Nerds on Fire (42 page)

“
No. I imagine he’ll feel
okay enough to go back to work tomorrow. It’ll just be a nuisance
by then.”

“
I can hear you’re feeling
better, like your father.” It wasn’t an accusation. Not
exactly.

Trixi smiled. “Except for the
occasional sneeze, I am better. Dad said he’s fine too.”

“
Wish I was.” Gran coughed
again and Trixi handed her some cough drops before heading for the
mudroom where her coat and purse hung.

It didn’t take her long to hop into
her small car and point toward the pharmacy.

There was no sign of Warren,
thankfully, but a pharmacist Trixi had seen a few other times.
Gran’s physician had sent in the prescription and it would be ready
in a few minutes. She headed down the cold and flu aisle and picked
up a collection of necessary items for Mark.

By the time she made her selections,
the prescription was ready. She hurriedly paid and then made for
her car. Once home she handed the prescription to Gran, watching as
she took the first dose, and then headed back to Mark.

His eyes were red-rimmed as was his
nose. He thanked her profusely for the items she bought him, but
looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. She understood and
left him alone to sleep until lunchtime. They all tried chicken
soup, but she was the only one who really seemed interested in
it.

She rested all afternoon and was ready
to return to work on Wednesday. Mark awoke Wednesday morning still
a little raspy, but obviously feeling better. They were both amused
by Gran’s mutterings. And gently reminded her they were medical
professionals so their immune systems had to be excellent. It went
with the job.

They set off to work and Trixi
wondered what she would find when she arrived. Parting ways in the
main hallway, she waved goodbye to Mark, aware she couldn’t kiss
him like she wanted to. He looked like he wanted to kiss her as
well. Of course, his look might indicate he wasn’t back to normal
yet and wanted to go back to bed.

She preferred her version.

Arriving on the floor a few moments
later, Trixi was greeted by solemn faces. “What happened?” she
demanded and hightailed it to Louisa who was in conference with
Brandon’s parents. She caught enough to realize their little
trooper must have died. With tears in her eyes she turned to one of
the day nurses.

“
What happened?”

“
Brandon went into cardiac
arrest early this morning.”

Trixi’s own heart seized. “He died?”
Her roughened voice had nothing to do with the flu.

“
Yes. His body wasn’t up to
that sort of distress.”

Everyone who worked in neonatal
understood there were babies who didn’t make it. This knowledge
didn’t make losing a patient any easier. It didn’t make it easier
to inform the distraught, grief stricken parents who had waited
eager months to meet their child.

Only now, they needed to make funeral
arrangements for the same child who had garnered such hope. It was
heart wrenching and made neonatal personnel consider transferring
to a new unit.

Louisa and Trixi both hugged Brandon’s
parents, and then the grieving couple turned away. Once they left
the unit she and Louisa converged on each other. Trixi’s heart
didn’t stop aching as they made for Louisa’s office.

“
How much of this is
because his records weren’t up to date?” Trixi asked
baldly.

“
I don’t know,” Louisa
answered just as bluntly. “Don’t blame yourself though. Even if his
incubator had been perfect, he still didn’t have great odds.” She
shoved a hand through her springy curls, as though it had already
been a long day.

“
That doesn’t make it any
easier to lose a patient.”

“
No.” Louisa’s mouth
firmed. “I hate telling parents we couldn’t keep their child
alive.”

“
The one thing we can do
though is be certain each order is
immediately
put in the computer.”
Even if Brandon’s death wasn’t the fault of the wrong humidity
level, the incorrect setting had at least contributed to the stress
on his underdeveloped body.

“
I’ve met with every shift
and explained what happened and how this can absolutely not happen
again,” Louisa stated, her voice hard.

“
Is there anyone who hasn’t
been told?”

“
We have one nurse on
vacation and one down with the flu.” Louisa’s expert eyes roved
over her. “Speaking of the flu, you look like you had
it.”

“
I did. It’s gone through
my house.”

Her mentor’s lips curled up. “I heard
a certain neurosurgeon called in sick yesterday. I also heard a
rumor he lives in your house.”

Cheeks flaming, Trixi still met
Louisa’s curious eyes. “Yes, Mark rents my guest wing. He was sick
yesterday. My grandmother, who lives with me in the main part, got
it first. I came down with it on Saturday, although mine has been
fairly mild, and then him yesterday.”

Louisa nodded. “A little
birdie
also
mentioned you and the good surgeon were dating.”

This time Trixi had a harder time
meeting her eyes. “That’s also true.”

“
I hoped it was!” There was
glee and happiness in her voice and it made Trixi’s tense spine
relax.

“
I’ve heard recently I’m
not good enough for him.”

“
Who told you this
nonsense?”

“
My father’s former
fiancée.”

“
Sounds like there’s a
reason why she’s his
former
fiancée.”

Despite Louisa’s exuberance, Trixi had
a hard time feeling hopeful. Brandon’s death left a gloom over the
unit that somehow settled inside her.

Chapter 41

It was hard returning
to work when your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.
Hearing and thinking were therefore a challenge. Thankfully, it was
a lighter day, as Mark had only a few meetings and some patient
visits but no surgery.

“
Dr. de Vosse, there’s a
call for you on line one.” One of the receptionists waved her phone
at him.

He waved to indicate he heard and then
picked up the line. “De Vosse.” Mark forced himself to concentrate
on the woman’s frantic spiel. Her husband had been in surgery last
week and she was seeing problems everywhere.

