Narrow Escape (20 page)

Well I certainly couldn't argue with that. Living out in the country I always felt that having reliable transport was one of the most important things we could have. Learning to drive was expensive and time consuming but she would only ever have to do it once in her entire life. It didn't matter if she didn't have a car, she could drive mine but once she passed she would never have to take the test again. Well, until she was over seventy and that seemed a long, long way away.

“Well you'd better find yourself a driving instructor then,” I said.

She nodded. “How long do you think it will take before I can take my test?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I honestly don't know, but I would think you should be able to take it within six months.”

Charlie looked aghast. “SIX MONTHS?” She shook her head. “I'm not going to wait six months,” she said.

I had to laugh. “Six months isn't that long,” I said. Some people take years to pass a driving test but I wasn't going to tell her that, she'd probably cry.

“Well it's too long for me.” She marched into the boat and I could see her starting up the lap top.

I settled down in the sunshine with a book but unfortunately my relaxation time was cut short. It was very irritating, the wind had got up and it was difficult to hold on to the pages.

By the time Charlie came back the wind had really picked up and it was getting cold. The clouds had rolled in and the sun had disappeared. The only good thing about it was that the wind had blown all the insects away. It was a great year for wasps and for the last two weeks, going out in the garden with a sugary drink had become tantamount to suicide. I'd taken to throwing apples along the top of the flood defences in an effort to give the little stingers something else to concentrate on. It hadn't worked. En masse they had made short work of the fruit and had then come looking for something to wash it down with. As Charlie stepped out of the boat I was just trying to lower the sun shade that took pride of place over the picnic table. I wished I'd done it earlier.

“Can you give me a hand with this?” I called her over as the big blue umbrella threatened to lift me off my feet and deposit me in the river.

Looking back I'm really not sure how much help I expected her to be. Standing all of five foot two and sporting less fat than a sparrow's kneecap, Charlie really wasn't in any position to try and take control of a large and cavorting umbrella.

With her holding onto the central pole I fumbled with the catch, desperately trying to unlock it and lower it to a folded and less enthusiastic state. A particularly vicious gust of wind ripped the umbrella upward and I let go as one of the wooden spars snapped and gave me a swift rap across the knuckles. As the umbrella took off, Charlie, showing more than her normal amount of self-preservation instinct, let go as well and we watched as it took off.

Charlie stared up at the floating umbrella. “Mary Poppins lost at sea,” she muttered.

Up it went and then, turning over, began a rather hurried descent. It landed with a particularly sickening thud on top of Steve's boat. I winced at the sound and really hoped it hadn't scratched his paintwork.

Charlie and I looked at each other and then hurried over to retrieve it. We dragged the snapped and mangled sun shade back to the garden.

Charlie prodded it with her foot and winced at the damage. “Geoff can fix that?”

“Probably.” I had a closer look. Two of the spars had snapped but, apart from that, it seemed OK. “Good job it didn't land in the river,” I said. “I stripped off the canvas cover and laid it gently down at my feet.

Mortimer had been lying in the shade of the boat. Being black he didn't like hot days and spent most of his time wandering from shady patch to shady patch and drinking copious amounts of water. I'd taken to filling his water bowl with ice cubes and he would delicately pick one up and hold it in his mouth for a few moments before spitting it out, staring at it, and then holding it in his mouth again.

The drop in temperature had revitalised him and, heaving himself up from his favourite spot, he wandered over to see what we were doing.

Well, we obviously had a very big stick. Grabbing one end of the umbrella he began tugging it down the garden. I yelped and Charlie groaned as we watched his strong teeth close around the fragile spars.

After we had chased the dog around the garden and retrieved the mangled umbrella skeleton, Charlie prodded it again. “Do you think Geoff can still fix that?”

Nearly every spar was now broken, bent or missing. The central pole had a Morse Code line of teeth marks embedded in the soft pine. I dropped it to the ground. “Probably not.”

After we had folded the cover and shoved the upright into the log store, Charlie finally remembered what she had been going to tell me before the sun shade debacle.

“I've booked myself one of those intensive driving courses,” she said.

“So how does that work?” I'd heard of these. I'd heard they were good but very expensive.

“I managed to get on a course next week. The last space. I drive every day, all day for that week and then at the end of the week I take my theory test,” she said.

“OK, what about your actual test?”

“That gets taken as soon as there's a space,” she said.

“Have you booked this already?” It sounded like quite a good idea.

Charlie nodded. “I've booked it in Peterborough so I can go in with Geoff.”

Well that
was
a good idea. I took a deep breath and asked the question I knew I wouldn't like the answer to. “How much was it?”

Charlie winced. “Eight hundred and eighty-eight pounds.”

Yikes! Obviously instant gratification comes with a designer price tag.

Every day for the next week, I waved the van off with Charlie and Geoff inside. She would turn up at the end of the day, tired but happy. It seemed as though she was managing to get to grips with driving just fine. I supposed that two years on a motorcycle had given her that extra level of caution that new, young drivers seem to lack and commented to Geoff that maybe every new driver should have to spend at least a year on a moped. The accident figures would go down and maybe the insurance rates as well.

He'd stared at me for a moment and then commented that yes, perhaps the car accident figures would go down but the bike accident figures would go through the roof. On reflection, I had to agree, I hadn't considered that.

On Friday morning my middle child was, quite frankly, a gibbering wreck.

“What if I fail my theory test?” She was wandering up and down the boat and the rest of the family had taken refuge on the sofa in an effort to get out of her way.

“You'll do fine,” I said. She'd spent every night of the previous week reading the highway code and running practise theory tests on the computer. “But if you let your nerves get the better of you that's when you're going to be in trouble.

She nodded and took a couple of deep breaths. “I can do this.”

