Nearly Broken (18 page)

It now made sense why
that bastard always bitched about me not being a virgin –
calling me all sorts of things,
fucking whore
probably the
nicest. For the life of me, I could never understand what he was
talking about since I thought I was one, but again, I really didn’t
give a shit about his disappointments.

That meant that Nick
and I had been
really
sexually active for a year before I got
stolen. I sighed, wishing I could be happy about those memories I no
longer had, but I was still grateful for Nick. And I probably
shouldn’t have said what was on my mind, but I did. “You
have no idea how relieved I am that I got to give my virginity to you
before it could be taken by someone else.”

A faint groan rumbled
in his throat. His head fell forward and his embrace found a way to
tighten even more. I wanted nothing more than to remember our time
together. I felt cheated. That freaking asshole took me away from the
guy I loved, took several years away from our time together, took
every emotional memory I ever had with him. And I desperately wanted
them back.

“Nick?” I
whispered.

“Mmm-hmm?”

“What we did
earlier tonight? I want more. I want
you
.”

Shock overtook him. He
not only pulled out of our embrace but actually held his hands to my
shoulders to keep me at bay. “What? No! I shouldn’t have
even done what I did. What if I hurt you? I mean, aren’t you…”

“Traumatized?”
I asked solemnly, and he nodded his head. My body slumped once I
released a heavy sigh from my stiff body. God…this was just
not the type of conversation I wanted to have. Ever. “I know I
probably should be. But… Look. I know what happened to me, I
do. But I was really out of it each time it happened. I guess in a
way it was a blessing, because I wasn’t really conscious, so I
remember very little. There were only a few times when I snapped out
of my daze when he... And I’m not going to lie, those images
still haunt me in a way. But I never had to
feel
what was
happening
when
it was happening, you know? So in a way, I just
don’t remember enough to be as traumatized as I probably should
be. I’m more disgusted than anything now, even mad when I think
of the others that are still trapped in that life, and a little
fearful at times that I could be taken back. But in all honesty, I
think the aftereffect of these burns bother me more than the rapes,
because I felt them when they happened, and I’m still forced to
endure how people react to me when they see them.”

I didn’t like
this distance between us, or the cold seeping over my skin now that
he’d pulled away. “Nick, I’ve been trying to cope
with this for a long time now. And I feel ready to leave that part of
my life behind. I feel ready with you. So, please. I just need a
little more from you.”

He eyed me warily, but
I saw the longing hidden within those shining orbs, and I wished
there was enough light to see the intense shade of green that filled
them. After all, I wasn’t the only one who had gone without for
so long. He had to need this as much as me. “How much is a
little?”

“Everything,”
I admitted with a whisper.

His straining eyes
closed and his head began to sway. “I’m scared. For the
first time in my life I’m truly scared. I don’t want you
to hurt anymore.”

That horrible stinging
sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first
tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. For eighteen months
now, I’ve lived in terror, fearing everything and everyone. I
don’t want to be scared anymore. The only time I’ve ever
felt safe is in your arms. I do love you, and I just want to let you
in all the way. So please. Please fill me with love, because I can’t
bear to be filled with fear anymore. It’s suffocating me.”

I sensed the
resignation in his eyes when they looked sadly my way. He pressed his
forehead to mine, gently nodding. “Okay,” he whispered,
gently kissing me before pulling me to my feet. His hand guided me to
the bedroom. Tipping my chin up at him, he said softly, “We’ll
do this, but the second your uncomfortable, it’s over. Got it?”

I nodded, and lifted
to my toes to seal the deal with a kiss. My robe fell off my
shoulders, and by the time his skin made contact with mine on the
bed, we were both naked. He repeated everything he did earlier,
probably because he already knew it wouldn’t hurt me in any
way. Beginning with my lips and neck, Nick traveled south to my
breasts. Finally, when he had me nearly screaming as he worked down
below, he slowly slid inside me. I gasped, and once he was sure it
was in pleasure, he gently rocked in and out, his eyes intensely
staring into mine.

We spent the night
taking our time. Nick did everything right, and teased me with the
rise and falls, constantly prolonging our enjoyment. And when we
finished, nothing he’d done had bruised or hurt me in any way.
Our emotions and hormones finally spent, my body lay partially atop
his, finding comfort in the motion of his chest and the gentle
circles he was tracing on my backside. We lay there quietly for the
longest time, conversation not necessary, just enjoying the physical
contact between our warm, naked flesh.

I pulled my robe on,
crossing my arms for added warmth, and quietly left the bedroom in
search of Nick. The guy never seemed to be around every time I woke
up. I found him leaning over the kitchen island with his back to me,
most likely reading the newspaper like he’d done every other
morning. I was guessing this one at least got delivered to his door.
I leaned against the hallway doorframe. My gaze got lost in the
curvature of his back, biceps and what part of his legs I could see
outside his boxers. I could stay there all day admiring that view,
but his body shifted positions and cruelly brought me back to
reality.

“Have I told you
how much I hate waking up cold and alone?”

I hadn’t meant
for it to come off so disheartening, but it did, as I truly felt that
way inside. A pained smile formed on his lips before abandoning the
coffee in his hand and making his way towards me.

“I’m
sorry, baby.”

