Never Let Me Go (18 page)

I let out a huff of laughter at that, admiring how well that he knew me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, amazed at how he could make light of the situation. “I
did
have a dream about castrating you once.”

He laughed loudly, letting his hands drop to his side as he sat back again. “Ouch. I didn’t know your subconscious was
that
evil.”

I forced as smile as I blinked back tears. I had forgotten how simple things were with Brody. I didn’t have to wonder if I was going to fall for him too soon because the truth was that I had been in love with him since I was a little girl.

“Nah, it’s not. It’s just my heart that’s a little angry with you.” I didn’t bother giving him a smile, because I was too sad for that. It only took one look into his eyes to realize that I’d said the wrong thing. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

He shook his head and then ran his fingers through his hair. “No, it wasn’t. God knows I deserve that
and
more. Don’t apologize.”

I didn’t want to be malicious or cruel to him.

“I really am sorry,” I repeated softly. “It’s not my intention to hurt you as much as you’ve hurt me—that was never my intention. I just wanted to get everything I needed to say off of my chest without hurting you, and I’m doing a piss poor job of that if I say so myself.”

We pulled apart and sat next to each other on the bed. I rested my hands in my lap and looked down at them, unsure of what to say.

“Don’t worry about me. Why don’t you tell me about this Hayden guy? He seems…
nice
.”

I nudged Brody with my shoulder, slightly irritated with his choice of words. He knew exactly what he was doing when he said the word “nice”.

“Watch yourself,” I warned. “I don’t want to hurt you by talking about Hayden.”

Brody took my hands and pulled them apart, taking one and pulling it into his lap. “Don’t worry about me. This guy is obviously making you happy, and his daughter is absolutely precious. If he can see in you what I couldn’t, then I’m happy for you, Mich.”

I nodded, but I knew that this was a bad idea. I wasn’t going to talk to him about Hayden—I’d done more than enough of that earlier, and besides that, it was none of his business.

“No, it’s okay. I honestly don’t want to talk to you about Hayden. I want to keep what me and you
had
completely separate from what Hayden and I
have
.”

Brody nodded, and I pulled my hand out of his lap. I stood up, walking toward the door and stared at him, trying to keep all of my emotions together while I gathered the words that I needed to say to him. Now that I’d gotten my apology out of the way, there was one more thing that I wanted to tell him before I left him back to what he was doing before I’d entered his room.

“Brody, I really need you to keep your distance,” I said, closing my eyes. “I don’t know how long you’re going to be here, but I know
why
you’re here. I can’t give you what you want, and I think you know that. For a long time, I’ve been trying to get over you, and coming to Big Springs for space from you was the best decision I’ve ever made, because it gave me a glimpse of what life could be like without you. I made a choice for myself and I’m glad that I did, because if I’d stayed in Harlow, I would be depressed, I’d be running into you everywhere I turn, and I wouldn’t have met Hayden and Skylar.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “You don’t have any idea how
freeing
it is to be able to go places without worrying about someone texting you and telling you what I’m doing. Or how amazing it felt for Hayden to come up to me out of nowhere and
bear
his soul without someone telling him that I ‘belong’ to you. Here, no one knows you, and let me tell you, that’s fucking fantastic. Being with Hayden is as easy as breathing. And I don’t want to jeopardize that. I came here from space and I need you to give that to me. If we run into each other in the house, fine. If Nic and Colin invite the both of us somewhere, fine. But I need you to
not
come looking for me.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond. There were too many emotions running through me and I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him anymore. I needed distance, and I wasn’t going to wait for his permission to get it.

I’d come
so
far from our breakup and I’d be damned if I was gonna be knocked three steps back just by his presence.

Chapter Twelve

“Go, Michele, GO! He’s gonna beat us! Hurry up!” Skylar squealed with delight as I made a hard right and sped up. Her arms wrapped around my middle. “Hurry! We’re almost there!”

I sped up once again and made a hard left, then slowed to a stop as we reached the end of the racetrack and Hayden pulled in mere seconds behind us.

I jumped out of my seat and pulled Skylar into my arms, throwing her into the air with a shout of victory. When I caught her, I adjusted her on my hip and carried her out of the small go kart.

We’d been at the Big Springs Putt-Putt Emporium for over two hours. When I’d planned to see Hayden again, I made sure that we were able to include Skylar as well. I knew that he had his daughter the majority of the time, and I loved spending time with the both of them.

We met Hayden on the other side of the gate, and Skylar pumped her tiny fists in the air with a loud victory shout. “We beat you! Ha-ha-ha!”

She was extremely excited about the fact that we’d beat Hayden, because we’d made a wager. If he won the go-kart race, we would head home early and watch movies before bedtime. If we won, we would stay another half hour and Hayden had to buy us both ice cream.

“Okay, so I lost. We get to stay a little while longer. What do you wanna do, princess?” He squeezed his daughter’s cheeks, grinning widely at her.

“I wanna get in the ball thing and climb that big ol’ rock!” she replied enthusiastically. “Can you get me my socks, Michele?”

As we approached a table, I set her down on the tabletop and pulled off her sandals. I reached into my purse and grabbed her socks. I reached to put them on for her, but she shook her head.

“I can do it. I’m a big girl, right, Daddy?” She beamed up at her father as she pulled on her little black socks and hopped off the table once she had them on.

“That’s right,” he replied, placing his palms flat on the table and hopping up. “What kind of ice cream do you want? I’ll go get it while you’re playing that way you can eat it before we have to go.”

