Nameless (51 page)

He replaced Jennifer’s letter in his pocket and pulled out the Photostat of the page of records pertaining to the mixed-race boy who’d been admitted quite a long while after the fire at Manor Park. He handed the copy to Ruby and she took it quickly, scanning the page.

‘They categorized the races, you see?’ said Kit. ‘AC is Afro-Caribbean, C for Chinese, A for Asian, CA for Caucasian, MR for mixed race. There was only one mixed-race boy admitted in the six months after the fire, and that was the one listed there.’

Ruby was scanning the page. ‘MR, MR, oh, here it is . . .’ Suddenly she fell silent. She stared at the page, glanced up at him. Looked back at the page. Her face grew very still. Slowly, with trembling fingers, she reached up and removed her reading glasses.

‘It says . . .’ she gasped out, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘It says the boy was christened Kit Miller.’

Daisy was watching both of them in bewilderment. ‘What’s this all about?’ she asked, confused.

Kit’s eyes were glued to Ruby. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’ he told Daisy.

Daisy’s eyes went to Ruby’s. ‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘Will somebody tell me what’s going on?’

Ruby looked as if she was about to be sick. She swallowed hard and looked first at Daisy, then at Kit.

‘Oh God . . .’ she moaned.

‘Go on,’ said Kit. ‘Tell her.’

‘Daisy . . .’ Ruby hesitated.

‘Yes? What is it?’

‘Daisy,’ said Ruby at last. ‘Kit’s your brother.’

130

‘What is this?’ asked Daisy with an unsteady laugh, looking first at Ruby, then at Kit.

Kit’s eyes were burning into Ruby’s.

‘Kit . . .’ Ruby started, then she faltered to a halt, shaking her head, not knowing what to say.

‘Yeah, go on,’ he said sourly. ‘I’d like to hear this. I’d like to hear you explain how I got dumped in a kid’s home and nearly
cremated.
I really would.’

Ruby seemed to have shrunk in her chair. ‘I can understand that you’re angry . . .’ she said.

‘That don’t cover it.’

‘I had no say in any of it,’ said Ruby. ‘None at all.’

‘Wait!’ Daisy intervened, holding up a hand. ‘Just wait a minute. What is all this? You’re both talking rubbish. Kit, you
can’t
be my twin. Look at you. Look at
me.’

‘It can happen,’ said Ruby, her voice trembling. ‘I’m mixed race. It’s rare, but it
does
happen, that when there are twins born, one can be white and the other darker.’

‘Why don’t you just say
black
?’ demanded Kit.

‘You’re not black, though, are you?You’re like me. Coffee-coloured, I suppose you’d call it.’

‘That ain’t what some people call it. Some people have called me
that black bastard.
Others weren’t so delicate. They called me
nigger
.’

‘I don’t understand any of this,’ said Daisy. She was staring at Kit. Her head hurt, she felt like hell, and she could barely see out of one eye. She found herself staring into Kit’s bright blue gaze.

‘Oh God,’ she said suddenly.

Kit turned his head sharply and stared at her. ‘What?’ he snapped.

‘Your eyes! They’re exactly the same colour and
exactly
the same shape as mine.’

‘So what?
You
had white skin and you could pass for a Bray. Your father wasn’t ashamed to take you in. You were
acceptable.
But blue eyes or not, I wasn’t. I was chucked on the scrapheap.’ Kit stared into space in sudden realization. ‘Oh shit, I’ve only just thought about this. That fucker Cornelius Bray’s my father.’

‘Look, don’t go attacking
me
,’ said Daisy hotly. ‘None of it’s my fault.’

‘No, it wouldn’t be. Little Miss Perfect, that’s you. Or that’s what they wanted you to be anyway. What a let-down for them.’

‘Shut up!’ snapped Daisy.

‘Oh, the truth hurts? You’re a screw-up, and no wonder.’

‘Just shut up!’ Daisy slammed the empty glass onto the side table and stood up. She looked at Ruby, not at Kit. ‘I can’t take this, not right now. I’m going up to see to the twins,’ she said, and hurried out of the room.

‘Well, you handled
that
well,’ said Ruby, eyeing Kit with disapproval.

‘Oh, did I? Sorry. It’s just come as a slight shock, that’s all. Finding out that my mother kept my
sister
but dumped me.’

‘I didn’t keep Daisy,’ said Ruby tiredly, absently rubbing her arm. ‘Cornelius did. He and Vanessa were childless. She couldn’t have children of her own. When I became pregnant, it was agreed that I couldn’t keep an illegitimate child.’

