Never Enough: A New Adult Romance (12 page)

When I got to my room, I pulled my phone from my pant’s pocket and glanced at the screen. I had three missed calls from my sister, Deidre. She hadn’t left a voicemail and I didn’t bother to call her back. I didn’t feel like having to explain where I’d been the last year or hear her
unwanted apologies. I had somewhere I needed to be.

***

I drove the lonely, wet road to the cemetery in Monterey Bay. I hadn’t been to visit her in weeks. I’d been too busy to make time for her and I felt like a total prick. I parked near the cemetery entrance and slid out of my truck. It had stopped raining, but a cool mist hung in the air, wetting my cheeks. Tall trees loomed over the gravestones of people I never knew as I walked the dirt path to my destination.

I came to a stop at a simple marble slab in the ground with the name Sophia Marie Hurley etched into the stone. I shoved my hands in my pockets and glanced up at the sky. Guilt
suddenly slammed me and I struggled to breathe.

“Hey,” I croaked, choking on my words. “It’s been a while, but I wanted to see you.”

Crickets chirped around me, reminding me she was really gone. It didn’t stop me from talking though. Visiting her grave and listing my sins was cathartic and I planned on being completely honest. More for me than for her.

“I miss you,” I said after a moment of silence. “I miss you so fucking bad.”
I stared at the cool stone and was reminded that once I was gone, Sophia would be just a name in a graveyard. No one would visit her, no one would remember her. I mean, how did I expect other people to remember her when I was already starting to forget her?

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited you in a while, but I’ve been busy.” I paused and dug my toe into the wet dirt. “I haven’t forgotten you. I made a promise and even though it seems like I’m breaking it, I’m not. It
’s just sex. It doesn’t mean anything.”

When I uttered those words my stomach churned and I brushed my fingers through my hair in frustration.
I was a damn bad liar. If Sophia were here she’d read me like an open book.

“You’ve been gone almost a year and it’s hard without you here. You
’d always set me straight when I got too intense.” I thought about Temperance and I shook my head, trying to dispel her image. “I need you to tell me that this is okay.”

Silence washed over me and I clenched my teeth in frustration. Sophia always had a temper, but a person always knew where they stood with her. If she were mad, she’d tell you and she never minced words. I probably learned more swear words from her than from my friends. She was so different than Temperance I sometimes wondered how I was attracted to
Temperance. It was something I struggled with ever since Temperance had walked into my life.

“I guess you can’t tell me it’s okay. I hate this. I hate this,” I muttered lowly.

I thought about Temperance tangled up with me last night and how good it felt being near her, touching her, talking to her. Then I thought about Sophia and how much I had loved her, how much fun we had together even when she was going through treatment. And how much I missed her.

I rubbed my temples and lowered myself onto the ground near her grave and placed my hands over my face.
The wet ground soaked through my jeans, but I didn’t care. I just needed to stay near her for a while. If I went home now, I’d tell Temperance that I wanted more because I was lonely. That just wasn’t an option right now. I was way too vulnerable. And I liked Temperance way too much.

Chapter
Ten

Temperance

I heard Damien’s truck roar to life and pull out of the driveway and the heavy weight of silence began to smother me as I turned onto my side and stared at the wall. I didn’t understand him at all. When we were together, it seemed like he wanted to be with me. The sex was great. Better than great. It shook my entire existence and I was pretty sure he felt the same way.

I closed my eyes and replayed the expressions he had worn on his face as he thrust into me again and again. I loved how his eyes would turn nearly black and how his jaw would clench as he fought to remain in control. And when he lost control, I loved the way he’d swear under his breath and the sound our bodies made as they crashed together.

But despite it all, afterwards he seemed distant and angry and I didn’t know why. I hadn’t pressured him to do anything. He was the one who had come into my room and slipped his hard body next to mine. He was also the one who had nipped my ear, subtly suggesting we have sex again. And I had been all too willing to let him use me even though I was pretty sure I knew how it was going to end. I had held out hope that maybe something would change, but it hadn’t. That had always been my problem. I saw hope in everything.

If only I wasn’t so attracted to him. It was like all I could see was him and I hated that my focus was so narrow. He had completely and utterly ruined me. I’d never want another guy again. And not just because the sex was amazing, but also because he listened to me and he gave me advice. He was also starting to open up and I liked what I saw. I liked who he was. I couldn’t believe that any girl would break up with him. If he were mine, I’d never let him go.

But he wasn’t mine and I doubted he ever would be.

I needed some advice before my head exploded into a million tiny pieces. Picking up my phone, I called Maggie. On the fourth ring, she picked up, her voice a bit breathless.

