Never Say Never (Lakeview Contemporary Romance Book 3) (5 page)

With a cry she made to run towards the ambulance, but somehow Eva stopped her. “There’s no point, love,” she said, holding her daughter in her arms. “It was a massive attack. He’s gone.”

“No …” Olivia’s words were barely a whisper, and it was as though all the breath had somehow departed from her lungs, all the blood had left her body. She felt as though she was no longer part of herself, as if she were somehow floating outside it.

“There was nothing we could do, pet,” her mother continued sorrowfully. “By the time the ambulance got here, it was too late – we were
all
too late.” She tightened her embrace. “I’m so sorry, love. But he’s gone.”

“But how … what … what happened?” Olivia’s legs had turned to jelly and she began to sway.

“They’re not fully sure yet, pet. Look you need to sit down. Let’s go – let’s go next door to Cora’s, OK?”

Shocked and bewildered, Olivia let her mother lead her away. A million and one emotions coursed through her, but strangely at that moment she could only make sense of one. “Oh Mum, I could have done something …I should have been there…” she blurted hoarsely, overwhelmed with remorse.

“There’s no point in saying that, love. There was nothing anyone could have done.”

But that wasn’t true, and Olivia knew it. They might have been helpless but
she
would have known what to do.

But Olivia had been too busy doing something else; too concerned with being the big saviour for her animals … and now it had cost her everything.

T
o make
her feel even worse, Olivia thought now as she and Elle drove home having successfully operated on the little hit-and-run victim – today was her and Peter’s wedding anniversary. She shook her head. It was inevitable that she would think about it, she thought about it every time, but still for Ellie’s sake, she had to try not to let it upset her too much.

She let herself and Ellie in the door of the modest semi-detached house in Lakeview she had moved to not long after her daughter was born. It had been a difficult time, trying to raise a new baby so soon after losing her husband, but Olivia thanked Heaven every day that the strain and pressure of it all hadn’t affected her pregnancy. Ellie was all she had now, and although her mum, Peter’s parents, Leah and her other friends were great, Olivia still felt lonely sometimes. Without Peter it was as though she was no longer a complete person. The two of them had been together so long, had thought they’d be together forever, and then one moment of forgetfulness – of
stupidity
– had taken him away from her. Everyone told her it wasn’t her fault that she’d been late back, but Olivia blamed herself for what had happened. Yes, maybe she couldn’t have saved him … but now she would never know, would she? And for a very long time, the guilt had nearly been harder than the grief.

Still that had been nearly five years ago now, and with the exception of significant anniversaries or birthdays, Olivia was getting on with it. She had good friends, a nice house close to her parents in a lovely village and of course she had Ellie, who was her pride and joy. Her mum looked after Ellie when Olivia was at the centre and luckily, Alma never minded her having to drag Ellie along whenever there was an emergency. All in all, she supposed she’d coped quite well.

She made herself and her daughter a small snack.

“Mum, can I do some painting afterwards?” Ellie asked.

“Yes but only if you stay in the kitchen this time,” she said, ruffling her daughter’s fair curls. Her hair was way too long and flyaway, but Olivia couldn’t bring herself to cut it and part with those beautiful little ringlets – not just yet.

Later Olivia had just finished cleaning the bath when she heard her mobile phone beep from somewhere. She stood up, red-faced from exertion and went to hunt for the phone.

When she did find it, she didn’t recognise the number, but that was nothing new. She hated mobile phones and only kept one so she could be contacted by the Centre or by her mother when she had Ellie, if necessary. Otherwise she couldn’t be bothered.

It was a text message.
“Nailed it”
proclaimed the sender.

Olivia smiled. It had to be Leah. Her friend had taken her driving test this morning and, by some miracle must have passed it. She must have had to change her phone number again too, she thought. Leah was forever losing her phone or leaving it behind in places, and had changed it four times this year alone, which was why it was a question of ‘pick a number – any number’ when you wanted to get Leah on the mobile. Luckily it didn’t feature on any of her business literature; otherwise she would never have any customers.

“I don’t believe it,”
Olivia wrote back, meaning it. Leah was the scariest driver she had ever come across.

“Please – you should never doubt my amazing abilities.”
Leah shot back, and Olivia grinned. Her friend was obviously thrilled with herself.

“So are you celebrating tonight then
?” she enquired, thinking that Josh would probably take her out somewhere. Painfully slow at inputting text messages, this was a long sentence by Olivia’s standards, and it took her ages to complete it.

“
Definitely. Fancy joining me?”

Oh Josh must be working late or something then. Olivia thought about it. At that moment, a few drinks and a chat with Leah sounded wonderful. She hadn’t realised just how much she’d missed her until Leah had returned from Belgium.

