Natural Born Liar: The Misadventures of Mink LaRue (8 page)

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Authors: NOIRE

BOOK: Natural Born Liar: The Misadventures of Mink LaRue
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CHAPTER 12
 
I
t was time to go! Me and Bunni were ready to blow New York and put a hella hurtin’ on the city of Dallas. The Fourth of July was falling on a Thursday, so we decided to fly to Texas that Friday morning, just in time for the Dominions’ annual barbeque. I knew the DNA lab was gonna be closed for the whole weekend, but I figured we could just play dumb and talk our way into the Dominion mansion and put our feet up for the weekend.
Borne had charged both of us a one-way ticket on his little credit card, and after I put some hot booty whammy on him he tore me off a couple of hundred dollars in cash for my pockets too.
Of course Mink Minaj was itchin’ to floss real gully down in Texas, and Peaches and his crew went on a boosting spree for me and Bunni, and he even came through with some extra ends that helped us out a lot.
“I got two hundred dollars,” Peaches told me. He looked real dainty as he took a little white hankie outta his bra, and when he opened it there were two yards inside folded up in small squares. “This is my last little bit of play, you hear? So y’all betta get down south and
work
!”
The flight was only a few hours long, but me and Bunni were runway-dressed from our shades to our shoes and loaded down with Yves St. Laurent luggage full of boosted gear.
“Don’t forget,” I warned Bunni for about the tenth time before we left. My girl wasn’t adaptable like me. I had practiced playing so many roles over the years that I could call one up just like that. But Bunni was always the same chick, no matter what. She looked the part of an uptown diva, but when she opened her mouth all kinds of ghettoisms were prone to jump out.
“Them Dominions are rich and Selah sounded bougie as hell. So keep in mind what I told you,” I cautioned her. “Whatever you do, don’t let ’em peep your real game, you dig? You just keep smiling and looking good, that’s all you really gotta do. If they ask you a bunch of questions just nod a little bit and play ’em off. We ain’t gonna steal shit while we’re down there, and we definitely ain’t tryna get locked up in Texas where they deep-fry niggas and drizzle gravy over them for lunch, okay? We’re just gonna dip in, work ’em over until we get ’em nice and soft, then wait for my birthday to roll around so we can cash that fat check. You got it?”
Bunni nodded.
“Good!” I squealed. “Leggo!”
 
It was blazing hot in Dallas when we landed at the airport. We’d gone on a mini shopping spree in an airport store, and I had twenty-two dollars left to my name and Bunni had forty. We got our brand-new designer bags off the merry-go-round thingie, then jumped in a yellow cab and gave the driver the address to Selah Dominion’s mansion.
“What if them rich fools don’t wanna let us stay with them?” Bunni asked. Neither one of us had ever been so far away from New York before and she sounded kinda shaky.
“Oh, they gonna let us stay!” I said. “If they wanna get their daughter back they
better
let us stay.”
On the real, between me and Bunni we barely had enough money to pay the damn cab driver, and we could forget about tryna get a hotel room over a holiday weekend. But one way or another our asses was getting up in that house!
As we drove away from the airport I checked out the sights. From what I could see Dallas was nothing like New York. Instead of skyscrapers and congested highways and people scattering around like roaches everywhere, the landscape was flat, the traffic was pretty light, and it was too damn hot for anybody to be walking around any damn where.
I sat back and tried to look at every little thing we passed.
“What kinda crazy shit is this?” Bunni laughed as we rode down the highway and passed some big houses that were on huge patches of farmland. She started rapping. “Horses in da front yard, llamas in the back! Cowboys on da porch drinkin’ gin like that!”
I was actually digging all the differences between here and home. I had always been a dreamer, and when I was little I had fantasized about visiting all kinds of places from London to Liberia. I used to steal luxury real estate magazines from vendors and cut out pictures of the super-mansions I wanted to live in one day and all the luxury cars I wanted to drive, then tape them on the wall next to my bed.
I had done that kinda stuff for years, and I knew rich when I saw it, but I hadn’t seen a damn thing to get me ready for the sprawling estate the cabbie drove onto or the mega-mansion that sat at the end of the long, circular driveway.
“What the
fuck
!” Bunni was wide open on that shit. Two Bentleys and a flashy Rolls Royce sat in the wide driveway under a huge brick awning, and a black Mercedes Benz, a slammin’ Lamborghini race car, and a bone-white 2012 Maybach were parked right in front of the house.
