Never Mind The Botox: Rachel (22 page)

‘Have you seen Harry since?’ Rowan asked.

‘No, he’s texted me saying how sorry he is. Bit late for that,’ said Rachel.

‘Maybe you should give Harry a chance, Rachel. Listen to what he has to say. You know, sometimes us blokes do really stupid things, even to people we love. I should know.’

‘Rowan, he was going to steal from me and sell the story to the papers!’

‘So you could have a better future together,’ said Rowan.

‘You don’t believe that load of old crap, do you? I’d have thought that you of all people would see through that.’

‘I think that it’s possible that he believed it, which is what matters. He probably just didn’t think it through properly. You know how impetuous he is,’ said Rowan.

‘That’s no excuse,’ said Rachel. ‘Anyway, we’re not having this conversation. Stop defending him. It’s over and that’s that.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said Rowan. ‘Just trying to put the other point of view across. Sometimes things aren’t as black and white as they seem. At least you and Shali are talking again.’

‘She’s been great, to be honest. Totally behind me,’ said Rachel.

‘Of course she is,’ said Rowan.

‘Say hi and tell her I’ll call her tomorrow when you see her, will you?’ Rachel asked.

‘I’ll give her a kiss from you too, if you like,’ said Rowan, adding quickly, ‘only joking.’

‘That’s not funny, Rowan,’ said Rachel.

‘No, sorry. Look, I’d better go. Are you sure you’ll be okay?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ said Rachel.

Would she really be fine? Rachel wasn’t sure. And the prospect of meeting Tom Duffy in the morning to break the bad news didn’t exactly make her feel any better.

She got up and was on her way to run a bath when the phone rang.

‘Please don’t hang up,’ said Harry as soon as she answered.

‘What do you want?’ she asked. Her legs felt a bit wobbly so she sat down on the stairs.

‘To see you. To say sorry.’

‘I think it’s a bit late for sorry. The damage has been done,’ said Rachel.

‘Can we at least meet? Just give me a chance to explain. Half an hour − that can’t hurt, can it? Look, I’ll be in the pub on the corner in an hour. I’ll wait there,’ said Harry.

‘I don’t know, Harry, is there any point?’

‘Please, think about it. I’ll wait anyway, until closing time.’

‘Harry, I…’

But he rang off before Rachel could say anything else.

As she lay in the bath she looked at the bathroom clock. Harry would be in the pub soon, ordering himself a pint, playing the fruit machine. She couldn’t decide whether to meet him or not. Would her anger at him be enough to hold back the inevitable charm offensive? And if she wasn’t having him back, what would it achieve? But on the other hand, she did want to hear him say sorry. Maybe that would make her feel better, make it easier to move on.

Although she’d thought she’d still not made a decision, Rachel soon found herself standing in front of her wardrobe choosing something to wear. What sort of outfit would best portray terribly hurt but in control? She hated the fact that she was shallow enough to care what she wore, but the truth was she did. She carefully picked out a pair of tight-fitting black trousers, a black vest and long chunky-knit cream cardigan. The comforting softness of the cardigan seemed like the right balance against the sharp black outline underneath. Then she spent several minutes doing her make-up to ensure it looked like she wasn’t wearing any, and then left for the pub. Half an hour, that was all she would give him.

As Rachel approached the pub, she started to feel really nervous and wrapped her cardigan tightly round herself. She saw Harry straight away, sitting at a table near the bar. The red patterned carpet and dark brown wooden tables seemed to make the atmosphere in the pub even more dingy than usual.

Harry stood up. ‘Hi. I’m so glad you came. What would you like to drink?’

Rachel could tell he was nervous too. ‘Diet coke, please,’ she said, not really trusting herself to drink anything stronger.

‘You’ve got half an hour,’ she said as Harry sat back down.

‘I’ve really missed you,’ said Harry and put his hand on Rachel’s arm.

She pulled it away. ‘Why should I even listen to you?’ she asked.

