#Nerd (Hashtag #1) (26 page)

Rimmel

Four days. I’d been existing for four days.

Romeo called. He texted. He left messages. I ignored them all.

I went to class. I hid in my dorm.

I went back to not combing my hair and pants that made me trip every time I took a step.

Ivy tried to cheer me up, she tried to talk to me, but I pushed her away too. I was beyond miserable. I just wanted him back.

But I was scared. Scared to get hurt again. Scared to love someone so much that it gave them power over me.

On the fourth day, Michelle called. She was worried I hadn’t been by. It wasn’t like me to just not show up. Instantly, I felt guilty. It wasn’t Murphy or any of the animals’ fault that I was a hot mess. I lied and told her I’d been sick. Then I promised I’d stop by later in the day.

I’d been reluctant to go, but once I was standing on the sidewalk, looking at the familiar building, something inside me eased. Murphy would make me feel better. Murphy always made me feel better. I was going to owe him extra scratches to make up for not being here lately.

I walked into the cat room, intent on seeing Murphy and just being with someone that didn’t have some hidden agenda. As soon as I walked in, some of the cats came to the door of their shelters and I stopped to scratch behind their ears.

Tears pricked the backs of my eyes because sometimes it hurt to see all these innocent souls all caged up. Most of the time I was able to focus on the fact these cats had a dry, warm place to live with plenty of food to eat. And honestly, most of them never spent more than a month here before being adopted out into loving homes.

Maybe that was why I felt so connected to Murphy. He never got adopted out. Once he got close, but they decided to bring home another cat. That’s how I felt.

I’d been so close to having something with Romeo. Something real.

Or so I thought.

I went to the corner and leaned down to Murphy’s shelter, peering in. “Murphy,” I said softly.

The cage was empty.

He wasn’t curled in the back like always.

I fell back onto my butt as I blinked and stared into the bare space. After a moment, I scrambled up and checked the other cages, thinking someone accidentally put him in the wrong one.

He wasn’t anywhere in this room.

Michelle walked in and smiled. “Hey, Rimmel. So glad to see you today.”

“Where’s Murphy?” I said, not bothering with pleasantries.

She frowned.

The bottom of my stomach hollowed out and an ache began in my chest.

“I thought you knew…” She trailed off when it became painfully obvious by the look on my face that I had
no
idea.

“Murphy,” I said again.

“He got adopted.”

I swayed a little on my feet and reached out to steady myself against the wall.

“Rimmel.” Michelle came forward.

I held out my hand, palm out, to stop her. “When?”

“Just the other day.” She seemed distressed.

She should be. Someone should have told me. Someone should have said something. He was
my
cat.

And now he was gone.

“Rimmel, honey, I thought you knew when a good home found him, he would go. We couldn’t keep him here until you graduated.”

I knew that. I did. It was logical.

I wasn’t feeling very logical right now.

Tears burned my eyes and my throat hurt from the effort to swallow. “I understand,” I said, my voice hoarse. I looked up at her. “He went to a good home?”

“Oh yes, he did.”

I nodded. “I just remembered something I have to do on campus. I can’t stay.” I didn’t wait for her to say anything. Once I was out in the main room by myself. I rushed toward the door and threw it open.

The cold air wrapped around me, but I ignored it. For once, I didn’t feel its sting. Everything had been fine before. Life was good… It was steady.

And then I met Romeo.

I fell for his sparkling eyes and easy smile.

I made a couple friends and I started to build a life, a life I wanted. A life I liked.

And then it all changed. I let it all be ripped away.

Yes, I still had Ivy and Missy, but if I were honest with myself, I would admit I was afraid once they realized Romeo wasn’t coming back, they wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.

Romeo was gone.

Murphy was gone.

I leaned against the brick of the building and lowered my head until it almost touched my chest. Silent, fat tears dripped from my eyes and fell against my shirt.

It hurt. It hurt more than I remembered it could, more than I ever thought it would. This wasn’t the first time I’d been used. At least this time I was older, wiser, and I had my life together. So why, why did it feel so much worse?

Because I loved him.

Because he hadn’t used me. Not really. Maybe at first he set out to, but then it changed. We both changed.

And now we were both being punished.

I cried harder, deep, low sobs ripping from my throat. I sagged against the building because I didn’t know where else to go.

Familiar strong arms found their way around me and eased me away from the wall. I was pulled against a wide, solid chest that radiated warmth. I knew who it was. I would know the feel of him anywhere.

I stiffened and my tears paused.

He put his hand against the back of my head and tucked my face farther into his chest. Something broke inside me.

