Never Had a Dream Come True (6 page)

“Lady Penelope, how nice to meet you again.” Mr. Bedford took Penny’s hands with warmth, and she was delighted with his direct behavior even though she could hear her father snicker. Mr. Bedford led her to the sofa where he had been sitting and politely made sure she sat comfortably before he joined her.

“Mr. Bedford has just told us about the new books he is adding to his library,” Lady Nester said politely, and Penny squealed with delight.

“Oh, please do tell me.”

Mr. Bedford, who quite obviously liked Penny’s excitement, gave her a kind smile, and his lovely brown eyes warmed her like a nice cup of hot chocolate. “It’s just a collection of journals about gardens that I want to visit next spring. There is nothing better than to read everything you can find about a place before you visit it.”

“It sounds marvelous. I too have read about the most wonderful places, and I would love to go to some—or all—of them one day.”

Mr. Bedford gave her a hopeful smile, full of promises. “Who knows, maybe one day we can go together?”

Penny blushed prettily. His forwardness was unusual but refreshing. It was nice to talk with someone who said what was on his mind.

She could feel more and more that this was the right path for her. Thomas Bedford was everything she needed. So what if he didn’t make her shiver with delight? She much preferred the contentment she felt with him at her side.

“Is that a proposal?” Lord Nester interfered in the tender moment.

Mr. Bedford drew back slightly. “No, my lord, I have promised Her Grace that I won’t be proposing to Lady Penelope until next year, after her first Season in London. And I am a man who keeps his promises.”

Lord Nester sighed, defeated, recognizing the stubbornness in the younger man’s voice. Penny was grateful he didn’t persist; it had been too embarrassing for her that her father so obviously wanted to get rid of her as soon as possible. Or, rather, he wanted to get rid of the cost of her.

Penny was not money well spent, in her father’s eyes.

To save the situation, Lady Nester dragged Mr. Bedford into gossiping about their neighbors, and Penny spent the time watching her maybe-future husband, taking in every little detail of him.

He was a tall and lean man, more slender than muscular, and yet there was a distinct air of strength surrounding him. His hair was light brown, almost golden, and his eyes brown and intelligent. He was a handsome and well-kept man even though his clothes were not of latest fashion.

The duke had told her Mr. Bedford was a man with a good yearly income, which he preferred to spend on his home and the people who helped him maintain it rather than spending it all on his own person. She liked the thought of a man who prioritized the people he was responsible for.

As the visit progressed, she noticed new things about him, like how he touched the side of his forehead when he thought hard on something, and how he sent her small smiles when he thought no one noticed.

Charmaine did—of course—and was mouthing
marry him or I will
every time she thought he didn’t notice. He—of course—did notice but hid his amusement politely and didn’t mention Charmaine’s indiscreet behavior.

She liked the careful way he held the fragile tea cup in his large hands and how he politely nodded with interest when Lady Nester told him something or other that he must have found disgustingly tedious.

He was a man in full control of himself, and he didn’t let the surroundings affect him. It was obvious he didn’t care for her father—not many did—but he continued to be polite, even though her father now and then let his jovial façade slip and forgot to hide his insults.

But mostly she liked the kindness in his eyes when he looked upon her mother and the warmth in them when he looked upon her.

“Lady Penelope, I wonder if you would grant me the pleasure of your company down to Sandhurst tomorrow to look for books to expand my collection?”

“I would love to go with you,” Penny breathed, and they both turned to look at Lord Nester, waiting for him to give his approval.

“Sure, sure,” Lord Nester agreed, waving an uninterested hand. “Why not? The little thing needs to get outside now and then, I suppose. Not good to spend all one’s time inside reading, you know.”

“We should be in need of a chaperone.”

Lord Nester looked at the younger man and sighed. “I’ll send a maid with Penny. That will do.”

Her father’s obvious disinterest was quite embarrassing, but for once Penny didn’t care. The happy smile Mr. Bedford sent her when her father agreed took away her dismay at the awkwardness of her family and left her giddy with excitement.

