Near Perfection [Aspire 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (4 page)

Madeline nodded and plodded away. Warren could have sworn he heard her mutter something about stupid men, but dismissed it. The two women in his life were turning into people he didn’t recognize. Well, make that one woman. Madeline wouldn’t leave him, and she would be her usual self in no time. He needed to get to New York and take care of business. When he returned, he would set about finding a replacement for Haley. It was best that he closed that door on this chapter in his life. He didn’t need such turmoil. Madeline could clear her things away and pack them up before he returned, and hopefully she could get an address to send them to. It was nonsense that Haley had left him wearing the same coat she had come to him in. Warren had no time to decipher that kind of statement, although he knew symbolism when it smacked him in the face. He was already pulling out his phone to direct his personal assistant to deposit twenty-five thousand dollars into Haley’s account. That was the amount he had told Haley he would settle on her when their relationship was terminated. Warren understood business. It comforted him. Like having Haley had comforted him.
Shit.

Haley went to Gordon. She didn’t go because she didn’t have a lot of money or because she didn’t have other options. She went because Gordon was kind, compassionate, and seemed to understand Warren. Haley didn’t want Warren back. She wanted herself totally back. She wanted to really like herself again. Gordon would remember the previous Haley and probably help her. And she was correct in her choice. Gordon took one look at her and pulled her across the threshold and into his house, then into his arms where she cried until she soaked the fine material of his shirt.

“I’m sorry, Gordon,” Haley finally managed to say. “I had to come. I know that he’s your friend and I’ve put you in a difficult position, but I had to. I need your help. You knew.”

“Come and sit down, little one,” Gordon soothed. “I’ll make some tea. Here’s my handkerchief.”

Haley huddled on the comfortable sofa in her comfortable old coat and wiped her tears away, blowing her nose with abandon. She actually felt the stress and strain of an entire year of pretending fall away. Well, not total pretense. Much of what she gave Warren was indeed Haley, but total perfection had cost her. Big time. If only her heart didn’t ache so.

“Lemon or sugar, Haley?” asked Gordon as he set the tray down on the coffee table and sat beside her.

“Black, Gordon, thank you.” Haley accepted a cup and drank the hot brew gratefully.

“So, here you are,” he said. “Would you like me to hang up your coat?”

Haley laughed. “It’s all I have on, Gordon. I left Warren with just what I had left after I went to him, I’m afraid.”

Gordon’s face darkened. “He broke the terms of the contract? You have no money?”

“No,” Haley said quickly. “I broke it. I don’t want anything. I acted like a whore, and paying me would just make it more real. I have some savings, and I’ve always found work. I’m a chef, Gordon, and there’s always work for chefs.”

Gordon leaned back and turned so that he could face her straight on.

“Perhaps you could explain the middle part of that statement to me, Haley, for I find I want to paddle you for such self-deprecating talk.”

Haley was astonished to feel a gush of arousal at his words and dark tone. She pushed it away, recognizing how trained she was to respond to dominance. That was all it was. She pushed away the memory of Gordon fucking her to climax and reminded herself that only sluts wanted a new man when they had just dumped one. She hurried to respond to his query, nevertheless.

“I didn’t bring much with me when I moved in with Warren, Gordon, and over the months he replaced my wardrobe with more ‘appropriate’ apparel.” Haley felt her lip curl when she remembered how pleased Warren was with his choices although sometimes she would have preferred something different. But that was her own damn fault, afraid to challenge his authority even on little things and risk losing him. She had been pathetic, even if she loved the man to distraction. Her love hadn’t just been blind. It had been fucking well deaf and dumb, too.

“I kept my mother’s coat, and these shoes somehow missed the big purge. His housekeeper, Madeline, sent everything to Goodwill one day at his request, much to my chagrin. She’s wonderful, and she knew about the coat because I think she heard me tell Warren why I was attached to it.” Haley stopped talking. She had seen the anxiety in Warren’s eyes when she had shared about her mother. She had spared him the need to comfort her, and in doing so hadn’t allowed him the opportunity to work on how stunted he was emotionally. She had wrapped him in cotton wool much of the time to spare his feelings. How insane were women in love anyhow?