I nodded “Of course you can.”

“Can you pick me up from the train station at about twelve-ish?” She gave me a big smile. “My test's at ten and after that I've got nothing to do.”

I assured her I'd be there to pick her up and then I booted them out of the boat. As the silence descended Sam and I settled down to work out what we were going to do with our morning. We finally decided that we'd go bowling, it kept Sam out of nature's way and the alley was right next to the train station so Charlie could come and find us.

Around midday, after Sam had beaten me seven games to three, we got
the
phone call, I made a cautious face at Sam and put the phone on speaker.

“We're over at the bowling alley.” I winced and then asked the question I'd been dreading, Charlie's telephone manner never gave anything away. “So, did you pass?”

“Duh, yeah of course I did, Mum.” Charlie voice was loaded with scorn. “Why, did you think I wouldn't? Huh typical, nobody ever gives me credit for anything.”

“That's just not tr …” I shut my mouth and looked at the phone, she'd already gone.

Sam looked at me and shook his head. “Nice try, Mum.”

I had to sigh.

Charlie was high on success for about a week but as her actual driving test approached she became more and more morose.

“I'm going to fail.” She had spent hours on the computer looking up pass statistics and had been listening to horror stories from friends and relatives. “Nobody ever passes first time.”

I shrugged. “Well, if you do fail you'll be in good company, won't you?” I said. You can always book another test.” I thought about the whole thing for a moment. “Tell you what, I'll pay for the next one. If you keep in mind that passing first time is unlikely and just look at this as a practice you won't get nervous and make mistakes.”

It was the same advice my father had given me thirty years ago when I'd been worried about my own test. I'd failed the first one and he'd been proved right. The second test I passed with flying colours and no nerves at all.

Charlie nodded. “I suppose so,” she said. Picking up her bag she checked her watch. “Well, let's get this over with shall we? Can you give me a ride to the train station?”

Searching for shoes, rucksack, and car keys, I really hoped she was going to be one of the few that passed first time.

Later that afternoon Geoff brought her home. He'd called me from the end of the drive to put the kettle on and had deliberately given me no information at all. Sam and I waited with rising trepidation; a failed Charlie was going to be an angry Charlie. Eventually, she stepped through the front doors and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The big smile on her face told us everything we needed to know; she had passed.

“Oh, well done you!” I said. “So, apart from actually passing how did it go?”

“Terrifying,” she said.

“Really? Did you get one of those dour examiners with no personality and a desire to make you as uncomfortable as possible?”

“No, not at all,” she said. “The examiner was great. But, we were driving down this road and he was saying that we were going to find somewhere quiet to do a three-point turn.”

She looked up at me to make sure I was paying attention.

I nodded “Go on.”

With a bit of a laugh Charlie cracked a couple of knuckles; she always does this when she's nervous. “Well we turned into this really shabby housing estate but halfway down the road we were blocked by police vans and cars. There was an ambulance there as well.” She paused to take a breath.

“Oh dear, not what you want to encounter on your test,” I said.

She shook her head. “No,” she said, “not really. Anyway, we pulled over because this policeman waved us down and then the doors of the vans opened and all these police in riot gear leapt out and attacked a house over the road.”

“What?”

She nodded. “The examiner called the policeman over and told him that we were on a driving test. He asked if we could turn around and the policeman said it was all right. So the examiner had me do a three point turn there and then and go back the way we came.”

“Oh good grief, it could only happen to you,” I said.

Charlie nodded again. “As we were driving away there were three really big bangs that sounded like gun shots. I put my foot down and I'm fairly sure we were exceeding the speed limit as we went round the corner. But the examiner was looking out of the back window so he didn't notice and I did slow down as soon as we were out of sight.” She gave a shaky laugh. “I'm fairly sure that should have been an immediate fail.”

“Well, it might not have been a gun,” I said, “It might have just been one of those great big ram things they use to bash in a door. I can imagine that would make a fairly big bang.”

Charlie shrugged. “I don't know,” she said. “I wasn't looking out of the window, I was just looking forward.

I had to laugh. “Ah well, at least you passed.”

She nodded. “When he said I'd passed, he said that I'd performed an excellent three-point turn, under pressure and I was very deft.” She sat down on the sofa and began to laugh. “I'm fairly sure I could have done a ‘U' turn if I'd been given the opportunity.”

“Well, however you passed that's it, you've done it!” I reached into the cupboard and brought out a cup cake. “Well done, you never need to do that again.”

She thought about it for a moment and then gave me a great big smile. “I really don't, do I?” she said.

I shook my head and watched with a certain amount of trepidation as she ate the cup cake in silence. I could almost see the cogs whirring around in her head. I knew exactly what was coming and sure enough …

“So …” She wiped the crumbs from her face and grinned at me. “Can I borrow the car tonight?”

I handed her the keys. “You break my car, I kill you and hide your body, do I make myself clear?”

Charlie jumped up and gave me a hug. She never took my threats seriously. “Thanks, Momma Bear.”

After she'd disappeared I turned to Geoff. “Guns?”

Geoff nodded. “Actually there are quite a few places now that have gun problems. It's not just London, you know.” he said.

“Really?” I couldn't believe it, I know that we live in quiet isolation but it was hard to believe such a sleepy town had that sort of a problem.

Geoff nodded again. “There's a problem with real guns, but they have quite a lot of trouble with imitation guns as well.” He frowned for a moment. “Well, they used to; I'm not sure how it is now.”

“So it
could
actually have been shots fired on Charlie's test today.” I was aghast, I'd put it down to her over-active imagination and a desire to make things seem more ‘exciting'.

“Oh, quite easily.” Geoff took a sip of his tea. “I like living out here, don't you?”