Naturally Naughty (8 page)

So sometimes sex is completely off the menu after a punishment, which is often as bad as the spanking!

Although snuggling on the couch after dinner was almost as good.

One thing I learned through the whole experience is that I’ve decided I really do like my steaks better when they are done in the oven.

Holy Crap!

I had been in my niece’s room for a few minutes talking about her last week of classes when it happened.

My nephew Clayton’s shrill voice echoed throughout the house. “
Holy crap!!
”

I winced, guilty color filling my cheeks as I waited for the inevitable explosion.

“
Clayton Ray Andrews!!
Where did you learn that?”

I peered around the corner of the kitchen doorway to see my sister standing with her hands on her hips frowning down at Clayton.

Clayton looked up at his mother, then back down at the floor with a shrug.

“I asked you a question, young man. Who do you know who talks like that?”

Now I realize that was the moment I should have stepped into the kitchen and confessed that I use the phrase ‘holy crap’ on a regular basis. I must admit however that being the youngest by several years, at times I find my older sister scary. This would be one of those times. I cringed where I stood just outside the kitchen door.

Clayton took a deep breath. “Jacob.”

A gush of air exploded from my lungs in a relieved whoosh. Thank goodness he didn’t say Aunt Shannon.

My sister’s frown moved from Clayton to poor little Jacob where he sat next to Clayton. “Well, you will both enjoy having matching bars of soap in your mouths if I ever hear that from either of you again.”

The boys both flushed and responded in unison, “Yes, ma’am.”

After treating both of them to another minute of intense parental eye contact, my sister nodded and turned back to the dishes in the sink.

I felt a teeny bit guilty about leaving Jacob with the blame, but was also glad to be off the hook. So I decided a quick exit was my best plan.

I turned to go find Landon and tell him I was ready to go and slammed straight into his chest.

“Landon! You scared me!”

“Did I?”

“Yes. I was just coming to see if you were ready to go.”

“Sure, but first don’t you have something you need to say to Sharon?”

“I… well… I do need to tell her goodbye.”

His answer was to deliver a swift swat to my posterior.

“Ow!”

“I was thinking more along the lines of an apology.”

My face flushed and my bottom tingled, but still I tried to brazen my way out. “Apologize? Whatever for?”

That earned me three more smacks in quick succession.

“
Holy crap!
That hurt, Landon!”

Okay, that might have been a poor choice in words, since he simply raised his eyebrow before smacking me again.

“Owww! What was that for?”

“You know exactly what it was for. You should be ashamed of yourself.” He turned me back to the kitchen with another sharp swat to my seat.

Sharon grinned knowingly at my blushing face when I walked into the room. I glared over my shoulder at Landon. She’d heard him swatting me!

When he glared back, I swallowed nervously and cleared my throat before turning back to my sister.

She laughed. “Now if that isn’t the guiltiest expression I’ve ever seen.”

“Well… I kinda owe you an apology.”

Sharon frowned. “What for?”

“Ummm… well… I think Clayton might have heard the phrase ‘holy crap’ from me. I say that a lot.” Now I was looking at the floor rather than my sister’s sharp eyes.

“Shannon, how could you let me scold Jacob when you knew it was you? You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Well, maybe he says it too.”

I gasped when another swat landed dead center.

Sharon smiled approvingly at Landon.

“I’m sorry, Sharon. I’ll watch my language around Clayton from now on. I feel bad that he is picking up one of my bad habits.”

“Well, hopefully he’s dropped it again,” she said with a smile.

“Shannon will be dropping it too or we’ll have three matching bars of soap.”

“Landon!” I cried, horrified as Sharon laughed.

“Thanks for the fine dinner. I think we’ll be heading home. Your sister and I have a few things to discuss.”

We said our goodbyes and then headed home for our little discussion.

“Landon, you know ‘holy crap’ isn’t really all that bad.”

“It is coming out of the mouth of a six-year-old.”

“Yes, but I’m not six.”