Baby.
That word
sounded smooth and sweet coming from his mouth. A girl could get used
to hearing that on a daily basis.

He lightly caressed my
cheeks and tenderly kissed me, pulling away far too soon. “You’ve
always slept an hour longer than me. I thought for sure I had plenty
of time to get back to you before you woke.”

“Must have been
the coffee. You never made it in our apartment, so it never woke me
up before.”

Cool silk pressed
against my skin as his hands rubbed the outside of my arms up and
down. The friction heated my skin and tingles flitted through my
body, their cool effect surprisingly warm. Wanting more, I leaned
myself into him, not caring that the robe fell open in the front. His
arms wrapped tightly around me, the pressure of his lower half
against mine incredibly arousing, and images of our night flashed
through my mind.

Nick, leaning over
me, gently massaging my lips with his as our bodies swayed in rhythm.

Me, on top of Nick,
not caring that every inch of my damaged skin was exposed for his
viewing. It seemed he didn’t even notice, and with his eyes
locked so intensely on mine, how could he?

For once I had sexual
visuals that didn’t disgust every fiber of my being. I was left
content, yet wanting. And nothing seemed able to break my smile.

His lips might have
been preoccupied with mine, but his brain still managed to realize
our bare chests were brushing together. Out of nowhere, his hand
cupped and squeezed by breast. Shocking me, I cried out, “No!”
I playfully swatted and squirmed free of his grasp, giggling as he
continued to feel me up until I rewrapped my robe.

Returning to his
coffee, he wagged his folded up newspaper at me on the way to the
sofa, teasing, “Don’t stand in front of me naked unless
you mean it.”

“It’s not
me. It’s this damn silk. It won’t stay tied.”

He crashed on the
sofa, snapping the paper as he opened it up. “Note to self. Buy
Megan lots of silk.”

Around two o’clock,
Nick was gathering things into his backpack to leave for work. “You
don’t wear regular clothes in that restaurant, do you?”

“No. I keep my
clothes in my office so I don’t have to wear the uniform coming
and going. The less I smell like food when I get home, the better.”

“You have an
office?”

“A small one.”

Amused, I crossed my
arms and teased, “Small like Paul’s?”

“God, no. I
don’t know how he does that. But seeing as how I worked there
for free, I can hardly sympathize.”

The smile fell from my
face. “You didn’t get paid?” I exclaimed.

“He couldn’t
afford it and I refused to leave there without a job working
alongside you. Hence the free part.”

“Nick…”

He cupped my chin, and
my hands went for his waist. “It’s fine. I wasn’t
going to leave my girl there all lost and alone.”

You know that moment
when you know someone truly loves you? That one was mine, and I hoped
the kiss that followed returned the sentiment.

I felt all tingly
inside, but it faded as the realization sank in that Nick was about
to leave me home alone, and that was something I wasn’t looking
forward to. “I feel bad.”

“About what?”

“That you’re
going off to make money and I’m just staying home, sitting on
my ass being a total mooch. You just worked several weeks for free. I
can’t just stay home.”

His eyes rolled
halfway back, fighting the full rotation. “Let me ask you this.
How long did you work at Breenie’s?”

“About a year
and a half,” I replied.
One year, six months, twenty-two
days to be exact.

“And how many
days did you take off?”

“I don’t
know. I was sick twice, so maybe four days.”

“Then you’re
due a vacation. Strip down, grab the chocolate and plant your ass on
the sofa already. And if you feel bad for taking the day off, you can
please me to your heart’s content when I get back.”

I licked my lips, in
both an attempt to keep my smile from spreading too quickly and to
turn him on for saying that. It worked, but he was better at keeping
a straight face than I was.

“Look,” he
continued, “if relaxing drives you up the wall, you can use my
laptop, maybe even look up what you’d need to do to get your
GED.”

“GED? Wow. I
hadn’t even thought of that.”
God, I never finished
high school!

Shit!

“You’re a
smart girl. And you only missed the equivalent of like six months of
classes. You’ll catch up and pass it easily. Of course, that’s
assuming you want to get one.”

“Yeah, I want to
get it.”

“Well, okay
then. Find out what type of study materials you need and we’ll
pick them up this week. That’ll give you something to focus
on.”

I nodded, and solemnly
pressed my lips. Noticing my expression, Nick dropped what he was
doing to ask, “What’s wrong?”

I dropped my gaze from
meeting his and replied, “Nothing. It’s just weird, you
going off to work without me. I guess I just got used to having you
around twenty-four-seven.” I glanced around the apartment.
Suddenly, it seemed the opposite of warm and comfortable. Not at all
like what I would consider home.

I must’ve been
an open book, because once again, Nick honed in on exactly what
thought was bouncing around inside my head. “Hey,” he
said, gently holding the side of my face, his thumb trailing back and
forth along my cheek. “This is your home now, and I want you to
be comfortable. You’re safe here. And I don’t want to
make you feel like a prisoner or anything, but do me a favor and
don’t answer the door unless I’m here. Not for anyone.”

I nodded again. You’d
never catch me arguing that point. He slowly leaned down and kissed
my lips tenderly, then whispered, “I love you, baby.” He
kissed me firmly on the forehead, then grabbed his backpack off the
counter and headed for the door. “I’ll be back in no
time, you’ll see.”