Naughtier than Nice (7 page)

“Damn, Beale. Damn.”

“Surprised?”

“I imagined younger girly girls like Tanya Obayomi were your style.”

“I assumed you only liked older men.”

“I like maturity in a man. I like a man who knows how to be responsible. You handle your business and that's a turn-on. You have a lot, but you don't seem to waste a lot.
Right there. Right there.
”

I grabbed the sheets, back arched like a bridge to my own orgasm.

He made me need to come, then slowed down, backed away, teased me, nibbled my thighs, ran his fingers across my skin. Beale relaxed with his head on my thigh. His bushy hair tickled my flesh.

He asked, “When did you think this might be possible?”

“One day I was here working for you. Will never forget that day. The way you came up behind as I was reading those loose pages, your work in progress, the way you stood behind me, barely breathing, gazing at me, and I knew you were entranced. Your energy was in the red, the same level as mine.”

“You were dressed up, had on sweet perfume. You were irresistible.”

“I told you that I was dressed up, told you that I had my hair done and face made up because I had been hanging with Frankie,
but in reality I had dressed sexy for you. I didn't see Frankie that day. Everything I had on was brand new, including the perfume. I had a new hairstyle, just for you.”

“You did that for me? You came to work dressed up like that for me?”

“I needed you to notice me the way I had noticed you. I wanted that visceral reaction from you. I wanted that smile. I wanted to know you wanted me the way I had started fantasizing about you.”

“You wanted to become involved with me.”

“I didn't think it would go beyond flirting.”

“You wanted more than that.”

“Maybe.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. I tried to analyze, but there was no clear reason, other than my anger.”

“Being with a man a little bit younger, is this your way of going back in time, going back to the moments before you met Blue? Maybe I represent that other life you never had a chance to live.”

“Don't stop licking me, but please stop analyzing me.”

“Licking you like this seems to be what makes you tell me the truth.”

“It makes me weak. Makes me confess.”

“Am I your time machine?”

“Hadn't analyzed that either, but isn't that always why the more mature seek out youth?”

“Why did you want to make me your H. G. Wells and get into the metaphorical time machine only once, Tommie?”

“I would move on after the kiss. I would have made myself available, but the kiss, it would have been your idea, or it would seem like it to me. I would enjoy it; then when it went too far I might jack you off, maybe make you come in order to get you to chill out, as a therapeutic way of bringing you down from your high and stopping it before it went too far, then express my
confusion, wash my hands and remind you I was engaged and petting wasn't right. It would be my guilt, my issue to deal with. Had no idea. It might have even become our wink, the thing we never addressed, our secret, nervous smile.”

“You were so sexy. When I came up behind you, when I put my hand on your waist, when I whispered I was crazy about you, I expected you to have a fit, or run and tell Blue.”

“We arrived at that moment. I'd made myself available. You'd confessed. I had to decide where I wanted it to go.”

“You have no idea how scared I was, how I felt like I had blown it with you.”

“Beale, we'd had weeks of silent foreplay. The energy, the tension, had built up inside me.”

He nodded. “I know. It had built up inside me as well. It was torture, madness made of fire.”

“I was scared. I knew I was about to lose control.”

“Tommie, I wanted you. I was tired of waiting to be with you again. I needed you.”

“I was lost in your pretty eyes. Looking in your eyes was like traveling to a new world. I wanted to know what it was like to go there. I took a breath, closed my eyes, trembled, and eased my body back into yours, put my butt against your groin, took another breath, and moved against you.”

“That was your answer.”

“Yes, that was my answer.”

“You moved your ass around and around in subtle motions. Had no idea you could move so deftly. You are so . . . dignified . . . great posture . . . articulate . . . had no idea you could be that sensual.”

“I felt you grow. Tingles shot through every part of my body. Tiny explosions.”

“I had an erection and you kept rubbing that sweet ass against me.”