I elbowed her real hard. “Get it together, Bunni! I done told you! Don’t get up in there cursing all loud or smacking your damn food, and whatever you do, please don’t get to twisting them nasty pieces of toilet tissue up your nose the way you do when you get sleepy. Pull yourself together and let’s act like we’re about something, okay? There’s money to get up in this bitch so let’s go get it!”
But Bunni wasn’t the only one wide open. I had never in my life seen black people living like this before. We had picked the right day to bust up on them too, because the estate was sho nuff jumping as they prepped for their big Fourth of July cookout. Waiters and workmen were everywhere. An old black man was bent over shining the rims on the Maybach, and another old dude was polishing up the brass fixtures on the front door.
We tossed the cab driver forty bucks even though the meter said we owed him forty-two, and me and Bunni were barely outta the taxi when a tall, killer-looking security guard in a hot black suit came at us real hard.
“Wrong address,” he told the cab driver as he tried to shoo our asses back inside. “This is private property. Go back out and take a left on the main road. You should be able to find your way from there.”
“Um, no,” I said with a bold smile. I had on a pale yellow mermaid skirt, a sheer white belly tee, and a curly mint-green wig with pale yellow streaks. Bunni was wearing a pair of gold coochie-cutter shorts and a matching halter. I switched my ass and baby-stepped toward him like my ankles was tied together in my mint-green shoes, as Bunni posted up and struck a perfect pussy-print pose. “Nah, I think we’re in the right place, boo. This is the Dominion Estate, isn’t it?”
Dude hesitated like,
wtf
. He stared at me and then at Bunni, and then back to me. He was young and wit’ it and I busted his groove. He was a high-priced security guard and he mighta been all strapped up in his monkey suit, but he wasn’t immune to all that New York sex appeal that me and Bunni were throwing down on him.
“My name is Mink LaRue. Mrs. Dominion is expecting me.”
Ol’ boy left our bags sitting in the driveway and we followed him to the front door of the mansion. We stepped into a huge foyer that was cool and smelled like flowers, and I wanted to slap the shit outta Bunni when outta nowhere she started stomping her feet and squealing like a damn idiot.
“This shit is nice as
hell
!” Bunni was loud as a mutha as she hugged all on my neck and started jumping up and down. “We ’bout to get it yo! We ’bout to get it!”
“Wait right here,” the security dude told us. He gave Bunni a hungry look, and as soon as he walked away a skinny white dude rushed over and tried to show our asses right back to the door.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” he said, gripping our elbows and turning us around at the same time. “I apologize, but Mrs. Dominion isn’t available right now. As you can see we’re preparing for a family event. She asks that you come back on Monday, after you’ve taken care of all the necessary business you were instructed to attend to.”
I put on my brakes and smiled dead in his face. He was talking about me hitting the lab to take that DNA test, but he wasn’t getting my ass back out that door!
“Oh, there’s a family event taking place?” I said, leaning into him and swinging him and Bunni both around in a wide U-turn. “Well
I’m
family!”
He smiled stiffly. “That’s wonderful, Miss ... er ...”
“LaRue. Mink LaRue. I’m so sorry.” I pressed my hand to my chest in a real dainty move. “I must have misunderstood my instructions.” I smiled again and blinked innocently, turning on the charm. “We arrived in Dallas this morning and went directly to the address Mrs. Dominion gave me. For some reason the lab was closed, so we decided to come here instead.”
“It’s a holiday weekend,” the assistant explained. “Most businesses were closed yesterday and today. But they’ll reopen on Monday, and you should head back to the lab again at that time.”
“Oh for real, I will,” I agreed as I stood my ground. “But see, I’m only gonna be down here for one day. I don’t have a problem going back to the lab on Monday, but like you said, it’s a holiday weekend, and there’s no way we can get a room around here today. Every joint within a hundred miles is already sold out.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I really don’t know what to tell you. Perhaps you could call around and try to find some last-minute accommodations, or you might want to return home and come back next week, but you really can’t—”
“Thank you, Albert,” a feminine but firm voice interrupted him. A tall, slim lady walked into the parlor wearing a rose-colored skirt and a sleeveless silk shift. I recognized the outfit as Chanel and the woman wearing it as Selah Dominion. My stomach quivered in awe. It was like Michelle Obama had stepped up in the joint, or maybe even Patti LaBelle. I figured Bunni’s ass was finally struck speechless too because I didn’t hear so much as a squeak outta her.
