Never Had a Dream Come True (12 page)

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It was unusually quiet in the Darling townhouse when Butler showed Penny into a beautiful salon.

“Are you sure you want to wait, Miss Penny? The Duke of Hereford never mentioned when he would bring Miss Fanny back from their ride in the park.”

“Oh, it’s all right, Butler. I don’t mind waiting.” Penny gave the kindhearted butler a warm smile, and he nodded solemnly.

“I’ll bring you a tray of tea, then, for you to enjoy while you’re waiting.”

Penny thanked the man and as he left she removed her bonnet and settled herself on the comfortable sofa.

Even though she had slept like a baby for the rest of the night after confronting Charmaine, it still felt as if her head had been screwed on backwards. She was tired and worn from all the emotions flaring through her in the last months—and especially the last days.

She didn’t know what to think anymore, and what was worse, she didn’t know
how
to think.

Had she done the right thing yesterday when she questioned Charmaine? She didn’t know. This morning her sister had refused to look at her over the breakfast table and had left as soon as she possibly could, avoiding a confrontation.

Penny didn’t know how she should handle things with Charmaine. Obviously they both knew she lied, but how could Penny ever prove it?

Something was definitely wrong with Charmaine, and now it seemed Penny had lost the closeness they had shared, at least for now.

Butler interrupted her thoughts as he entered with a large tray filled with delicious sandwiches as well as the tea things, and she thanked him with all her heart.

With a small smile he went away again, leaving the door open behind him. She took a large bite of a cucumber sandwich and closed her eyes at the marvelous taste.

“Thinking about me?”

Penny’s eyes flew open and she only just caught herself from choking on the sandwich as she met the amused grey eyes of Rake. He had paused just inside the door, but now without another word he quietly closed it, making perfectly sure they were all alone in the salon.

“My maid…” Penny started, but Rake only shrugged.

“We don’t need her, do we?”

Penny didn’t know what to say or do. She wasn’t ready for this, facing Rake. Not after what she had blurted out yesterday. But she could sense his determination and knew there was no escape. She could only pray for someone to walk through the door and interrupt their moment alone.

Slowly, without taking his eyes from her, he walked across the room and sat down next to her on the sofa. She could hardly breathe as his leg happened to touch her skirts, and she moved slightly to the side, away from him.

His soft chuckle caressed her ears, and before she had a chance to do anything his hand gently held her chin and turned her to look at him.

He leaned forward until she could see the light speckles in his grey eyes, and she shivered as he gave her a small victorious smile. “So you don’t want me to marry your sister?”

“N-no,” she stuttered, and he leaned closer and let his lips touch her soft cheek. A whimper eluded her as his hand left her chin and caressed her cheekbone until it landed on a spot under her ear—the very one he had admired at the Easton Ball.

“I can’t help but wonder why you would mind me marrying your sister.” His lips caressed her other cheekbone until they landed under her other ear.

“She’s too good for you,” Penny whispered, caught in the web of pleasure he slowly was building around her.

“Is she?” Rake’s hand left the spot under her ear and travelled slowly down her arm until he could fold his arm around her waist and pull her closer to him.

“Please,” she begged. She had no willpower when it came to Rake, and now she was completely in his hands.

“Or am I too good to marry her?”

“W-what?” Penny stared blankly up into his eyes, and he grinned wickedly.

“If I didn’t know better, I would think that you, Lady Penelope de Vere, have feelings for me.”

“I hate you,” she whispered, but he only chuckled in response.

“No, you don’t. We both know you don’t, so there is no need for you to deny it.”

Though she hadn’t thought it possible, he pulled her even closer, and this time he didn’t dawdle. Without any warning his lips touched hers and he was kissing her with a passion which overwhelmed her.

As his tongue made love with hers she started to feel faint and had to grab his shoulders to stop the earth from spinning. The sensations he woke in her body and in her soul were perfect, and with a sigh she gave in and kissed him back with all the love in her heart.