“Oh my God, did I interrupt something?” I asked without even saying hello. I could just imagine her answering her phone while having sex. I didn’t feel like adding trauma to the list of things going on with me right now.

“Just working out. Get your mind out of the gutter,” she breathed and I sighed in relief.

“Good. I was worried you were…you know…working out with a guy,” I said.

“Nope. Not right now. Although maybe later.”

Her breathing was coming out more evenly and I was pretty sure she had taken a break from working out to talk to me. I always appreciated that no matter the situation, Maggie was always there for me.

“What’s up
, Tempie? You okay?”

I sighed heavily as I buried my head in my pillow.
“Yes and no.”

“Do you need me to come over?”

“No. No, I just need your advice.”

“Advice,” I heard her hum before asking, “About what?”

“Damien,” I said before adding reluctantly, “We slept together.”

“What?” she nearly shouted and I could picture the entire gym turning to stare at her.

“We slept together,” I repeated, my cheeks flushing.

“I heard you! How many times? Just once? A few times?
And where? Oh my God. Oh my God.”

“A few times
and nowhere crazy, but that’s not my why I called.” I gulped before continuing. “He seems like he wants to do it. Besides that time at work he’s really initiated everything, but then once we’re done he runs away. I mean he doesn’t stick around.”

She paused for a moment before saying, “Sounds like he’s feeling guilty about something. Maybe he has another girlfriend or something?”

“No, no I don’t think that’s it. I think he had a girlfriend, but she broke his heart. I mean the tattoos he has seem to be all about lost love.”
“Oh shit. Well, that sucks.”

“I know. It does because I’m really starting to like him and I was the one to suggest that we keep it casual, that it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“So you took my advice? I didn’t think you’d actually do that.” She sounded both surprised and slightly disappointed in me.

I placed my head in my hands. “I know. It was stupid. What should I do?”

“Well, normally I’d say just go with it…”

“So I should keep it up?”

“I didn’t say that. I mean if you really like him go for it, but if he’s treating you like shit maybe it’s time to put an end to it. Either that or confront him about it.”

I groaned
. “What would you do?”

“Me? I’d keep doing him until we both got bored, but I’m not you
, Tempie. You’re a good girl and I’m…well, I’m flawed big time.”

“No you’re not,” I said defensively.
Maggie was a lot of things, but her heart was big and she was the best friend I’d ever had.

“Whatever. Just do what you think is best for you. If you think you can walk away from him when it’s all over and not end up broken then I’d say keep doing it. Enjoy whatever he can give you and just remember that it’s just sex every time you’re with him.”

“But last night he came into my room and he talked to me. He asked about my family and he gave me advice…”

“Well, shit. So he’s complicating things? Figures.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, exacerbated by the whole situation. “I’ve done my best to not push him into telling me things about his life because it seems like he doesn’t want me to know certain things. But then he goes and gets me to open up, like he cares.”

“They never really care, Tempie,” Maggie said, seriousness lining her tone. “I can’t stress that enough.”

“I don’t know about that, Mags. I think he doesn’t want to care, but he does. That’s what Jonathan said to me. He said that Damien doesn’t do casual and not to give up on him.”

“Jonathan would know, right? He’s his friend.”

“Yeah, but I’m just so confused right now. I don’t want to end up hurt.”

“Well
, then talk to Damien. Set boundaries, limitations, something so that you’re not confused anymore. Tell him that its just sex, that there will be no more talking like he cares or whatever. Do what you have to do to make this work and if you can’t, if you’re hurting already, then end it. End it now before it becomes way worse.”

I pressed my palms against my eyes and sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s just confusing. I’m bad at this…”

“You’re not bad at this. You’ve never done this before. The next guy you do this with will be easier.”

I didn’t tell her there wouldn’t be another guy, that there was no way I could be with another guy after this.

“Tempie,” she said softly. “If you’re already starting to like him, to fall for him it’s only going to get worse. I didn’t realize he had a past, a broken heart. He’ll tear you apart and leave you in shreds. You need to decide if you can handle that or if you need to get out now.”

“I want to keep having sex with him, Mags. I don’t want to end it.”

“Yeah, but you want more. You want him and he’ll never give you that. He’s too caught up with a lost love or some shit. If you want my advice, I’d say talk to him, tell him that you can’t do this anymore. That you are starting to feel something for him and it would easier to break it off now.”

“This is the worst. It really is.”

“It’ll only get worse if you keep this up. It’s your decision. Either way, I’ll support you.”

