Never Enough (4 page)

Marcus drove us and I
suddenly wished I'd had my own car to escape the chaos that I was sure was going to start. The Lounge wasn't packed just yet when we pulled up but there were about five cars in the parking lot. Halley and Marcus stopped to talk to a few people standing around the bar. I bypassed them and went behind the bar. I grabbed a shot glass and filled it with whiskey and tossed it back. So much for the possible plan that involved no liquor, I was a fool for even considering that.

"You know
drinking’s bad for you." I looked over to see Trevor watching me with a devilish grin on his face. Those beautiful bluish gray eyes watching me. Watching my every move. Kinda made me happy inside. Don’t sound like a stupid girl when you open your mouth Macy. Don’t let him see through you. Stay strong.

My eyes rolled practically out of my head. "Don't talk to me."
It was the only answer I could muster up at the time and I must say I was proud of myself for at least standing my ground to begin with. I didn’t cave, yet. I poured another and threw that shot back too. If I kept this up, I'd be drunk before most of our typical crowd got here. He needed to go away and go do whatever it is he does before a show but unfortunately he hadn't moved.

"Don't be that way Mace." His smile faded and a frown took its place
. Even a frown on him was gorgeous. Secretly I wished my Uncle Gary were here and not out of town because this conversation between us wouldn't be happening. My eyes met his and I threw back another shot. Three shots down, I was going to more than likely need a babysitter tonight, oh wait that’s why Halley had agreed to come I should just sign all my rights over to her and make her my new guardian. She assumes the role most times anyway. The DJ just arrived and he was setting up for karaoke in his little booth before the band started. The DJ booth was in need of a major upgrade. Well I say major like its falling apart but it’s not. It’s just really old and could use a little touching up.

I smiled and
replied, “Don’t be like what? All I said was don't talk to me. Please lose my number. I shouldn’t have given it to you in the first place. We both know its true."

He stood there looking puzzled as if I were suddenly speaking some foreign language to him.
But I promise I spoke English. I used to know some French but I didn’t keep up with it like I should have in school and because of that I could only rattle off a few words here and there. Before he could reply, Marcus walked up and began talking to him, “Hey man ready for the show tonight?” Thank God for him, he practically saved me.

“You know it bro. Hey Halley what’s up?”

“Hey Trevor. Good luck tonight guys.” She was about the only female I knew who didn’t bow down and melt at the sight of Trevor. She gave Marcus a peck on the cheek and he kissed her forehead in return. Before anyone could speak to me again, I practically ran to the booth and flipped madly through the pages of songs. The perfect getaway. I felt feisty and probably more buzzed than anything from the shots I’ve already devoured.

"Girl you
’ve got that look what's going on?" Halley appeared by my side and when the smell of whiskey on my breath hit her, she glared. "Please keep it under control tonight. How many have you had?"

"Hales, sing with me.
You don’t need to babysit me right now I’m ok I swear. Don't be mad. I love you. And for your information three or four drinks, shot, whatever. Who's counting?" My lip pouted out and I threw my hands in the air making wild hand gestures, she softened her glare. She knew as well I as I did that I typically could control my liquor. I didn’t always need a babysitter. I'd been drinking pretty heavily since I was nineteen. The night everything started and my world as I knew flipped upside down. Before then I’d never touched the stuff.

"Ok but I need a shot first. What are we singing?" Marcus met us and began laughing at her then went to fetch a shot of tequila for her. She threw it back with ease then grinne
d at me. I loved my best friend and I loved the tequila for beginning to loosen her up so she wouldn’t be able to preach to me. Or remember she needed to babysit.

I flipped through the songs again then whispered to the
DJ. I don’t think I’ve ever known his name but he and I shared a music love relationship. Anything I wanted he played, he never argued or fussed with me for how much I’d drank. Two songs and two very drunk people later I reached for Halley’s arm and pulled her with me on stage. Her face was puzzled and I flashed her a big grin. "It's a surprise just trust me. All I'll say is we're taking a trip back to the 80‘s!" Trevor watched with an amused look on his face. I tried not to smile back at him but my grin spread from ear to ear. Damn Trevor James! And damn alcohol for having this effect on me! I could still see straight but with the lighting inside the bar I swear he looked like an angel. My angel, possibly. Fly me away to heaven anytime, baby. Oh great the liquors talking.

