Never a Bride: A Short Story (2 page)

Not enough. “I-”

“You’re
sorry
?” Sheena’s voice rose to a higher pitch. “You left me the day of our wedding.” Two tears slipped down her cheeks, rosy now with anger and hurt.

“I didn’t.” He gulped, taking a step toward her. She held up her palm as if to stop him from speaking. “I called.”

“
Texted.
”

He’d been reliving his asshole moves every day for the last three months. “That I wanted to talk. We needed to talk.”

“About what? Your cold feet?”

“I didn’t have cold feet!” He stepped away from the door, an inch closer to her.

“You just decided you didn’t want to get married.” She put her wine glass down and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I never wanted to get married.” He regretted the words the instant they left his mouth. They weren’t completely true.

Her chin hiked up. “Then why did you ever propose?”

“It seemed like what you wanted.” His voice trailed with regret. For his words, for hurting Sheena.

“And in the last three months?” Her nostrils flared slightly. “You couldn’t call?”

“You changed your number!”

She held up two fingers. “After two weeks went by and I was making myself crazy waiting for the phone to ring. Yeah, I changed my number. Email?”

He shoved his hands in his front pockets. “Spotty internet.”

“Snail mail.”

“I wrote.”

“What? Grocery lists?”

“Letters. To you.” On whatever he could get his hands on. Napkins, the backs of receipts. Spiral notebooks.

“Where are they?”

Pausing, he thought of the stacks of paper, the reams of purging he’d done. Not to share – way too painful. “I burned them.”

“I don’t believe you.” Her chin trembled but she didn’t break. “You could have contacted me. You chose not to.”

He would combust if he couldn’t reach her. “I care about you, Sheena.”

“And you showed me that by leaving me at the altar? No thank you, Jared Langley. No thank you.” She pointed at him, her beautiful eyes stormy. “I had to face the humiliation of calling off the wedding. Sending people home. Returning the gifts. Knowing that you didn’t love me enough to stick. Through thick or thin, we’d promised that to each other. But you left me before we even started.”

He swallowed past the lump of regret in his throat. “I know.
I know
. But I felt like I was losing you. I’d been honest with you about not wanting to get married, from the beginning. I wanted to make you happy, Sheena.”

“That worked out just great.”

Old resentment reared its ugly head. “You went from planning an intimate wedding of thirty people to three hundred! You watched the Bridal Channel. Instead of our weekend hikes through the mountain, all of a sudden you were shopping with your mom and your friends.”

He sounded like a petulant child, even to his own ears. He couldn’t imagine what he sounded like to her.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” She leaned against the counter, as if sapped of the strength to stand up straight.

“I tried! Sheena, you turned into Bridezilla and didn’t even notice me anymore. I was just The Groom. You contacted people I hadn’t seen since the sixth grade. You made an event page on Facebook. I proposed, thinking that if anybody was worth marrying, it was you. Only you. I wanted you to be happy, but you forgot about me.”

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, the way she always did when she was upset.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I can’t forgive me. I was ashamed to come home, so I stayed in Alaska. I never stopped loving you, Sheena. Not one second.”

“Well.” She looked at him, her face cleared of all expression. “That
is
too bad. I don’t love you anymore. I’ve moved on.”

The door swung open so hard it bounced off the wall, and Sheena jumped in surprise. “Dinner is on in twenty minutes,” Lisa’s mom announced in a too-bright voice. “We need the kitchen. You two can finish your conversation by the bar. Nice and cozy. Quiet.”

“I have nothing else to say.” Sheena kept her head held high, walking by Jared without touching him. How dare he apologize? Say that he loved her? Her heart, hardened with anger and accusations, challenged her head to turn over each word he’d said. Had she turned into a bridal terror?

He’d wanted small, but once you invited one person, things snowballed. That person contacted another person, and next thing she knew, she’d had to rent a larger hall. But it was for love! She only planned on getting married once, so if things were lavish, why not? So what if she’d maxed her credit card on the ruched Vera Wang? She’d looked like a princess in it, not that Jared ever got to see.