“I ain't gonna lie. It felt wrong, but it felt good. Teasing,
foreplay, that wrong felt so good. I wanted to stop it right away, but I wanted you to stop it for me. I didn't know how to halt the momentum. It was as if desire had taken on a life of its own, like I was no longer in control. How did it make you feel?”

He said, “I put my lips on your skin. Couldn't believe I was actually touching you like that.”

“You trembled too. I'd never seen that side of you. So passionate. You looked so vulnerable.”

“I'd only seen the public and professional side of you, not the sensual side.”

“How did I look to you? In that moment what did you see on my face?”

He whispered, “You were a tigress and a lamb all at once.”

“We all become someone else when aroused. A woman can't be a lady while aroused. We want to be aroused so we can take the weight of being a gentlewoman from our shoulders and be liberated.”

He said, “That first kiss will always be remembered.”

“You kissed me like you were famished, not a sloppy kiss, but an intense kiss, intense and controlled. You fought to maintain control, and then your hands rubbed my back, went down across my ass, and came up, went to my breasts. My breasts felt like they'd doubled in size. My nipples were hard.”

“I touched your breasts and you moaned and began to shake like you were coming.”

“I was floating. You kissed me and squeezed my breasts and I was squeezing my thighs together, struggling with the wicked heat. I was surprised you could make me feel that way, make me that hot.”

“You told me to fuck you.”

“I told you to fuck me?”

“You told me to fuck you in the most sensual, erotic, melodic, horny tone I had ever heard.”

“All I remember is you pulling my pants down, then having trouble getting them over my ass.”

“Tight jeans on that rotund, robust, ridiculous ass. You have no idea how that aroused me.”

“I stood in front of you in high heels, my pants at my ankles, my breasts out of my bra, lipstick smudged, my hair in a state of madness, the breeze from your air conditioner tickling my exposed vagina and ass. You undid your pants, rushed them down, and just like that you pushed me up against the wall.”

“I held you up and you wrapped your legs around me.”

“That was after I kicked one leg out of my pants.”

“Yeah, your pants were still trapped on one leg.”

“You held me up and worked your way inside me.”

“And as soon as I was inside you, when I was all the way inside, remember what happened?”

“I was starting to lose control, was coming, and my phone rang. Blue's ringtone. I was terrified. I thought he knew, that he had sensed someone had invaded me. Then I dropped my feet to the floor, stumbled, and you slipped out of me.”

“No, you pushed me out of you, away from you. You freaked out, shoved me across the room.”

“I was scared. Saw my life flash before my eyes.”

“You sounded so calm when you talked to Blue. You became someone else. I got to see who you were when you were with him. I got to see Tommie McBroom the frustrated fiancée, the faux mother.”

“I was terrified until I realized Blue was calm, that he had no idea where I was. He was just calling to check on me. We call each other a dozen times a day just to chat. We still do that. We talk a lot.”

“You told him you were about to go to Walmart and buy paper towels.”

“Told him a lie. Told him I loved him.”

“You know that is the lie of all lies.”

“I told him I loved him, then ended the call and faced you, naked from the waist down.”

Beale chuckled. “Awkward moment.”

I chuckled too. “Very awkward moment, Beale.”

“I didn't know what we would do after that.”

“You shuffled back toward me.”

“I almost tripped on my pants.”

“You had a fire in your eyes, a fire that intimidated me.”

“You bunny hopped back toward me and I rushed back toward you, let my pants drag, and met you halfway.”

“That next kiss.”

“Yeah, that was something else.”

“You sucked my breasts and put your fingers back inside of me.”

“You sucked my neck while you stroked me.”

“You fingered me and I could hear how wet I was.”

“I was so hard that I felt embarrassed.”

“Feeling how hard you were, that made me so wet.”

“You made me want to come.”

“You fingered me and we kissed and kissed and kissed while I masturbated you.”

