Nephew's Wife, The (17 page)

Ellen watched as Rand absorb her confession. 

“Why did you let everyone believe you were grieving your fiancé?” Rand flung over his shoulder.  “Was that just a ruse to make you feel better for what you did?”

“No!” Ellen cried out. 

Rand faced her.  “Why did you do it, Ellen?  I don’t understand all the deception. I want to believe you weren’t responsible for all this.  Help me understand.”

“I’m sorry for disappointing you, Rand.” Ellen’s resolve was slipping.  She was holding on to courage by her fingernails. “But, I am responsible for all of it.  I broke up with Paul.  I set off a chain of events that I can’t take back.  I allowed myself to be interviewed by Robin Davenport.  When I saw how she fabricated some romantic story out of what I had told her, I should have said something then, but I—I didn’t want to disclose any more information about my relationship with Paul.  It was too personal.  I was tired.  Guilt was eating away at me.  What do you want me to say, Rand?”

“I think you’ve said enough.” Rand tightened his jaw.

Ellen rose from her chair.  “I understand your anger, Rand.  I’m not trying to excuse what I did, but—I never wanted any of this to happen. Please believe me. When I agreed to the interview with Robin, I never dreamed she would build me up to be some heroine.  I was just trying to help her out with her feature for the newspaper.”

“Why didn’t you set her straight when the story came out?  It’s been two years.”

Ellen shrugged, wearily.  “I didn’t think anyone would pay any attention to it.  When it showed up on the internet and caught fire, I felt too ashamed to admit my mistake.  I kept hoping it would all go away, but it never did.  It just got crazier for me. There’s something else, Rand.”

“What?”

“I told Robin all of this.  She’s writing another article for Sunday’s paper to set the record straight.  I’m sure there will be fallout.  I’m sorry for the embarrassment I’ve caused you and Dolly.”

Rand’s expression fell between stone cold and disbelief.  “I don’t know what to say, Ellen. I need time to process all this.  I thought I knew you, but—” he hesitated.

“Now, you aren’t sure,” Ellen finished his thought.

“You lied to me when I asked about Paul’s photos,” Rand accused with narrowed eyes.  “You’re very good at withholding the truth.  What else have you lied to me about?  How can I believe anything you say?  How can I trust you?”

“Because I love you, Rand.”  Ellen touched his arm.  “If you love me, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Please.  I’ve lived with the guilt of ruining Paul’s life for nine years.”

“Ruining his life!” Rand growled.  “You call what you did to him
ruining his life
?  He’s dead, Ellen. I don’t know how you can live with yourself.”

“Please don’t say that, Rand,” Ellen pleaded.  ‘Please don’t hate me.  I couldn’t bear it if you did.”

“I don’t know how I feel, Ellen.  Please leave me alone for a while.  I—just want you to leave me alone.”

“I’m not a bad person, Rand.” Ellen defended herself.  “I couldn’t go through with the marriage with Paul. I felt God telling me not to.”

Rand smirked.  “Are you blaming God for your actions? That’s pretty low, Ellen. Don’t make things worse for yourself.  Just go.”  He turned from her and lowered his head.  Anguish filled him as he heard Ellen’s soft steps walk away. 

Chapter 13

Saturday, Rand took Dolly to visit a friend in the hospital then out to lunch.  Dolly had fared so well with the outing, she asked Rand to take her to church with him on Sunday.

“Please join us, Ellen.” Dolly urged Ellen Sunday morning while Ellen helped her get dressed.

Ellen declined.  “This is your first Sunday back since your stroke, Dolly.  It’s a special time for you and Rand.  Besides, the article about me comes out today.  It may be read by some of your church members.  I don’t want to be a sore distraction during your pleasant trip. Go on and enjoy yourself.  It’s good that you’re adding activities outside the home to your recovery.  You’ll be back to your old self in no time.  You won’t even need a companion soon.”

“I am getting stronger every day thanks to you, Ellen,” Dolly smiled.  “But, I would greatly miss having you around.” The deep lines on her face drooped.  “Won’t you tell me what happened between you and Randolph the other night that’s put both of you at odds with each other?  I’ve never seen two sadder people.”

Ellen smiled tenderly as she clasped a string of pearls around Dolly’s neck. 

“Let’s not spoil your day, Dolly.  It’s really nothing surprising anyway.”