She was going book-hunting with Mr. Bedford tomorrow. For once, life was absolutely perfect.

As Mr. Bedford took his leave, she followed him to the front door, where he turned and looked down at her with a smile.

“I do look forward to tomorrow, Lady Penelope. It will be a real treat for me to share the excitement of finding a good book with you.”

“Please,” Penny breathed, and she could feel her cheeks turning red, “I would be honored if you would call me Penny.”

The smile he bestowed on her was radiant with sheer happiness. “Then I must ask you to call me Thomas, in return. It would feel very good if you would oblige me.”

“Then I will, Thomas.”

As she met his warm eyes, her heart knew the warm sensation of a new love awakening.

He held out his arm, and with a sweet smile she put her hand neatly in the crook of it. Slowly they strolled through the front garden, which drowned in color from all sorts of flowers. At the gate in the low wall which surrounded Harveyfield, they bid adieu, and he climbed up into his carriage where it awaited him outside the wall.

Dreamingly she watched him drive down the road, admiring his straight back until he disappeared around a bend of the road. If she had previously thought she’d done the right thing by accepting his wish to court her, she now knew it was the right thing.

Thomas Bedford was everything she wanted in a man. Everything she needed. So what if she didn’t feel the overwhelming shivery sensations that Rake always inspired. This was better.

Rake always made her want to feel more. But Thomas made her feel content. And if she had to choose right now, she much preferred being sated rather than yearning.

“So that’s your suitor.”

Surprised, as she hadn’t heard him approaching, Penny looked up and met Rake’s amused grey eyes. More handsome than ever, he sat in the driver’s seat of a fashionable carriage, and immediately her silly heart skipped a beat. Thomas and all the cozy feelings he’d given her disappeared in the turmoil Rake created inside her.

“Yes, Mr. Bedford is my suitor.”

“Boring Saint Thomas? Don’t you think you could do better?”

“I don’t need better. I need Thomas.”

Rake chuckled, his eyes glistening wickedly at her. “So you admit there is better?”

“No, I don’t,” she gasped, and his eyes darkened until they once again nailed her down with their smoldering heat. The faint memory of his confession to how much he liked her gasps raced through her mind, and she blushed as she felt her body respond to the sultry promise in his eyes.

“Come. Ride with me.”

Rake held out his hand, inviting her to go with him down a road of no regrets.

But she couldn’t. Not anymore. A week ago she would have thrown everything away for him with a naïve wish that he would do the honorable thing in the end and marry her. But now she knew better.

Rake promised her heaven for a short time, but then she would live in hell for the rest of her life.

But she didn’t yearn for a life in either heaven or hell anymore. She had found that for her it would be enough to have her own place on earth, a modest home and a family of her own.

And, most of all, she wanted Thomas.

“No.”

He arched an eyebrow and slowly put his hand back in his lap. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t want this. I don’t want you.”

He snorted, obviously not believing a word of what she said, and she couldn’t blame him. She did have a tendency to react to him like all she wanted was to forget everything in his waiting arms.

But the memory of Thomas and their budding romance came back to her, and so did the wonderful feeling of contentment he brought up in her.

“Yes, you do.” Rake gave her another one of those wicked smiles that sent her heart beating faster than she thought possible. But this time she didn’t hesitate when she answered him, and she knew he could read the truth in her eyes.

“No, I don’t. I want Thomas.”

“Why not enjoy the company of both of us, at least for a while?”

The coldness of his words stunned her.

“I can’t believe you just said that.” Her voice echoed her broken heart. “Do you really think I would give myself to you and then marry Thomas without any remorse?”

“Penny, my love,” Rake sighed with a tired grimace. “This constant assumption of yours that I am a cad is starting to get quite old. I
am
a gentleman, no matter what my mother dramatically declares, and I would never...”

To her own surprise she actually harrumphed. Like an old, patronizing matron she stared at him down her nose—as well as she could manage considering he was sitting in his carriage looking down at her—and cleared her throat loudly.

