Nerd Girl (50 page)

He looked back and forth between Catherine and me. After recuperating from his momentary shock, he excused himself from the person he was speaking to and started walking towards us. Catherine squeezed my hand and then intercepted Ryan before he could reach me. His intense blue eyes followed her as she approached him, and then continued to dart back to me in a worried expression, like he was double checking to make sure that I wouldn’t run away.

Catherine pulled Ryan aside. I noticed a few curious glances in my direction. Everyone already knew who Catherine was and they probably just thought I was a good friend she had brought with her tonight. In my peripheral vision I noticed an older woman eyeing me curiously. She was also watching Ryan and Catherine. This had to be his mother. She was average height and thin, but held herself tall with almost regal grace. She had shoulder-length wavy hair, blond but gray at the roots. Her most striking and noticeable feature was her eyes, which were the same shape and held the same soulful depth as her son’s. When she caught my eye, she smiled warmly at me, so I smiled back.

As Catherine spoke to Ryan, I watched him closely. His eyes darted back and forth between us like he was watching a tennis match. I figured she was filling him in on the details of our morning meeting. He was trying to listen to what she was saying, but also checking to make sure I was still there. At one point in their discussion, he looked emotionally touched. He embraced her before walking over to me with renewed purpose.
Finally.

My heart was beating so quickly it felt like it was about to leap straight out of my chest. The sight of him made it positively flutter. When he reached me, he grabbed my hand and had me follow him just outside the private banquet room. I instantly felt the tingle and heat of his hand and the warmth radiating from the close proximity of his body. Despite his attempt to get us a bit more privacy, we were still in nearly full view of his guests.

Ryan looked self-possessed and determined. I, on the other hand, was breathing unsteadily and starting to feel a little dizzy. Just being this close to him again caused heat to rise in my body and made my stomach clench. We met each other’s gaze, taking one another in. Within those few seconds, I saw a myriad of emotions on his face ranging from confusion, love, desire, sadness, and regret.

Ryan lifted one hand to tuck a wisp of my hair behind my ear. His light touch made me tremble. I scanned his face, his eyes; I breathed in his wonderful familiar scent. He wore a dark blue sweater over a pinstriped blue and white cotton shirt with an elegant pair of dark gray trousers. He looked polished and incredibly sexy. I ached to touch him, to feel his hair in my fingers, to feel his strong arms surround and ground me, to have his lips seal mine with desire and promise.

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said in breathy, husky voice, his eyes drinking me in. “You look beautiful.” He gently caressed my cheek with the palm of his hand.

I leaned into it. His hand felt so warm, so secure.
Oh, how I’ve missed this, missed his touch, his closeness.
My knees felt weak. I gazed nervously into his piercing blue eyes. “Is it okay that I am?”

“Yes, of course.” He chuckled and looked at me like I’d just said the most ridiculous thing ever. “There’s nothing more I could want for my birthday than you.”

“Well
… good. Didn’t Catherine tell you? I’m your birthday gift from her.” I arched an eyebrow as I peered up at him through my eyelashes. “We didn’t have time for a bow.”

“It’s the best gift she could’ve ever given me,” he said with such heartfelt gratitude it made my heart flutter.

I smiled in return, overwhelmed by my emotions and so happy that he still wanted me.

His face quickly turned from gratitude to self-reproach. “I was such an idiot, coming over the other day and thinking that I could make it all better and things would continue where we left off.” He shook his head, clearly upset with himself.

“I wasn’t very nice to you,” I said softly, feeling remorseful. “I’m sorry.”

“You, of all people, have nothing to be sorry for. You were more civilized to me than I deserved.” His hand moved down from my cheek, following the line of my neck to my shoulders and down my arm.

I sighed with the pure joy and gentleness of his soft touch, my body responding with goosebumps. “Your visit wasn’t a complete wash,” I said softly.

He eyed me curiously.

“There was one positive that came out of it. I realized that you still loved me.”

“I never stopped,” he assured me fervently, now holding both of my hands in his. “How could you ever think that I could ever stop loving you? I love you so much it hurts.”

“I love you, too, Ryan,” I said ardently. I could feel my emotions swelling inside me. “I was just really hurt and
… scared.”

“I’m so sorry, Julia.” He was struggling to get the right words out, looking at me now with an intense expression filled with love, desire, regret, and so many things still unsaid. “Can you ever forgive me?”

I looked at him thoughtfully and then past him to Catherine, who stood in the distance, watching. Ryan followed my gaze. She was respectfully giving us privacy, but she met my eyes when I looked for her. She had a look of quiet atonement. I knew she felt her job was done tonight.

“You know, I learned something from Catherine today.” I focused my eyes back to Ryan. “Life is short and precious. We need to be with the ones we love,” I said, fervently repeating Catherine’s words. “It doesn’t matter how we got here and I don’t want to dwell on what pulled us away from each other, but we’re here because we love each other. People make mistakes, Ryan. All I know is that I love you and if I can’t find it in me to forgive you, then I’ve lost you.” My eyes started to swell with tears. “And I don’t want to lose you,” I whispered as a big teardrop escaped my eye.

