Native Affairs (13 page)

They spent a lot of time together, and by the end of it Cindy was so in love with Drew that she had forgotten what it was like not to know him. She hated to see the project end, but short of wallpapering the ceiling there was nothing left to do. And something was bothering her. Since the day he’d met her at the library, Fox hadn’t pressed her for anything more than a goodnight kiss. Although the atmosphere was rife with sexual tension, he did nothing about it, and Cindy didn’t understand his restraint. Though he was affectionate in a general sense, stroking her hair, touching her face, he avoided more intimate contact with the same deliberate concentration with which he had once sought it. Cindy was relieved in one sense but disappointed in another. She wanted Fox badly and wanted him to feel the same way. She needed his desire, and found that she missed the affirmation of it.

One night they were scheduled to go back to his apartment to accept delivery on the coffee tables. On the way Fox suggested they stop in Council Rock at a place that sponsored a happy hour every day for tired workers. It wasn’t exactly Cindy’s sort of thing, but she was willing to do anything he wanted. Once there it became clear that he had some business with the proprietor, because the man took him aside and they conducted a hushed conversation that Cindy couldn’t hear. She strongly suspected that there was something about this venture that Fox didn’t want her to know, and so she refrained from questioning him when he returned to their table with her glass of wine. He was silent as she drank it, staring into space and looking at her only when she spoke to him. She was about to ask him what was wrong when a disturbance at the bar caused them both to look up.

An Indian man was being forcibly restrained by the bartender. He was obviously drunk and quarrelsome, trying to break free and get at one of the patrons. He must have come in after them, because Cindy could see that Fox knew him and had probably been looking for him. Fox told her to wait for him and got up immediately, taking charge of the situation and helping the bartender usher the troublemaker toward the door. Cindy followed after him, worried, and as they passed her the drunk caught sight of her anxious eyes on Fox, who was dragging him toward the exit.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” he said, eyeing her dazedly. “Is this your shankree girlfriend, Foxman? Walter told me all about her.”

“Shut up, Evan; you’re drunk,” Fox said tightly. He turned to Cindy, his eyes furious. “I told you to stay put,” he bit off between clenched teeth. “Go back to the table.”

“This is the researcher, right?” Evan went on, ignoring Fox. He let out a loud guffaw. “I can imagine what research you’re doing with my stud cousin here.”

Fox turned pale. He took hold of Evan by the collar and hauled him through the entrance and into the street. Cindy stood rooted to the spot as the other patrons returned to their places, some of them glancing at her curiously. She was still motionless when Fox returned. He passed her and left money on their table, saying to her on his return trip,“We’re leaving.”

The owner stopped them on the way out to thank Fox for evicting Evan.

“Why didn’t you tell me he would be like that?” Fox asked him angrily. “I would never have brought the lady if I had known.”

“I didn’t know either, Drew,” the owner replied. “I just wanted you to talk to him. I thought he would be all right until closing time. But he’s just been getting worse; you saw for yourself.”

Fox nodded curtly, taking hold of Cindy’s arm and guiding her outside. Once on the street he put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath, looking at her directly.

“What happened to your cousin?” Cindy asked gently.

“I got one of the other waiters to take him home,” Fox replied. “I came here to try to save his job. The manager complained about him getting loaded at the end of the evening, before locking up the place. I thought I would be early enough to catch him sober, but I was wrong.” He tensed visibly. “There’s no excuse for what he said to you. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was. I should never have taken you with me. I just didn’t want to...”

“What?”

“Leave you,” he said simply, and Cindy’s fingers closed around his arm.

“Is that Walter’s brother?” she asked quietly, treading gently on sensitive ground.

“Yeah. He’s a cliche, a drunken Indian.” He snorted bitterly. “You’re always asking me about my family. You saw a great part of it tonight, right?”

“Oh, Drew,” she said, her heart going out to him. “I don’t care about that.”

“But I do,” he said shortly.

“Drew, we’d better get back to your place,” Cindy said quickly, seeking to divert him. “It’s almost six, and the delivery is scheduled for six-fifteen—the last one of the day, remember?”

He nodded absently, going with her back to his car, but his mind was obviously still on what had happened inside. They beat the delivery van by only a few minutes, but when the things arrived he hardly looked at them, signing the receipt automatically and walking away. When the door closed behind the crew from the store he went to the balcony off the living room, opening the sliding doors and inhaling the evening breeze. Cindy watched him standing there, with her and yet alone, and she longed to make him feel better, to comfort him with her closeness. She knew that she loved him; what was she waiting for? She had waited long enough. He would be the first, and that was exactly as it should be. Emboldened by her decision, she walked over to him and stood behind him, touching his shoulder.

“Drew?” she said softly.

“Hmm?” He was looking into the distance over the water, barely listening.

She put her arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck, moving her lips slowly and sensuously over the sensitive skin. She felt him shudder violently, and then he shrugged her off, so forcefully that she fell against the door.

“What are you doing?” he said hoarsely, whirling to face her. Then he saw that she had fallen and rushed to help her, instantly contrite.

“Are you all right?” he asked, helping her up. “I didn’t mean it, Cindy. You’re such a flyweight that you just took off like a shot.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” she demanded, slapping his hands away, almost crying. “Why are you treating me like this? At the beginning you wanted me so badly. Now when I so much as touch you, you throw me off as if I were repulsive to you. Don’t you want me anymore?”

He closed his eyes. “I want you,” he replied quietly. “Now more than ever. If you only knew how much.”

“Then what is it? What has changed? You wanted to take me to bed on our first date.”

“That was before I realized that you were...” He stopped, but not soon enough.