‘You
bitch
.’

‘Kit,’ she said desperately, ‘try to understand. I didn’t even know I was expecting twins. When I gave birth – Daisy was first, then you came, completely unexpectedly. Cornelius didn’t want a dark-skinned child. He wanted a golden baby he could pass off as his and Vanessa’s own. So he just took Daisy. And you . . . my brother Charlie took you, said he’d pass you on to someone, a married couple. I couldn’t stop him. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.’

‘You didn’t
try
, did you?’ asked Kit.

‘Kit!You know I’ve been searching for my boy – oh Jesus, for
you
– for years. It’s been hell, trying to find you. And then when I heard about the fire, and I believed you were dead, that was even worse. That was the end of all hope. It was horrible. But . . .’ Now Ruby was staring at him in wonder, a slight tentative smile touching her lips. ‘It’s so wonderful to have found you at last. And that’s it’s
you
, of all people. I’ve always liked you so much, and maybe that was why. Because I knew you, deep down.’

But Kit was shaking his head, his eyes glaring into hers.

‘You don’t know me,’ he snarled. ‘You don’t
care
about me. You gave me up when you should have fought to keep me. That’s all I know.’

‘Kit, no, that’s not t—’

Kit jumped to his feet. He pointed a finger at her. Ruby shrank back into her seat. He looked capable of anything.

‘You know what else I know?’ he burst out. ‘I’ll tell you. I never want to see you or hear you or know anything about you, ever again. You keep away from me. You’re
dead
to me. I am never, not while I’m breathing, going to forgive you for what you did.
Never
.’

131

As the days passed, Ruby remained in a state of confusion. Daisy stayed. Her daughter was with her, and now – double delight – she had her grandchildren in the house too, to fuss over. She felt deeply sad over Kit’s reaction, but he would come round, wouldn’t he?

‘You don’t know Kit very well, do you?’ said Daisy when they sat in the kitchen a few days later, sipping coffee. Ruby had told her that Kit would mellow in the end, that he was just shocked by the news, which was understandable.

‘He’s more than shocked. He’s devastated.’ The swelling on Daisy’s eye had gone down, and the skin was starting to turn yellow all around the socket. She looked accusingly at Ruby. ‘He thinks you couldn’t have loved him at all, to let him go like you did. Have you any idea what that feels like?’

Ruby stared at Daisy with pain in her eyes. ‘No. I haven’t.’

‘Well, I have. You let me go too. Let me live a complete lie. I always felt that I didn’t “fit” with my mother, I was always trying to win her approval. And of course I never succeeded. Now finally I know why.’

‘I’m sure Vanessa did the very best she could for you. She was
desperate
for a child.’

‘Yeah, so she took yours. And you let her. I can see why Kit’s so wound up. He didn’t even get the nice-upbringing option. All he got was
shafted
.’

Ruby took a swallow of coffee. ‘I don’t see what I could have done differently. I was in a desperate situation. I only wanted the best for you.’

‘The best for me would have been staying with you.’

‘No it wouldn’t. I came from a household where bullying was endemic. I wouldn’t have wanted that for you.’

Daisy gave a wry smile and pointed out the shiner her eye had become.

‘Looks like I didn’t
totally
dodge that bullet,’ she said.

‘Is it very sore?’

‘It looks worse than it is.’

‘What are you going to do? About Simon?’

‘I’ll phone him today,’ said Daisy, her face falling. ‘He’s the twins’ father. He has rights. We have to work out something so he gets to see them, I suppose. Although, truthfully, I wouldn’t care if I never saw him again.’

‘Are you definitely divorcing?’

‘After this?’ Again she indicated her swollen eye. ‘I’m not a punch bag. And really, it was never a love match in the first place. I married Simon in a weak moment, when I didn’t know where else to turn. And he . . . well, I think Pa paid him to do it.’

‘Daisy, no.’ Ruby was shocked.

‘Ruby – yes. I think Simon got a hefty pay-off and his building company got a lot of lucrative contracts shoved its way, providing Simon took me as part of the deal and settled me down a bit.’

‘That’s horrible.’

Now Daisy smiled. Increasingly she was finding that – at last – she had something to smile about. A strange sense of peace had begun to steal over her since she had let Ruby into her life. All that unfocused longing and loneliness she had felt before was fading. Everything had been leading her to this place, to this woman: her mother.

