matilda Hollins, a veterinary psychologist; Eliza Post, who had a radio talk show on pets; and Sebastian Czykovski, who was well known as a dog agility trainer and judge, and made the TV talk show circuit showing his skills.
Then it was time for the pigs to make their preliminary appearances. They’d be brought out one at a time, at least for their initial instruction.
As the first pig entered, I noticed someone slip into the first row of the audience. Dante.
The heck with keeping a rational distance, playing hard to get. Protecting my bruised psyche. If I’d been able to sidle nonchalantly in that direction, I’d have done so. To get the contract signed, if nothing else. But, I admitted to myself, I genuinely wanted to see him.
But not now, with everything occurring onstage. Plus, there wasn’t an empty seat near Dante. I stayed where I was. At least I could stay offcamera and get a good view of him. And maintain my dignity where he was concerned.
“Here’s how things will work,” said host Rick, and no thunderstorm pelted us as he spoke. “As with all sequences on
Animal Auditions
, all our potbellied pig contestants will be trained in the same scenario. The first week will be education. The second week, they’ll run through their new routines, and two will be chosen to go home, partly based on votes from our viewing audience. That’s how it will go until we have two finalists, who will compete during our last week to become champion and win prizes worth fifty thousand dollars from . . . who else? The world’s best pet store: HotPets.”
Animal Auditions
, all our potbellied pig contestants will be trained in the same scenario. The first week will be education. The second week, they’ll run through their new routines, and two will be chosen to go home, partly based on votes from our viewing audience. That’s how it will go until we have two finalists, who will compete during our last week to become champion and win prizes worth fifty thousand dollars from . . . who else? The world’s best pet store: HotPets.”
So our grand prize was identified at last. I glanced toward Dante, who smiled his pleasure. We were fulfilling our contract’s promotional obligations even before it was fully executed, and he was likewise fulfilling his. Excellent!
Except for the fact that he still hadn’t appeared to notice my presence. Well, who cared?
Piggy number one was told to come to center stage. The owner was a slight-looking lady, particularly compared with her chubby pig. Rachel greeted them and told them where, initially, to stand—near the trainer-in-chief, Corbin Hayhurst. The scenario: pigs are in fact highly intelligent animals, and they also have a hugely developed sense of scent. That’s how they locate truffles in Europe, and they’d even been trained to unearth explosives in Israel. That was our pretend setup. Our pig contestants were to learn how to find things hidden in onstage props by their scent, and distinguish them from other objects.
The first pig, Randall, portly yet plucky, appeared confused, but he obviously loved his mistress and meandered around the stage on a bright red leash that matched his harness, sniffing things on command. When he was finished, the judges were called on for comment. The two ladies, Eliza and Matilda, appeared to me to be animal aficionados. But as always with these reality shows, at least one judge had to be a fault-finding grump. That was Sebastian.
“Pigs.” He shook his head and scrunched up his nose as if something smelled bad. “They can’t compare with training dogs, but even taking that into consideration, your pig’s performance was terribly flawed,” he criticized in a clipped voice.
The owner smiled bravely for the camera despite the sorrow in her eyes. “Randall and I will practice hard this week,” she said. “We’ll be better next time, I promise.”
Randall appeared chastised, nose down toward the floor, and I stifled an urge to hurry over and hug his bristly hide.
The second contestant’s situation was similar. Confusion but good intentions, tugging on his nylon lead without appearing the slightest bit sure of his assignment. The judges reacted much the same, too, and Sebastian’s critique was even stronger.
The third was Nita Noralles with Sty Guy. I was genuinely impressed by that particular pig’s attempt to please. And Ned’s Porker seemed even smarter.
Even so, Sebastian snidely and nonchalantly sliced their performances to pieces.
Nita had remained silent when her own act was criticized, but when her brother was reamed she spoke up from the side of the stage where Sty Guy and she still stood. “Your judgment sucks!” she complained oncamera.
