Never Say Goodbye (Rebel Walking #6) (17 page)

I watch her play for just a few minutes and she eases me with each moment that passes.  It isn't that her music is peaceful, it's that it doesn't remind me of anything I've played before, but most importantly not something I played with
her
.

She stops and moves to put the guitar back in the corner.  I move to reach for it and she hands it to me.  The familiar feel of it in my hands comes rushing back and I quickly set it back in its place.  The shine of Lilly's guitar catches my eye and I can almost see her on stage with it.  I can almost smell the scent of her hair as she slammed out a session with me in the practice studio.  Her smile has almost faded from my memory, but I try to capture it and hang on to it every day.  It doesn't help. 

I'm sure I take longer looking at the guitars than I should've when I hear the bathroom door latch closed.  I fight against the gut wrenching feeling as even more memories start to flow.  This is the kind of shit that I was trying to avoid.  My life was working.  Sleep, work, eat, and work out.  There's no complications in that life.  No room for emotion.        

How am I supposed to stay numb when this girl manages to pull feelings from me every time I turn around?  I can hardly deal with all the shit that's coming to surface.  Trying to fight the attraction that I shouldn't be having, while also keeping her safe and staying numb in the process doesn't seem to be an option. 

I welcome some of the emotions like the rage I feel when I want to kick an asshole's fucking ass, but this other shit has to go. 

She takes forever in the shower, and I'm sure it's her way of giving me some space that I'm obviously in need of.  I sit in the metal chair waiting for her to come out.  When she does walk out, I wish she would've stay in there longer.  I need more time to prepare my mind for the sight I see.  Her hair is wet and longer than normal.  My tank top hangs loosely on her and isn't covering enough of her sports bra for my mind to have to do the imagining.  The shorts are baggy and that's about the only good thing in my favor.

I can tell she's uncomfortable with the shirt because she's trying to hide behind her arms.  "I may need a different shirt."

"What's wrong with that one?"

"Well it's not really covering enough to be considered a shirt."

"I think it looks fine."  Listen to me.  What. In. The. Fuck. Am I doing? 

"Yeah well, I think I need an actual t-shirt if you don't mind."

"Suit yourself.  That's what I have right there.  I'll be making a trip to the laundry mat soon."

"I need to get my clothes from the Jeep tomorrow.  What time are you going over to meet Lou?"

"5 a.m."

"I thought you work Mondays."

"I'm going to call in.  I'll be taking the next week off."  I don't tell her that I plan to leave this place the same day she does and that I'll be quitting that job when I call in.  I'll have to finally withdraw some money from my Rebel Walking account to make it through the week, not to mention my trip out of here.  I've purposely avoided tapping into that money for many reasons.  One being that I didn't want people to be able to figure out where I am.  I know those guys are looking for me and the Walkers aren't dumb asses.  Which is why I'll wait until the last possible minute to withdraw the money.

"You can't do that.  See, I told you this was a bad idea.  Now you're taking days off of work to help me."

"It's not up for discussion."

"Luke, this is too much."

"One week.  One week and you'll be free from here and all the shit that's fucked up your life."  She sits on the edge of the bed straight in front of me.  I start to think about just pulling all the money from my account to give her, but I know she needs more.  The money from this fight will give her plenty and I can keep my account mostly intact, and available for my own plan.  Worst case scenario... I'll pull the money she needs and get her the fuck out of here.

"One week, Luke.  That's me taking a whole week from you."

"You're not taking it all.  I'm learning from Lou and I'll have a new skill.  This is what needs to happen, Kimber."

"You say that like you're dreaming of becoming a professional fighter."

"You never know."  My eyes fall to her lips then to her tits.  What was I saying earlier about her stirring up feelings... well right now those feelings are all in my dick.