‘You know Pa. He
is
horrible. Look at what he did to you. Knocked you up and then whipped your baby off you. And he didn’t even care about what happened to the other one – to his own son, for God’s sake – because it didn’t fit in with his rose-coloured plans.’

‘Poor Kit,’ sighed Ruby. ‘But he
will
come round.’ Daisy was shaking her head. ‘Ruby . . . no. You don’t get it, do you? He won’t. That’s Kit’s nature.’ She thought in embarrassment of how she had come on to her own brother. Thank God he’d turned her down. He hadn’t relented over
that,
and he wasn’t going to relent over
this
, either. ‘Once he’s made up his mind, I’m afraid that’s it. There’s no changing it.’

132

‘You are coming, aren’t you?’ asked Vi on the phone.

‘What? To what?’

It was Thursday morning, and Simon had just shown up on the doorstep. Rob had ushered him and Daisy into the drawing room, and told Ruby they were in there. Jody was upstairs with the babies. Ruby lurked nervously in the kitchen, wondering if she should be in with Daisy, supervising.

‘Leave them alone for a while, yeah?’ said Rob, reading her mind. ‘Let them work it out.’

‘But what if he . . . ?’

‘I’ll stay in the hall. If I hear any sort of commotion, I’ll go in.’

And now Vi was on the phone, saying,
You are coming aren’t you?

Ruby stared distractedly at the phone. Had she agreed to something? Her mind was in such a spin, she couldn’t remember what.

Vi clicked her tongue. ‘The house party, Rubes. The weekend. Do keep up.’

‘Oh.’ Ruby thought about it. She’d mentioned it to Michael, and he had seemed agreeable. But now she had Daisy here. She explained this to Vi.

‘Well, that’s good news, isn’t it? Are you two OK now?’

‘Sort of. I think.’ Briefly Ruby thought of the hatred in Kit’s eyes when they’d last spoken. She had to blink back tears. She’d found her son, at last, after all those empty years of searching and hoping; and then that awful news of the fire, and then – such an unbelievable relief! – Kit had come and told her that he’d found the child. And even better, it was like a miracle, the child was
him.

But he despised her.

Of course he did.

He had every
right
to. But it cut her to the heart.

‘Well, look – bring Daisy too. And the babies, the more the merrier. Are you all right? You sound odd.’

‘I’m fine.’ Ruby forced a smile into her voice. She had Daisy back. She had her grandkids. She was unbelievably blessed. But Kit . . . the way he’d looked at her . . .

Now she realized in alarm that she could hear shouting coming from the drawing room.

‘Look, Vi, I have to go.’

‘You’re coming though?’

‘Yes. Absolutely. Why not.’

‘Good show, girl. Catch you later.’

Ruby hung up the phone and quickly went out into the hall. Rob was leaning, arms folded, against the wall beside the closed drawing-room door. Their eyes met. Daisy was shouting. Simon was shouting.

‘. . . if it hadn’t been for my father pushing all those bloody
contracts
your way,’ yelled Daisy.

‘You
cow
!’ returned Simon.

‘Want me to go in now . . . ?’ suggested Rob.

Ruby bit her lip and shook her head.

The volume of the shouting rose dramatically. Suddenly the door was flung open and Daisy stormed out.

‘You’re just a
bastard
,’ Daisy tossed over her shoulder. She stopped and glared at him, hands on hips. ‘And you know what? You’re rather
short
.’

‘You bitch. You’re nothing but a flaming liability. You always have been,’ snapped Simon, rushing at her, fists clenched in fury.

Rob stepped forward and planted a firm hand on Simon’s chest. ‘Whoa, pal,’ he said. ‘That’s enough.’

‘Get out of my fucking way, you shit. That’s my wife.’ Simon’s face was as red as his hair as he tried to get past Rob. He lunged forward and made a grab for Daisy’s arm.

Rob grasped Simon’s wrist and twisted it. Simon gave a yelp and sank to his knees while Rob held his arm straight out behind him.

‘Let go of me!’ bellowed Simon.

Rob glanced at Daisy. ‘You said all you want to say to him?’ he asked.

Daisy folded her arms defensively over her middle and nodded. She was shaking.

‘Come on then, pal, let’s go,’ said Rob, easing Simon to his feet and marching him effortlessly to the front door. Ruby opened it and Rob tossed Simon out onto the gravel. He scrabbled back up, glaring at them both.