Need You Now (25 page)

Brad rubbed his forehead, sighed. “She said she'd never do it again, Darlene.” He locked eyes with his wife. “Maybe we just need to trust her.” His fears matched his wife's, but he didn't want his daughter's reputation ruined in this small town if there wasn't going to be another incident. Being a teenager was hard enough without the added label of “mentally ill.” “The minute she steps foot into a shrink's office, this whole town will know about it.”

“I really don't care.” Darlene's lips barely moved as she spoke. “I'm only concerned with our daughter's well-being.”

“Like I'm not?” Brad stood up and walked toward her. “I'm just as worried as you are, but I don't want us doing anything rash either. We need to think about this.” He put a hand on his hip. “Let's just sleep on it, and we can talk tomorrow.”

“I'm calling someone tomorrow.” Darlene stood up, brushed past him, and went into the bathroom. Brad followed.

“So you're just going to make that decision on your own? Did you even ask Grace what she thought? We're not in Houston. You know how everything is public knowledge around here. The local psychologist is probably a classmate's father, uncle, or grandfather.”

Darlene turned to look at him through the doorway of the bathroom. “Brad, our daughter is in trouble. She's not old enough to make decisions about what is best for her. We're her parents. That's our job!”

“Yelling isn't going to help.” Although Brad felt like hollering at the top of his lungs too.

“Well, neither is pretending that it didn't happen.” Darlene threw her hands up in the air. “Brad, she's got cuts all over her legs, and I'm sure those scars on her arms aren't from barbwire. She's already lied to us. Do you want her to hurt herself again?” Tears started to pour down Darlene's face. “Our beautiful Grace. Why would she do this to herself?” She raised her head and dabbed at her eyes.

Brad couldn't keep the tears from forming in his eyes again. There was a long, brittle silence before Darlene spoke again.

“And since this is
my
fault for not being here to supervise
my
children, I will handle it.”

Brad hung his head, shook it. He was surprised it took her this long to bring up his comment. “Dar, I shouldn't have said that. And they are
our
children. We'll handle it together. We don't need to be fighting about it, we just need—”

“Actually, I've been thinking about quitting my job. I'm going to give notice tomorrow.”

“Don't do that because of what I said.”

“I'm not.” She turned toward the sink and turned the water on. “I need to be home for my children.”

Brad knew this was a direct repercussion of his earlier comment, her attempt to lash out at him. Didn't she realize he was hurting too? “Whatever. Quit then.” He turned to head back to the bed, his head splitting and his heart filled with worry about Grace.

“Yeah, whatever,” she said, slamming the bathroom door.

He crawled into bed.

Congratulations to me for a long-awaited, well-deserved promotion
.

It was possibly the most selfish thought he'd ever had, but it had surfaced just the same.

Darlene leaned her head all the way down to the sink and let the tears fall again, hoping the running water would drown out her sobs. Brad wouldn't have made the comment if he didn't at least believe it to be partly true. Maybe if she'd been home, she would have noticed a change in Grace, possibly prevented this from happening.

Even though she felt bitter about having to quit her job, losing her independence, and leaving the students—especially Cara—her own kids were more important. And Grace needed her.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth, all the while thinking about how hard it was going to be to give notice to Myrna. But the vision of Grace's legs, the blood on the bed, in her lap, on her clothes . . . Darlene shivered.

As she climbed into bed, she stayed far on her side. This wasn't Brad's fault. She wasn't sure if it was her fault. But one thing she knew for sure, she needed to find out more about this cutting and get Grace some help. No matter what Brad thought.

At breakfast, no one said much, and Brad left early for work. Grace almost acted like nothing had happened, and she seemed to be trying to lift everyone's spirits. She joked with Chad, who didn't react much. And she offered to take Ansley shopping on the square in Round Top later that afternoon. It was unusual for all the kids to be up so early during summer break, but they'd been waiting to watch the space shuttle on television this morning. Darlene was glad to see that Grace had gotten up for it.

She'd already instructed Chad to keep an eye on Grace, thankful that he didn't have to work today, and even though her insides churned, she knew she had a responsibility to go to work. But maybe Brad was right. Maybe Grace was just trying something out, and it would never happen again. Her intuition told her otherwise, though.

Chad reached for the last cinnamon roll, and Darlene blew them all a kiss. “See you tonight.” She glanced at her son. “Call me if you need me.” He nodded, and with much anxiety, Darlene left for work.