Gordon stared at her in an unnerving fashion. “That doesn’t explain the whore reference, little one.”

Haley ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I tend to ramble.”

“I remember that about you, Haley. Which is why I wondered at the brief conversations you appeared to have with people each and every time I saw you and Warren together over the past year. I’ve known you a long time, although you and I haven’t, uh, haven’t connected, shall we say. Except on your anniversary.”

“Warren doesn’t like women who chatter,” Haley offered, again working hard at not paying attention to Gordon’s last statement and the memory of his cock inside her. And how he saw to her pleasure.

Gordon visibly set his jaw. “The whore reference?”

Haley suddenly was overcome with anger. It flooded her, just as it had that morning with Warren. She opened her mouth, and it poured out. Gordon visibly flinched, and she fought hysterical laughter even as she emoted.

“I made myself over, Gordon. I fell for Warren, or at least the idea of Warren when I first met him at the Club. Years ago. I was just finding out that the lifestyle suited me because I was only twenty-one. He drew me, and I wanted him so badly. I fell head over heels in love with him. He was all I thought about, and I was really careful not to let anyone know because he so clearly expected discretion from those around him. I watched him with his subs, you know.”

Haley paused to take a breath and gulp more tea. She wanted to hurl the cup at the wall and was amazed at how liberated she felt.

“Warren went through five women before he noticed me, Gordon. Five! And his fickleness didn’t teach me a fucking thing. I was blind to that because I wanted him. I saw what he wanted and didn’t want. I learned his expectations and what he needed. I learned from the mistakes those other subs made, especially the ones who were so hurt when he terminated the contract. I was an excellent student. I became the woman, the sub without flaws who was perfect for Warren. As if that woman ever really fucking existed,” she concluded bitterly.

“Oh, sure. I had many of the qualities he wanted already. I can accept that. But I lost myself, Gordon, in the process, just like whores do when they become whatever they are paid to be and provide the sex that person wants. I don’t even know myself anymore. And it wasn’t enough for him in the end.
Everything
wouldn’t be enough for Warren, ever. And it breaks my heart for him. He’ll never love anyone and be loved in return because he’s convinced himself he needs perfection because he strives to be perfect above all else. As if. He can’t handle highs and lows. Shit, he can’t handle even the slightest change in his personal routine. He’s delusional. So I left him before he could tell me it was over. At least I could do that one last thing for him.”

Gordon arched an eyebrow. “So you left him to shake up the status quo and hope that he might take a look at himself and find someone he can love? Nicely self-serving of you, Haley.”

Haley bridled at his barb. “I know. I’m not totally self-serving normally. But believe it or not, I did it because I really don’t want to believe that there is no hope for Warren. I had to do it. It was my last pretense for him. And I did it for me, too, Gordon. I can’t stand to think that I totally wasted a year of my life.”

Gordon set his cup down and took hers from her suddenly nerveless fingers.

“C’mon,” he said. “We’re going shopping. You can’t run around in just a coat and shabby shoes. You can have the guest room unless you want to move into my bedroom.”

Haley looked at Gordon in shock. “I couldn’t,” she began.

“Which, Haley?” he asked quietly. “Can’t use my guest room or move into my bedroom?”

“I didn’t know,” Haley tried. “I didn’t know that you were interested.” She thought that she lied, though. There had been many signs, all of which she had ignored, just as she had pretended that she didn’t find Gordon attractive. That had been, of course, the right thing to do because she had been in a relationship. With his best friend.

“Warren knew, little one,” Gordon replied. “He’s actually very astute at times. He wanted the only two people he feels closest to in his life to be with him, and your anniversary was the perfect event. He wanted to make me happy. But I fear he also learned something about himself and hurt you in the process.”