“So does your slipshod training of your less than stellar pig, and our latest contestant’s, too,” Sebastian retorted, which made Ned clench his fists. But he was wise enough to stay silent.
Not poor Porker, though. He shrieked an ear-splitting piggy wail till Ned finally convinced him to waddle offstage.
None of the other eight contestants seemed to me to do as well as Porker or Sty Guy, but of course I was biased. Good thing I wasn’t one of the judges.
Sebastian remained uniformly nasty to everyone. Big surprise. Would he be kinder to canines, his approved animals? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps his attitude would encourage outstanding TV ratings, and that was important to the show’s success. I hoped so, but also hated it for the pigs’ sake, not to mention their despondent owners.
When it was all over, I sighed with relief and prayed everyone would return next week despite their obvious dismay. Then, I finally had the opportunity to get the group of production proponents together, discuss our contract, and get it signed.
Right after, Dante greeted me warmly and signed without the slightest hesitation, trusting me not to have altered his attorney’s language. Which of course I wouldn’t. I’d already been punished for an alleged ethics violation I hadn’t perpetrated. I wasn’t about to actually commit one.
Except for differences of opinion about Sebastian, everyone seemed excited. And pleased.
With luck, we’d have a huge TV hit with
Animal Auditions
.
Animal Auditions
.
Okay, the show biz bug had taken a bite out of me, too. One of the hazards, I guess, of living in Hollywood.
As everyone started to walk away, I stood to one side with Dante. I waited for the dinner invitation I was sure was coming. After all, he’d issued it before, and I’d told him sure—but only after we had a signed agreement.
“This was fun,” I said.
“Yes, fun.” His tone was husky, and those dark eyes of his sizzled into mine.
But no invitation.
Well, I wasn’t exactly shy. Maybe he was, somehow, way inside. Or his masculine ego had been bruised when I hadn’t accepted his earlier invitation on the spot.
“So,” I said, “care to celebrate with dinner tonight?”
“Ah, Kendra, I would love to.”
I heard the “but” before he said it. And felt humiliated that I’d even—
“But I can’t. Not tonight, unfortunately. Something came up, and I’ll have to take a rain check.”
And this in sunny Southern California. No wetness in any upcoming weather that I knew about. Maybe I should ask Rick Longley for a forecast.
“Sure.” I made sure my smile seemed somewhat genuine.
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He sounded surprisingly sincere for a guy who’d just scorned a nervy lady’s somewhat nervous invitation. “I have to fly to Pennsylvania tonight to check on one of my warehouse facilities first thing in the morning. Although . . .” He smiled and snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it. Come with me, Kendra. I’m going by private plane, and there’s room. For Lexie, too. I’m bringing Wagner. I’ll be there a few days, but if that’s too long, I could send you back and have the jet return for me. What do you say?”
Well, hell. That was an invitation almost too good to be true. A spontaneous vacation with one heck of a sexy guy. To Pennsylvania? I could think of worse spots. But still . . .
“I’m the one who needs the rain check now,” I said, sure my real reluctance showed. “I have pet-sitting to do right now, and also first thing in the morning. Not to mention a couple of law client meetings tomorrow, and a hearing on a motion the next day to prepare for. But maybe some other time, with a little advance notice. That sounds like fun.”
“Definitely some other time,” he said, and right there, in front of all the people and pigs who still milled around, he bent and gave me a deliciously sexy kiss.
But it was interrupted by some shouting off to the side. Who was involved?
Guess. Nasty Sebastian, of course. Dante and I dashed toward the judges’ table. Several contestants screamed at the judges. Their piggies squealed even louder than if they were emergency sirens blasting in the background.
“You’re so unfair!” shouted Nita Noralles, somehow audible over the porcine din. She saw me and shook her head. “That S.O.B. Sebastian told us that Ned and I will definitely be booted off the show unless we really get our acts together this week. He said we looked like asses on camera, so we should be the ones in training, not our poor piggies.”
“
He’s
the ass,” Ned hollered, “and he’d better watch his behind. I’ll make sure we find something to haul him in about. Then he’ll see what it’s like to be on the short end. And if the rest of you judges stick up for him, I’ll be after you, too.”