I flipped my hair like I was a real rock star
on a stage and not just singing karaoke. 'Mony Mony' by Billy Idol came over the speakers. Halley started laughing because well she expected nothing less from me and I began singing. Being up there helped me feel like I was normal again. I was another normal 23 year old, not a quiet, ashamed, broken 23 year old. Any troubles I had no longer existed. The spotlight was on me and nothing else mattered. I'm no Kelly Clarkson but I know I'm not horrible. If I were horrible I wouldn’t make anyone have to listen to that like half these drunk asses do. Halley started dancing around on stage singing along with me. We both probably looked like a bunch of nut cases but at least we looked good and were having fun doing it. The crowd that began to form inside cheered us on. I loved the spotlight. Like I said when the spotlight was on me I was in my zone. I was untouchable. When the song ended, Marcus embraced Halley in an oversized hug and I motioned them to the bar for more drinks. I also needed to begin actually doing my job. There were some thirsty people starting to gather around. I prayed this would be a good busy night.

The guys had started setting up while a few others sang
their drunken hearts out. I stood behind the bar making drinks and trying my best to avoid him. So far I’d only had the one run in with him when I first arrived. That was a whole few minutes ago but I felt like I was making progress. Trevor locked eyes with me and they didn't budge. I stared into his bluish gray heavenly eyes and tried to think I was looking elsewhere. He started to saunter over towards me like he owned the bar. But he didn’t own the bar, I did. My eyes searched for Halley and Marcus. They were standing a few feet away but were so engaged in each other neither seemed to notice what was happening. Fantastic, I was going to melt to goo in front of the whole bar and no one was paying attention. People were either dancing or too busy drinking and socializing to notice little me. Someone was going to have to clean this mess up and obviously it wasn’t going to be me. "That was good Mace. Really you should think about singing with me one night. We could duet. Really rock this place." The look on his face told me he was serious. He must have been thinking hard on this because this was the second time he told me this line. That half grin thing he was doing also let me know he was up to no good. It had my insides all kinds of twisted up and I despised him for that. Too bad I was getting ready to let him know otherwise.

"Maybe when pigs fly Trevor. And we all know that won’t be happening anytime soon so why even bother." I prayed a drink would appear in front of me but that didn’t happen either.
No pigs or drinks, well we were both out of luck.

He grinned and took a swig of a beer he already had.
Someone must have gotten it for him while I was singing with Halley a few minutes ago. I wanted to be able to read his mind but I had no idea what was going on inside that gorgeous head of his. For a few minutes I just wanted to pick his brain apart. I just wanted to know what was going on inside that gorgeous head. He just stood there smiling with his head cocked to the side. Was this all a game to him? I refused to be a game to anyone. Wrong ball field Trevor. A few girls walked by and told him hi and he simply smiled. He didn’t answer them. The look on his face told me he had something else to say. My puzzled face just kept watching, waiting for anything to come out. He soon let me know when he replied with a sly smile, "By the way, thanks for the kiss last night. I’d say it was highlight of my night." He smirked and walked back off to join the guys on stage.

My jaw dropped and I was at a loss for words. I’d given Trevor my number AND kissed him last night and didn’t remember either.
He was still smiling and just standing there. I wanted to kick him and kiss him all at the same time. Well played Macy.

“Hey Marcus, you ready to rock this bar?” He looked over and winked at me. I scowled and flipped him off.
That reaction would have to do for right now. I had no idea what else to do; I mean he just told me we kissed last night. The middle finger was definitely going to have to work. Take that Trevor James.

“Let’s go.” Marcus gave Halley a kiss then the guys took the stage with their other members. The night was just beginning
and I wanted to go crawl into a hole.