“A virgin,” she finished for him. “That’s it, isn’t it, Drew? You don’t want to make love to me now because you know you’d be the first.”

His silence was her answer.
 

“How did you know?” she asked quietly.
 

“I knew at the lake,” he replied. “I sensed you weren’t afraid of me, but of the experience. And a girl like you gives herself, not sex.”
 

“I want to give myself to you.”
 

“Don’t say that,” he said, clenching his fists. “This is all wrong, we are all wrong, can’t you see that? Wasn’t your encounter with Evan tonight enough to convince you of that? He’s my blood, Cindy, my family. That’s what my life is like. You’re too fine to be mixed up with somebody like me. Go back to Pennsylvania and marry some professor who’ll read books and wear cardigans and understand those papers that you write.”

“I don’t want a professor. I want you. Now. Tonight.”

He shook his head. “I can’t take that responsibility.”

“What responsibility?”

He met her eyes. “It would mean too much to you,” he said quietly.

“And nothing to you?” she asked, her voice barely audible.

“I didn’t say that!” he flashed angrily. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Then spit it out, Fox,” she replied. “Tell me what you mean.”

“I mean that we’ve come to the end of the road,” he stated flatly. “I can’t give you what you want. That’s it.”

“No, it’s not. If you won’t say it, I’ll do it for you. You see in our relationship a similarity to that of your parents, which ended so badly. I know I’m nothing like your mother; Eli told me that. But I’m shankree, an outsider, an ‘other’. That’s what it means, right?”

“We’re too incompatible for something lasting, Cindy. Even you must see that.”

“I don’t see it, but even if I did, couldn’t we go back as we were?” she asked, like a child crying for the return of childish dreams. “I was so happy being with you, and I know you were happy too.”

He looked down and sighed. “How long do you think that would last? I want you too much to keep my distance; it’s taken all my willpower to stay away this long. We’d soon be faced with the same problem.” He met her gaze and smiled sadly. “Give it up, princess. Someday your prince will come but he won’t be me.”

Cindy blinked back the hot tears that threatened to spill onto her cheeks. “Then there’s nothing more to say,” she stated quietly. “I think I’d like to go home now.”

He followed her to the door, and there was no conversation during the trip to his car. He drove to Paula’s house in silence, while Cindy struggled to regain her composure. She wanted to break down and bawl like a four-year-old, but she wouldn’t, she would not, do it in front of him.

When he got out to walk her upstairs she stopped him.

“That won’t be necessary,” she said crisply. “I’m capable of getting to the door on my own.”

“You’re not going to do that as long as you’re with me,” he answered readily, taking her arm. “Creeps lurk in these hallways, don’t you know that? I’ll see you to the door and that’s final.”

She had only been seeking to shorten the agony, but went along without protest, her strength waning. When he bent to kiss her good night outside the apartment, she turned her head, unable to bear it.

“One kiss,” he said huskily. “Don’t be mean, princess. I know I don’t deserve generosity, but give me something to remember.”

When she closed her eyes to accept his mouth, a tear slipped from her lashes and onto her face. He kissed it first, and then her lips, so tenderly that it was like the first time.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m not worth it. Someday you’ll realize that this was all for the best. Goodbye, my princess.”

He moved back from her, and when she opened her eyes again he was gone.

Chapter 7

A week went by, and the time of Cindy’s departure from Florida was approaching. Her work was almost done, and she had to get back to Pennsylvania to teach an undergraduate intercession course at the end of the month. In truth she was glad to be leaving; memories of Fox assaulted her everywhere, and it would be good to return to places where he had never been.

She told Paula what had happened because Fox would have been conspicuous by his absence. To Cindy’s everlasting gratitude, and Paula’s credit, the latter kept her mouth shut.

Cindy took advantage of a welcome distraction in the person of her thesis advisor, Richard Caldwell. He was in the area to do his own research and called Cindy, who had left Paula’s number at the department office. They arranged to get together for dinner; Richard was always full of campus gossip, and Cindy looked forward to a few hours away from her paper and thoughts of her abandoned relationship with Fox. She suggested the restaurant in Council Rock where she had gone with Paula on the day of her arrival. It was pleasant and not too expensive. As she dressed to meet Richard she wondered why she couldn’t have fallen in love with someone like him, staid and solid and responsible. But although she liked Richard, there was no magic with him and never had been. He was a friend, and that was all.

When she entered the restaurant she saw that he was already seated. He stood and waved to her, and the hostess showed her to his table.

“Well, hello,” he greeted her, pulling out her chair. “How’s life among the natives?”

I could tell you a few things about the natives, Cindy thought. Aloud she said, “Fine. The work’s been going great and I’m almost finished. How about yours?”

Richard needed no more encouragement to regale her with the details of his project, and as he talked Cindy studied his neat brown hair, his neat tortoiseshell glasses, and his neat button-down shirt. He looked the picture of exactly what he was: an amiable career academic whose intellectual curiosity was the ruling passion of his life. He was the polar opposite of Andrew Fox, and yet attractive in his own way. She knew several women at the university who were interested in more than his credentials.

“So I should have the bibliography ready in about two weeks,” Richard was saying.

“That’s wonderful,” Cindy responded. “It sounds like you haven’t been idle. So tell me, what’s been going on at Penn?”

During drinks and dinner Richard went on about various people they both knew, in particular their department head, who had been giving him trouble. Campus politics was a labyrinth Cindy usually sought to avoid, but on this occasion she drew him out, eager to lose herself in the lives of others. They had just ordered dessert when she looked up to see Fox and a young woman being seated on the other side of the room.