Nan Ryan (31 page)

Kathleen was not sure how Hunter felt. He was always kind and talkative when they were together and at dinner every night she enjoyed the company of her husband and her son. After dinner, they would often sit in the library together while Hunter read from his medical books, choosing to stay with her instead of going up to his room to study. They would share a glass of brandy, Hunter would have a cigar, and tell her of the amusing things that often happened at his office during the day. They rarely went out in the evenings, being content with their own company. They often shared the reading of a bedtime story to their son, taking turns reading his favorite ones over and over. Both loved little Scotty and he was a strong, common bond between them. After he was asleep, they would once again sit comfortably in the library or on the veranda on warm evenings and Kathleen felt content. If Hunter were not content, he never showed it.

So the days and months slipped pleasantly by and Kathleen grew happier, thought less about the tragic accident that took her parents, and less about Dawson. And she thought more and more about Hunter. She found herself watching him and she was often amazed at how incredibly good-looking her blond husband really was. She found herself daydreaming about her own husband! And she couldn’t believe it. What was happening? She would think about Hunter and find herself smiling like a lovesick schoolgirl. Something was changing and she didn’t know exactly what. Or why. All she knew was that she wanted to be with her husband more all the time and anxiously looked forward to the end of the day when he would return home to her and Scotty. Kathleen got in the habit of bathing and putting on one of her prettiest frocks when it was nearly time for Hunter to come home for the evening. She would have Hannah help her dress her hair and spend an inordinate amount of time studying herself in the mirror.

“Looks lak to me somebody tryin’ to look extra pretty tonight,” Hannah would grin at her.

“Don’t be silly, Hannah. I’m merely dressing for dinner as I have always done.”

“Um hmmm,” Hannah would nod, “maybe so, but I suspects there’s somebody else round here falling in love with Doctor Hunter jest lak I’se done.”

“Hannah, that’s foolish. He’s my husband,” but Kathleen would smile and realize she was indeed finally falling in love with her husband.

Winter turned to spring and summer and winter again and by the new year of 1861, Kathleen admitted to herself that she had, at long last, fallen completely in love with her kind, strong, good-looking husband. Now the only problem was how to make him come around. Although he was attentive and good company and seemed more than content to be with her and nobody else, he never made any move to be more than friends. He kissed her on the cheek when he came home, but at no other time did he even try to touch her. Not since he had wanted to stay with her after the shipwreck had he ever tried to persuade her to let him back into her room. If the thought ever crossed his mind, he hid it well and Kathleen doubted that it did. The tables had turned, now it was she who wanted him. Now she knew how he must have felt all those times when she turned him down, for she longed to go to him, but she was afraid. What if he rejected her? She certainly couldn’t blame him if he did. But the thought was so horrible she couldn’t bear to think about it, so she did not go to him, though not a day went by when she didn’t consider it.

On a chilly evening in February, Kathleen was alone in her room reading. She and Hunter had stayed up quite late and she had been reading for over an hour when finally her eyelids began to droop. The book was interesting and she hated to put it down, but she couldn’t stay awake, it was impossible. She yawned and reluctantly laid the book aside and stretched. Good heavens, no wonder she was sleepy, it was after one o’clock. Kathleen turned back the covers on her bed and went to her dressing room. Completely stripped, she came back into the room and went to the bureau and took out her nightgown. Deciding she would check on Scotty before she retired, she tossed the nightgown across the bed and slipped on a robe, tied it loosely at the waist, and went across the hall.

She tiptoed into his room, using the dim gas light coming from the hall. Barefoot, she made no sound on the thick carpet and when she leaned over his bed, Scott didn’t move. All the covers were kicked to the foot of his bed. His little brown arms were flung up over his head and a leg hung over the edge of the bed. Kathleen smiled at the sleeping form, gingerly lifted the leg back onto the bed, and pulled the covers up to his chest. Still smiling, she quietly closed his door.

Her hand still on the knob, she heard light footsteps in the hall and turned. Hunter was coming up the stairs toward her, smiling. He wore no shoes, his white shirt was open with the long tail outside his trousers. His blond hair was tousled and falling onto his forehead. Kathleen’s heart speeded at the sight of him looking so casual and she smiled back at him.