Haley stared at him. She couldn’t seem to process what he was saying. There was a roaring in her ears. She must have locked away Perceptive Haley while she was so busy being Warren’s Haley.

“If I were a better man, little one, I would pack you up and take you back to Warren. I would make him listen to reason and make him fix this. But I’m not the better man. I’m going to make him work for it, Haley. I’m going to court you, woo you, and seduce you if I can, and take you away from him. Unless he is willing to share. Fair warning. Having you live here will give me such an advantage until you figure out who you really are and who you belong with.”

Haley sat down again, hard, as her legs turned to jelly. This was too surreal. She thought for an instant about Warren and then rejected it. She was done thinking about Warren, done being who he thought she should be, although to be fair, he didn’t know how hard she had embraced his expectations. Had she just heard the word
sharing
? As in full time? What was Gordon inferring when he talked about Warren learning something? And why should it matter? She would have to puzzle it out later. It was just too overwhelming after the day she had already had.

“Let’s go shopping, Gordon,” she said, to distract herself. “I don’t want to think about anything harder than what style and color of outfit to buy. Then we’ll have dinner and really talk. About everything. That’s a part of me just bursting to come out. I have a whole year to catch up on.” She laughed evilly at the look on Gordon’s face. “And you seem to have forgotten that I have left Warren. There’s no need to take me away from him, even if that’s what I find I might want you to do! And it would appear that sharing has bitten Warren on the butt.”

* * * *

Haley couldn’t remember the last time she had enjoyed a day in the shops so much. Gordon immediately understood and accepted that he would not be allowed to pay for her clothes and accepted with good grace. He sat stoically and gave helpful feedback as she tried any number of outfits on. In return, Haley steadfastly refused to compare him with Warren or his response with Warren’s. She would have done whatever Warren wanted. She would have been submissive to him entirely. Warren might be emotionally distant outside of the playroom or the bedroom, but she had still tried to reach him, tried to encourage a relationship that included closeness. Not that she and Gordon had defined their relationship. What relationship? Right now, it was wonderful to simply have a friend. She bought and changed into underwear, socks, jeans, and a shirt almost immediately, carefully folding her mom’s coat into a little pile of fabric. She replaced it with a jacket to match the jeans. Gordon obviously refrained from asking more about the coat, but tucked it into a plastic sack he wheedled from the clerk and carried it for her, as well as all of the other items that she purchased. He carried her loot with easy strength, and Haley’s body responded even as she kept her brain on the task at hand. Her credit cards would take a beating, but she would simply have to find a job before they came due.

The bags of underwear, sleepwear and assorted outfits, and makeup and such were stowed in Gordon’s car, and then Haley indulged in shoe shopping. Gordon insisted on a pair of red heels that Haley protested were impractical. When he reminded her that she might someday return to the Club, she agreed and accepted them from him as a present. The look he gave her when she did so was so full of lust and desire that Haley shook in those red stilettos. She was certainly a total slut to feel anything like this at all for another man when she had just left Warren. Warren would have loved her in those shoes, too.

“Where would you like to go for dinner, Haley?” Gordon asked at the end of the excursion.

Haley hadn’t thought about Warren at all, she assured herself, and it would be wonderful to go out for dinner, although she was getting tired from the emotional strain of not thinking about him. It was on the tip of her tongue to give the decision to Gordon before Haley realized she wanted to try a restaurant near the Bay. She had heard about it from various people and thought the menu sounded both inventive and tempting.

“How about Enrico’s?” she asked.

“It’s an interesting place,” Gordon agreed. “Let’s head home now so that you can get ready. I’ll call ahead, but it’s not the weekend so it should work.”

Haley showered again, but didn’t worry about her hair. She was going to get it cut and styled the next day. The heavy mass gave her headaches, and she was tired of the color. She thought red might be the way to go and mentioned it to Gordon, once she had dressed for dinner.