Guilt nibbled at her conscience as she wondered if she’d pushed him away - unintentionally, of course. Yes, she’d skipped a few weekends biking through the mountain trails but she’d made the majority. Maybe he’d gotten tired of talking frosting and cake towers. But damn it, he should have said something instead of waiting until the morning of their wedding.

Lisa joined her at the bar. “Cranberry spritzer,” she ordered as Sheena selected a pinot grigio. “How’d it go?”

“I hate him.”

“Hate is a strong word,” Lisa observed.

“It’s a strong emotion.” Sheena’s stomach rocked back and forth and she took a small sip of soothing wine. “How dare he accuse me of not listening? Of pushing him away?”

Lisa put her hand on Sheena’s arm. “He
didn’t.
I’m sorry, honey, he said he wanted to talk, and I thought maybe he’d apologize. I just don’t want you to hurt anymore. I shouldn’t have told him you were in the kitchen.”

“He did apologize. And I could see he was hurting.” Sheena’s lower lip quivered and she sucked it in. “He said he loved me. But if he did, why didn’t he reach out to me in some way?” Three months of silence.

He’d said he was ashamed. She’d felt it, and knew he told the truth. They’d been so close at one point in their relationship that they hadn’t needed words. A touch, a look, a sigh had been enough. And then he’d chickened out. She drained her wine in anger.

“Maybe he felt awful.” Lisa shrugged, taking the glass and asking the bartender for another. “I can’t imagine what I would do in your situation. I support you, okay? Stay with me and my mom tonight and we’ll make sure you don’t have to talk to him again.”

Sheena’s skin felt prickly hot, like she’d gotten too much sun. “I can handle it. Like you said earlier, we’ll be around each other a lot. I need to learn to deal with it.”

How would she breathe if he brought another woman into their circle? She’d seen red watching the waitress throw herself
at his feet, the bitch. And Jared, despite her unfair accusations, probably hadn’t even realized it.

“If it gets too much, I understand if you need to take a break. Duck out for a few minutes. But come back. Thank you, Sheena, for being here with me.”

“It’s what you do, for love.” Sheena accepted the fresh glass, her cheeks hot with suppressed emotion. “You stick it out.”

Lisa took a sip of her spritzer and wrinkled her nose. “Seltzer water tickles.”

“I don’t know how you’re staying so Zen. Don’t you want a glass of wine?”

“Too nervous to drink. The seltzer calms my stomach. The bubbles.”

Lisa put her hand over her belly.

Sheena narrowed her eyes, feeling like an idiot for not realizing sooner. “Really?”

Mouth round, Lisa nodded. “Nerves. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

Mrs. Conner would have a conniption if the baby came before the wedding. Single mom wanting to prove to the world she did a good job raising her all-star daughter. “Got it.”

What would it be like to have a baby? She’d wanted a family, had imagined her and Jared singing around a campfire and roasting marshmallows. He’d said one, no more than two, kids. Now? Her heart cracked open, feeling the ache of betrayal all over again.

Could she ever forgive him? She’d meditated on it, gone to therapy. In order to get through the day without falling apart she’d had to cut off her emotions. Cut Jared from her life as if he’d never existed. It got easier, incremental breath by breath. Pretending.

To see him over the past few days tore open old wounds. She’d gotten back in the habit of crying herself to sleep. She’d lied when she’d told him she was over him. She’d never be over him.

Her heart leapt for joy at his announcement of love.

Hope flared like a spewing volcano.

Until she remembered the pain of his desertion and the wine tasted like ash in her mouth.

“Let’s go take our seats,” Lisa said, pulling Sheena toward the dining tables. “I’m starving. Your idea of Chicken Marsala for tonight’s dinner was brilliant.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

All of the wedding preparations Sheena had done came in handy for Mike and Lisa’s wedding. They’d been engaged for two years and six months ago decided to actually tie the knot.

Prodded by Jared’s proposal and Sheena’s subsequent bridal frenzy, no doubt. God, had she really been so bad?

Lisa seemed more relaxed regarding her nuptials, keeping the guest list fewer than seventy-five. Family, mostly Mike and Jared’s, and friends. She’d kept everything comfortable, just like she and Mike. She hadn’t changed into another person.

Maybe, Sheena considered, I went overboard.
Was that so wrong?