Chapter Seven

Kimbe
r
   

The way he's looking at me is making me want him even more.  He's all over the place and I'm positive that neither one of us want any type of relationship.  I just lost a baby, he's obviously dealing with demons of his own.  It was hard to walk away from him earlier.  I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him through the battle he was fighting.  His moods change so fast.  One minute he looks like he could eat me alive, the next he wants to protect me, the next I've killed his dog and he's disgusted.  I can't keep up with him.

Right now, he's hungry for me.  The look in his eyes leads me to believe that he's not immune to what I'm feeling too.  It's there.  Not sure what it is... but something is there between us.  It feels permanent, but who knows.  I move from this position and try to put a stop to this... whatever this is. 

The doctors told me to wait... but right now I want to straddle him right on a metal folding chair.  It doesn't sound romantic, but I can guarantee that it would be hot as fuck.  In the end that's all I would want from him anyway.  Guys like Luke aren't forever.  I've learned that in this industry.  Of course I can't really think of any of the guys in this industry that have his heart.  Or looks.  Or tats.  Or beard.  It's longer than scruff, but not by much.  He hasn't shaved it since I met him, but that hasn't really been that long.  It seems to be growing fast though.      

"It could happen.  You could be the next prized fighter that everyone wants to go up against.  You'd be famous."  His face drops. 

"Yeah that's not something I want."

"I wouldn't either.  Too much pressure to be on top all the time."  He moves to the kitchen area and starts moving pans around.  He pulls out some chicken and salad stuff and starts to busy himself with cooking.  I'm not going to let him avoid me every time I hit a nerve with him.  I won't pry, but I'm not avoiding him either. 

Finding a knife is easy.  I begin to cut up the leaf lettuce and make a salad.  He passes me a bowl and the cucumber.  There are no words being said, but we flow easy in the kitchen together.  This is the smallest area and for us to pull that off in this space, is surprising. 

I turn on some music from my phone and set it down beside me.  I'm used to playing something all the time.  Silence is awkward and I try to prevent it at all costs in my day to day life.  When Greg thought I was busy, he would usually leave me alone.  Music seemed to help with that, not always, but most of the time. 

"What kind of music do you like?"  I need to find that easy conversation with him again.

"Who says I like music?"

"You have guitars."

"Those aren't mine."  His short response tells me not to ask about them any further.

"I love music.  It's helped me through some tough times in my life."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah.  You know, having a mother that wants nothing to do with you and a father that tries to pimp you out to get the next best fighter.  Just small stuff like that."

"Tell me he didn't succeed as a pimp."  He turns to face me.  Now this kitchen seems too small.

"I did date some to let him get closer so that he could talk business." 

"Did he make you fuck them?"  His eyes are full of intensity.  His question came out with a slight growl and I watch as his chest begins to rise and fall faster than normal.  I don't know how to answer this.  My only option is to divert the attention from my past back to his.

"Whose guitars are those?"  He doesn't answer.  He stands there facing me, like he knows my answer.  This sucks because I don't get to know his. 

Have I been with some of the guys he had me work to get close to?  Yes.  Did my father say, you need to have sex with this guy?  No.  But he told me to keep them happy until the fight.  These guys are intense and most need sex daily.  I just learned to stay with the same guy for lengthy periods of time to keep my father from using me to get anyone new.  You know.... stick with his prize possession and keep him satisfied.  My father isn't stupid and would never use me if it meant going against his lead fighter. 

He doesn't quit looking at me when I turn to finish chopping the rest of the vegetables for the salad.  I can feel his eyes burn through me.  Pretending that I don't feel it, I slide left to the sink and turn on the water.  He moves in behind me and I feel
all
of him again.  His tattoos come into view when he reaches around me to turn off the water.  With one of his hands, he sweeps my hair off my neck and leans in close.  I can feel his breath, but not his lips. 

"That will never fucking happen to you again.  I will make sure you are nowhere near this fucking place if it's the last thing I do.  Don't try to talk me out of it again."  He finishes his sentence with the slightest kiss on my neck, lets my hair fall, and pulls away from me. 

I felt that kiss everywhere.  The tips of my nipples perked with just his breath, his words sent a sensation all over my skin, and those fucking lips may as well have kissed my clit directly.  That's where I felt it.