Myrna took the news much better than Darlene expected, probably because Darlene had told her the truth about Grace, despite Brad's worries. Myrna also gave her the name of a psychologist who specialized in “these types of troubles,” as Myrna had called it. Darlene had offered to give two weeks' notice, but Myrna told her that she would combine her granddaughter's one-on-one study with Cara's until she could find Darlene's replacement, insisting that Darlene needed to stay close to Grace and get her some counseling.

When she'd voiced her concerns about the children at the school, especially Cara, Myrna said that God would guide them all. At the mention of God, Darlene realized that she hadn't said any prayers last night, for the first time in as long as she could remember. Too much on her mind with Grace, but she knew that Grace's situation was even more reason to reach out to God for guidance.

Myrna thought it best not to say anything to Cara or Dave today, although Darlene felt terrible that she'd just stop coming after today, never showing up to teach again. When Dave showed up at five o'clock to pick up Cara, Darlene could hardly look him in the eyes.

“Glad it was another good day,” Dave said after Darlene gave him a report on Cara's accomplishments for the day. He offered a weak smile, and Darlene thought again about how Dave had opened up at the gala, then shut down afterward. Sometimes she still wondered what she'd done to cause him to run cold again. Not that it mattered, she supposed. Today was her last day. “We'll see you tomorrow.” He reached for Cara's hand, and together they left the classroom.

Darlene's whole body felt like a lead weight. She wouldn't see them tomorrow. Or the next day.

God be with you, Cara
.

And please be with Grace and our family
.

Darlene walked down the hall to tell everyone good-bye. She knew in her mind and in her heart that she needed to be with Grace right now, but Brad's comments, his blaming her, rang in her mind, as if he accepted no responsibility for Grace's actions.

All she'd ever wanted to be was a good wife and mother. Was it so wrong to seek just a little bit of independence outside of those two roles?

Apparently so.

Chapter Thirteen

Grace held the nails in a small pouch, handing one to her father each time he asked for one. Normally she wouldn't have offered to help her father repair the fence, but she was desperate to talk to him without anyone around. It had been two weeks since she'd been caught cutting herself, and she hadn't done it since then. But her mother was on a mission to get her to see a shrink, like she was a crazy person. Mom had made her an appointment for next Tuesday.

Her father had worked late every night that week, so she hadn't had a chance to talk to him privately. Today, though, he was working on repairs around the farm, starting with the fence.

“Dad?”

“Huh?” He wiped sweat from his brow, then adjusted a fallen board back into place. “Another nail, please.” He held out his hand without looking at her. She pulled a nail from the pouch and handed it to him. Across the pasture, Layla was riding one of her horses. Grace waved, and Layla waved back. She hadn't seen Layla in weeks, but she knew her mother had visited her. Mostly her mother was hovering over Grace, making Grace feel like she was suffocating. She wished Mom had never quit her job. Grace had cured herself of the cutting. Now she just had to convince her father.

“Daddy, please don't let Mom take me to a shrink.”

Her father finished hammering the nail into place before he looked up at her. “Grace, maybe it's the best thing for you to talk to someone.”

“No, Dad. I stopped. It was a stupid, dumb thing to do, and I haven't done it since. Please don't let Mom take me on Tuesday.
Please
.”

He locked eyes with her for a moment as sweat dripped from his forehead. It was already a hundred degrees, and it wasn't quite July yet. They were all going to melt come August.

“Grace, I don't know . . .” He shook his head. “Your mother really thinks that it would help you to talk to someone. Don't you think it might feel good to talk about your feelings, to maybe understand what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?” He playfully tapped her on the forehead. She smiled, but was no less committed to getting him on her side.

“Dad, I feel great. Better than I have in a long time. I was so sad when I found out about Tristan. I'd heard other girls talking about cutting themselves to make themselves feel better, and I thought maybe it would work for me. But it didn't.”
God, forgive me.

Her father put a hand up to block the early-morning sun rising above the colorful pasture filled with wildflowers. “Are you sure, Grace?”

She touched his arm. “Yes, Daddy. I'm sure. Please talk Mom out of taking me.” Grace had heard them arguing about this several times, and she knew she needed to weigh in on her father's side of the argument. “I'd just die if anyone around here found out that I went to a shrink. I couldn't stand for everyone to think that I'm crazy. I might as well just die if that happened.”