Never Have an Outlaw's Baby: Deadly Pistols MC Romance (Outlaw Love) (17 page)

“Yeah, you are. 'Cause if you're still this fucked up in another week, I'll see it, clear as the summer sun dying behind the Smokies. And if I do, you ain't going anywhere. You're staying behind with the prospects to guard the clubhouse, and the rest of us'll bring you the cuts from the shitstains who killed Piece.”

Tore myself away from him, hard as I could. My guts were on fire, like I'd been chugging snake venom, full of piss and hate and betrayal.

I was gone before he dismissed me. Hell, I
had
to be, otherwise I would've spun around and clocked the Prez right in his fucking face, shattering his jaw.

Then he would've had plenty reason to fuck me up.

I couldn't let that happen. Couldn't get unhinged. Couldn't come undone when everything I'd been working for these last three fuckin' years was finally on the horizon.

The brothers were out in the bar, everybody except Firefly, Meg hanging on Skin's shoulder. They all went quiet when they saw me coming, and I didn't last long.

Just reached straight through Crawl and Sixty, grabbing a fresh bottle of Jack off the counter, and tore away the lid. I must've poured ten shots of that shit down my throat, dousing myself in sweet Tennessee fire before Skin wrestled the bottle away from me.

“What the fuck's gotten into you?!” he roared, startling Meg. “Whole fucking club's going to shit when we need every man firing on all cylinders, and you're boozing like the assholes are gonna ban it tomorrow! Goddammit, Veep. Sober the fuck up.”

Snarling, I walked away, heading for the little spot where I'd left my girl, my kid, my dog.

No, not your fuckin' girl,
I thought.
She's nothing but your bitch 'til you make her something else.

Something besides a lying whore, good for sucking your cock, and not a whole lot else.

Pain stabbed through my chest. I'd been a fuckin' devil last night, hate fucking her mouth, all I could do to show her how pissed I was for hiding Alex all these years.

I hadn't had a blowjob that good for – fuck, three years? If I wanted to man up and admit it, yeah, it was the stone cold truth.

There'd been fire in her kiss. Lightning in her lips when she dropped to her knees, put my big, mean dick in her little hands, and sucked me 'til I flooded her mouth.

I'd wanted her cunt too. Shit, some sick, twisted part of me was dead serious when I'd threatened her, wanted to pump another kid in her, breed her sweet fuckin' ass so I'd know my next kid from day zero.

I hated her.

Only, I fuckin' didn't when I stepped out the back door and saw her. She looked at me with those bright green eyes, wide and restless as the first time I'd made them roll back in her head. Then she had the dark hair I fisted, softer than it had any right to be, its silky feel calling my cock to life.

“Well? Are we done here?” she asked, holding my sleeping kid. Bingo laid at her feet, offering the illusion I had a real, happy family for a split second.

Whatever the hell it looked like, I knew better.

“Yeah, we are,” I told her, reaching into my pocket for my keys. “Take this shit and drive my truck home. I'll stuff myself in next to Bingo.”

“Huh?” she said, looking at the mess of keys hanging in her hand. Her nose wrinkled up a second later, probably a sign she could smell the whiskey on my breathe. “Jesus Christ, Joker, are you drunk?”

“Not yet. Got about three more minutes before it really fucks me up.”

“I can't believe this,” she said, shaking her head. Didn't stop her from standing up, tucking Alex's head against her shoulder, and walking out.

“Come on, boy,” I reattached Bingo's leash and led him out with us, walking behind her.

Thank fuck he listened like a champ, jumping up on the passenger seat when I patted it. I squeezed into the back, feeling the big dog's breath hitting me in the face.

“I've never driven a vehicle like this before,” she said, strapping Alex into his kiddie seat, new frustration in her eyes.

“You'll manage. There ain't nothing to it. You know how to get back to my place, right?” I pulled out my phone, tapped a few keys, and passed it to her. “Use the GPS. It'll have us home in no time.”