I rub my arms to calm the goose bumps he left behind.  A quick glance behind me and I see that he's still watching me.  This man is too much.   Do I really think I can handle him in this one room apartment for six more days?

Luke

I'm going to fucking kill her father.  This is so fucked up.  The sad thing is, she was almost out and those fuckers stopped her.  I have to get her out of here.  Just when I think I know enough details for me to do what needs to be done, I see another reason to add to the long list.  My focus is dead on with getting her out of here.  I've never been more determined to do anything in my life. 

I watch her.  I know I made her feel me.  Fuck.  I made
me
feel her. 

She moves slowly, no doubt trying to figure out what to do or say to me.  I'm so mind fucked I don't really know what I'm doing from one second to the next.  One minute I'm missing Lilly, the next I want to fuck Kimber up against the kitchen sink.  That is exactly why I can't do a damned thing with Kimber even though she lights a match to my fucking dick with just a simple lick of her lips, or even riding against me on the bike.  Shit... at this rate I'm going to need another shower, but this time I'll have to rub one out just to get this shit out of my system.

"Salad is ready." 

We both stand and eat with just the sound of her music playing between us.  If I continue to be like this, it's going to be a long few days. 

"We need to leave about 4:30 in the morning."  Talk about something... anything that will keep us out of this type of silence.

"Oh.  You want me to go with you?"

"Yes.  I told you that I want you with me until you can drive the fuck away from here and be safe."

"Oh.  Okay.  I guess I'd better get to bed soon then.  I'm not really a morning person and that is really freaking early."

"Gotta get to work on this training.  Lou wants me there so he can show me a few things, leave me there for a few hours, then come back after he works at the gym with some of the other guys."

"I need to think of something for me to do all day."

"You'll think of something."  She walks up to me and takes my plate, just as I finish the last bite. 

"Let me get this."

"Kimber, you don't have to serve me."

"I'm headed to the sink to clean mine, so I may as well do yours at the same time.  It's not like we both need to stand there and do the dishes."  I don't argue with her this time, but I'll be damned if I let her fall into a servant role with me like those other fuckers would demand.     

We both slide under the sheets.  She makes sure she's on the edge of her side of the bed.  I lay sprawled out on my side, with my hands behind my head.  A few lights from the window shine through on the ceiling and I stare up until my eyes finally start to feel heavy. 

"Luke."

"Yes."

"I really can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

"It's nothing, really."

"You don't understand.  It's everything to me."  My eyes open wide with her words.  I know it means a lot to her.  Hell, it means a lot to me and I've only seen a glimpse of her life.

"I know.  Try to get some sleep."  She rolls toward me and pulls the pillow in some sort of cuddle hold as she lays on her stomach.  Her leg is bent and her knee is touching my leg.  Why the fuck does her knee touching me turn me on?

Again, I find myself staring at the lights on the ceiling.  It takes about an hour for me to get my mind to shut down enough to let my eye lids close. 

It's about that time that I hear it start.  Squeak. Thump. Squeak thump.  Moan. Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump. 

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME."  Her laughter explodes in the room and mine follows.  Apparently my neighbor is 'so fucking huge' and he knows how to 'give it' to her.  Fucker can last forever too.  I was about three seconds from banging back when they finally stopped.  If I hear 'Oh God' one more time, I'll have to put a pillow over my head.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"  I'm glad she's making a joke of the situation, because this shit is even more awkward than the fucking hairy guy from earlier.

"It was not as good for me as it was for that guy.  I really need to move."

"I think it's funny.  Do you hear that often?"

"No.  Only one other time in six months."

"Well that's promising.  Poor guy doesn't have a great sex life then."  I don't tell her that he's doing better than I am. 

My dick is standing tall and I swear it's edging its way toward Kimber.  How much more can I take today?  Frustrated as all get out, I get out of bed and head straight for the shower.  I need to take care of this shit now.