Mark spoke to her in as unhurried a
tone as he could, because she wasn’t going to help her husband if
she operated in full panic mode like this. After she calmed down,
he explained what constituted serious and what didn’t. This
conversation made him late for a meeting, so he hurried down the
hall, struggling to keep up with the day’s lighter
schedule.

It was a definite precursor to the
morning. Everything that could, made him late, add to this the
slight flu fog and Mark wondered if he could manage the afternoon.
He was lethargic, a little chilled, and scratchy voiced, but also
still congested. It was obvious he had a cold, at least to people
who knew him.

By the time lunch rolled around, he
was grateful to escape to the cafeteria. Leo was already there, and
Katy trailed in soon after. They did their weird sonar thing,
homing in on each other within seconds. Mark sighed as he watched
them together. Trixi plopped down beside him, her lunch bag
rattling.

At least she had made it to lunch
today.

“
You’re not feeling great,”
she said in a slightly roughened voice.

He shook his head and explained the
morning. She nodded. There were extra lines around her eyes. “What
happened?”

Katy and Leo both turned to them and
Katy noticed the same thing. Between them they coaxed out that
she’d lost a patient. Further prodding revealed news of the
incubator setting and how the patient chart hadn’t been
updated.

“
You’re blaming yourself.”
Leo shook his head. “You were doing your job to the best of your
ability.” He spoke with conviction.

Mark agreed. “Don’t beat yourself
up.”

“
It’s not worth it,” Katy
added.

The three of them ganged up on her,
trying to lift her spirits. Mark wasn’t convinced they reached her
though. Trixi nodded and smiled, and maybe fooled Leo, but not Katy
or him. Since he lived with her now, he could read her fairly well.
She didn’t believe what they spouted.

Trixi opened her lunch bag and tugged
out daytime cold medicine which she shared with him, then a
sandwich but he ended up finishing the other half. He also indulged
in the apples, cookies, and carrots. Leo and Katy both stole a
cookie, but Trixi ate none of it.

Five minutes later, she left her lunch
bag with him and exited the cafeteria with her usual smile.
However, those captivating silvery-blue eyes didn’t glow. They had
appeared almost dead.

He glanced at Katy who stared after
Trixi with a troubled expression. “Should we be worried?” he
asked.

Katy’s nod was slow in coming, but it
was definite. “Yes.”

His heart sank.

Was her life too perfect now? Is this
why she was so unsettled?

Before she could answer her own
questions, the doubts simmering under the surface overwhelmed her
so Trixi ducked into a bathroom.

Was she really well suited for
neonatal? One mistake and she might have helped baby Brandon to his
death. What if she made another and was fully responsible for a
baby dying? In the back of her mind, she unkindly wondered if
Brandon might still be alive if the nurse had done her
job.

What if she, Trixi as a near doctor
now, failed to do something vital? Did she want this
responsibility? Could she handle it?

Those awful thoughts fed others. Could
she handle a man as magnificent as Mark de Vosse? Why did he want
to be with her anyway? Was it because of her house? Chrissy’s
theory rose up to remind her of her insufficiencies. There were so
many she might drown in them.

If she could pick a woman
for Mark, she certainly wouldn’t have chosen herself.
But he did choose you
, a
little voice reminded her.
His family like
you
another voice piped up. Those things
were all true.

Why her?

The only thing that made her special
was her house. It wasn’t really hers, though. It belonged to her
family, to the females in her family. Therefore, the house wasn’t
necessarily hers, but her family’s.

So this took away anything that made
her special then. Didn’t it?

As the doubts multiplied, they
expanded and bounced off each other like a nuclear reaction. Was
this because she still wasn’t feeling well? Or had these misgivings
been simmering all along, threatening her happiness?

She stood in front of the first stall,
facing the metal door and wondered what to do. No voice answered
her. No one entered the room. No one offered sound
advice.

Trixi realized she could stand there
and feel sorry for herself or she could turn around and reenter the
hospital and her life there. She needed to return to work. Whether
or not she was cut out for the job was yet to be seen. They were
busy, there were patients put in her care and she needed to return
to them.

Even if it was the last thing she
wanted to do.

“
Trix, are you sure you’re
okay?”

The sincerity in Katy’s voice didn’t
hide the worry. Katy entered the bathroom just as Trixi was exiting
it.

Brushing an annoying strand of hair
out of her eyes, Trixi gazed at this woman who knew her far too
well. “I don’t know. Right now all I do know is I still have
patients to care for and we’re still a nurse short and there’s a
pile of test results I need to read...”

“
I get it.” Katy held up a
hand. “Promise me you’ll talk to me before you do anything
stupid.”

“
Of course,” Trixi promised
recklessly. It wasn’t like she was planning to do anything
foolish.

Katy looked reassured. “Okay, I have
to tell Leo something I forgot before I return to work.”

She offered a jaunty wave before
disappearing into a stall and for some reason Katy’s easy
relationship with Leo caused a crazy surge of jealousy. This should
have been beneath Trixi... Why couldn’t her life be effortless? Not
that it was hard like some people faced.

It wasn’t. She was lucky, and the
little voice in the back of her mind reminded her that she had a
lot more than most people. Instead of feeling sorry for herself she
needed to be thankful for all she had.

Why was feeling sorry for yourself so
much easier than being thankful?

“
Chrissy,” Rylan uttered in
surprise.

She jumped out from behind a plant
just as he entered an elevator to take him to his
office.

What was she doing here?

“
Rylan,” she all but
purred.