He’s
the ass,” Ned hollered, “and he’d better watch his behind. I’ll make sure we find something to haul him in about. Then he’ll see what it’s like to be on the short end. And if the rest of you judges stick up for him, I’ll be after you, too.”
How utterly odd! Ned’s reaction was clearly extreme, especially for such a usually laid-back kind of cop. His concern for piggy feelings must be particularly keen. Or maybe it was his sister’s emotions he endeavored to shield from any unfair judging.
“See what you did!” Formerly almost nice Matilda turned to Sebastian. “I don’t need cops snooping around my business.”
Interesting comment. Did she have something to hide?
Apparently Ned wondered the same thing, since his suddenly cool gaze settled on her.
“I’m terribly sorry everyone is so upset,” Eliza said in her soft British accent. “You know we all love animals, but part of the fun of this kind of show is to be critical.”
“Critical, yes,” Nita cried. “Not personally nasty.”
“Suck it up and take it, you nobodies,” Sebastian said with a sniff. “I’m leaving.” He stood and dusted off his suit, as if someone had spilled something nasty on it. “But I’ll be back for our next scheduled filming. If everyone’s still so sensitive, it’s your tough luck.” He shot a glare first at his fellow judges and then toward the contestants—especially Ned and Nita.
Before he got far, Dante confronted him. His face utterly impassive, he said to Sebastian, “You’re being paid well, and this show will do great in the ratings. Be hard and heartless if you want, but don’t lay it on too thick. If our viewing audience hates you enough not to watch, you’re out of here.”
“Just who do you think you are?” Sebastian demanded. But then one of the guys in the blue Nature Network shirts sidled up and whispered in his ear. Which made Sebastian smile sickly and hold out his hand. “Oh, how do you do, Mr. DeFrancisco.”
“That,” Dante said after a brief shake, “may be up to you.”
Fortunately, the camera crew had already packed up, so none of this nonsense was recorded for posterity.
My production gang exchanged farewells in the parking lot. Dante promised to stay in touch. Yeah. Right.
In any event, my concern for the show was rampant. But it was time for me to go pick up Lexie, escape into pet-sitting rounds . . . and ponder the pitfalls of all this.
I WATCHED THE show on TV that night and loved it! I prayed the viewing public felt the same. Charlotte called first thing the next day, praising our preliminary ratings. Our piggies rocked!
No need to get into the angst I felt that week, even as I threw myself wholeheartedly into my enjoyment of pet-sitting multiple pooches and pussycats—unfortunately, no especially exotic pets just then. Lexie often came along for company, since she’d gotten to know some clients, including Piglet the pug, Stromboli, Abra, Cadabra, and others. I hadn’t yet taken on the golden retriever I’d been referred to at Darryl’s, but that seemed forthcoming soon.
I also accomplished a whole lot of lawyering. Even won the motion I’d been preparing for that had been my main reason to refuse Dante’s intriguing invitation.
Dante. Althea told me a couple of times that she’d not found anything especially exciting about him—but that I should come to the office anyway, so she could show me all she’d uncovered, such as it was.
Reading between the lines, that meant she wanted me to see Jeff. And I wasn’t ready to do that.
I got a number of calls from Dante that lit up my psyche and proved that he had been genuine about keeping in touch. But he was delayed in Pennsylvania. So, nothing exciting happened in that area of my life either.
Probably a good thing.
The next week rolled around. So did the filming at SFV Studios of the next edition of
Animal Auditions
. It was as much fun to watch as last week’s, to see the piggies in training for undercover sniff work.
Animal Auditions
. It was as much fun to watch as last week’s, to see the piggies in training for undercover sniff work.
It was also as excruciating as before to hear Sebastian superimpose his opinions on those of all the other judges—right oncamera. Two piggies—not, fortunately, Ned’s or Nita’s—were booted off the show, as anticipated. But it did not seem accomplished with fairness or flair.
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