The kiss seemed endless. When he finally lifted his head, she was dizzy with love and passionate feelings she didn’t know how to handle. He looked down at her with his inscrutable eyes and gave her a slow, triumphant smile.

“And you say you don’t want me.”

She frowned at him, as something in his words didn’t seem quite right. But before she had a chance to collect her thoughts he kissed her again, and she lost all her ability to think. This kiss wasn’t as long as the one before, but Penny still felt like he had taken her to heaven and back.

“Kissing you is just as important to me as breathing,” he whispered into her ear. “I don’t think I can live without you in my arms. You belong here. You belong with me.”

His wonderful words went straight to her heart, and she felt tears fill her eyes. Could it be? Was Rake about to finally give in and ask her to marry him? Had the knowledge of her love for him changed his plan of life and made him realize what was important?

“Promise me you immediately will tell Boring Saint Thomas you don’t need him anymore.”

“Rake…”

He grabbed her chin and gave her a look filled with fire. “Promise me.”

With a small tender laughter she gave in. “I promise.”

He grinned as he leaned back and pointed to the tray of tea. “You can serve me now, woman. If you are going to spend all your time with me, you’d better learn how to treat your master well.”

“Oh, really?”

“You have to learn how to please your man, and serving him tea is a good start. We have plenty of time to teach you everything else later on.”

The sultry promise in his eyes made her blush, but for once she didn’t feel too upset about his brazenness. His words about the rest of their lives touched her heart, and she was too happy to care that he was being patronizing.

“You have to tell me one thing, though,” he said after she had served him his cup. “Where do you want to live?”

“Where?” She frowned at him, confused over his choice of words. “Do you mean at Chester Park or Berkeley House?”

“Heavens, no,” he chuckled, amused. “That will never do. No, I’m thinking more of where you want our little love nest to be. I really don’t think my family will appreciate us under the same roof with them. Better to have a place of our own, where it will be only you and me and a very comfortable bed.”

Pain such as she had never felt before seared through her heart and ripped it into thousands of pieces. All the joy and happiness she had felt a minute ago vanished as the meaning of his words hit her.

He didn’t want her as a wife. He wanted her as his mistress. A kept lady in a hidden house.

“For how long?” she whispered, her voice full of sadness, but he didn’t notice her distress as he continued his light plans for the future.

“Well, at least for the first couple of months, I think. Then we might get tired of each other and need the company of others. But I highly doubt that, because you make my body sing, and I don’t think I will ever grow tired of you.”

“And then?”

Rake drew back slightly as he started to sense something was wrong. “Penny, what’s the matter? You don’t seem as happy as I thought you would be over the prospect of having a house of your own.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” she said hoarsely, as her emotions became too much for her.

Rake moved closer to her, his grey eyes filled with concern. “Penny, for heaven’s sake, tell me what’s wrong.”

“You,” she cried, no longer hiding her tears. “You are what is wrong. You can’t stop, can you? You keep telling me how much you want me, and every time I listen to you against my own better judgment you end up hurting me more than I thought was possible.”

She couldn’t stand sitting next to him any more and dashed to the fireplace, where a crackling fire spread its warmth.

“Penny, I don’t understand…”

“Of course you don’t,” she interrupted coldly. “You never understand, do you? You live your happy bachelor life, breaking hearts wherever you go, and you never think twice about it. But I never thought you would do it to me.”

“I have never wanted to break your heart,” he snapped. He was starting to get upset with her, and that suited her just fine. An angry Rake was easier to handle than a confused and oddly vulnerable Rake.

“And yet you just did.”

“How? By telling you I want you? You are probably the only woman in London who would be heartbroken about that!”

“Maybe so. But I’m not brought up to be happy over being asked to become a kept lady.”

“A kept what?” Rake frowned at her.

“May I ask how many other houses you have throughout London with women eagerly waiting for you to spend some time with them in their comfortable beds?”