“Hello.” The woman extended her hand. “I’m Selah Dominion.”
All I could do was stare at her. She was even flyer in person than she’d looked in the videos. She had perfect features and her whipped hair hung down below her shoulders. She rocked delicate shine from her neck and ears that had obviously cost big bank, but at the same time her style was tasteful and real classy.
“I’m Mink LaRue, and this is my best friend Bunita Baines.”
Selah barely glanced at Bunni. She was too busy staring at me, and it was hard for me to handle the emotions on her face.
“Your eyes,” she said, peering at me closely. “They’re hazel. My daughter Sable’s eyes were gray when she was a baby, but by the time she was four months old they’d turned hazel. Just like yours.”
I gave Selah both of my dimples and all thirty-two of my perfect pearly whites. There was something about my smile that had always made people trust me, and Selah was no exception. Hell yeah, she was rich as shit, and that made her kinda wary, but I could tell how bad this chick really wanted me to be her long-lost daughter, which damn sure woulda been right up my alley too!
“Come on inside,” Selah invited us with a smile. She took us through the parlor and down a real long hall. My beady little eyes were everywhere as I tried to take it all in. The walls were done up in some real fancy gold wallpaper, and a bunch of large-framed family photos were hung everywhere.
I felt a sharp sting on the back of my upper arm and I almost hollered “ouch” as I whirled around.
Bunni had pinched the shit outta me. She was back there grinning her ass off as she pointed and checked out all the fancy sculptures and shit that was part of the décor.
We gone get paid!
she mouthed as she wiggled her hips down the wide hall.
We gone get paid!
I swung at her and missed as we both hurried to keep up with Selah.
She led us into a super-large living room that looked out on a huge yard. A sliding glass door stretched from one wall to the other, and there were a bunch of colorful leather couches arranged in front of the biggest flat-screen televisions that I had ever seen.
“We’re having a little Texas barbeque today for some friends and family,” she said as she gestured toward all the workmen outside who were cutting grass, setting up tables, and positioning ice chests.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hope I’m not intruding or anything,” I said quickly, using my best white girl voice and pretending like I had some manners. “I thought the lab was gonna be open today. I didn’t even think about the Fourth falling on Thursday and businesses closing down on Friday to celebrate. I guess I should have tried to get a hotel room anyway. New York is just a little bit too far to do a round-trip in one day.”
Selah smiled and said the words that I had practically pushed into her mouth. “It’s no problem. Since you’re here now you might as well stay. It’s a big house and we have plenty of room. Actually, you came at the perfect time. Since most of the family will be here this afternoon it’ll be a good opportunity for you to meet my children.”
I grinned happily. Ya damn skippy I wanted to meet the rest of the crew. After all, they’d gotten their sweet little hundred-grand inheritance, and I was damn sure gonna get mine too!
CHAPTER 13
 
“N
ow
that
looks damn good on you,” Nellie Marciano gushed as her friend Pilar Ducane modeled a bright yellow Dolce & Gabbana dress that hugged her scrumptious curves and highlighted the best features of her firm, luscious body. “I wish I had your breasts,” Nellie complained and gripped her flat chest with both hands. “Raheem loves big tits. I’m gonna have to find a good plastic surgeon.”
“Oh, these babies are real.” Pilar cupped her firm knockers and admired herself in the mirror. “They’re all mine.” She turned around to check out the precious booty and was satisfied with the way it rounded out the back of the tight dress.
Pilar was out doing some early morning shopping with two of her white girlfriends, Nellie and Vicky. Their fathers were all moguls in the oil transportation industry, and Pilar’s father, Digger, had actually introduced Nellie’s father to the business and sold him his first fleet of trucks.
The three girls had just hit NorthPark Center, which was one of the ritziest malls in Texas. They were only in their first store and already their arms were loaded down with merchandise. Pilar had picked out a bangin’ Fourth of July dress to wear to the barbeque her aunt was having later that day, and she’d found the perfect red and white bikini to complement her caramel skin tone and show off her curves.
Her adopted cousin Barron, aka Bump, was gonna be at the barbeque with his blond fiancée, Carla, and Pilar wanted to give him a hot visual to remind him of what kind of ass he could have been banging if he was engaged to her instead of that bony chick who had hooked him when he was a star football player in college.