Then she started yelling at some “bitch” that was trying to steal her machine. I thanked her, made plans to hang out with her soon and hung up, throwing my phone into my purse. Maggie had given me some good
advice, but I didn’t know which path I was going to choose. Would I keep having sex with him, knowing that in the end I’d get burned or would I break it off and save myself from all that pain?

“What am I going to do?” I asked to my empty room.

It didn’t respond.

***

A knock on my door had me groaning and pulling my pillow over my head. I hadn’t slept well last night. Damien hadn’t come home and my mind was conjuring up a bunch of different dreadful scenarios. As the sun rose over the horizon, I had him dead in a ditch. I had thought about texting him, but decided against it. That would seem like I was desperate. Plus, I was too lazy to get out of bed and retrieve my phone. It was all a testament to the fact I cared too much already.

When I finally fell
asleep, the sun was shining through my window, making the banging on my door most unwelcome.

I didn’t respond
, so the person knocking just barged in.

“You weren’t answering your phone,” Damien said, stopping at my bed. “You okay?”

I frowned up at him. “No. Actually I’m not. I’m tired and you just woke me up.” I hated how I thought it was cute that he was worried about me, that it made me feel cherished and cared for. I wished he would treat me with the casual indifference he often bestowed upon me and stop confusing me with things like sentiment.

“Look, I drove all the way here because you didn’t return my texts,” he said ignoring my grumpiness.

“I didn’t have my phone on me.”

He ran a hand through his hair in annoyance and then froze. His eyes traveled from my neck to my breasts, which were now exposed. I almost pulled the sheet back up but decided against it.
I wanted to torment him a little, give him a taste of his own medicine for once.

I slid out of bed completely naked and stood in front of him.
It was cold in my room and I could feel my nipples harden as I watched him. He swallowed harshly as his eyes traveled across my body and power pulsed through me.

“Put on some clothes,” he said
softly.

Folding my arms across my chest, I stared at him. “You’re the one in my room. If I want to walk around naked then you can leave. And it’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”

“Temperance,” he warned, but I ignored him.

“What are you going to do? Fuck me? Oh wait, you already have.”

Damien’s eyes darkened and I saw a bulge begin to form in his pants.

I
arched my eyebrow and stared him down. “If you’re not here to fuck me then what do you want?”

He blinked as if remembering why he was in my room. “Caden called out sick. I guess his sister has the flu, so Peter wanted to know if you could cover his shift with me.”

Fucking forgotten, I grabbed my phone and was surprised to see I had missed two calls and seven texts from Damien. He wasn’t lying when he said he had tried to get a hold of me.

My eyes shot to the time. It was nearly noon. “What time?”

“In an hour.”

“An eight hour shift?”

He nodded, his eyes traveling back down to my chest.

“With you?”

He nodded again, this time with a frown.

I shrugged like I didn’t care either way. “Fine. I can do that.”

He continued to stand in my room, his eyes on me. It seemed like he was nervous, like he was assessing me. I didn’t know what he was thinking. Did he want to sleep with me again? Or was he over it? When I couldn’t take my thoughts anymore, I waved to the door. “You going to get out of here or what? I need to get ready.”

His eyes narrowed and he took a few steps toward the exit before turning to face me once more. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but instead he walked out without another backward glance.

***

I arrived to work a few minutes early. Damien
had left shortly after he came into my room. I was glad he had given me some space because I was going to be spending the next nine hours with him. It was going to be hard to keep my hands and mouth off of him. At the same time, I wanted desperately to follow Maggie’s advice. I needed to tell him that this wasn’t going to work out. That we couldn’t keep going like we were. I needed a broken heart like I needed a hole in my head. And how Damien had treated me last night hurt. I didn’t want to be dismissed like that again.

It was pretty busy the first few hours, making it easy for Damien and I to avoid casual conversation. I was incredibly nervous and slightly sick over the decision I’d yet to make. I needed another day to think about it, to contemplate the ramifications o
f either decision. So when there was a lull in the shop, I found myself looking for any opportunity to distance myself from him. He didn’t seem to feel the same way.

As I was refilling the pastry case, Damien strode up behind me. He was so close that if I took one step back, I’d be flush against his chest.
God, that chest. It was any girl’s dream.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Damien said softly, careful not to disturb the two customers in the store.

“I haven’t,” I lied.

“Just a few hours ago you were standing naked in front of me, talking about fucking,” he said into my ear.

I felt my whole body warm. What was I supposed to say to that? Words had no place between us at this moment. They were a waste of time. The only thing I wanted to do was unzip his pants and have him take me on the counter.

His hand brushed up against my hip and my eyes fluttered closed. “Are you mad at me?”