He said, “I couldn't stand being jacked off, and I wanted to get back inside you. Wanted to hide my erection inside of you so you couldn't see what you were doing to me.”

“You slipped back inside of me, went inside effortlessly, all of you went inside of me, and the shock made my knees go weak. I couldn't stand up anymore. All I could do was hold on. You caught me, eased me down to the floor, to the carpet, opened my legs, kissed me, put it deep inside me again.”

“It was so wild.”

I whispered, “It was animalistic.”

“I have never had sex like that. No woman has ever made me feel the way you do.”

“Never in my life. It was like I had been possessed by the spirits of Venus, Tiacapan, and Tlaco.”

“You were acting weird when you left. Your face was red, your eyes were on the ground, and you were crying.”

“I'd cheated on Blue. I was ashamed. I couldn't look at you. I didn't know how to leave, and I didn't know how to go home. I knew Blue would see the betrayal on my face or find a new mark on my skin.”

“The first time, when we were done, you were a mess. It was like I had done something wrong. Wondered if I had forced myself on you, or if you had only done that because you didn't know how to say no, or were afraid to say no; I was terrified of what would happen if you had seen it that way.”

“There was a big knot in my stomach. It was like pain and sorrow had mixed up inside of me, and I cried, but when I was home I threw up. I felt like I'd done the stupidest thing in the world. I kept asking myself how I had put myself in that position, how I'd allowed that to happen. Moths were in my body eating my insides and I wanted to scream and tell someone. I wanted to talk to . . . to somebody about it.”

“A big knot was in my stomach as well. I thought back on what had happened, wished I could change it. I was unable to sleep. There was a pain in my body, a sharp guilt stabbing me, and a fire in my mind. I wanted to apologize but was afraid to call you. I expected the police to show up at my door.”

“I had no idea.”

“But we had done what we had done, and that could not be undone.”

“I analyzed it, tried to be all intellectual about what had happened.”

“What was your conclusion?”

“It had been what I had to do, what my body craved. Maybe it was a psychological need manifested in a physiological way. I knew that Blue's sperm were pointless. Maybe my body craved a man who was fertile. Maybe I desired a man whose sperm were powerful, felt like the sperm of a real man. Maybe my body can tell the difference.”

“We went bareback.”

“Like husband and wife.”

“I came inside of you.”

“Why did you?”

“You didn't tell me to pull out.”

“We had no control, were at top speed on black ice.”

“That part of you wrapped around that part of me, you have no idea how I felt when you let me come inside of you.”

“That was dangerous.”

“I know.”

“That scared me more than you will ever know.”

“Had me concerned as well.”

“You saw that in my face, in my body language.”

“I saw regret. There was regret. You left without saying good-bye. You just dressed and all but ran out of my house.”

“I felt like if I had left your house and gone to church to get baptized and wash away my new sins, the water would have burned away all of my skin, scorched my flesh. I had been with another man. A younger man had made me come. You are so much younger than Blue. That was on my mind too. There are more than two decades between your ages.”

“I know. I have thought about that as well.”

“You're barely younger than I am. We're pretty much of the same generation, but it felt like I had robbed the cradle. I was bent out of shape, needed to get back to my world, and by the time I picked up Mo, I was faking the funk.”

“Holy water would have set you on fire? You were that miserable?”

“I couldn't think straight for a couple of days. I couldn't do anything right.”

“I didn't think I would ever see you again.”

“I wasn't going to see you again. I wanted to erase you from my mind.”

He said, “You could've let it stop there, but you came back ten days later.”

“I know. I counted the days.”

“That surprised me.”

“I didn't plan to come back. The next time, it was after another argument with Blue's ex-bitch baby momma, another bad night with Blue because of her. Again I was seething because she had intruded into my happy world, had chipped away at what was left of my happy place, and I was acting out, being rebellious, saying fuck it, fuck Blue, and fuck the bitch he had fucked ten years ago and had a baby with.”