“You’ve said it more times than I can count in front of him though.”

“But still…”

“You’re not in trouble for the language.”

I sighed in relief. “Good… I…”

“You’re in trouble for sneaking out of the room when you knew you were the cause of both those boys getting into trouble. You should have gone in there and told Sharon you were sorry and explained to Clayton that you shouldn’t have spoken that way in front of him.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

I decided there was no sense putting off the inevitable, so I tossed my skirt up and bent over the arm of the couch as soon as I walked in the door. I heard what sounded suspiciously like a strangled laugh behind me.

“What are you doing?”

I frowned over my shoulder at Landon. “Saving time. Get it over with.”

“Ahhh… well, okay.” Landon placed one hand on the small of my back and tugged my panties down with the other one.

Five searing swats landed on my bottom, each one making me gasp. Then to my complete and utter surprise, my panties were raised and I was pulled to my feet.

“Don’t let it happen again,” he said with a chuckle.

I blinked up at him in surprise and then grinned. “Yes, sir.”

“I do think you’d look cute with a bar of soap in your mouth though.”

Honestly, men can be so warped with their sense of humor.
Hmmmpf.

A Day in the Life

Good lord, what a day! I often wonder why I seem to attract disaster at every turn. For some unknown reason I am a trouble magnet. At least that’s what Landon says.

The day started much like any other. I was getting ready to go the store and I realized that once I had on my pants and bra, that the shirt I needed was in the laundry room. How was I to know that the neighbor would be working on his car?

I didn’t mean to give him a show! Landon was scandalized. As I bent over to pull a shirt from the dryer, clad in black pants and a bright yellow bra, a hand clapped off my bottom hard. This of course sent my head straight up, smacking the back of it on the dryer top.

“Owwww…
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Damn it!”

I put one hand to the back of my head and the other to my stinging seat as I straightened to glare at Landon.

“What was that for? You scared me and made me hit my head.”

Landon grabbed my arm and gave a frowning nod to the screen door before pulling me back into the main part of the house.

My eyes followed the direction of Landon’s nod and I looked straight into the amused eyes of my neighbor Tod. He stood looking at us over the hood of his car with a socket wrench clutched tight in his hand.

“Oh, my goodness! Tod is out there! Landon, he saw you smack me!”

“He saw you in your bra first! Shannon, I try to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I swear you’re looking to be arrested for public indecency or lewd behavior. Is that your goal?”

“Of course
not!
I swear, Landon, you’d think I paraded around outside stark naked!”

“You did. Which reminds me, why didn’t you just put the robe on that I got you?”

“I
did not!
That was an accident and it’s unseemly for you to keep bringing it up!”

“I don’t keep bringing it up. You keep flaunting yourself in front of the neighbors.”

“I was not flaunting! I was getting a shirt from the dryer. Damn, my shirt is still out there!”

Landon rubbed a hand across his forehead before going back to the laundry room and getting my shirt. Shaking his head, he handed it to me. “Just try to remember that you need a robe when you go in the laundry room too.”

I blushed. I really hadn’t intended to give anyone a show, especially one of Landon popping me on the seat! I grumbled to myself as I pulled the shirt on. Bossy man!

Landon of course was Johnny on the spot once again when I backed the car into the trashcans at the end of the drive. I jumped out of my car to meet Landon as he came out of the house to help.

“Shannon…” he began in exasperation only to end with a growl as he pulled a crumpled trashcan from underneath the car.

“Well, it was in the middle of the drive. Who puts trashcans in the middle of the driveway?”

“They weren’t in the middle of the driveway.”

“Yes, they were.”

“Shannon, where is your car?”

“At the end of the driveway.”

“Is it in the middle?”

“Well, no…” I frowned as I eyed the crooked angle my car sat in.

“I rest my case.”

“Fine! Go rest it somewhere else. I need to get moving!” I climbed back into my car and pulled the rest of the way out.