“What are you doing up so late?” he whispered.

“I thought I was tired when I came up, but I couldn’t sleep so I started reading a Dickens novel and I got so interested I had no idea it was so late,” she laughed. “What about you? you should have been in bed hours ago. You have to go over to see the Hamilton sisters in the morning, remember?”

“I know,” Hunter grinned sheepishly, “I promised Lena Hamilton I would be there by seven sharp to check on her sister. To tell you the truth, I think Lana Hamilton is as healthy as you or me, but you know how they are.”

“Yes, I do, one or the other imagines herself sick constantly. You are really patient with them, Hunter.”

“I feel sorry for the poor eccentric ladies, just as you do. How’s Scotty?”

“Sleeping soundly.” Kathleen started laughing, putting her hand over her mouth to quieten her giggles.

“What?” he laughed with her, “what is it?”

“I was just thinking how he was trying to copy you at dinner, using his left hand. Bless his heart, he just can’t understand why it is so easy for you to eat with your left hand. He tries and can’t get the food to his mouth.”

Hunter shook his head, laughing, “I know. I keep trying to explain to him that you are born right- or left-handed and it’s very difficult to switch, but he can’t seem to understand.” He took his hands from his pockets and stretched a long arm to the wall, resting a hand above her head.

“Well, it’s almost sad, he wants to do everything you do and he can’t manage. It’s so frustrating for him. But it is funny to watch,” she giggled again.

“Yeah, he’s quite a boy,” Hunter laughed, then yawned sleepily. “Pardon me. Guess I better be getting to bed,” but he didn’t move.

“Me, too,” Kathleen agreed. “Goodnight, Hunter,” she looked up at him, smiling.

“Night,” he whispered. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth impulsively. “Night,” he sighed again and straightened. He was still looking at her, hadn’t moved, his hand still rested on the wall near her head. To Kathleen, he looked like a young boy, so handsome, his thick blond hair falling casually over his high forehead, his brown eyes drowsy, the hint of a smile still on his full mouth. Without raising her arms from her sides, Kathleen stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly, barely touching her lips to his. She immediately leaned back against the wall and looked down, embarrassed by her actions.

“Thanks,” Hunter said and put his fingers under her chin, raising her face to his. The smile was no longer on his handsome face and his drowsy eyes were keenly alert. He was looking at her intently and his strong jaw was set. The way she looked back at him changed the expression on his face and she watched as a slow, sensual smile spread across his delicate features. He stepped closer and kissed her, lightly at first, then more fiercely. All at once, his mouth was moving on hers, commanding her to respond. And she did. Before she knew it, she was matching his warmth with a fire burning in her that grew even greater than his. She molded her body to his and her arms were around his neck, caressing the thick blond hair at the back of his head. Her response ignited Hunter anew and the arm resting above her head moved down to pull her closer. His mouth never left hers and he kissed her with such intensity that she felt he was drawing the very life and breath from her body. Her brain was spinning and for the first time the hot, moving mouth of her husband completely drove away the face that had never left her before. The handsome, swarthy face of Dawson Blakely faded and there was only the boyish face of Hunter Alexander.

The intensity of his kisses graduated swiftly and his hand went to her robe. The satin lapel between his fingers slid away as he jerked it free of their bodies pressed tightly together and Kathleen felt her passion heighten as his hard, lean chest was against her bare breast, his curly thick hair tickling her, exciting her. She felt the other lapel being pulled and she moved back a little to help free it. She pressed herself closer to him as nothing remained between them. Her fevered body was screaming for him and her brain was spinning while an inner voice was saying, “Hunter you must stop or I shall faint.” But a stronger voice said, “Oh, darling, don’t stop, please don’t ever stop!”

His lips were on her throat now and he was moaning softly and whispering her name. She arched her back to give him better access to her as shivers went up her spine and she felt she might cry out. Her eyes fluttered open and she watched the downward movement of the handsome blond head and he opened his mouth against her skin and let her feel the fiery wetness of his kisses. “I want you,” he breathed against her tingling skin, “I must have you tonight, darling.”

“But, Hunter, we can’t …” she gasped.