I started crying again, harder this time, as my arms wound around his waist. He was the only one I could show how vulnerable I felt right now. He was the only one I wanted. He was the reason I was crying, but he was here. He’d come here because maybe he knew just how bad I hurt.

I pulled back and his thumbs brushed the tears off my face. I sniffled and he tilted my head up, gripping it firmly between his palms.

His sapphire eyes burned into mine.

I saw.

I saw he really did know. He knew exactly how I felt because it was mirrored back at me in his gaze.

Still holding my face, he claimed my mouth. He kissed me slowly, keeping his lips firmly on mine. Emotion so intense swirled around us that more tears leaked from my eyes and mixed with our kiss.

“Please,” he said, hoarse, his lips still against mine. “Just talk to me. Please.”

I was too weak in that moment to tell him no. I nodded. He kissed me again before tucking me into his side and depositing me into his car parked at the curb.

We drove in silence to his place. I stared out the window and didn’t look at him once. I wanted so desperately to reach out and touch him. To link our fingers together, to feel his heat. I denied myself because I didn’t know what was to come. He already owned too much of me. How could I give him more?

I waited behind him as he unlocked the door. When it was open, he gestured for me to go in first. I walked past him stiffly, avoiding any kind of accidental touch.

Sunlight poured through the blinds. It was bright and inviting and it made me hurt more. I bypassed the living room and went toward the kitchen, hoping it wouldn’t be so damn sunny and cheerful.

When I passed by the couch, my eyes went ahead of me to the kitchen island.

My feet stuttered.

I stopped and stared.

I blinked and stared again.

Romeo was standing just behind me, and I glanced around with a question in my eyes. He smiled.

Fresh tears welled as I surged forward toward the black, one-eyed cat sitting on the island, swishing his tail back and forth. “Murphy.” I choked and scooped him up and against my chest. I buried my face in his silky fur as he started to purr.

I carried him to the couch and sat down. He curled up in my lap like he knew that was where he belonged.

“You adopted him,” I said when Romeo sat on the coffee table in front of me.

“You love him,” he said simply. Like that was all he needed to know.

“But you’ll have to take care of him. Feed him. Give him water. Change the litter box.”

“Thought maybe you’d want to help.”

I looked up. Our eyes locked.

“What if I say no?” I asked. “What happens to Murphy then?”

He shrugged. “He’s a cool cat. I’ll keep him. He can watch football with me on Sundays.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the image that cast in my head.

“You’d really do that?” I whispered.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Yes.” Then his stoic eyes turned playful and his smile came out. “You wanna watch football with me on Sundays too?”

I sighed heavily and sat Murphy aside. “It’s not that simple,” I said, getting up and pacing the room.

“Why?”

I faltered.

“Because I used you?” he said, standing. “I didn’t. Not really. The second I got to know you, the second I started having real feelings for you, I made a choice. It might have taken me a while to really admit that choice and to act on it, but it was made.”

I stared at him, at the way his muscles moved when he talked.

“I’m not in the frat, Rimmel. I told them to shove it. I never took a picture of us in bed together, which they wanted. Hell, as far as everyone knows, we’ve never had sex. I’ve been loyal to
you
. I still want
you
.”

I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t expected this. The cat.
The fight
.

He was fighting to keep me.

“You know what I think?” he asked, shoving a frustrated hand through his hair. “I think you’re scared. I think you’re terrified to love me.”

I winced. His words hit their mark.

“You’re scared I’m going to disappear. Like your mom, like assholes in your past, hell, even your dad.” He surged forward and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. You can push me away all you want, but it won’t stop me from loving you.”

I sucked in a breath.

His voice gentled and his touch became more like a caress. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Romeo…”

“I love your glasses, your clumsiness, your wild hair, even the way you snort when you laugh.” He smiled. “I love you in spite of yourself, Rim. Can’t you love me in spite of myself?”

I couldn’t help it. I smiled.

“You do come with a lot of baggage.” I sighed. “You’re impossibly good-looking, terrible at math, and you like to drink that swill you call beer.” I mock shuddered.

He smiled, but I saw the relief in his eyes.

“Me being good-looking is a bad thing?” he teased.

“You have a lot of options,” I said seriously. “I’m not the best one.”

“No.” He agreed. “You’re not.”

Geez, he could have said it a little nicer.

“You’re the
only
one.”

Oh, well, that was much better.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about rush right away. I’m sorry for everything I did to hurt you. Now please put me out of my misery, Rim. Tell me you’ll be mine. For keeps.”

“For keeps?” I whispered.

He nodded once. “No take backs.”

I slipped my arms up around his neck and smiled. “No take backs.”

He groaned, scooped me off my feet, and carried me into the bedroom.

He was every #nerd’s fantasy.

But he wasn’t a fantasy.

He was mine.