It was wonderful to have her back in Ireland again, and although Olivia had made lots of friends over the years, there were none like those who knew you best. With Leah, she never had to avoid the subject of Peter, never had to answer awkward questions about her single status. Not that it was anyone else’s business, but Olivia only felt comfortable talking about Peter to those who knew him. And considering the day that was in it she could do with some cheering up. Yes, she’d love to pop up to Dublin and see Leah tonight, she thought smiling.

Despite the fact that she hated leaving her, she knew she could ask her mother to look after Ellie. She loved having her and Ellie adored being spoiled by her grandmother. Eva would be delighted, she was always on at Olivia to get out and about more. Having been on her own for quite some time now, she knew her mother would like her to move on and maybe try to meet someone else. She met Leah and hunky Josh for a drink occasionally but it had been ages, months actually, since she and her friend had been out on the town on their own. And Leah passing her test was a great excuse for a celebration.

“Will see how land lies and get back to you,”
she texted again very slowly and then using her fixed line phone, dialled her mother’s number.

“Mum would you mind looking after Ellie for a few hours this evening? Leah passed her driving test and wants me to meet her for a drink in Dublin to celebrate. I can drop her off on my way.”

“She passed it?” Eva, who knew Leah well, sounded surprised. “Did she bribe the tester – or did she try the short-skirt trick?”

“I’d imagine it was something like that or else the poor guy was so terrified he didn’t know what he was doing,” Olivia said with a smile.

“Probably. But of course I’ll take Ellie. We’ll be here all evening so drop her over whenever you want.”

“Thanks Mum.”

“And be sure and enjoy yourselves and don’t worry about coming back early or anything,” Eva soothed. “It’s a Friday night, after all.”

“Don’t worry, Mum, we’re a bit old for the Temple Bar thing – well, I am anyway,” she added wryly, trying to remember the last time she was on a rip-roaring night out in the city. Not that she missed it.

“Just take your time and enjoy it – that’s all I’m saying,” Eva said. “Ellie will be fine with myself and your dad.”

“Well, I’d better start getting her ready then, not to mention myself. See you later OK?”

“And tell Leah I said congratulations, won’t you? Although make sure she gets a taxi home too. I don’t want that friend of yours trying to prove to everyone what a good driver she is after ten Barcardi and cokes.” Her mother’s infectious laughter trilled down the line and Olivia smiled. Eva knew Leah too well – and it would be just like her to try something like that.

She read Leah’s mobile number from the text message and tried phoning but the line was engaged. Leah was no doubt swinging from the grapevine at this stage, telling the good news to all and sundry. She might as well just send her a text then.
“Celebrations good to go. Meet you later. Say where and when …”

It was a few minutes before Leah replied.
“Fantastic. Meet you in Searson’s on Baggot St around six? Champers on me.”

Olivia’s eyes widened. Champers? Leah really was going all out tonight. She didn’t care what they drank, she was just looking forward to getting together with her friend for what would undoubtedly be a great night.

L
ater that evening
, Leah’s mobile rang just as she was putting the key in the front door of her apartment.

“Hi Eva,” she answered warmly, seeing the number displayed on the screen. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Olivia’s mother said cheerily. “Olivia told me about the driving test and I’m thrilled for you. I just wanted to say enjoy yourselves tonight, but also to make sure Olivia does too and –”

“Thrilled?” Leah interrupted, startled. “Eva I failed - miserably. There’s nothing to be thrilled about.”

“What? But why on earth did you tell Olivia you passed it then?”

Leah frowned, confused. “I haven’t spoken to Olivia since last night when she rang to wish me good luck, but good luck must have gone on holiday.” She rolled her eyes. “What on earth would make her think I passed it?”

“But she said the two of you were going out for a celebratory drink in Dublin tonight. She said you’d sent her a text telling her you’d passed the test, and would she come up for a night out this evening. She wanted to know if I could take Ellie. She wouldn’t have made it up, surely?”

“She said I sent her a text?”

“Well I’m not completely certain, but I think she mentioned a text.”

“Eva I’ve been on a different planet most of today, but I’m one hundred per cent positive that I did not send Olivia a text asking her to come to Dublin tonight.” Although it sounded good, now that Leah thought of it. She could do with drowning her sorrows. “Where did she say she was meeting me?”

“She didn’t mention that. But, I’m a little concerned now. I know Olivia is a grown woman and she can do what she pleases, but why would she lie about meeting you?”

“Maybe she has a secret lover on the go?” Leah said dramatically, although she dismissed the thought as soon as she said it. Olivia wouldn’t have a secret lover; her friend wouldn’t have a lover full-stop. Peter had been the love of Olivia’s life and the only man she had ever wanted in her life. Still, it was all a bit strange.

Then Leah’s eyes widened as she thought of something. “Maybe she just presumed it was me?” she said, her mind racing as the possibility hit her. “Olivia never updates her phone, and I’ve changed my number since – maybe she got some kind of message and assumed it was from me?”