‘I’m really sorry, Rachel. I acted like a complete idiot and you have every right to be furious with me. But I didn’t know that I could have caused you so much trouble,’ said Harry.

‘It would have been obvious if you’d taken two seconds to think about it,’ said Rachel.

‘Well, that’s it, you see. I’ve been thinking about this and I honestly don’t know if it would.’ Harry sat forward excitedly, keen to make his point. ‘You see, I don’t really listen that much when you talk about your work and so I didn’t understand what sort of responsibilities you have. So it wasn’t so much that I didn’t think about you, I just didn’t actually know that it would matter so much.’

He sat back, looking quite pleased with his argument, which he felt got him, at least partially, out of jail.

‘Why didn’t you listen to me?’ said Rachel, somewhat taken aback by Harry’s reasoning.

‘Well, it wasn’t, er, very interesting. All those facts and figures, you know, not really my thing,’ said Harry.

Rachel looked at him. ‘You don’t find me interesting?’

‘Of course I find you interesting! In fact, I think you’re amazing. But that’s not the same as being interested in your work,’ said Harry.

He’s like a child, thought Rachel. How could he possibly think that telling me he doesn’t listen to me will make things better!

‘You can’t separate the two, Harry. What I do comes as part of me. It’s a package. You can’t just pick off the bits you like and ignore the rest. You think I’m interested in your endless sports stories? I listen to them because they’re about you and that’s what makes them interesting, not the subject itself.’

Harry looked deflated. ‘Look, I’ll try much harder from now on. We can talk whenever you like about your day, what you’ve been doing, and I promise I’ll pay attention,’ he said.

‘Harry, this is a relationship we’re talking about, not a study course,’ said Rachel.

‘What do you want me to do then?’ Harry asked. ‘Just say and I’ll do it.’

Rachel sighed and shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that this isn’t working.’

‘Well, I want to make it work,’ said Harry. ‘I want us to be back to normal, spending time together, out having a good time.’

‘That’s what you really want, isn’t it? A good time girl who isn’t too complicated. Someone who’ll settle down, look after the kids and cook you dinner every night. Not someone with a career, a life of her own, that disrupts your social life,’ said Rachel.

‘That’s not true,’ said Harry. ‘I want you and everything that comes with it. And I don’t want someone cooking me dinner every night. Three nights a week is plenty.’ He grinned at her.

‘This isn’t a joke, Harry,’ said Rachel.

‘No, no, of course it isn’t,’ said Harry, trying not to smile. ‘Look, can’t we at least try? Give it another chance, see if I can do better?’ he asked.

‘Is this really what you want, Harry? Us together, you know, long term. Because there’s no point us going through all of this for some temporary fix,’ said Rachel.

‘It is what I want,’ said Harry. ‘Definitely.’

‘And what about my career, what if I keep working no matter what happens?’ She couldn’t bring herself to mention children.

‘I’m totally fine with that,’ said Harry.

But Rachel knew that Harry would say pretty much anything if he thought it would convince her to have him back.

‘I need some time to think,’ she said, not feeling able to just say no to him there and then.

‘Okay, I’ll go to the bar and get us another drink,’ said Harry.

‘Harry, I need days not minutes!’

‘Oh, alright then,’ said Harry and he sat back down. ‘Will you call me?’ he asked.

Rachel nodded.

‘When?’

‘In a few days, next week maybe. I’m not sure exactly,’ said Rachel.

‘Is there anything I can do in the meantime?’

‘No,’ said Rachel and she got up to leave.

‘I love you and I want you back,’ said Harry.

‘I know,’ said Rachel.

She turned around and walked away.

Chapter 17

Harry’s words were still resounding in Rachel’s head as she got ready for work
the next morning. Was she really that dull? She’d never thought so. Her life certainly didn’t feel dull right now. Maybe she did talk about her work quite a lot, but didn’t everyone? After all, it’s where you spend most of your day. It made her furious to think of the hours and hours she’d spent listening to Harry showing off and telling people his ‘oh so funny’ journalist stories. She threw her dressing gown down onto the floor as she dressed. ‘Selfish bastard!’