Skylar turned her mouth to the side, then looked up at me. “What are
you
getting Michele? I want what you want.”

I grinned, still incredibly flattered by the fact that she’d taken to me so quickly.

“I’m getting mint chocolate chip.” I turned to Hayden and flashed him a smile. “It’s my favorite flavor, for future reference.”

Sky’s eyes widened, and her mouth popped open. A wrinkle formed in her brow as she shook her head rapidly. “That sounds yucky. I don’t want that. Daddy, I want cookies and cream!”

She didn’t give either of us a chance to respond before she took off in a sprint toward the ball pit. I watched as she ducked under the mesh net and stood on the platform. She located us at the table and then waved, a giant smile spreading across her face. I laughed as I watched her cannonball into the pit, and I could hear her squeals and giggles from across the room.

“God, she’s adorable,” I muttered, shaking my head at how headstrong she was. “I don’t even know how you let her go once a week.”

Hayden chuckled, and he scooted backward on the table, patting the space between his legs. I got onto the table and he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me so that my back was to his chest and we were touching in every way humanly possible. I leaned my head against his chest, closing my eyes as he planted a kiss to my temple.

“Hell, if I could keep her locked up forever, I would do it, but apparently that’s considered
imprisonment
.” He sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder so that we were cheek to cheek. “I swear, I have an anxiety attack any time she’s out of my sight. Your father must have felt the same the minute he saw you. I bet that’s how most fathers feel about their daughters.”

I shook my head, trying to resist the urge to scoff at his comment. “Nope, you’re wrong about my dad. The last time I saw him, I was thirteen, and the last time I spoke to him was through a
Facebook
message that he saw and didn’t respond to. He has
three
daughters who he hasn’t thought twice about in years.”

I could feel him tense up behind me, and he kissed my cheek. His simple gestures made my stomach drop to my feet. I could hardly keep myself together when I was around him.

“Yeah, well, your dad mustn’t be a smart man. Any man who would let you go without a second thought has got to be the biggest moron on the planet.” He paused, kissing my hair.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Moments passed between us without a single word uttered. I ran my hands along his thighs, unable to resist touching him.

I couldn’t quite describe what I felt when I was around him. Brody was comfortable. I was used to him. With Hayden, everything was bright, shiny, and new. Every touch was electrifying, and he hadn’t even kissed me yet. Every word that flowed from his mouth set my soul on fire. I wouldn’t deny it. I
really
liked him. I was falling for him, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Be here with me,” he whispered, his breath warm at my ear. “What are you thinking about?”

I took in a deep breath. “You. Me. Everything.”

I looked forward, my gaze following Sky as she emerged from the ball pit and raced toward the rock wall. Hayden’s hands gripped mine, holding them in my lap. “Tell me.” His voice was tender, soft, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

I wasn’t the most eloquent speaker, I knew it. The majority of the time, my speech was laced with inappropriate expletives and sarcasm that came at the wrong time, and I very rarely talked about anything serious. It was beyond difficult for me to put my feelings into words and make them mean something.

Everyone around me was able to put their thoughts together and make other people hand onto every word they said. Me, I was just Michie. I was the person who made an inappropriate joke at the right moment to ease the tension, who could be losing an argument and immediately turn it around and make the other person feel small, who could turn any uncomfortable situation around. But talk about
feelings
? No. I didn’t do that. Besides Nic, Hayden was the only other person in the world who could make me swim out of my comfort zone and say what was on my mind.

“I was just thinking that things are going really fast with us,” I said, and then I immediately regretted my words. Even to my own ears, the words sounded harsh. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I was thinking that I’m
surprised
that given how fast things are going, I like you more than I thought I would. You’ve surprised me at every turn, and I like it.” I paused. “I
do
however wish that you would kiss me.”

He laughed aloud, his entire body shaking. “You know why I can’t do that.”

At that, I turned around and faced him, unable to handle the fact that I couldn’t watch his facial expressions any longer. “No I don’t. You never told me.”

He grinned, and I wondered how I didn’t notice before that he had a dimple on his right cheek. His hand grazed my jaw, and he ran it down my face, his thumb touching my chin as he tipped my head upward. His fiery amber gaze had me pinned and frozen. My heart flipped upside down and skipped a couple beats as I gulped, suddenly nervous.

“Okay. I’m going to be honest here, because what other way is there to be?” His other hand snaked around my waist and splayed flat against the small of my back. “I can’t kiss you because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what I feel when I’m with you, and I’m afraid of how fast I’m feeling it. Shit, I’m afraid of how much Skylar adores you, because now that Brody’s here, I’m afraid that we’re going to lose you, and we don’t even officially
have
you yet. I can’t kiss you yet because I’m afraid that if I do, I’m going to fall in love with you.”

I stood on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Hayden, you don’t have to not kiss me because you’re afraid. I’ve only loved one guy in my entire life, and he stole my heart then crushed it into a thousand pieces. Every time I’m with you, it’s like you picked up the pieces of my heart and have started putting it back together. I’m scared, too! I didn’t come here to meet a guy or to fall in love. But I’m here, and I met you, and I’m scared that I’m going to get my heart broken before I even give it to you.” I paused, cupping the back of his head and running my fingers through his hair. “But I want you to kiss me. No, I
need
you to kiss me. I need you to kiss me like I need air to breathe. I know you’re scared, and so am I. But maybe we can brave these waters as one, and we can be scared
together
.”