“A gentleman, you say?” she sneered and caught herself just as she was about to put her index finger up and wag it at him. “Would a gentleman tell me to disrespect the man I’m about to marry? Would a gentleman tell me he wants me, although he is well aware of me being more or less betrothed to another man? No, he wouldn’t!”

“Then I guess I’m just a man who’s looking at the woman he wants, begging her to want him back.”

She looked into his dark, intense eyes and wanted nothing but to give in to him. For once he sounded sincere, as if he really meant what he was saying.

Then again, he didn’t mention marriage. He only offered her himself for a short moment in time. But she wanted more. Bloody hell, she knew she deserved more.

With one last lingering look upon the face she had adored secretly for most of her life, she said the only thing she could think of.

“Goodbye, Rake.”

She gave him a small curtsy, and before he had a chance to react she turned and ran inside her home. Breathlessly she hid behind the front door until she heard his carriage drive away, and not until she was sure he had left was she able to breathe normally again.

“What happened with Rake?” Charmaine came out into the foyer just as Penny was about to rush up to her room to dwell upon what had happened. “You two looked like you were having quite an intense conversation. Has anything happened between the two of you while I’ve been away?”

“It was so stupid,” Penny admitted, not able to stop the telling heat which crept up on her cheeks. “Fanny and I were taking a swim in the lake when Rake happened to come by, and I was dressed in only my wet chemise.”

“Oh!” Charmaine’s blue eyes grew wider.

“Yes,” Penny sighed. “He saw it all.”

“Oh, my.”

“I know. I was so embarrassed. But what was even more awkward was how easily he changed his attitude toward me from niece’s-best-friend to woman-I-want.”

“He did?” Charmaine clapped her hands with excitement. “This is indeed incredibly good news. This is what we have been talking about since you first fell in love with him. But what about Mr. Bedford? What is he in all this?”

“Thomas is the only suitor I will consider.”

Charmaine stared at Penny in disbelief. “The only suitor you will consider? What about Rake? Isn’t this what you have wanted for most of your life? Rake wanting you?”

“You know it is. He is the man of my dreams, but unfortunately he will stay that. You see, Rake may want me badly, but not as his wife. No, he wants me to become his mistress.”

“Oh, my!”

Penny nodded. “Do you know what he just asked me outside? He told me to give myself to him before I marry Thomas.”

“He said that?”

Penny blushed deepened. “No, not really. But I’m sure that it is what he meant.”

Charmaine shook her head slowly. “I can’t believe Rake would act like this. It’s so selfish and rude, not at all like the person we have always known. He must want you very badly if he has thrown all caution away and haunts you even though you are almost a part of his family.”

“Oh, he wants me badly. But not as his wife, and I’m afraid that’s all I ever want to be. Thomas offers me my heart’s deepest wish. His genuine kindness touches me in a way I never thought possible and makes me feel so full of hope about our future together.”

“But he isn’t Rake.”

“No, but I don’t want Rake. I want Thomas, the perfect, sensible choice.”

“It sounds perfectly sensibly boring. Are you sure this is what you want? What if Rake suddenly changed his mind and asked you to marry him? Would you change your mind then?”

“No.”

Charmaine gave her sister a very doubting look but didn’t stress the matter. “It’s sad, though. You and Rake make such a perfect couple, and it breaks my heart that your wonderful dream never will come true.”

“A dream is just a dream. What I seek now is reality, and I think Thomas will be the perfect man to offer me what I want. And what’s even more important—he will offer me what I desperately need.”

“Love?”

“Serenity.”

Charmaine snorted, showing without words exactly what she thought about such a naïve goal. “Serenity? That’s too bland even for you. I too want a man who loves me and a relationship which will make me feel cherished and safe, but I won’t throw myself away to the first available man who makes me feel at ease.”

This time it was Penny who snorted disrespectfully. “Fanny said just the same thing. I’m not throwing myself away if I accept Thomas’s proposal,
if
such ever will be offered me. You have to understand that I’m not you. I’m not the incomparable queen of society, who has more beaux than all the other unmarried ladies of the
ton
together. I don’t have as many choices as you do.”

“Who said I have many choices?”