She started her up as I slumped down in my seat, next to the dog. Woman drove like a fuckin' grandma the whole way, leaving me plenty of time to watch the wide blue summer sky spinning through the window.

Maybe half that inertia came from inside me, the booze and raw feeling screwing up my guts.

The other half...fuck, Prez was right. Not that I'd ever admit it to his face.

This had to be the last goddamned day I ever let myself go off the rails, processing all this shit. I had about forty-eight hours to sober up, get my head straight, and prepare for war.

* * *

B
ack at the apartment
, I crashed on the couch, sleeping off my imminent hangover.

There wasn't any worry about work today. The club wouldn't be taking many cars or bikes in the shops, handing over the ones we got to the hangarounds who knew about auto shit.

Most of my dollars came from the club's shared profits every brother got a piece of. I'd been saving for a down payment on a cabin or a house forever.

Money wasn't the worry. Un-fucking my head, on the other hand...

Slept like the fuckin' dead. My brain must've needed it after short-circuiting, full of whiskey, hate, confusion.

When I woke up, Bingo was rubbing his muzzle on my hand, draped over the side. “Shit,” I swore, sitting up, scratching his head.

A spicy, garlicky pizza's smell hung thick in the air. I let my eyes focus, toward the little table next to the kitchen, where Summer had Alex in a new booster seat. One that couldn't have shown up here unless she'd gone out to get it.

I sprang up, ignoring the last pain banging at my temples.
Fuck. She hadn't fuckin' listened.

“Thought you'd sleep through the night,” she said, spooning some applesauce into Alex's mouth.

I pulled out a chair and sat down, resisting the urge to stuff pizza into my hungry, dry mouth. “Babe, you go out again alone while you're under my protection, and we've got a big goddamned problem. You hear me?”

“No, I don't, Jackson. Didn't know what to do either, when I needed things for our son and you were...well, out of commission.”

Fuck her smart mouth. But fuck me for having no argument against it, because I'd been laid up, all thanks to my own stupid, impulsive ass.

“Won't happen again. Not after today.”

“Mm-hmm.” She batted her long lashes skeptically and smiled at the kid, blotting at his mouth. “It's nothing new, Jackson. Really. It's just been Alex and me for the last three years. Alone.”

“You weren't stalked by fuckers who'd slit your throat at the first fuckin' chance,” I growled, stopping myself at the last second from slamming my fist on the table. Didn't want to startle my son. “Put him down for a nap. We need to talk. Looks like there's some shit I've still gotta drill into your head, Summertime, because right now you're pretty damned clueless.”

Bingo perked up in the corner, laying his ears flat against his head. Damned dog had a sixth sense for bad voodoo in the air.

“He usually doesn't lay down for another hour. I still have to give him a bath.” She looked at me defiantly, her pupils expanding in the deep, green seas around them. “But since I got him a new play pen while I was out, I'll listen. Put him down early, just this once.”

Without another word, she rose, walking into the bedroom. I heard her humming softly to the kid before she shut the door gently behind her, and walked back out with her arms folded.

“Seriously, Joker, why do you have to be such an ass?”

I wanted to lay the fuck into her. Shut her up with my lips on hers, press her so hard into the fuckin' wall I put a Summer-shaped silhouette through the damned drywall.

“Same reason you're wandering around, pretending like you ain't fucked when the Deads come around. Christ, Summer, even if you don't give a shit about getting yourself killed – you
won't
drag my kid into it!”

I stepped up, grabbed her, let her twist around in my arms 'til our faces were only inches apart. “Let me go!”

“Not 'til you shut up and listen. I'm trying to do right by you. I fucked up bad this morning, swigging all that booze. I'm man enough to admit it, and it's time to move the fuck on.”

“You're a fucking idiot,” she spat, slowly surrendering.

She knew I was too strong, and my grip told her I wouldn't let go. Not 'til I was good and ready.

“You think this shit's a game, don't you?” I growled, fighting to keep my eyes off her evil little lips.