She felt him stiffen at once. His lips left hers and he straightened and was once again looking down at her. He raised both hands to her robe and quickly covered her, then his hands fell from her. “I’m sorry,” he said in a cold, tired voice and he turned and started down the hall.

Kathleen stood watching him walk away, her breath coming fast, her brain confused. She wanted to scream at him, “Darling, I meant we can’t make love here in the hall. Hunter, Hunter, please, darling. Come with me to my room! I want you, too, my darling, I want you. Come back. I love you, Hunter, you’ve misunderstood! I want you, I want you,” but Hunter had reached his own room and he was quickly inside and closing the door behind him.

Dazed and frustrated, Kathleen stood pressed against the wall for support. Hot tears stung her eyes as the full weight of their misunderstanding bore down on her. She had hurt him again, turned him away though she never meant to do it. If only she’d remained silent. If only she’d said yes. Yes, yes! But she hadn’t, she’d driven him away when both their lives could have begun again tonight. ‘She’d killed his passion thoughtlessly and totally. She cried inside, “What a bumbling fool I am. He thinks I don’t want him and will never believe differently. If he only knew how much I do want him. It’s all my fault. I’ve made him suffer from the start and now I’ve hurt him again. Oh, my darling, Hunter.”

Slowly, she crossed the hall to her room, walked directly to the bed, pulled off her robe, and slipped under the covers. She buried her face in her pillow and cried bitterly. She sobbed with longing and desire for the man she had never really longed for before.

Hunter paced the floor in his room and tried to clear his head of her. Once again he’d been a hopeless fool, begging her for love, repulsing her with his desires. He hated himself for his foolishness. How could he be so stupid? Had she ever really wanted him? Had his passion ever been returned by her? No! Not even when he’d first married her. She had given herself to him then, but now he knew why. Then he’d thought she was an innocent, inexperienced young girl he would have to awaken and teach. “What a laugh on me.”

Calm returned to Hunter, but he vowed silently to himself, “Never again. She will never get the chance to humiliate me again. It’s all my fault, I keep trying to press myself on her and she doesn’t want me. It’s that simple, my wife does not want me, she does not love me, she never has and she never will. And I will keep my hands off of her from now on.
Never again!
”

Twenty-three

Kathleen stood in her big bedroom, holding tightly to the bedpost of her fourposter. Hannah stood behind her, puffing and blowing, lacing up Kathleen’s tight corset. Kathleen held her breath and admonished Hannah, “You must pull it tighter, Hannah. I want my waist to be as small as possible.”

“Honey, it won’t get no tighter, yo’ waist is plenty small. You ain’t no sixteen-year-old girl anymo’. Havin’ Scott put ’bout an inch or so on you that you ain’t never gonna get rid of.”

Kathleen smiled, “I know, Hannah, but at least he was worth it. Measure my waist.”

Hannah obeyed and held the tape measure out for Kathleen to see, “It say twenty inches, honey. That be pretty small if you ask me.”

“Yes, that’s good enough,” Kathleen put her hands to her hips and turned round and round. “It’s just that I want to look special for the party.”

“Why sho, honey. But you always looks special, I thinks. Don’t you think it’s a mite early to be havin’ yo’ party outdoors? Why, the flowers ain’t even bloomin’ yet.”

“I know, Hannah, but unfortunately Hunter was born on March 30th, not later in the spring. Flowers or no flowers, I want to have it outside. And it is very warm today, thank goodness. I’m so excited, it’s got to be a splendid party, Hannah. I want Hunter to have a wonderful time.”

“He will. Now let me get this dress on you, I gots to get on downstairs and help out in the kitchen.” Kathleen smiled and raised her arms. Hannah slipped a new yellow and white flowered muslin dress over her head. “I tol’ you it be too early to wear this dress, honey. Couldn’t you find sompin else?”

“Absolutely not! I want to look as pretty as possible and this dress is what I want to wear. As I said, it’s warm today so this will be just fine.”

“Well you’s the boss, but I think this dress is a little daring to be wearing in the middle of the day. Yo’ bosom’s is practically showin’, honey.”

“Yes,” Kathleen smiled impishly, “I hope Hunter notices.”