Chapter 4

From the moment Trevor informed me we had kissed I didn’t know what to think. There were no words, no thoughts, no anything. Halley couldn’t find out because my head would surely be on the chopping block. I have never kissed a guy before. Seriously. Twenty three damn years old and I’ve never kissed a guy. Was I a horrible kisser? Wait he didn’t say it sucked, he said it was the highlight of his night. Does that mean it was a good kiss? I was a good kisser? Was it just a peck or a full on make out kiss? I wouldn’t know, I didn’t remember! I don’t’ even know what you even do when you kiss a guy and apparently I did it all last night.

The crowd in The Lounge got loud and the lights dimmed.
This place could easily hold about a hundred people. There weren’t that many tonight but it was definitely packed. Trevor grabbed the microphone and with a loud husky boom said, "How’s everyone doing tonight?" The crowd roared. The guys were pretty popular here. They needed a name though. Maybe one day they would get one together. Gary had made a good investment in them. "How’d everyone like Macy’s singing?" The crowd roared again and I swore I’d kill him if I ever stopped blushing. "Well, we have some originals we’re going to play tonight if that’s ok. You guys like the band Chevelle? We may play a few covers if that’s ok." The crowd of course went wild, especially the women. It was pretty pathetic. They probably didn’t even know who Chevelle was, they just liked the idea of Trevor. Trevor up there in his tight shirt and him playing guitar with those muscles bulging out of that shirt. Oh man. His voice coming through the speakers touching the inner core of your soul, ok that’s enough. I’ve never heard them cover Chevelle and of course that was one of my favorite bands. Well maybe they have covered them and I was too drunk to remember. At that point, the band broke into ‘The Red’ by Chevelle and I took an oath that I was not drinking anymore tonight. I sang along behind the bar trying not to look his way. No way in hell would I not remember another night that involved Trevor and those lips of his.

"They sound good tonight!" Halley reappeared watching the stage.
She leaned against the bar as she blew kisses to Marcus that obviously he couldn’t return because he was playing but he smiled at her in return. She practically had to scream for me to hear her. I nodded at her in agreement as I slid her another shot of tequila that she happily accepted.

The attempt to answer her
with actual words faltered for a moment because my eyes wandered towards the stage and Trevor was gazing at me while he sang and I wished with everything in me I could remember that kiss. I’d give my left arm right now to have known what it felt like to feel his lips on mine, to be able to gaze into those gorgeous eyes. To have his hands in my hair and running down my back. So much for not looking in his direction. I was putty in his hands. He could do whatever he wanted to me and I would be perfectly fine with whatever he did to me. What a fool I was becoming. And all over a boy.

"Hales come with me. I need to talk to you." The desperation shown in my eyes. I had to tell her.
No way I could keep this from her. I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards Gary’s office. She asked no questions, just followed. No one at the bar needed a drink right now. Everyone was near the stage listening to the band, it was the perfect time.

We burst inside
the small office and I shut the door. She asked immediately,"Hey you ok? I see that look in your eyes. What’s wrong? Your face is pale Mace. Have you seen a ghost?" She laughed a little trying to lighten the mood but I just couldn’t smile no matter how hard I tried.

The words couldn’t come out. I fumbled them around in my head for a few minutes
rearranging them trying to figure out how to say what I was trying to say before I finally spat them out. "Trevor said we kissed last night."

Before I could finish the fact that I didn’t remember she jumped in
like always. I really didn’t expect anything less, "Macy! You didn’t tell me that either. Wait you said he said? You don’t remember?!?" Bingo. She finished my thought for me and waited for my answer with her hand in its normal position. On her hip.

"Dammit Halley no I don’t remember. What the hell else did I do last night?
Wait you wouldn’t know you weren’t here! This is your fault you know! You should have come but no you were tired and you wanted to sit home. I need you to promise me something. Please don’t let me drink another drop tonight. I have to make sure they get paid anyway but I also need to make sure nothing like last night happens again tonight. Can you do that for me please? If I want a shot, just put coke or water in the shot glass or something like that." I finally caught my breath. It felt like I didn’t take a single breath during that whole spill. And I probably didn't. But I was dead serious and she could see that as she looked into my green eyes.