“What?” Eva pondered this. Then her voice changed. “But Leah, if that is the case then Olivia –”

Leah finished the sentence for her, her eyes wide. “Olivia has got the wrong end of the stick and has made arrangements to meet someone else tonight – someone who definitely isn’t me.”

R
obin slung
her bag over her shoulder and headed north on Broadway. It was early April, but already the air was thick with a humidity that she reckoned only hardy, seasoned New Yorkers could tolerate. She still hadn’t got used to the high spring temperatures, let alone the choking heat of midsummer. She had just left the air-conditioned cool of the office for the day, but already her face was red and perspiring and her light cotton shirt super-glued to her chest and back.

Long strands of auburn hair were plastered to her face and neck and not for the first time, she wondered if she should just bite the bullet and chop the whole lot off. Still, it had taken so long to grow and, most of the time it was quite manageable and needed little styling – days like today excepted when she looked like someone who’d been trapped in a jungle for months on end.

It wasn’t about to get any easier she thought wryly, as she reached Wall St Station and began to descend the steps. The subway was tough going at the best of times, so on a day like today she would be lucky to take in a single breath of air, let alone a fresh one.

She was just about to insert her travel-pass into the ticket barrier, when her phone rang. “Nice timing,” she muttered to herself, and quickly stood back as a throng of hassled-looking commuters hastened towards her. Two seconds later and she would have been out of range in the tunnels. She glanced at the caller display and was disappointed when she recognised Ben’s cell number.

“Ben hi,” she said, her tone flat. A call at this time of day usually meant that Ben was working late – something that lately was happening more often than not, and another reason why the planned trip to Washington would have been a welcome break.

It was such a pity, because on an evening like this one it would have been nice to throw open the apartment’s old sash windows and eat dinner while watching the world go by. Ben, like Robin loved to take advantage of the good weather – a result, she thought, of their Irish childhoods when a fine summer’s day was a rare event and treated as such.

But she was wrong.

“Robin, it’s little Kirsty – she’s had a bad attack and Sarah’s had to take her to the hospital.”

“Oh no, not again. Poor thing, is she very bad?” Ben’s four-year-old niece Kirsty suffered from chronic asthma and this wasn’t the first time the little girl had been hospitalised.

“Bad enough, according to Sarah. She forgot to use her inhaler again. They’ve put her on the nebuliser.”

Robin shook her head. “She’s in St Vincent’s?”

“Yeah, same as last time.”

“OK, I’ll meet you there. Does Sarah need anything?” Ben’s poor sister would be up the walls.

“Just some peace of mind,” Ben answered grimly. “But Brian’s away, so I left work early and promised Sarah I’d go back out to their place to pick up a couple of things. I’m on my way from there now, so I’ll see you soon, OK?”

“OK, see you later.”

Sarah and her husband Brian lived about an hour’s drive away from the city. Brian was obviously off on some business trip or another. Sarah had met her American husband while on a working holiday in New York one summer. She’d fallen so much in love with both him and his native country that she settled there for good, and the two had been living in New Jersey since Kirsty was born.

The hospital was close by, so rather than risk the stifling heat of the subway, Robin decided to walk. Still with the choking dead air of the city, by the time she reached the hospital she was so short of breath she could only imagine how poor Kirsty was feeling.

“Robin, thanks for coming – again,” Sarah said when Robin entered the ward, and she noticed that she had lost an awful lot of weight since she’d last seen her.

“You know it’s no problem,” she said, giving Sarah a warm hug before turning to Kirsty, who looked frail and even tinier in the hospital bed. Although thankfully, Robin noticed, she was now off the nebuliser. She held one hand behind her back. “Hi, darling, look who followed me here to see you!”

Kirsty grinned and her eyes lit up when Robin produced a small alligator beanie-bag. She had picked it up in a toy store on her way, and while she knew the fearsome-looking alligator probably wasn’t the best choice for a four-year-old girl, she was loath to get something stuffed or furry, fearful that it would exacerbate Kirsty’s asthma.

“She’s much improved now, thank goodness,” Sarah said, motioning Robin towards a chair alongside Kirsty’s bed. “But on the way here in the car…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“It’s been so humid today,” Robin said softly, fearful that Sarah was blaming herself. Sarah always blamed herself, feeling somehow responsible for failing to teach Kirsty the dangers of forgetting to use her inhaler. “I’ve had trouble taking breaths myself, so I can only imagine what it’s been like for her.”

“It’s just been getting worse and worse since she started school,” Sarah said quietly, “and I think she’s too embarrassed to use her inhaler. But on days like today, when the air is full of pollen … I don’t know …” She patted her daughter’s forehead using a damp cloth. “Honey, we spoke before about always using your inhaler when you start wheezing, didn’t we?”