Her anger only subsided when she left the house and started focusing on the day ahead, as it was quickly replaced with fear at the thought of meeting Tom Duffy. How was he going to react? Clearly it wasn’t their fault Lloyd Cassidy was on the take, but it was down to her that they now had so little time until the presentation to the buyers next week. What were they going to tell Equinox?

Rachel sat down on the tube, neatly tucking her legs under her navy skirt suit. She sat forward slightly in her chair so the back of her jacket didn’t crease and tried to relax. The silk scarf she’d tucked inside her shirt like a cravat was too warm for the tube and was making her feel a bit faint. She let out a loud sigh and the man opposite her, who was wearing a rather theatrical looking three-piece suit, smiled and nodded knowingly. The buttons on his waistcoat strained to hold his stomach in as he leaned forward slightly.

‘Damn rat race,’ he said. ‘I know how you feel.’

Rachel forced a half smile and immediately wished that she had a paper to hide behind. She really hoped he wasn’t going to try to engage her in conversation as she really didn’t have the energy. She opened her bag, took out her phone and pretended to study her emails. It seemed to do the trick and the man didn’t say anything else.

At the next stop a heavily pregnant woman got on as the carriage completely filled up from both ends. The three-piece suit man leapt out of his seat and waved his hand towards it with a deep bow.

‘My dear, please have my seat,’ he said to the woman, who took it gratefully.

What a gentleman, thought Rachel, and then felt a bit guilty about trying so hard to ignore him earlier. Maybe she should be a bit nicer to people.

As she arrived at Beau Street, she exchanged the usual weather pleasantries with Fred and then said a very pointed ‘Good morning’ to the receptionist as she walked past. The receptionist looked up slightly, startled by the unexpected show of friendliness. Her over-suntanned face creased slightly at the edges as she smiled but her forehead didn’t move at all. ‘Oh, er, yes, good morning,’ she said and then quickly turned back to the gossip magazine she was reading.

AJ was already in the project room when Rachel arrived. He handed her some files and then paced up and down behind her as she looked at them.

‘It’s all in there,’ he said. ‘Draft of the report, all the paperwork we have on Lloyd Cassidy, a draft of the presentation and an agenda for the meeting. Rosa and I stayed late to get it finished,’ said AJ.

‘Wow, thank you, this is brilliant,’ said Rachel. ‘Please sit down, though. You’re making me nervous.’

‘Sorry, not really had anything like this happen on one of my projects before, that’s all,’ said AJ.

‘Nor me,’ said Rachel.

‘Really? I would have thought someone with your experience would have dealt with this loads of times.’

Rachel wasn’t feeling very experienced at that moment. In fact, she felt bloody terrified. She sat flicking through the files as the door burst open and Rosa came rushing in.

‘So sorry I’m late,’ she said. ‘Some idiot fell under my train.’

‘You’re not late,’ said Rachel, ‘and that’s a bit harsh on some poor squashed person.’

‘Sorry, I just really wanted to be in early so I could help you get ready,’ said Rosa.

‘That’s okay,’ said Rachel, smiling at Rosa’s bright-eyed enthusiasm. ‘I think we’re in good shape.’

‘How long until Carl gets here?’ AJ asked.

Rachel looked at her watch. ‘Twenty minutes. Plenty of time for a coffee.’

The three of them went down to the canteen, grabbed a coffee each and sat down.

‘I just want to say that this has been a really great project,’ said Rosa. ‘Hard work, but great. I’ve really enjoyed working for you as well.’

‘Me too,’ said AJ.

‘Ah, thanks, guys,’ said Rachel, touched. ‘By the way, do you talk to your friends about your work much?’

‘No, no, not at all. I’m very careful about client confidentiality,’ said Rosa quickly, looking slightly worried by the direction of the question.

AJ nodded in agreement.

Rachel laughed. ‘I’m sure you are, but that’s not what I meant. I meant, do you talk generally about what we do, and do your friends or other halves or whoever find it interesting?’