“Jesus, no. I don't think that. Believe me, I
know
how much danger we're in, ever since that fucking asshole kicked down the door to the place I'll never see again, and forced me to deal with you again. If it wasn't for the monsters, I'd have made certain you never got your hands on me or Alex!”

Fuck.
That was a long, barbed spear rammed straight through my fuckin' chest.

My hand swept up her back, grabbed her hair, and pulled so hard her face jerked up. I held her just like that when my lips went down on hers.

Kissing her was the safe choice, the only other option I had. It was either kiss her, or slap her across the face, and I wasn't a big enough bastard to slap girls unless they were naked and begging for it.

Goddamn, Summer tasted good. Even when I fuckin' hated her, every miserable word pouring outta her mouth, her kiss burned like napalm on my lips.

She fought me for at least a solid minute, digging her teeth into my bottom lip.

This kiss had everything.

Pain. Lust. Heartbreak. All rolled together in a bitter dance of mouths.

I tasted blood before she stopped resisting, opening for my tongue. I slipped in, taking what was mine. What always fuckin' would be, love her or hate her.

Twined it so damned hard and intense with hers that she lost it a hot second later.

My fingers tore at her hair as she jerked away, her lungs sucking precious air. My other arm around her waist only tightened, holding her to my chest, a short thrust away from making her feel the hard-on straining in my jeans.

“Fuck you, Joker. Fuck you,” she snarled, wiping my taste off her lips. “We are
not
having a repeat of last night. Not when you've spent the whole day drunk. Ain't letting you fool me again.”

“That the only reason?”

A hateful laugh escaped her lips. “You're joking, right? I really can't tell anymore.”

“I'm not. No more bullshit, babe. I already fuckin' apologized for this mornin'.”

“Really?” she quirked an eyebrow. “You call that an apology?”

“Nah,” I growled, snatching her hand with mine, holding her fingers damned tight. “I'm sorry, Summertime. Sorry I walked the fuck out without knowing you were knocked up. Sorry for kicking you to the curb when you were under the gun. Sorry for being so fuckin' oblivious to everything. The boozing this morning? That shit's minor, stacked against all this.”

For a second, I thought she'd sling more shit my way, but her lips just trembled. Real soft and quiet.

“You know I'm telling you the God's truth, Summer. I ain't perfect, but I'm gonna do my damnedest to be a good dad, like one I never had. I'm gonna have the family I never thought I would since Freddy left this planet, mowed down in cold blood.” I looked at her, a killer fire running into my eyes. “That shit's never happening to you while I'm alive and breathin'. Never to Alex. You listen to me, babe, about going out on your own. Or I swear to Christ, I
will
strip you naked, throw you down in my bed, and chain you up like a fuckin' dog. Then I'll be the only one who has to worry about feeding and diapering Alex.”

“You're a pig!” she shrieked, her voice dying in a shrill little whisper.

I smiled, looking down through her tank top. She must've taken off her bra when she'd gotten home because it wasn't hiding shit.

“And your nipples are begging to be sucked, Summertime. How 'bout we forget all this shit? You accept my apology, tell me you're gonna listen 'til the Deads are buried? Tell me we'll find some way to navigate this bullshit, and give our kid everything he deserves?”

She shook her head, but it didn't take long for the fight in her to collapse. My hand pushed her into my chest, so hard I could feel those buds beneath her shirt pulsing against my skin.

If I reached between her legs, stuffed my hand down her jeans, I knew I'd find a sticky, wet mess.

Hadn't taken what I really wanted last night. Now, it was fuckin' calling to me, consequences be damned.

“Tell me, Summer,” I growled, moving my face against hers again, licking the tiny cut forming in the middle of my lips from her bite. “Fuckin' tell me, babe.”

Four more steps, and I'd backed her against the wall, watching her pupils widen in the dim night light. Her lips quirked one more time, hating me for being the bastard I was. Still failed to stop her smile.

“We'll try,” she said softly. “Just as long as you stop being such a prick.”

“Prick, huh? You'd think after all this touchy-feely shit, you'd have something else on your mind.”