The loud blare of the horn startled me. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see a man in a truck; the signal he was shooting me was not the universal sign of untold joy. I saw Landon standing where I left him in the driveway, watching me in shock. I put the car in drive and left. It wasn’t like it was my fault the guy almost hit me. He was clearly driving way too fast for a residential area.

As I made my way carefully through the city streets, the phone on the seat next to me rang.

“Hello?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What do you mean? I’m driving.”

“You almost had an accident.”

“That wasn’t my fault… that man was driving too fast.”

“Shannon, he had to back up when you came out of the driveway. Thank god he saw you coming!”

“He did not!”

“Yes, he did. You need to get your butt back home.”

“I will not. My butt and I are going to town to do some shopping.”

“You do and your butt and I are gonna be having a talk later!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think my butt and you speak the same language!” I was quite happy with that comment as I hung up the phone.

Ring!

“Did you hang up on me?”

“Oh, must have lost connection. Sorry.”

“You’re gonna lose your panties if you’re not careful.”

“You know, Landon, it’s really not safe for me to talk on the phone while I’m driving.”

“
What!?
”

“Yes, a policeman I know told me that. So I have to go.” I grinned, relishing having a reason to hang up on him that he couldn’t argue with. This day was looking up.

The phone didn’t ring again the rest of the trip to town. Why did I feel like it was smoldering at me from the next seat?

I shook off the feeling of dread in the pit of my tummy and pulled into the hospital parking lot. I was supposed to meet my friend Midge for coffee in the hospital cafeteria. She only had a twenty-minute break and I was stopping to drop off the home interior she’d ordered at my last party.

Midge met me at the entrance and together we went through the serving line. I grabbed a cup of coffee and a cheese Danish.

“Where’s the Sweet’n Low?” I asked the unsmiling cashier.

“On the condom tray.”

“On the
what?
”

“On the condom tray.”

Since I was absolutely positive I couldn’t be hearing right, I asked her another three times. Sure enough, she was calling it a condom tray, and the last time I asked, she pointed rather forcefully at a small cart in the center of the room.

I approached with a slight feeling of trepidation. Had the safe sex movement gone so far that I was going to find Trojans and Rough Riders mixed in amidst the ketchup and Sweet’n Low?

A sigh of relief escaped me when I found nothing but the regular assortment of condiments. The cafeteria personnel really needed to find a new abbreviation for their tray of unmentionables.

I sat down across from Midge with a grin as I related my conversation with the cashier. Soon we were both laughing.

All too soon Midge had to get back to work. I handed her the bathroom plaque she’d ordered and said goodbye.

It was time to shop.

After my fifth store I finally found the camel-colored skirt I’d been determined to buy. It would go perfectly with the brown silk sweater I had in my closet. I’d been looking for a new skirt of this color since the last one had gotten some inexplicable holes in it.

Wardrobe replenished, it was time to head home. The only problem was the closer I got to home, the more my stomach flipped and flopped.

I had been a little bit rude with Landon earlier. I sincerely hoped he hadn’t held it against me. I walked into the house with a grin.

“Hi, honey, I’m home!”

“You can proceed straight to the bedroom.”

I studied Landon’s profile where he sat still facing the TV. He hadn’t even looked in my direction. “Landon… I might have behaved a little…”

“Save it. Bedroom. Now.”

The tone of his voice didn’t change and he still didn’t look in my direction, but I had a feeling he was more upset with me than he had ever been before.

I closed my mouth and went to the bedroom. I paused in the doorway at the sight of the paddle lying on the bed. It was about the size of a ping-pong paddle, but the color of mahogany and polished to a smooth finish.

“I see you found my surprise,” Landon said softly into my ear.

I jumped and turned to face him, tears rapidly filling my eyes. “Landon… I’m sorry… I know I shouldn’t have…”

“You knew you shouldn’t have when you left. So I don’t see any reason to pursue that line of conversation now. I believe I have some language lessons to teach.”

I blushed as I recalled my earlier comment.

“Bend over the end of the bed.”

I stood where I was, feeling at a total loss on how to respond.