Rake chuckled as the meaning of her words hit him. “Penny, my darling, you are completely misunderstanding me. I’m not asking you to become one of my mistresses. I simply was…”

“One of?” Penny gasped outraged. “One of? How many mistresses do you have?”

“Penny,” Rake begged. “This is not relevant…”

“Of course it’s relevant. If you want me to become your mistress, I think you at least could be honest enough to tell me how many ladies you visit every month.”

“What if I tell you I haven’t been able to think about anyone else but you since that wonderful moment when I saw you at the lake and finally woke up to realize that you are all I ever wanted?”

“Oh, come on, Rake. I know everything about you. I spent my childhood learning as much about you as I possibly could. You have never once said no to a lady, and you have never once let a no from a lady stand in the way for the challenge she then becomes. You have not once stopped long enough to even consider marrying anyone—or marrying at all—as you are the most confirmed bachelor of your time. Your words, not mine.”

He stood silently, staring at her with dead eyes. She felt her heart respond to the pain she could sense from him, but she hardened herself. He had to learn he couldn’t treat her—or any other woman—the thoughtless way he did.

“I can’t believe this,” Rake whispered hoarsely. “I thought you wanted me.”

“No, I don’t want you. I want a life. I want love and respect. I want a home of my own to fill with children and laughter. I want happiness.”

“What if I want the same?”

“We both know you don’t.” She ignored his broken voice. “It was quite revealing to watch you at the Easton Ball interacting with your friends. That is your place—to flirt, dance, and socialize. It’s not me.”

“All I want is you.”

“And all I want is Thomas.”

Rake took a deep shaky breath before he strode to her and grabbed her hands hard. “Please, Penny, you must listen to me. It’s not Thomas you want, it’s the life you imagine you will have with him. I can give you what you want, if you just let me.”

She looked up into his handsome face, tears streaming down her cheeks as her eyes took in every beloved part of him. “I have loved you with all my heart for eighteen years. Every day and every night I have dreamt about the day you would finally see me and ask me to become your wife. But never once did I dream about you asking me coldly to become one of your mistresses for as long as you wanted to have me.”

“Your dream can still come true.”

“No, it won’t. Because you will never love me the way I want you to. The way I deserve to be loved. Maybe Thomas never will, either, but at least I go into a marriage with him without silly dreams for more. If he wants me, he can have me. I have dreamt about belonging to someone all my life, and if he wants me—it’s enough. It’s all I need.”

With an anguished groan, Rake released her hands and hit his fist hard on the stone mantel of the fireplace. “I can’t believe how stubborn you are. Here I stand in front of you, begging you to let me give you everything you ever dreamt about, and yet you still say you want to give yourself to anyone else who claims they want you?”

“I’ve never wanted to become your mistress.”

“And I have never asked you to.”

This time it was Penny who groaned, outraged.

“Yes, you did. You told me you wanted me, and then you asked me where I would like my house located.”

“For being such an intelligent young woman, you are the most stupid person I have ever met.”

And with those last harsh words, Rake barged out of the salon, leaving Penny in a sad heap of raw emotions.

When Francesca a few minutes later entered the salon, Penny couldn’t hide her devastation and burst into tears. Her friend hugged her closely until Penny’s tears were dried, and she managed to offer a wobbly smile. With great relief Penny told her friend all about Rake, from the meeting at the lake to the scene just minutes before, in the very same salon.

It soothed Penny’s feeling to watch Francesca’s outrage over her uncle’s behavior.

“The bastard,” Francesca growled through her teeth. “The sick, awful, horrible moron.”

Penny couldn’t help but smile through her tears, as Fanny looked ready to kill.

“That evil, selfish…man!”

“I do so agree with you.” Penny sniffed. It felt good, having someone take her side.

For a little while Rake had made her doubt her understanding, as he had seemed more touched by her anger than he would have if he hadn’t cared. But Francesca’s reactions were the same as her own, and even though this was only her side of the story she still felt she had done the right thing.

“
Your dream can still come true
.”

Rake’s words echoed through her mind, but she closed her ears and her heart.