Looking at me so tenderly my heart clenched, he gently brushed the tear away with his thumb. Before I knew it, his other hand was pulling me into his arms and he was kissing me. When I opened my lips for him and searched for his tongue, a little moan escaped his throat. His lips were soft and warm and tasted like wine. His tongue caressed mine with desire and want and sweet reunion. His hands roamed from my face to my hair to the nape of my neck and over my back and waist. Everyone and everything in the world around us faded away
… until I became aware of catcalls and applause.

I lifted my head away from the kiss that left both of us breathless and panting. As we turned around, Ryan’s family and closest friends grinned and gave us a standing ovation. It was a good thing the room was dimly lit, because I blushed crimson. In response, Ryan took a deep bow, swinging his arm forward, while I curtsied.

When we stood back up, he placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me to towards the private dining room full of his friends and family.

“I don’t deserve you,” he chuckled in my ear.

“You’re a lucky bastard, then,” I said, looking up at him endearingly. “Happy birthday, Ryan.”

“I love you, Julia.” He smiled, revealing my two favorite dimples. “C’mon, let’s celebrate. I want to introduce you to my family.”

That night, I stopped treating my love life like it was a project plan. Projects were structured and driven by start and end dates. Things had a logical order and a reason existed for every decision. In the midst of ambiguity, for any difficult decision that would impact the outcome, a good program manager always weighed the level of risk. If the risk was too high, you turned back or shut the idea down. Faith in a decision was never acknowledged in the assessment. It was all a calculated game.

When you fell in love, there were no guarantees. Sometimes, past learnings didn’t matter anymore, not when you really loved someone. Forgiving Ryan and not dwelling on all the reasons we were torn apart allowed us to have a second chance. I learned that weighing the risk was driven by the mind, not the heart. That’s where the fundamental difference lies between business and love. When it comes to love, faith replaces risk. Better late than never, but I was finally learning from my mistakes and reaping the rewards.

Three Years Later …

“Ten minutes, ladies,” Kelli, the wedding coordinator, barked.

The four of us, Anna, Catherine, Lauren, and I, put the finishing touches on our makeup and hair and did a once over in the mirror. I heard the string quartet playing in the chapel. The Villa Academy chapel was a gorgeous chapel built in the 1920s with arched ceilings and stain glass windows. It was a beautiful location to hold a wedding ceremony.

I peeked my head out the door, making sure the late guests weren’t dawdling in the foyer and were being seated. Kelli noticed me and signaled for us to come out. I lead the procession of bridesmaids.

As we rounded the corner, I spotted Ryan standing with two other groomsmen. Ironically, one of them was one of Catherine’s doctors. Kelli waved her hands, ushering us to gather in the foyer of the church, but it was difficult to hurry in heels whilst helping to maneuver layers of silk organza.

Ryan looked dashingly handsome in his black, custom-made suit. Even three years later, he made my heart flutter and I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. When we finally reached him and Kelli, he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and said, “You’re beautiful.” He gazed down at me with love and appreciation, then focused to the person to his right. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Catherine,” he teased.

Catherine answered by nudging him affectionately in the ribs and giving him a radiant smile.

Since Catherine’s father didn’t have the physical capacity to walk her down the aisle, she had asked Ryan to give her away at her wedding. This was poignant and appropriate because Ryan was essentially her family.

She had asked him a few months ago when a group of us, including her fiancé, Charlie, were having dinner at Betty’s to celebrate my independence as a small business owner. I had decided that I no longer needed to bill hours to break even. I had actually passed that point a while ago, but I still felt compelled to finish out my last contract. I had twenty-four consultants working for me at that time and I wanted to focus more on business development. Ryan thought I should branch out to other companies. There were too many consulting companies in Redmond that had MS as their only client. Since there was no conflict of interest with companies like Amazon or Starbucks, Ryan thought he could help me get contracts with them via some of his networking contacts. Today, I had almost double the number of consultants.

Just before dessert, Catherine and Charlie together asked Ryan for the favor. Ryan was honored, of course, and it was very fitting that he be the man to walk Catherine down the aisle.

It was also fitting that Charlie and Catherine had met at a fundraiser for breast cancer. Charlie was perinatologist at Swedish hospital. His mother passed away from breast cancer several years ago, which was why he was a strong advocate for breast cancer awareness. He met Catherine after her chemotherapy treatments had completed. She didn’t have any hair at the time and that was when she claimed she was physically at her worst appearance. I couldn’t have found her more beautiful. However, that was one reason she believed Charlie really loved her—he had seen her at her very worst and now at her best. They started out as friends, but as her health got better and she began to believe that she was going to beat the cancer, she opened herself up to the relationship. Personally, Ryan and I both thought Charlie was a guardian angel. He was the right man and he came into Catherine’s life at just the right time. Maybe life was all about serendipitous encounters or maybe that’s just another description of fate. My belief still held that we just had to recognize them enough to take advantage of the opportunity when they happened.

Catherine fought her cancer bravely and tirelessly with everything she had and we were by her side the whole time. I was in awe of Catherine’s ongoing courage and strength. I never ceased to be amazed at her ability to stay positive and see beauty, along with the pain, in her difficult journey. No one deserved a happier ending more than Catherine.