The little girl nodded, her breathing now steady but her eyes tired and fearful.

“It’s hard for her to get used to having to do it in front of everyone, I suppose,” Robin said, reaching across and stroking Kirsty’s little hand. “She probably hates drawing attention to herself. I was the same when I was younger.” She smiled, remembering how her own mother had been equally as protective and worried about her peanut allergy. “And of course kids will be kids, and at school they can talk you into doing anything …” She smiled again, this time at Kirsty. “She’s a good girl though – she’ll remember next time, won’t you, pet?”

Kirsty nodded, hugged her none-too-cute new alligator toy and grinned at Robin. She adored her and Ben, and Robin decided that they really should make a bit more of an effort to visit Brian and Sarah out in New Jersey. She felt guilty that lately the only time they saw Kirsty was when she was ill. But because they both worked long hours, Robin as a financial controller for a company in the financial district, and Ben for a graphic-design firm on Lexington Avenue, they tended to just chill out at weekends and go for dinner or a movie.

Lately, Ben was taking on some additional freelance work at weekends, in the hope that they could move out of Manhattan and get a place in the suburbs.

“It’s either that, or move back home,” he had said one evening over a pizza, and the wineglass Robin was holding had almost cracked in her hand.

“Back home – to Dublin, you mean?” she had said, her heart in her mouth as she waited for him to clarify. She had no intention of moving back to Dublin – not now, not ever. She loved her life in New York. She fitted in here, she belonged here, and up until then she had thought Ben felt the same way.

“It would be brilliant, wouldn’t it?” Ben said, his dark eyes shining. “A complete change of lifestyle, something slow and easier than all this mad rushing around.”

Robin felt exasperated. What was it about the Irish abroad that made them see ‘the old country’ through rose-tinted glasses? It was as though Dublin had never moved into the twenty-first century and everyone was still working at a snail’s pace and travelling along boreens on horses and carts. Robin spoke to Leah on a regular basis, and from what she could make out, Dublin was now equally if not more manic than Manhattan. Everything was notoriously expensive, and they had introduced some kind of mad tram service, which meant that neither man nor motor could get around the city without sitting in painfully slow traffic. Robin had read on the
Irish Independent
website
only the other day that an ill-fated underground metro service had run into some kind of trouble with planning, and would be delayed for another few years.

“But what would you do?” Robin asked, wondering if Ben was being serious or if it was just wishful but harmless thinking. “I mean, would you seriously contemplate giving up your job – after working so hard to get where you are?” Ben held a management position at his firm.

“Work isn’t everything,” he said meaningfully, and Robin knew he was again hinting at the ‘why don’t we start a family’ conversation.

“Ben …” she began, but luckily the waitress arrived with their pizza and the moment passed.

Now, as Robin studied Sarah’s tired and anxious expression while she softly stroked her daughter’s hand, she wondered how anyone could do it. So much worry, so much anguish – what was it that made people want to put themselves through all that? She adored Kirsty – in fact Robin adored most children and, funnily enough, they seemed drawn to her in return – but she knew in her heart and soul that she herself would not make a good mother. She just didn’t have it in her.

“How’s she doing?” The arrival of the paediatrician interrupted Robin’s thoughts and she moved away from Kirsty’s bed to give the doctor some room. He scanned the little girl’s medical chart. “This has been her third visit in five months, Mrs Freyne,” he said. “Why hasn’t she been using her inhaler?”

The implied accusation was obvious to Robin and indeed Sarah, who looked ashamed. How was that fair? Robin thought, annoyed. Surely it was impossible to teach a child as young as Kirsty the importance of measuring her breathing and using her inhaler. She was barely a toddler, for goodness’ sake. And Robin could safely assume that Sarah didn’t enjoy having to rush her child to a hospital an hour away, or paying the healthy bills for the use of the ventilator. The way the doctor was behaving, it was as though Sarah or indeed Kirsty, were being purposefully neglectful.

She had a good mind to ask him when was the last time he was solely responsible for a delicate child twenty-four hours a day, and how did he cope when the child was out of his sight? Patronising doctors – Robin had come across enough of them back home when she was a child, and they were all the same.

She made a mental note there and then to give Ben’s sister more of a hand with looking after Kirsty. The very least she and Ben could do was to baby-sit the odd weekend and give Sarah and Brian some time to themselves. It would do them, and indeed Kirsty, some good to let someone else share the burden.

Yes, Robin thought – seeing Kirsty’s expression light up as Ben entered the room – that is exactly what they would do. Although hopefully, she thought then, Ben wouldn’t get the wrong idea and start thinking it was some kind of sign that she was ready for motherhood. Well, if he got that idea, she would have to nip it firmly in the bud. Robin was certain she wouldn’t be ready for anything like that for a long time yet.

If ever.