Pilar was in a so-called serious relationship with a fat financial analyst named Ray, but Bump was her dream man, and even though her father and his mother were sister and brother, Pilar knew nabbing a husband like Barron could set her up and bankroll her for life.
And bankrolled was definitely what Pilar wanted to be today. She’d been shopping with her friends for forty-five minutes and she had picked up all the highest-priced shit, which was only right since out of the three of them her father made the most money.
Her arms overflowed with thousand-dollar skirts, crazy expensive dresses, belts and earrings that cost more than the average man’s weekly salary, and the shoes she planned to buy were all to die for.
“Just put it on my account.” Pilar waved her hand as their personal shopping representative rang up her merchandise totaling six thousand, two hundred and forty-one dollars.
“Absolutely,” the young lady said as she punched a few numbers into her register. Pilar and her girls were chatting away as the shopping rep peered closely at her screen.
“Er, excuse me, Miss Ducane, but there must be a problem with our system. Your account has a hold on it. The computer won’t allow me to input any additional charges. I apologize. It must be some kind of glitch.”
Pilar smiled at the girl sweetly. “If there’s a problem with your system, darling, then why don’t you go find someone who can fix it?”
Pilar grinned wickedly at Vicky and Nellie as the rep hurried off. But minutes later the girl was back with her manager, who quickly checked the system then tried to pull Pilar discreetly off to the side.
“Pardon me, Miss Ducane. Can I speak with you privately for a moment?”
Pillar wasn’t having it. “What’s the big problem? I’ve been shopping here for years and I spend a lot of damn money in this store!”
“I understand that, Miss Ducane, and I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. But Sheila is right. We’re unable to add any additional charges to your account until your current balance has been settled. However, if you’d like to pay for your merchandise by credit card, I’d be happy to personally complete your transaction.”
Hater!
Pilar gave the woman a real deep look. This old bitch was embarrassing her in front of her friends on purpose.
“Here!” She slipped a platinum American Express card from her wallet and flung it at the manager. “I hope you know this is gonna be the last damn time any of us shop in your store!”
She fumed as the woman processed her transaction. She could feel Nellie’s and Vicky’s eyes crawling all over her back, and she wanted to turn around and fuck both of their snobby asses up.
“Miss Ducane”—the store manager wore a grim look on her face as she handed Pilar her card—“again, I do apologize—”
“Don’t fuckin’ apologize to me. Apologize to whoever owns this raggedy joint because business is about to get bad for everybody around here! You can keep your apologies, honey. Just get my shit wrapped and bagged so we can get the hell out of here!”
The manager grilled her. She’d spent years catering to rich bitches like Pilar, and it always felt good when she was in a position to stick the toe of her shoe up one of their spoiled asses.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to apologize again, Miss Ducane. I won’t be able to ‘wrap and bag’ any of this merchandise today, because unfortunately your credit card has also been declined.”
“What?” Pilar nutted up, ready to cause a scene to hide her embarrassment. “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!”
Hot shame flashed through her body. She swung her arm wildly and swept everything off the counter. Thousands of dollars’ worth of merchandise hit the floor, including the items that had been on display and half the clothes that Nellie had set up on the counter too. Pilar lifted her feet and stomped all over that shit before she pushed past the manager and stormed out of the store.
Speed-walking back to her car, she wanted to kick some ass! How could her father let this happen to her? With the current oil crisis going on she’d known her father’s business was having a little trouble, but he’d told her not to worry because he had it all under control!
Pilar tossed her valet stub at the parking attendant, then snapped her fingers for him to hurry the hell up and bring her freshly-detailed Lexus around. Nellie and Vicky must have stayed back at the store to pay for their new clothes, which was good because Pilar was too ashamed to face them. The only reason she had asked them to go shopping in the first place was because it gave her a boost when she out-spent their asses!
She climbed behind the wheel of her ride and floored it out of the parking lot. Something was going to have to change in her life, and real damn fast too. If her last name had been Dominion instead of Ducane this kind of shit would have never happened. This was gonna be the last damn time she shopped with Vicky or Nellie too. She’d been way too humiliated and her pride wouldn’t let her face those snobby bitches again. At least Vicky had turned away and pretended to be interested in a purse when the drama went down, but that blue-eyed NFL groupie Nellie had been down Pilar’s throat the whole time. She reminded Pilar of Barron’s flat-assed fiancée, Carla. Neither one of those greedy white chicks deserved the rich black men they had!

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