“Randolph won’t talk to me about it, either,” Dolly fussed. 

“Please don’t worry about us, Dolly,” Ellen pleaded.  “You’re on the road to a full recovery.  Even your walking is improving so don’t go backwards by taking on unnecessary stress. I’ll let Rand know you’re ready.”

Rand was heading toward Dolly’s bedroom as Ellen stepped into the hallway.  Ellen’s heart caved at the sight of him, dressed handsomely in a dark suit and light blue shirt.  His love was so close and yet so very far away from her.  The strain of the issues between them showed on his long face. 

“Dolly’s dressed and ready to go,” Ellen said, flatly.  She was in no mood to tangle with Rand anymore. 

“You won’t be going with us?  Aunt Dolly told me she was going to invite you.”

Ellen shook her head.  “No. I’ve explained my reasons to Dolly.”

“You’re worried about the newspaper article.”

Ellen nodded.

              “The timing for it can’t be worse,” Rand said in a disapproving way.  Ellen bristled at his cold attitude.

              “I’m sorry,” Ellen apologized.  “I hope it doesn’t present any problems for Dolly on her first Sunday back in church.”

“Me, too.”  Rand quipped, turning away.

Ellen went straight to her room and waited until they had left the premises before putting a shawl over her shoulders and walking to the gazebo to pray.

When she got there, overwhelming despair pulled her down.  A stack of problems weighed on her shoulders.  Ellen didn’t know where to start when she went before the Lord.  There was the guilt over Paul’s accident that still vexed her, the lies and deception she’d committed, Rand’s anger, Whitney’s blackmail attempts, the article in the paper, and her own state of mind which was growing bleaker by the minute.  The only good thing was Dolly’s improving health. 

Ellen glanced Heavenward and saw a cloudy sky.  It matched her dreary spirits.  With so many things going wrong, Ellen had the urge to pull away from God and question why He’d allow such dreadful commotion in her life. She opened her heart and frustration poured out.

Is my faith not strong enough, God? Do I not pray often enough or sincere enough? Are my thoughts too selfish, too trivial, too unworthy?

Ellen regretted her self-pity.  God knew her heart.  She couldn’t hide any thought from Him.  It shamed her to be so down, and yet, how was she to feel?  She was sad, and she couldn’t help it.  Life had been one tragedy and crisis after another.  Would there ever be any happiness for her?

They were selfish questions, Ellen knew, but she had to flush them out in order to deal with them.  Decisions had to be made.  It was clear she could no longer stay at the Powers’ estate.  It was time to move on.  Dolly had improved enough thanks to her therapy.  In no time she’d be walking again with a cane.  She was already getting antsy, wanting to go more and mingle with friends.  Ellen didn’t see much of a future as Dolly’s companion. 

Then what?
Ellen wondered to herself.  She needed guidance from the Lord.  Only He could clear her mind.  Bowing her head, Ellen poured her heart out to him.

“Dear Heavenly Father, you know what I’m going through, all the mess I’m in and all the mess I’ve created for myself.  There’s no one else to blame but me.  You know what I’m facing. Please help me. Forgive me for hurting Paul, for not telling the truth about my relationship with Paul and disclosing what I’d done to him, for deceiving people the way I did.  I’m sorry for all that. I’m sorry for hurting Rand.  He believed in me, and I failed him.  Please give me wisdom about what to do.  I know I’m constantly asking for help, but I’m weak and I can’t think clearly.  My heart is broken and my spirit is troubled and very low.  I feel as if I’ll never be happy again.

“I have so many things facing me.  I need to move on with my life, but I don’t know what to do or where to go.  I have to confront Whitney tomorrow, and I don’t know how to resolve that.  I need to leave this place, but it makes me sad to think of leaving Dolly and Rand.  They’ve been like family to me.  Please, Dear Lord, help me through all this. Whatever your will is for me, I trust you to guide me in it. I want to be the person you want me to be.  In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.”

Ellen sat quietly, waiting for peace to come.  She turned her thoughts away from her own troubles.  There were others who faced greater battles.  She’d witnessed many at the care center.  The world was full of sorrow and suffering.  People all around her were struggling just to survive.  At least she had food and shelter.  Profound gratefulness washed over her.  She counted her blessings.