Must be. Mike was sticking around for the wedding day, while Jared flew the coop.

Sheena nodded at Mike and Jared’s parents, feeling awkward. The Langleys had accepted her into their family. Jared rejected her.

They’d done the hug thing a few days ago; Jared’s mom whispered that she was
so
sorry. Sheena was sorry, too.

This was life. Sometimes things were shit. End of story.

She took her chair, knowing when Jared was behind her by the way the air charged between them. He scooted her in, putting his hand on her shoulder, his thumb at her nape.

She hadn’t wanted to date him. When he’d first asked her out, she’d said no. He’d been surprised. Intrigued. She wasn’t playing a game – she’d been protecting her heart. She was pretty, she knew that, but Jared was gorgeous.

She’d made all sorts of wrong assumptions about him based on his looks. He’d called her out on it. Proved her wrong, right up until the bitter end when he’d torn out her heart and stomped it to bloody shreds.

“Sheena,” he whispered, his words warm against her cheek. “You look beautiful tonight. You’re wearing my favorite color.”

Nobody could charm like Jared. Determined to maintain her indifference, she poked Lisa in the side. “Did you hear something?”

* * *

Jared noticed the trail of goose bumps along Sheena’s skin. No way did he believe she was completely immune to him. He knew her, from the hitch of her breath to the weather vane of her blue eyes – stormy weather to clear.

Now that she was out of the clutches of wedding fever, she’d returned to the woman he recognized.

Had she been so awful? His tender heart had thought so. His bruised pride. His overactive ego. He’d gone from being the center of her world to an object in her plans. Something to be moved around.

He hadn’t made it easy, he knew it. Accepted his part in it.

His dad waved him over and Jared left Sheena’s stratosphere to take his assigned seat between his father and Mike.

“How’s it going?” His dad jerked his chin toward Sheena. “Lisa’s mom said she interrupted you two talking in the kitchen. An improvement over the deep freeze she’s been giving you the last few days.
Brrr
. Like to get frostbite myself.” He gave an exaggerated shiver.

“Stay out of it, Dad.” Jared shook his head, pissed at himself all over again.

“No promises. Pass me the water, would you?”

Jared lifted the metallic pitcher beaded with droplets of condensation, then filled his dad’s glass. Rather than argue, he decided to play nice. He owed it to his family to get along. “This is a great set up. Did you see the pictures of Mike in tights?”

His dad looked toward the beer fountain and laughed. “Yeah. Boy’s got good legs. Comes from all those years playing soccer.”

“Think so?” Jared’s tight knit family had tromped to each of the brother’s games, no matter what they played. Everybody supported the other. His mom and dad had a great relationship. They were a team. A beacon of companionship in a divorce-riddled world.

Being back in Seattle made him realize what he’d left Sheena to handle on her own. He’d watched the awkwardness between his parents and her. They’d embraced her like a daughter and then he’d left her at the altar.

No matter how he tried to justify it, the action was unjustifiable.

“You hanging in there, son?” His dad lowered his voice. “This has got to be difficult for you.”

“How can you be understanding, Dad? Your oldest son acted like a jack ass.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“They were shitty.”

“Figured as much.” His dad nodded and took a drink of his water.

Jared closed his eyes and chuckled. “Now what?”

“You love her.” It was a flat-out statement, no question necessary.

Still, Jared’s answer was immediate. “Never stopped.”

“Tell her.”

“I did.” Jared slowly, carefully, opened his eyes again. “She says she’s over me.”

“You broke her heart.” His dad wasn’t judging, just pointing out the facts as he saw them. Which happened to be the truth.

“She turned into a stranger, Dad, putting that wedding together like a drill sergeant. She spent five thousand dollars on a wedding dress.”

His dad laughed. “That’s what women do. Sheena seems the type that would be in it forever. Is there something wrong with making the day special?”

“I wanted it small.” He spun his glass around, leaving water marks on the napkin.

“Did you tell her?”

“I tried.”

Wiping the drops from the side of his glass, his dad hummed in commiseration. “Not quite the same thing.”

“No.” Jared silently acknowledged that point before explaining, “And when we were finally alone all she wanted to talk about was seating charts and the dinner menu.”