Her parents had taught her to love the Lord.  They’d been wonderful parents and gave her tremendous love.  Her grandmother had been a true blessing in her life, helping her deal with her parents’ deaths.  She had a nice job and had been able to put money aside.  Her bank account was fuller than it had been in ages.  Ellen felt ashamed for feeling sorry for herself when so many suffered every day.  She bowed her head and asked God to forgive her for being so selfish. 

Sending her thoughts to others gave her peace.  Ellen smiled at the lesson God was teaching her.  Life isn’t about finding happiness for herself.  It’s about being a blessing to others.  Being obedient to God would bring her happiness.  She’d been trapped in her own troubles for so long that she hadn’t considered what others may be going through.  At that moment, sunshine separated the clouds and filled the space around Ellen. 

Rand’s focus wavered between the sermon and Ellen with Ellen having a heftier chunk of his attention.  He was as low as he could get.  His shoulders weighed a hundred pounds. Having his aunt beside him on the pew for the first time in a year didn’t lighten his heavy mood.  Rand prayed silently for discernment and wisdom when he wasn’t lost in troubling thoughts.

His heart was shattered over the separation from Ellen.  Since Friday night, there was definitely a difference in the way they treated each other.  She’d become withdrawn and quiet.  He’d become skeptical and disillusioned.  Not good places to be at the start of a relationship. 

What relationship?
Rand smirked to himself.  His negative response to Ellen’s confession about Paul had blown his chances with her.  He’d been too hard on her, but he couldn’t take it back now.  All he could hope and pray for was time to repair the damage before Ellen picked up and left.

As soon as the service was over, Rand wanted to leave immediately so he could hide in his office and wallow in self-pity, but it didn’t happen.  Dolly was surrounded by well-wishers while Rand was cornered by church members curious about Ellen and the newspaper article.

“I don’t want to discuss it,” he told the ones who had the audacity to question his judgment in hiring her. 

Dolly sensed the tension mounting around her nephew and feigned exhaustion.  Rand wheeled her quickly to the car. He thanked her for intervening on his behalf as they drove away from the parking lot.  As a reward he offered lunch at her favorite restaurant. 

“What about Ellen, dear?” 

Rand shrugged.  “What about her?”

“I’ll call her and see if she wants to join us.”  Dolly pulled her phone from her purse.

Rand’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing Ellen, but he knew she’d decline the invitation.  He’d read it on her face that morning.  She wanted no part of him. He didn’t blame her.  He had told her he loved her then pushed her away at the first sign of trouble.

From the way Dolly was pleading over the phone, Rand knew his prediction was true.

“Ellen’s not feeling up to going out,” Dolly said, putting her phone away.  “She says it’s because of the article.”  Dolly flashed her nephew a scowling appraisal. “What did you say to her, Randolph, when she told you the truth about Paul?”  Her tone dared him not to answer.

“I admit I didn’t handle it very well, Aunt Dolly,” Rand relented, steering the car onto the interstate.  “It caught me off guard.  I realize now I may have overreacted.”

“I hope you intend to fix it,” Dolly snapped.  “That girl has had enough pain in her life without you adding to it.  You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

Rand lifted a brow.  “How do you know?  Did Ellen talk to you?”

“She didn’t have to,” Dolly said with her chin up.  “You wouldn’t be so tied in knots if you didn’t care for her.”  Dolly sighed.  “You’re reminded of Lana and what she did.  I know the similarities are there, and you’ve probably made a case for your emotions, but you’re wrong.  Ellen broke up with Paul because he wanted her to be something she wasn’t, and she questioned his faith.  She didn’t want to commit to a marriage where God wasn’t first.”

“She told me that in so many ways,” Rand replied. He pursed his lips. “Why did she wait until the night before the wedding to tell him?  The news ripped him apart.  He didn’t want to live so he ran the stop sign, hoping to kill himself.  Instead, he had to endure nine years hovering between life and death.”

“Ellen has asked God to forgive her for that, Rand.  She stayed with Paul all during that time, even after Paul’s mother passed away, and the family quit visiting.”

“Out of guilt not love.”

“How foolish you are!”  Dolly’s terse quip stunned Rand.  “You think only guilt could make a person sacrifice the way Ellen did?  If she didn’t have God’s love moving in her heart, she’d never be able to give up nine years of her life to sit at Paul’s bedside every free moment she had, praying over him, talking to him, and encouraging him.  No one else did that for him. Paul was blessed to have Ellen in his corner.  Could you have done the same as Ellen?”